EPISODE 10 - MELISSA MENKEN
PROLOGUE
(THE FAMILIAR BEEPING)
(ANSWERPHONE CLICKS ON, FAINT MUSIC IN THE BACKGROUND)
VOICE
Congratulations. You’ve reached The Amelia Project. This phone call isn’t happening. If you’re not serious about this, hang up. Now.
(PAUSE)
If you continue, there is no way back.
(PAUSE)
Good choice. A new life awaits. You’ll hear back from us within the hour. If you don't hear back, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep.
(ANSWERPHONE-BEEP)
MELISSA
(PLEADING)I’m not a murderer! I’m innocent! This gift, it’s… it’s… it’s a curse! I need to get as far away as possible… And I need your help! Please please please call me back.
(PAUSE)
(A LOT CALMER) I look forward to tasting that cocoa.
(THEME TUNE THAT FADES INTO BEEPING)
INTRO
The Amelia Project, by Philip Thorne and Øystein Brager, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. Episode 10: Melissa Menken.
THE INTERVIEW
(BEEPING DISSOLVES INTO KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, SEVEN TIMES, RHYTHMICALLY)
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
SALVATORE
(WITH A THICK ITALIAN ACCENT)Melissa Menken here to see you.
INTERVIEWER
Ah, bring her in
(SQUEAK OF THE DOOR OPENING, STEPS COMING CLOSER)
INTERVIEWER
Mrs. Menken…
MELISSA
Oh please, call me Melissa
INTERVIEWER
Take a seat, Melissa. The cocoa is waiting for you
(PAUSE, SALVATORE LEAVES, MELISSA SITS DOWN, CHAIR SCRAPES OVER WOODEN FLOOR)
How the devil did you know?
MELISSA
Know, what?
INTERVIEWER
Cocoa! How did you know I’d offer you cocoa?
MELISSA
(SCOFFS)I had to get your attention somehow.
(CLINKING OF CUPS, SIPPING COCOA)
It’s good.
INTERVIEWER
Good? Hah! Did- Did you just say… (DISAPPROVINGLY PUTTING EMPHASIS ON THE WORD)good?
MELISSA
(NOT SEEING THE PROBLEM)Yes, good.
(DISBELIEVING, DISAPPROVING LAUGH OF THE INTERVIEWER)
MELISSA
Did I say something wrong?
INTERVIEWER
Well, when you see the Eiffel Tower do you say “big”?
MELISSA
Well, what was I supposed to say?
INTERVIEWER
(OFFENDED) This cocoa is as creamy as a pre-raphaelite nude’s inner thigh and as addictive as crack! (REMEMBERING HIS ORIGINAL QUESTION) How did you know I’d offer you cocoa?
MELISSA
(DRINKING COCOA)I’m about to tell you.
INTERVIEWER
Go ahead.
MELISSA (CON’T)
(SWALLOWS DOWN ANOTHER SIP OF COCOA)I’m just waiting for that Italian guy to knock on the door.
INTERVIEWER
Salvatore?
MELISSA
Yes. I’m about to tell you a complicated story and I don’t want to be interrupted.
INTERVIEWER
Salvatore won’t interrupt us. He never-
(WARPED SOUND, ALMOST AS IF WIND BLOWS THROUGH A HALF-OPEN WINDOW, THEN KNOCKING ON THE DOOR, SEVEN TIMES, RHYTHMICALLY)
Yes?
SALVATORE
(WITH A THICK ITALIAN ACCENT) Melissa Menken here to see you.
INTERVIEWER
Ah, bring her in
(SQUEAK OF THE DOOR OPENING, STEPS COMING CLOSER)
INTERVIEWER
Ah, Mrs Menken.
MELISSA
Please, call me Melissa.
INTERVIEWER
Take a seat, Melissa. The cocoa’s waiting for you.
(PAUSE, SALVATORE LEAVES, MELISSA SITS DOWN, CHAIR SCRAPES OVER WOODEN FLOOR)
How the devil did you know?
MELISSA
Know, uh, what?
INTERVIEWER
Cocoa! How did you know I’d offer you cocoa?
MELISSA
I had to get your attention somehow.
(SIPPING, SLURPING)
Uh, it’s as rich as Rockefeller and as silky as satin!
INTERVIEWER
(IN AWE) I couldn’t have put it better myself. I like you.
MELISSA
So you’ll help me?
INTERVIEWER
That depends.
MELISSA
On what?
