DOOR 13

(AMELIA THEME BUT MAKE IT CHRISTMAS!!!!)

ØYSTEIN

The Amelia Project Audio Advent Calendar. Door thirteen.

(CLICK)

INTERVIEWER

Today is December the 13th, and I want to tell you about something remarkable that happened to me on my way to the office -

(ALVINA ENTERS)

ALVINA

Good morning! Here are this week's client reports.

(PUTS REPORTS DOWN)

Ugh, what is that smell?!

INTERVIEWER

Which smell?

ALVINA

It smells like something died in here!

INTERVIEWER

I don't know.

ALVINA

I - (sniff) I think it might be your gloves. Why are you wearing fingerless gloves anyway? You look like a character from A Christmas Carol.

INTERVIEWER

Humphrey gave them to me!

ALVINA

Humphrey?

INTERVIEWER

I was just about to tell the viewers! Every morning when I arrive, I take off my mittens to unlock the door. And every day I've been blowing on my fingers and struggling with the key because of the cold. But today, Humphrey came up to me -

ALVINA

Who's Humphrey?

INTERVIEWER

The homeless guy who lives in the back alley! He's watched me struggle with the door every day, and he decided to give me his pair of fingerless gloves as a present!

ALVINA

And you accepted?

INTERVIEWER

Of course. Oh, it would be rude to turn down a present. Especially one given so selflessly.

ALVINA

Wh- Exactly! That poor man needs those gloves more than you!

INTERVIEWER

I suppose.

ALVINA

Ugh… And I don't know if I can be in the same room as that smell.

INTERVIEWER

I can wash them.

ALVINA

Somehow I don't think that's going to help. Why don't you go give them back?

INTERVIEWER

Alvina, that would be insensitive to his feelings!

ALVINA

Not to the feeling in his hands! As a matter of fact, I'm actually rather disappointed in you.

INTERVIEWER

Oh? Why?

ALVINA

How can you take clothing from a man who has nothing?

INTERVIEWER

Oh, this is his weekend pair.

ALVINA

What?

INTERVIEWER

He has a week-end pair and a week-day pair. He is a man of style.

ALVINA

Okay, give me your mittens then. I'm going to give them to him in exchange.

INTERVIEWER

I don't have them.

ALVINA

Why not?

INTERVIEWER

Why do you think?

BEAT.

ALVINA

You already gave them to him, didn't you?

INTERVIEWER

Of course I did! Together with today's thermos of cocoa from Les Deux Magots, two sandwiches and one of your scones from yesterday. And I told him any time he wants a hot drink he can just knock on the door and Salvatore will whip up an espresso.

ALVINA

I'm sorry I doubted you.

INTERVIEWER

Well I'm not all bad.

ALVINA

Give me the gloves then. We have to wash them.

INTERVIEWER

No, oh no but it's so cold in here!

ALVINA

You'll get them back. Now give them here!

(SHE TEARS OFF HIS GLOVES. STRUGGLE)

INTERVIEWER

Can’t we just wash them overnight?

ALVINA

Now!

INTERVIEWER

No, but they got that warm- (STILL STRUGGLING) warm comfy feeling about them-

ALVINA

Get off!

INTERVIEWER

Oh, you’ll ruin them!

(CLICK)

END OF EPISODE.