DOOR 15

(AMELIA THEME BUT MAKE IT CHRISTMAS!!!!)

ØYSTEIN

The Amelia Project Audio Advent Calendar. Door fiveteen.

(CLICK)

INTERVIEWER

(SIGHS) Dear viewers. Today is the 15th of December, and despite a promising start, today has been dreadfully disappointing. 

This morning I had a client who claimed to be a psychic. Bah humbug! 

This lady, Cassy, had just been fired from her fifth job as a newspaper columnist. Despite excellent writing skills and acute predictions about upcoming events, none of her editors saw it fit to keep her on staff. They said she made the readers depressed. 

Well, she said she wished she'd been good at fear mongering - now that's a style of predicting that newspapers can't get enough of! But alas, she'd never been any good at 'rousing the rabble'. 

Her skill was much more subtle. She could sense sadness before it happened. "Like feeling the tears well up before you cry", she said.

So, after being fired yet again, she had decided to give up her career in journalism. She came to us looking for a new life in which her powers would be appreciated: Working as an actual psychic! 

Her story intrigued me, and as the fool I am, I decided we would help her. Ugh, she didn't have much money, so in return for our services I instead asked her to predict 2020 for me. Thinking she might give me the lottery numbers or something.

Well, do I feel like an idiot now! Yes, you see - She went into a state, shaking and wailing like a banshee, putting on a real show, and I was so excited! Oh well, what’s going on here! Then she grabbed a napkin and jotted down her predictions in a hurry. And then left!

After she left, I looked at the napkin to see what 2020 would have in store for The Amelia Project. And this is what that two-bit con-artist scribbled down:

"Pans! I see pans!"

I- I mea- That's the first sentence: "I see pans." I mean... What kind of pans? Pots and pans? Is she predicting I'll cook more? 

Oh, good lord, and then it continues: 

"Two taps gushing in separate hemispheres. The streams will blend when the true king has risen, but the giant remains lost."  

Ugh, Then it descends into absolute gibberish:

"Demic. Golin. Aragua. Ic."

I mean, It sounds like a bad spell from a Harry Potter knock-off. 

And then she ends the whole thing with: 

"Fear, fear the four legged knight in armor. Beware of the pand - "

I can't even read her writing at this point. Pand... Panda? Panama? Pardon me? Pan-am airways? Fear pan-am airways? 

It might say Pandemonium? 

"Beware of the pandemonium"? 

Could be? I mean, In Paradise Lost, Pandemonium is the capital of Hell. Sure, I'll make sure I choose a different destination for my holidays! Prfff. What nonsense!

It's clear this lady fancies herself a real Nostradamus, but the only one here with a prediction worth worrying about is me: 

I predict that Alvina will be furious if she finds out I have offered to fake a woman's death in exchange for some nonsense on a napkin! 

Better throw this away and come up with a believable excuse...

Oh, there's something on the back as well. 

"Joe is a winner."

Joe.. Joe, Joe-who? Is that Joey? With his luck, he's never going to win anything. 

Ugh, I can't believe I fell for all of that. 

HE CRUMPLES UP THE NAPKIN AND THROWS IT IN THE BIN.

(CLICK)

END OF EPISODE.