ARTHUR ARCHIVES 3 - JACK MINISODE

(MUSIC)

221B BAKER STREET

(THE INTERVIEWER OPENS A BIIIIIIG ENVELOPE)

INTERVIEWER

Oh, Sherlock, did you see this? Arthur Conan Doyle just sent the first stack of text back, and look, there is a note… Surely something to commend me for the excellent material-

(READS QUIETLY)

-”but I must inform you, proof-reading does not mean proving I read your notes by putting them in order!”

Well, what does it mean then?!

“I have edited your first text and added some of my own. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes and John Watson can not only be the adventures, my friend. You need to actually write how it came to be”

(SCOFFS) But that's the secret! And also, my writing is revolutionary. Who actually writes a diary like a book? My notes are a form of art! At least I’m not writing like Dodgson on five bottles of whiskey… What even is a Jabberwocky…?

Anyway, Doyle writes:

“there is not enough-”

What… Enough… Wait, what is that? Plot? Ha! What do you want, a plot of land? These are called Adventures! Do you hear this, Sherlock?! We can’t just put all the clients reports in here! Anyway. Do you want to see what Doyle did?

Sherlock? Hey! Will you at least look up from your brooding? You’re worse than me without a case…

(SHERLOCK TURNS A PAGE IN HIS BOOK, CLEARLY IGNORING THE INTERVIEWER)

Well, I take that as a yes then. Maybe it’ll help you out of that gloom and doom… Here we go.

"A Study In Scarlet."

Well… What a name…

(READING) “In the year 1878 I took my degree of Doctor of Medicine of the University of London, and proceeded to Netley to go through the course prescribed for surgeons in the army” -

But- Why- Why would he start with Kozenski?! Did you hear that? I’ll just have to make a note here…

(SCRIBBLES IN THE MARGIN)

That is not how I started! I went right into the blood and skeletons and the three-headed calf - Well. We ought to give it a chance.

(TAKES A DEEP BREATH)

“Worn with pain, and weak from the prolonged hardships which I had undergone, I was removed, with a great train of wounded sufferers, to the base hospital at Peshawar”

Wait, no more heroics? I know I told Doyle about- ugh, alright. Undermine my pain. I will edit this with ink red as my blood, the blood I shed- Ha!!! Tell me again I’m a bad author! Pah! Scarlet indeed!

(READING)

“I had neither kith nor kin in England,”

Well, no need to be mean about it… I mean, come on Doyle, you’re my friend, aren’t you? Could also have been you walking through that door…

“and was therefore as free as air—or as free as an income of eleven shillings and sixpence a day will permit a man to be. Under such circumstances, I naturally gravitated to London, that great cesspool into which all the loungers and idlers of the Empire are irresistibly drained”

Yes, well, that’s one way to put it…

(CHUCKLES TO HIMSELF AND SKIPS THROUGH SOME TEXT)

Come on…. La-la, Stanford, bridge, fine fine fine yes… boring… Oh? Oh, come on! Are we now finally meeting him? How long can it take? I said he should just burst into my room, would make things more interesting, but… There we are…

(READING)

“By Jove!” I cried, “if he really wants someone to share the rooms and the expense, I am the very man for him. I should prefer having a partner to being alone.”

I have one! Well, I had … more than one. Hm… You know - This Watson-fellow is starting to grow on me though. I’ll just see… where do they meet… That’s the important bit… Aha!

(READING)

“This was a lofty chamber. Broad, low tables were scattered about, which bristled with retorts, test-tubes, and little Bunsen lamps, with their blue flickering flames”

Can you just stop with Kozenski?! I know you two get along quite well but come on!

(TO SHERLOCK)

Did you talk to Doyle about this?! You were the one saying you don’t want to replace my friend and now you bond?! This was a terrible idea! Really, I just- I need to see…

(SKIPS THROUGH SOME MORE)

Aha! Here.

“Sherlock Holmes seemed delighted at the idea of sharing his rooms with me. ‘I have my eye on a suite in Baker Street,’ he said, ‘which would suit us down to the ground. You don’t mind the smell of strong tobacco, I hope?’”

Word for word! Good, good. Just… Wait a minute… No nono! This is all wrong! Sherlock came to me, didn't he! He came to me about the rooms and the help and- Why is he the master detective! I fake the deaths! I am- No. No, no. This was a terrible idea, should never have done this, Doyle’s got it all upside down! I marked my notes, I made very clear where which note had to go - here:

(HE GETS OUT ONE OF HIS ORIGINAL NOTES)

“Include the blood on the first page!”

and here:

“They meet because Sherlock Holmes has been living in his laboratory and a friend recommended a friend and they get along like a house on fire”

I even included a picture of the great fire of 1666! Disappearance gone wrong… Ah, good old times…

You know… Maybe I should write it myself after all… I mean, there is no note about Jack the Ripper in here at all! And I was trying so hard to blame it on Charles Dodgeson…

Sherlock, have you read this “Alice in Wonderland”? Imagine if I had sent my notes to Dodgson! He’d mix in … special mushrooms and rabbits and oh- (SHUDDERS) penguins...

You know, maybe Sherlock Holmes and his wonderfully bright and intelligent and heroic and absolutely not house-seeking companion should meet up with… (SNAPS FINGERS) Who was the Inspector?

Right, Edmund Reid. I’ll ask Mrs. Hudson about that. And this better go in the fire bin. I have all the facts in my journal, and the public shall know them as they happened… Oh! Write that down, Sherlock-

Wait.

Where is he?

Sherlock??

(MUSIC)

CREDITS

This minisode featured Alan Burgon as The Interviewer.

It was written by Maty Parzival with music and sound design by Adam Raymonda, sound editing by Philip Thorne and graphic design by Anders Pedersen. The Arthur Archives are dedicated to Bryce Godmer, thank all of you for your support! More regular episodes and bonus minisodes coming soon!

(MORE MUSIC)

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