INTERVIEWER
Your story.
MELISSA
My story?
INTERVIEWER
At Amelia we collect stories.
MELISSA
(HOPEFUL) And in return you’ll help me?
INTERVIEWER
If I like your story, yes.
MELISSA
(AGITATED) Now I’m nervous!
INTERVIEWER
Have some more cocoa, it’ll help you relax!
MELISSA
(ANXIOUS) Ooh, I don’t like this! I’m no good under pressure! And I hate suspense, it puts me on edge!
(WARPED SOUND, ALMOST AS IF WIND BLOWS THROUGH A HALF-OPEN WINDOW, THEN, THE EXPLOSION OF A CHAMPAGNE CORK, CHAMPAGNE BEING POURED INTO GLASSES, THE BUBBLING CAN BE HEARD THROUGHOUT THE SCENE)
INTERVIEWER
Congratulations, Amelia is happy to help!
MELISSA
(RELIEVED LAUGHTER) Thank you so much!
(THE BEEPING THAT ANNOUNCES THE END THEME TUNE STARTS UP)
INTERVIEWER
And you’re absolutely sure about Antarctica? I can’t tempt you with, say, Goa? It’s paradise on earth.
MELISSA
I’m sure it is, but it would rather defeat the objective wouldn’t it? I need a place with no distractions. I’ll be very happy in Antarctica.
INTERVIEWER
Well in that case… to your new life!
(THEME TUNE FADES IN, THEN THE CLANKING OF THEIR GLASSES)
Cheers!
MELISSA
(EXCITED, RELIVED) Cheers!
(THE THEME TUNE IS INTERRUPTED BY MELISSA SLURPING COCOA. WE HEAR HER AUDIBLY RELAXING AND SIGHING)
Oh, you’re right, this cocoa is really soothing. I feel more relaxed already.
INTERVIEWER
So you’re finally ready to tell me your story.
MELISSA
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
I’m all ears
MELISSA
I’m a magician.
INTERVIEWER
(EXCITED) Ooooh! Any good?
MELISSA
Too good.
INTERVIEWER
(CHUCKLES) It’s not possible to be too good!
MELISSA
(HUMORLESS LAUGH) When MI5 batters down your door at three in the morning, perhaps it is.
INTERVIEWER
Wow! What kind of a magician are you?
MELISSA
A mentalist.
INTERVIEWER
A mentalist?
MELISSA
I read people’s minds, predict the future, tell them things I can’t possibly know.
INTERVIEWER
Ohohoho, okay, what’s my great aunt’s name?
MELISSA
(SMACKS HER LIPS) Astrid.
INTERVIEWER
(SQUEALING) Wow! (CALM AGAIN) Okay, do I have pets?
MELISSA
A … skunk.
INTERVIEWER
(EXCITED INTERVIEWER SOUNDS) Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit! You’re beyond good.
(THEN, STRUGGLING TO CONTAIN HIS EXCITEMENT)Ha! I- I- Ho- How did you do it?
(WARPED SOUND, ALMOST AS IF WIND BLOWS THROUGH A HALF-OPEN WINDOW, YET THE CONVERSATION CONTINUES WITHOUT A BREAK, EVEN WHILE IT’S SEEMINGLY SUDDENLY A DIFFERENT ONE)
MELISSA
(SUDDENLY LOUD, PLEADING) I didn’t! I’m innocent!
INTERVIEWER
(LOUD) You killed Solveig Larson!
MELISSA
(PLEADING) No!
INTERVIEWER
(NOT BELIEVING HER) Oh you’re telling me she happened to have a car crash-
(SOUNDS OF MELISSA PROTESTING)
-just after you made a huge investment in her rival company?
MELISSA
(HIGH-PITCHED, ON THE VERGE OF HYSTERIC) I-
INTERVIEWER
Her death made you a millionaire!
MELISSA
(HIGH-PITCHED) Yes!
INTERVIEWER
Yet you’re saying it’s a coincidence!
MELISSA
Not a coincidence, no, it’s-
(WARPED WIND-SOUND ONCE AGAIN, THE CONVERSATION IS A DIFFERENT ONE YET CONTINUES AS IF THERE HASN’T EVEN BEEN A BREAK)
INTERVIEWER
But it must be! How else would you know that I have a skunk and that my aunt’s name is Astrid! Okay, go on, do another trick!
