THE ARTHUR ARCHIVES 1 - DIE BERLINER LUFT

PIP

Hello dear listeners, today we have a special bonus release, the first episode of The Arthur Archives, a new miniseries with episodes that follow on from every regular episode. In The Arthur Archives we get to spend a bit more time with The Interviewer and get to know his innermost thoughts. Normally these episodes are exclusive to patrons of the show, as a thank you for supporting our work, but we thought we’d make this very first episode of The Arthur Archives public for everyone.

Each Arthur Archives episode picks up from the plot of the previous week’s regular release, and gives you more details, backstory and the Interviewer’s musings. So today’s episode follows on from last week’s Die Berliner Luft.

The Arthur Archives miniseries is dedicated to our generous super patron Bryce Godmer, who we will make disappear slipping away in a thick cloud of mist. Disappearing in the same way they lived, simply and quietly. We will make Bryce resurface as the owner of an independent book store in the small French seaside town of Merville.

We hope you enjoy the first episode of The Arthur Archives!

(ARTHUR ARCHIVES THEME MUSIC. PIANO.)

PHOENIX ISLAND, 1929

(WAVES LAPPING. PENCIL ON PAPER)

ARTHUR

Dear friend,

How are you? I hope this letter finds you well.

We have never met, of course. Our lives are separated by oceans and by time. You are just a random person discovering a message in a bottle. Yet, I find myself desperately wishing you well!

Hm, curious... I am truly concerned about your well-being! Though I don't even know if this bottle will survive or reach anyone!

Huh… We arrived yesterday, my friend Karl -

(HE STRIKES OUT A WORD)

No, no, gotta get used to that- my friend Kozlowski and I. Phoenix Island! The most remote shores we could find. And that's literally all it is. A shore. When you walk upshore you immediately find yourself walking downshore, and you're at the seafront again!

We've slept here for one night. I say slept. I lay wide awake, shivering and twitching. (NERVOUS CHUCKLE) I couldn't decide if I was actually cold, or if I just had ants in my pants.

(SHUDDERING)

At one point, I thought an ant had crawled up under my skin! I slapped it and slapped it and slapped it! But then Kozlowski held me tight and said it was just a dream.

I wasn't asleep though…

Then he fell asleep. I thought a thunderstorm was coming so I woke him up. But as soon as he woke, the thunder stopped, so... now I have renamed him "Piotr Snoreslowski".

There is no shelter. No trees. No nothing. It's terrifying and beautiful. Like the face of God.

"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven."

That's John Milton, Paradise Lost.

(HE STOPS WRITING, AND DECLAIMS)

"Me miserable! which way shall I fly

Infinite wrath, and infinite despair?

Which way I fly is Hell;

I myself am Hell;

And in the lowest deep, a lower deep

Still threatening to devour me opens wide

To which the Hell I suffer seems a Heaven."

Paradise.

Lost.

(SOLEMN) Two words that seem very apt right now...

Well, Milton also wrote "Better to reign in Hell, than to serve in Heaven." And we are the masters here on Phoenix Island, that's for sure. Though without anyone to reign over.

Oh! Rain! Rain! Oh, what I would give for rainwater! I drank dew for breakfast and ate a leaf - which I had to spit out again when my tongue started swelling. Ugh, compared to the lobster pancakes and pineapple eclairs the surrealists served, the menu here is... somewhat lacking.

My distant friend. Can you advise me? How do we get customers, now that we are hidden behind God's back? Kozlowski brought a radio, but I don't see how that will ever work! Who will know to radio us? And worse yet: What do we do when the battery runs out?!

Setting up camp, Kozlowski claimed he can make electricity from a potato.

(LAUGHS)

I laughed in his face! I shouldn't have, really. He has been known to work miracles.

That said, we don't have any potatoes. We escaped Germany. The threat of the Nazis was a rude awakening. But I think who we really escaped was ourselves. Ugh, Kozlowski insisted we swear an oath!

(MIMICS KOZLOWSKI) "We admit to ourselves that we both suffer the ills of addictive personalities. We promise ourselves never to lie to ourselves again."

(SIGHS)

Sure. I'll take it seriously, Piotr...

