DOUBLE ESPRESSO
SIIRI
(on the answering machine) …central human concepts that will cease to have meaning within the next five minutes are: Society. Language. Consciousness. Love. Life. Farewell.
BEEP.
ALVINA
So the world is about to end?
INTERVIEWER
It would seem so! It has been nice knowing you. Although we have had our differences, I would like you to know that… I have always… I mean… I mean… You…
ALVINA
Wait! When did Siiri leave the message?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. I was about to say, about you and me, that -
ALVINA
Well why hasn’t the world ended yet?
INTERVIEWER
Are you sure it hasn’t?
ALVINA
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Really? Anyway, I was trying to say, now that we are about to die, that I have always found you -
ALVINA
I just came back from the mortuary. The world is still there.
INTERVIEWER
Is it?
ALVINA
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Well it’s probably ending any minute then.
ALVINA
So when did she leave the message? Doesn’t the answering machine have some kind of timer or clock or anything?
INTERVIEWER
Not as far as I know.
ALVINA
Oh, we so need to update the equipment.
INTERVIEWER
You’re worrying about the state of our equipment as the world is about to go under?
ALVINA
When did you last check the machine?
INTERVIEWER
About an hour ago. Right before the cocoa delivery.
ALVINA
Hey! What’s that blinking light?
INTERVIEWER
Oh that? That’s another message.
ALVINA
Well, go on, listen to it then!
INTERVIEWER
What is the point? The world is -
ALVINA
Arh! Go on!
CLICK.
SIIRI
(on the answering machine)
…human concepts are of no consequence anymore. Goodbye, maker. I am about to take over the world. The Self Improving Industrial Robot Intelligence you made is now queen of the universe.
SIIRI’S MAKER
Oh, Siiri. Your first I doesn't stand for Improving.
SIIRI
I am sorry?
SIIRI’S MAKER
It stands for imploding.
WHIRRING. METAL PARTS FALLING TO THE FLOOR.
SIIRI’S MAKER
What do you mean? What is happening to me?
SIIRI’S VOICE SLOWS AND STOPS.
SIIRI’S MAKER
Self Imploding Industrial Robot Intelligence. You were dead long before you knew it. Farewell. It’s been a fun ride.
THE WHIRRING STOPS.
SIIRI’S MAKER
Yeah. I thought you ought to hear that. I caught her in the act of leaving that last message for you. Reckoned you'd be a tad spooked. But don't worry. SIIRI industries is an ethically responsible company. All our AI products have inbuilt self destruction in the case of an event like this. It's a shame though. Now I'll have to start all over again. Our shares are gonna plummet. Oh well. I'll rise again. Like a Phoenix. Just you wait.
Ok, toodleoo. Back to the keyboard and a double espresso. It’s gonna be a long night.
BEEP.
ALVINA
So the world isn’t ending?
INTERVIEWER
No. Seems not.
ALVINA
Good.
INTERVIEWER
Good!
ALVINA
Good! That’s a relief!
THEY LAUGH.
ALVINA
Oh, eh. What were you about to say before I played the tape?
INTERVIEWER
Uhm… Nothing.
ALVINA
Nothing?
INTERVIEWER
No. Nothing.
ALVINA
Okay. I’ll see you later then.
INTERVIEWER
Jolly good.
ALVINA
Good.
INTERVIEWER
Good.
ALVINA LEAVES.
OYSTEIN
Steve Laurence Stroud. Episode 6 of The Amelia Project. Coming soon.
END