MELISSA
(SIGHS, POSSIBLY ANNOYED)Ah, very well. Ah, your favourite place on earth is…
INTERVIEWER
(QUICK) Yes?
MELISSA (CON’T)
(SIGHS) Goa…
INTERVIEWER
It is! Oh my god-
MELISSA (CON’T)
...and you’re fond of… chess and tiddlywinks!
INTERVIEWER
(NEARLY SCREAMS IN EXCITEMENT) Jesus Christ on a tricycle! How could you possibly know?! (SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH) Have you been looking me up on the Googly?
MELISSA
Before I walked through that door, I knew nothing about you!
INTERVIEWER
Okay, I propose a deal; you tell me how you did that, and in return, I’ll help you
MELISSA
You’ll help me disappear?
INTERVIEWER
Yes I will.
MELISSA
(INTAKE OF BREATH) And I can reappear anywhere I like?
INTERVIEWER
Well, within reason…
MELISSA
I want a new life in Antarctica
INTERVIEWER
Hah! (DISBELIEVING LAUGH) really?
MELISSA
(SIGH) It’s the only place I can get away from myself. My mind will be at peace. Nothing but white, empty vastness. And I like penguins.
INTERVIEWER
(DISGUSTED) Penguins?
MELISSA
Well, at least they don’t play board games or talk about the stock market.
INTERVIEWER
Wow. That was really random.
MELISSA
Oh... We haven’t talked about that, yet have we? Ugh. Sometimes I lose track
INTERVIEWER
(CONFUSED) Lose track of what?
MELISSA
The present
INTERVIEWER
Uh, this is the present
MELISSA
It is?
INTERVIEWER
(NOT SURE WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT, DOUBTFUL) Of course it is.
MELISSA
Then what have we been just talking about?
(AGAIN THE WIND-SOUND, AGAIN A SEEMINGLY DIFFERENT CONVERSATION)
INTERVIEWER
Solveig Larson.
MELISSA
This is all anyone seems to be talking about these days.
INTERVIEWER
Well, she was a great scientist! The AI she created was quite staggering… I should know.She ran Siiiri Industries singlehandedly, so her death leaves a gaping hole...
MELISSA
There is IntelligentFutures…?
INTERVIEWER
Yes, but nobody had even heard of IntelligentFutures before Larson’s death.
MELISSA
They benefited from Siiiri-Industries’ collapse!
INTERVIEWER
As did you!
MELISSA
Yes, but I didn’t kill her!
INTERVIEWER
(NOT BELIEVING HER) You’re telling me, she happened to have a car crash just after you made a huge investment in her rival company?
(MELISSA STUTTERING IN PROTEST)
INTERVIEWER
Her death made you a millionaire!
MELISSA
Yes, but-
INTERVIEWER
(STILL CALM)You’re saying it’s a coincidence?
MELISSA
Do you know the quote “Coincidence is the word we use when we can't see the levers and pulleys.”
INTERVIEWER
Hey, that’s one of my favourite- (FLABBERGHASTED) I mean… What a…
MELISSA
Coincidence?
(PAUSE, THEY ARE BOTH SILENT FOR A MOMENT)
INTERVIEWER
Have we had this conversation before?
MELISSA
Yes. Sorry.
INTERVIEWER
How- How many times have we had this conversation?
MELISSA
(GETTING UPSET) God - I can’t remember. This is going to play havoc with my blood sugar levels though, I’ve had at least eight cups of cocoa already!
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY, AS IF TO HIMSELF) Yes, I know the feeling, heh. (SIGHS, THEN BACK TO MELISSA) But how are you doing this?
MELISSA
You’re asking me to reveal my secret?
INTERVIEWER
If we’re to progress, I feel you must.
MELISSA
And in return you’ll help me?
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
MELISSA
(SIGHS DEEPLY) Very well. (SUDDENLY DEADLY SERIOUS AND WITH A GRAVE VOICE) I can manipulate time.
INTERVIEWER
(INTERESTED AGAIN) What?
MELISSA
I can bend time to my will, fast forward, rewind, replay.
(SHE SIGHS DEEPLY WHILE THE INTERVIEWER SPEAKS)
INTERVIEWER
Are you telling me you’re a time traveller?
MELISSA
(SIGHS)That’s a rather fancy way of putting it.
INTERVIEWER
Well - can you travel in time or not?
MELISSA
(A SHARP INTAKE OF BREATH)Only within an hour!