"I promise never to get addicted to anything ever again!"

How’s that for you?

Wait...! What about food? Every human being is addicted to food! And water! And shelter! Some addictions are just human nature! I take it back! Uhm...

"I promise never again to get addicted to anything that starts with the letter C!"

There! That's better! No - wait! That would include champagne. Never mind! Third attempt...

"I promise never again to get addicted to anything that starts with the letters C - O!"

Nooo...! Nooooo...! Nonono! That would include cognac. And cornish pasties. And confit! And confectionery. No, no, no, no good. Well, then. Fourth attempt.

"I will never get addicted to anything that starts with the letters C - O - C."

That feels safer. What would that exclude? Uhm... cocoa. (SCOFFS) Good riddance, I say! That yucky puddlewater! If there is one thing I will never get addicted to...! Ha! Yes, I think C - O - C is safe!

WAIT! NO! COCONUT! DAMN! That's the one thing we might be able to grow out here! Fine, I give up.

"I promise never to get addicted to cocaine ever again."

There you go, Piotr, that'll have to do! How long will we be here for? Will the Brotherhood of the Phoenix ever rise from the ashes? Or should we change our name to "the Brotherhood of the Bar-tailed Godwit"?

Or "the Brotherhood of the Wandering Tattler"?

Or "the Brotherhood of the Laughing Gull"?

Or "the Brotherhood of the Lesser Noddy"?

Or "the Brotherhood of the Masked Booby"?

BEAT.

I wonder if we can eat any of those birds? Hm. Anyway. Thank you, my mysterious friend, for reading my words. Writing to you helps me sort my thoughts and let go of my worries. It is a therapeutic thing to do, tossing a bottle out to sea. Just like I used to do, back in my seafaring days.

(SIGHS)

I can't remember when I last watched the sun rise... And the sunrise out here is spectacular. The warm orange plume of the sun fanning over calm blue water like a peacock's train on fire...

Endless horizon, promising us... well, nothing, really. But also not threatening us with anything, since that has to be taken into consideration too… Just... calm.

(SIGHS. HE STOPS WRITING AND TAKES A DEEP BREATH. THEN HE WRITES A FEW MORE SENTENCES)

Please write back. I'll be looking for your bottle.

Yours, Sir Hubert Arthur Hathoway the Third, Phoenix Island, Pacific Ocean.

(HE ROLLS UP THE PAPER, BLOWS DUST OUT OF THE BOTTLE, STUFFS THE PAPER IN AND CORKS THE BOTTLE. HE GETS TO HIS FEET, WALKS A FEW STEPS ON THE SAND, INTO THE WATER, THEN TOSSES THE BOTTLE AS FAR AS HE CAN INTO THE OCEAN)

(HE STANDS THERE BREATHING FOR A MOMENT)

What...? Is that...?

(HE WADES A FEW STEPS AND PICKS A BOTTLE OUT OF THE WATER)

You wrote back! Oh, that was very quick!

(LAUGHS)

Ah, ah yes… I am very confused. This is obviously from someone else! What are the chances! Let's see…

(HE UNCORKS THE BOTTLE)

Good lord, this bottle is old!

(FISHES OUT AN OLD, DRY PIECE OF PAPER)

And the paper is very frail. Let me try not to break it...

(HE CAREFULLY UNROLLS IT)

BEAT.

What… But... What in the world...!

(HE READS OUT LOUD) "Welcome to the Brotherhood of the Phoenix"...!

What-?

END OF MINISODE.

Public credits:

Thank you to all our patrons for making The Amelia Project possible. All future episodes of The Arthur Archives will be available only on Patreon. If you’d like to join our patreon community, help fund the show, and get access not just to The Arthur Archives but also a big back catalogue of bonus content, such as The Alvina Archives, Alvina’s First Christmas, The Amelia Advent Calendar, as well as all new bonus content, head over to ameliapodcast.com, click on support the show, and sign up from the five dollar tier. Every contribution really helps with keeping this show going.

This episode featured Alan Burgon as The Interviewer.

It was written by Oystein Ulsberg Brager with music and sound design by Adam Raymonda, editing by Philip Thorne, graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival and it was dedicated to Bryce Godmer.