ANNIVERSARY SPECIAL - PART 2

JULIA MORIZAWA - 2009

(CLICK OF HITTING RECORD ON A 2009 ANSWERING MACHINE)

You’ve reached The Amelia Project. You’re welcome. Don’t worry, this line is secure, no one else is listening. If you’ve come this far, then you must be considering a new life. We can help.

(SOUND OF MUSIC PLAYING FROM ANOTHER ROOM)

What is that? Is that… music? Since when has anybody played music in this building? Ugh.

CLICK - BEEP

CLICK

You’ve reached The Amelia Project. You’re welcome. Don’t worry, this line is –

(DOGS BARKING)

You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me-

(CLICK)

You’ve reached The Amelia Project. You’re –

(SOUNDS OF DRILLING)

Ughhhhh!

CLICK - BEEP - CLICK

(REALLY FAST)

You’ve reached The Amelia Project. You’re welcome. Don’t worry, this line is secure, no one else is listening. If you’ve come this far, then you must be considering a new life. We can help. But do not continue if you have any doubts. There is no way –

(LOUD ANIMAL NOISES)

Mother-fucking shit balls, shut up up there! What are you doing? It’s 8 in the morning–

CLICK - BEEP

You’ve reached The Amelia Project. You’re welcome. Don’t worry, this line is secure, no one else is –

(WEIRD NOISES)

(TRIES TO KEEP HER COOL FOR TWO SECONDS AND TEN FAILS AND RANTS) Listening. Just kidding. Everyone is listening. Because although it seems like this building is quite large and partially underground, and although the last time I checked there were only two other employees working for this company who should be in this building at any given time, it appears that there is some sort of party that, perhaps, involves visiting zoo animals, in an adjacent room.

Either that, or I’ve entirely lost my mind. Which is, in fact, possible, given the nature of my work. You know? Now that I think about it, perhaps it would be funny if this message was full of the ramblings of a mad woman because only if you were truly serious about faking your death and starting a new life would you sit through a twenty minute long message just to see what’s on the other side. (LAUGHS) Maybe you’re now deciphering it as if it includes some hidden code with further instructions, but I hate to disappoint you, it does not. (GETTING HYSTERIC) In fact, at this point in my life, I sometimes wonder if my words have any meaning at all. I mean, what is meaning? What is life? What is the square root of three thousand, four hundred and twenty-

BEEP - CLICK

If you do not hear back from us within the hour, consider your case declined. Leave your message after the beep.

(EXHALE)

Thank God.

(GOES AWAY. QUIETLY IN THE BACKGROUND) Ah, shit.

BEEP

PIP

Hello and thanks for joining us for another anniversary episode. Last time I was telling the story of how five years ago I was adrift in Paris. I was on the metro where I'd been daydreaming about the idea of starting over and I got off at St. Germain De Prais, and that's where I am now a few steps from the metro station sitting in Les Deux Magots cafe. Now today, St. Germain is a very swanky and touristy area. There's a Louis Vuitton store just across the street and I'm actually I'm sitting outside it's quite, it's quite quiet as it's the morning and it gets very busy with lots of tourists in the afternoon. I can see an elderly lady with with an expensive haircut and Chanel bag and a laptop that matches her outfit. But it wasn't always like this. In fact, St. Germain used to be the gritty bohemian underground. In the 20th century, it was a meeting place for the largely clandestine gay community of Paris, Oscar Wilde spent his last days here. And after the war, it became the home of of Jazz and existentialism and this cafe Les Deux Magots has always been at the heart of it all. So five years ago, I'm sitting at Les Deux Magots for the first time, drinking and impossibly rich and expensive Cocoa, thinking about all the amazing and eccentric people who have sat out these tables, Picasso, James Joyce, Berthold Brecht, Sydney Baché, Satre, Simone de Beauvoir, Juliet Greco, James Baldwin, the list just goes on and on, and the stories that they would have to tell - stories, cocoa, new beginnings and ideas started forming in my mind. The first person I told about this was my best friend, Oystein and the second person was my sister, Julia.