INTERVIEWER
I see. So. Not enough to create a full blown grandmother paradox or kill Hitler or anything like that.
INTERVIEWER
No. But it’s useful for skipping backwards a few minutes to make predictions about things I’ve already found out about (SHE SIGHS AGAIN) By the way your phone’s about to ring.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t believe you.
MELISSA
(NOT IN THE LEAST SURPRISED) No. Nobody does.
INTERVIEWER
It can’t be true.
MELISSA
(SIGHS) Don’t take it from me, take it from me.
(WARPED WIND-SOUND AGAIN, RINGING OF A TELEPHONE, THE INTERVIEWER PICKS UP)
INTERVIEWER
Hello? … Yes? (EXCITED INTAKE OF BREATH) It was a pleasure to meet you too… Certainly…! Will do… Oh, you’re very welcome… Todeloo!
(WARPED WIND-SOUND AGAIN)
(AMAZED) Well dip me like a doughnut, it’s true!
MELISSA
What did I say?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, you want me to remind you to ask where I get my cocoa from.
MELISSA
Where do you get your cocoa from?
INTERVIEWER
Les Deux Magots in Paris.
MELISSA
So now you believe me?
INTERVIEWER
(STILL AMAZED) It’s incredible!
MELISSA
It’s exhausting!
INTERVIEWER
Exhausting?
MELISSA
I’m constantly replaying the same conversation, making a tweak here, an improvement there, zipping forwards to see how it changes things. It’s so confusing! I say something and immediately realise I could have put it a better way or- or missed an opportunity for a joke. Do you know how difficult it is to resist going back? I’m always moving backwards and forwards, the only place I’m not is the present!
INTERVIEWER
This is the present!
MELISSA
It is?
INTERVIEWER
Of course!
MELISSA
Well, what have we just been talking about?
(WIND AND A CHANGE OF CONVERSATION AGAIN, WE KNOW NOW: IT’S A SKIP IN TIME FOR MELISSA)
INTERVIEWER
Penguins!
MELISSA
Ah yes, that’s right. You’re not a fan.
INTERVIEWER
Penguins give me the creeps.
MELISSA
Seriously? Penguins?
(THE INTERVIEWER AUDIBLY SHIVERS IN AVERSION)
But they’re so cute!
INTERVIEWER
A skunk, now there’s a loyal companion!
MELISSA
(DISBELIEVING) A skunk?!
INTERVIEWER
Best pet I’ve ever had. I swear on my great aunt Astrid’s prosthetic left leg. More cocoa?
MELISSA
Yes please.
(ANOTHER TIME-SKIP, THEN SIPPING)
INTERVIEWER
Ah, I envy you.
(PAUSE)
MELISSA
You want to be suspected of killing the world’s leading AI-Scientist?
INTERVIEWER
No, I want your ability!
MELISSA
I told you, it’s doing my head in!
INTERVIEWER
Ah, but all the things you can do with that extra time! I mean, you can read so many books!
MELISSA
Books and films? Have lost their appeal to me. I can’t deal with the suspense, so I jump forward to see what happens,
(THE INTERVIEWER CAN BE HEARD SIGHING SADLY IN THE BACKGROUND)
but that kind of defeats the point.
INTERVIEWER
(VERY QUIETLY AND UNDERSTANDING) Yes...
MELISSA
I may control time, but I don’t control my impulses. It’s not a happy combination.
INTERVIEWER
Hey, you’re a killer magician though!
MELISSA
Yeah, that was the one productive outlet I could find for my skill. In a magic show, people want to be baffled. They don’t expect answers, (HUMORLESS SNORT) but MI5 does!
INTERVIEWER
Yes, you should have kept your skill to the stage.
MELISSA
I know. But I became addicted to winning.
INTERVIEWER
How’s that?
MELISSA
It started with board games. My sister, she takes them so seriously. I decided to have a bit of fun and win. Every single time! With Risk I achieved global domination in six moves. Nobody could follow my random tactics. They had no idea how I was doing it and were completely flummoxed.
INTERVIEWER
(DELIGHTED)My my!
MELISSA
So far, so harmless! Next.
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY) Yes?
MELISSA
I went to my nieces school fate and used my skill at the raffle.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, you didn’t...
MELISSA
(JOYFUL, LAUGHING) I walked away with a giant teddy, a power wheels desert racer,
(EXCITED INTAKE OF BREATH BY THE INTERVIEWER)
a Disney princess styling head, three super soakers and a fart gun. The mums gave me the stare of death.
