BLOOD

THE INTERVIEWER SCREAMS IN PAIN. ALVINA COMES RUNNING IN.

ALVINA

Oh my God! What's wrong!

INTERVIEWER

Alvina! I pricked my thumb!

ALVINA

You pricked your thumb.

INTERVIEWER

I know! I'm bleeding!

ALVINA

Show it to me.

INTERVIEWER

Here... Be gentle. Ow!!

ALVINA

Oh dear. Just as I feared.

INTERVIEWER

What?!

ALVINA

There's nothing for it. We're going to have to call Kozlowski.

INTERVIEWER

Kozlowski?!

ALVINA

No time to lose. We have to remove it before the infection spreads.

INTERVIEWER

Remove my thumb?!

ALVINA

The arm I was thinking. Better safe than sorry.

INTERVIEWER

(GROANS)

ALVINA

Don't worry. I'm sure Kozlowski can kit you out with a new arm by the end of the day. We've just received a fresh batch for the mortuar-

INTERVIEWER

Alvina?

ALVINA

Yes?

INTERVIEWER

You don't think it's a bit...

ALVINA

What?

INTERVIEWER

Drastic?

ALVINA

Do you think it's a bit drastic?

INTERVIEWER

Well, I... Do you think maybe a plaster might do the trick?

ALVINA

You know what? I think it might.

INTERVIEWER

Shall we try that first then?

ALVINA

Let's. Look, here we go.

ALVINA GETS OUT A PLASTER AND HELPS HIM APPLY IT.

ALVINA

Would you like a nice teddy bear plaster?

INTERVIEWER

Ooh, that… yes! Yes, thank you! Hm! Hah!

ALVINA

Okay, now, be a brave boy, here we go…

INTERVIEWER

(overlapping)

Yes, but… Don’t, don’t squeeze too -

ALVINA

And done!

INTERVIEWER

Ghghg! Ahh…

ALVINA

I'm going to leave you now, is that ok?

INTERVIEWER

I think I'll be fine.

ALVINA

You're sure you don't want me to call Kozlowski?

INTERVIEWER

No! I think I feel better already.

ALVINA

Good. So you're ready to receive the next client?

INTERVIEWER

Client! Yes, yes of course. Mr. Mrs. Miss... ter... (HE TRIES TO GUESS THE NAME) eeoooiiiiijonesmithor…

ALVINA

Don't pretend you have even the foggiest who he is. I know you don't read my client reports.

INTERVIEWER

I like to be-

ALVINA

Surprised. I know I know. (UNDER HER BREATH) I don't know why I bother sometimes. Keep an eye on that thumb. If it turns green we need to act fast. I'll get Kozlowski to set a few limbs aside just in case.

ALVINA LEAVES.

INTERVIEWER

This teddy bear has a polka dot bow tie.

MUSIC.

OYSTEIN:

Luke Dougal. Episode 8 of The Amelia Project, coming soon.

THE INTERVIEWER WINCES.