JULIA

Hello, dear Amelia listeners. This is Julia, speaking to you from my living room in Vienna, where the first ever lines of Amelia dialogue were spoken out loud. But let me rewind to Christmas 2016. Philip and I were staying with our parents and he told me about this idea he and Oystein had and gave me the first three scripts to read. I loved them immediately, and suggested getting the theatre Alan and I were then running at the time involved. Back then, we didn't know anything about the possibilities of remote recording. So Open House theatre was a good partner because we had a big network of English speaking actors all in one place. So I sent Alan the scripts, as he has a very enterprising spirit and is always up for trying new projects. He was immediately on board. I remember waiting for the underground with him one night after rehearsals. And I remember how he turned to me with a grin and said that he would quite fancy the role of the interviewer. Alvina didn't actually exist yet. I originally came on board as casting coordinator, suggesting actors for parts and putting them in touch with Philip and Oystein. And that brings us back to May 2017. When Philip and Oystein came over to Vienna, we booked a studio for the weekend. And we're going to record the first episodes. There were rehearsals and planning sessions in my living room. My husband made mountains of sandwiches and I made so much pizza that my oven broke down. Well, now five years have passed and my oven has never been right since - but we have 56 episodes of the Amelia Project that were a complete joy to work on. And when I read the lovely things that our listeners say about the show, I think it was worth it. Anyhow, enough of my reminiscing let us now pass the microphone to Hemi Yeroham, who has a strange encounter with a mysterious tattooed stranger just before auditioning for the part of Kozlowski.

Enjoy!

(A CAFÉ IN BRIXTON, LONDON)

KOZLOWSKI

Excuse me, may I sit here?

HEMI

(A LITTLE CONFUSED) Ah, sure, of course.

KOZLOWSKI

You are being polite.

HEMI

Well…

KOZLOWSKI

There are plenty of other tables, I know.

HEMI

That’s true.

KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)

And Londoners are always suspicious of strangers.

HEMI

(CHUCKLES) That’s also true. They say we are famous for it.

KOZLOWSKI

Well, thank you.

(HE SITS)

HEMI

My absolute pleasure.

KOZLOWSKI

I want to surprise my friends, you see. They will come out of that building, so I want to keep an eye on it.

HEMI

That one?

KOZLOWSKI

You see the gargoyles on the second floor?

HEMI

Oh yeah… What’s that in their hands?

KOZLOWSKI

(SMILING) Mugs of hot cocoa. Look how happy they look.

HEMI

Really? Ha! I’ve been here so many times, I had no idea.

KOZLOWSKI

Cocoa drinking gargoyles of Brixton!

HEMI

I’m actually waiting to go in there. Second floor too!

KOZLOWSKI

And when will that be?

HEMI

In about… 5 minutes.

KOZLOWSKI

You have time for another cup of coffee then. Let me get you one. What would you like?

(TALKING OVER EACH OTHER)

HEMI

Ah, no, you really don’t have to!

KOZLOWSKI

I insist.

HEMI

Oh no, really…

KOZLOWSKI

Come on, do not be so Turkish!

(BEAT)

HEMI

Ah, I’ll have a black americano.

KOZLOWSKI

I know, dairy makes your throat go all phlegmy.

HEMI

How did you… know…

WAITER

Can I get you two anything?

KOZLOWSKI

Two black americanos please.

WAITER

Right away!

HEMI

Thank you.

KOZLOWSKI

Would you tell me what you are auditioning for?

HEMI

Well it’s fo- Wait… How did you know- Ah, you must have seen me talking to myself.

KOZLOWSKI

An actor practising in public is a fascinating and a ridiculous thing to watch.

HEMI

We must look like lunatics.

KOZLOWSKI

So?

HEMI

Well, I’m actually auditioning for a podcast. Fiction podcast.

(BEAT)

It’s like a radio play.

KOZLOWSKI

I know what ‘fiction podcast’ is. How do you feel?

HEMI

What do you mean?

KOZLOWSKI

How do you feel about what you are about to do in there? Your audition?

HEMI

A little nervous to be honest, I would…

KOZLOWSKI

Yes yes yes, of course. You want to get the job.

HEMI

Well, not just that…

KOZLOWSKI

But?

HEMI

But also to be able to play the part.

KOZLOWSKI

So?

HEMI

I’m not sure what you’re asking…

KOZLOWSKI

What I am asking is if you have made a conscious decision about how much of your own self is in this character you’re about to play. Anyone can read the lines but are you bringing anything that is you, your essence into it? That is the secret, I think.

(BEAT)

I apologise, I did not mean to give unsolicited acting advice to you. I am sure you know what you are doing.

HEMI

Ah… It’s still good to be reminded from time to time.

KOZLOWSKI

It must be exhilarating, creating someone new and unique.

(A CHUCKLE)

I do it too but in a very different way.

HEMI

What do you mean?

KOZLOWSKI

Have you ever thought about how much we all want to escape, leave our lives behind?

HEMI

Anything that distracts us from our day-to-day mundanity. Of course!

KOZLOWSKI

We escape into films, art, music, theatre, a brilliant story, sometimes even a good anecdote. Love is a drug because it makes us forget and takes us into a whole new existence. We love travelling because nothing is the same in that new place.

HEMI

Ah, the amount of times I’ve thought of putting a wig on, disappearing with a new passport and starting fresh…

KOZLOWSKI

It would take more than a wig to disappear and start fresh, believe me.

HEMI

I guess.

KOZLOWSKI

Right.

