DOOR 8

(CLICK)

(AMELIA THEME BUT MAKE IT CHRISTMAS!!!!)

ØYSTEIN

The Amelia Project Audio Advent Calendar. Door eight.

INTERVIEWER

It's the 8th of December and today we are taking a sneak-peek into Kozlowski's lab to see what's going on!

(HE OPENS A HEAVY DOOR. WE HEAR BUBBLING CONCOCTIONS, FAINT GRINDING GEARS, FLUORESCENT LIGHTS FLICKERING)

INTERVIEWER

(SHIVERS)

Hello? Kozlowski? Are you here?

ALVINA

He's not here.

INTERVIEWER

(JUMPS) Ah! Oh, Alvina, it's just you. For a second I thought it was a corpse.

ALVINA

(IRONIC) Thank you...

INTERVIEWER

I didn't mean your complexion, it's just the strip lights are not very... flattering...

ALVINA

Kozlowski’s upstairs.

INTERVIEWER

Is he asking Amelia for more freezers again?

ALVINA

Jup… She keeps telling him to get rid of excess replacement corpses, and he keeps refusing, saying they come in handy. They've been arguing for over it for hours.

INTERVIEWER

In his defense, if he hadn't stocked up, we would never have pulled off that clown car pile up last week -

Alvina

(GROSSED OUT) Ughh, don't remind me. I painted red noses on forty-four dead people.

INTERVIEWER

I know! We were quite efficient, weren't we!

(TO THE CAMERA)

Listen to this, viewers! We made a clown assembly line! Joey was doing the white face -

(TO ALVINA)

- you were doing the noses -

(ALVINA SHIVERS)

I dressed them in colorful clothes, Kozlowski put on the big shoes, Amelia fastened the wigs, and Salvatore loaded all forty-four corpses into the fire truck! And the crash was spectacular! Oh! There were dead clowns all over Trafalgar Square! The one we mounted on the ladder even shot off and landed on the top of Nelson's Hat!

ALVINA

Sure. It was grand. But there were still corpses we couldn't use.

INTERVIEWER

There's one corpse that's been in the freezer so long, Kozlowski says it's got freezer burn!

ALVINA

What does that even mean?

INTERVIEWER

I haven't asked.

ALVINA

Come on. Let's go upstairs.

INTERVIEWER

Let's, yes. Kozlowski doesn't like people hanging around his lab when he isn't here.

(ALVINA OPENS THE HEAVY DOOR. THEY HEAD UP THE SMALL STAIRCASE)

ALVINA

He doesn't like people hanging out in the lab when he is there... Are you hungry? I baked scones!

INTERVIEWER

(QUICKLY) Uhm… no! No thank you. Kozlowski's lab always makes me feel a bit queasy…

(CLICK)

END OF EPISODE.