(BEAT)

Well, my point is, you are very lucky in that your job is not only to escape but also help others do so. It is so simple. I envy you.

HEMI

What did you say you did?

WAITER

Your Americanos?

KOZLOWSKI

Ah, thank you. May I also have sugar? Actually, do you have any brown sugar? No, scrap that. Agave! Do you have any agave?

WAITER

Yes, I’ll be right back with that.

KOZLOWSKI

Thank you.

(BEAT)

What is the point of gentrification if you cannot have agave, right?

(BEAT)

This area has changed a lot.

HEMI

It’s inevitable, they say. Progress!

KOZLOWSKI

Ah, but at what price? Always keep an eye on the price tag!

HEMI

May I ask something?

KOZLOWSKI

Of course.

HEMI

How did you know I was from Turkey?

KOZLOWSKI

My theory is that we all have a bit of each other in ourselves. And sometimes, something clicks.

HEMI

Something clicks?

KOZLOWSKI

You recognise something.

HEMI

Are you from Turkey too? Gerçekten mi? I have to say, you have a great way of not answering questions.

KOZLOWSKI

I have been told so. Many, many times.

HEMI

Well, I will have to go very soon. Thank you for my coffee.

KOZLOWSKI

My absolute pleasure.

(BEAT)

HEMI

Kozlowski?

KOZLOWSKI

Finally!

HEMI (CON’T)

When you meet your friends from that building, thank them, will you?

KOZLOWSKI

For what?

HEMI

Oh, for this meeting to begin with, but more importantly, for the last 5 years.

KOZLOWSKI

Of course! And Hemi?

HEMI

Yes?

KOZLOWSKI

Break a leg, I have a very good feeling about this!

(CLICK OF THE ANSWERPHONE)

JULIA MORIZAWA (2015)

(CLICK)

Congratulations. You’ve reached The Amelia Project. This phone call isn’t happening. If you’re not serious about this, hang up.

Now.

If you continue, there’s no way back.

(PAUSE)

Good choice. A new life awaits. You’ll hear back from us within the hour. If you don’t hear back, please consider the whole thing a HAWXS.

(LAUGHS)

I just said “hawxs.” I just said ‘hawxs’, yeah. I just said ‘hawxs’, okay. Ah. Hoax. Hoax. Hoax. Please consider the whole thing a hoax. Ugh! She sells seashells by the sea shore. Rubber baby buggy bumpers - Rubber baby- Ah mother- Ugh.I hate this.

BEEP

(MUSIC)

PIP

Stay tuned to the epilogue, but first the credits. The voicemail was written and performed by Julia Morizawa. Hemi meets Kozlowski was written and performed by Hemi Yeroham. Memories shared by Philip and Julia Thorne. Audio Editing by Philip Thorne and Julia Morizawa. Sound designed by Adam Raymonda, Music by Fredrik Baden, Production Assistance by Maty Parzival, and Graphic Design by Anders Pedersen. We've been blown away by all the amazing artwork and creations you shared this week as part of cocoa collabs. If you haven't yet, do check out the cocoa collabs hashtag on Tumblr, Instagram or Twitter, (...) and we'll be posting the art on our webpage Amelia podcast.com in the coming weeks. We were delighted to receive lots of listener voicemails from around the world wishing us a happy anniversary. So we'll play you a compilation. Now. Thanks to everyone who has listened, spread the word and supported us over the last five years and we look forward to telling more stories for many years to come!

(MUSIC FADES OUT)

(LOUD MUSIC)

(CHEERING, MULTIPLE LANGUAGES)

CALLER 1

For some reason Amelia sounds similar to (WORD) that in Spanish is Poppy. So for some reason I thought it was about supernatural flowers, some kind of project or organisation, that also helped flowers or something?

CALLER 2

well relishing the excellent storytelling and audio composing of the Amelia project. I hadn't for one moment considered that Les Deux Magots was an actual place in Paris. That is until last November when my girlfriend and I literally happened upon it during our trip. We were rushing to get to our museum reservation when the beautiful facade caught my eye. I just had to experience the fabled Cocoa. So we decided to take the gamble, cancel our reservation and indulge. And my oh my, not a single word uttered about this magnificent Cocoa was an exaggeration. Heavenly divine! Need I say more? I think not. Thanks for five sublime years of audio drama to many more.

CALLER 3

(LANGUAGE)

CALLER 4

Hello, this is Anna from Australia. Wishing Amelia a very happy five year anniversary.

CALLER 5

(LANGUAGE)(CHEERING)

CALLER 6

Hello Amelia Project Podcast Crew, this is Yami Kakyuu, saying how much I have enjoyed your podcast. I've loved every single episode. I love the story. My favourite episode is episode 49 with Tim Meredith. I just think it's spectacular. And looking forward to seeing where the podcast goes.

CALLER 7

(LANGUAGE)

END.