INTERVIEWER
I can imagine...
MELISSA (CON’T)
My parents took me to their church lottery. I hit the jackpot. The money was meant for a new church roof. Everyone was distraught! I think they expected me to give it back or something.
INTERVIEWER
And then you decided school raffles and church lotteries weren’t enough. You decided to win big.
MELISSA
(SPLUTTERS)But it wasn’t about the money! It was a proof of point!
INTERVIEWER
How so?
MELISSA
Ugh, I was on a date. With an Investment banker from the city… Ugh, so boring.
INTERVIEWER
(APPROVINGLY) Ugh, I hate boredom
MELISSA
(MOCKINGLY) He was going on and on about share prices and how I should invest and the only thing I could rely on, he said, was Siiiri-Industries. The company of the future, Rock solid.
INTERVIEWER
Huh,
MELISSA (CON’T)
I got home, switched on the TV, heard that Solveig Larson had died and that IntelligentFutures had been called in to take over what they could and destroy anything they didn’t understand.
INTERVIEWER
I can see how the temptation to go back and buy shares was impossible to resist…
MELISSA
Like I said - It wasn’t even about the money! I just wanted to put that arrogant prick in his place! Boring me to tears, lecturing me all evening about how I should invest in Siiiri Industries. Then I do the opposite and come out the winner! Ha!
(PAUSE AS THE TOPIC GOES BACK TO SERIOUS)
But I didn’t think it through, and by the time MI5 smashed through my door, several hours had passed. It was too late to skip back in time and undo my investment. So... now I look guilty as sin.
INTERVIEWER
Which is why you want to disappear.
MELISSA
I want to escape - not just from MI5, but from my skill.
INTERVIEWER
Can you do that? Can you leave it behind?
MELISSA
No.
(PAUSE)
But I can go to a place where it will be useless.
INTERVIEWER
And where’s that?
MELISSA
Antarctica.
INTERVIEWER
Ha! Uh, really?
MELISSA
It’s the only place I can get away from myself.
INTERVIEWER
Hm
MELISSA
My mind will be at peace. Nothing but white, empty vastness. And I like penguins.
INTERVIEWER
(SHIVERS) Penguins?
MELISSA
Well, at least they don’t play board games or talk about the stock market.
INTERVIEWER
(AUDIBLY SHIVERS) Penguins are creepy
MELISSA
They will be the perfect companions. My interactions with them won’t require any tweaking of time. For once I can live in the present!
INTERVIEWER
(IN THOUGHT)I’m going to help you Melissa. You’ll die during one of your magic shows. Just like Tommy Cooper! You’ll have a heart attack on stage!
MELISSA
We- We’ll have to make it very convincing…
INTERVIEWER
I’m booking an appointment with our new acting coach, Stanislav Sokolov right away. Once you’ve died, we’ll nail you into a coffin…
MELISSA
I’m claustrophobic...
INTERVIEWER
Well, you won’t be in there for long. (IN HIS ELEMENT, EXCITED)The minute the nails are in you skip back in time. While you’re being buried, you’ll make your way to Portsmith. I’ll be waiting for you with Joey, Salvatore and a submarine.
MELISSA
(DOUBTFUL)A Submarine?
INTERVIEWER
I know a guy. With a submarine! He’ll take us to Antarctica and you can start your new life of peace and(GRAVELY)penguins.
MELISSA
(AMAZED)Perfect!
INTERVIEWER
Champagne?
MELISSA
(JOYFUL, LAUGHING)Oh! Yes please!
(SOUND OF THE CORK BEING POPPED)
INTERVIEWER
Congratulations, Amelia is happy to help!
MELISSA
(RELIEVED) Thank you so much!
INTERVIEWER
And you’re absolutely sure about Antarctica? I can’t tempt you with, say, Goa? It’s paradise on earth.
MELISSA
I’m sure it is, but it would rather defeat the object wouldn’t it. I need a place with no distractions. I’ll be very happy in Antarctica.
INTERVIEWER
Well in that case… to your new life!
(SOUND OF GLASSES BEING FILLED)
Cheers!
MELISSA
Cheers!
(GLASSES CLANK TOGETHER RIGHT AS THE BEEPING BEGINS THAT FADES INTO THE THEME TUNE, WHILE WE CAN STILL HEAR THEM SIP, THE MUSIC PLAYS WHILE THE CREDITS ARE BEING SAID)
CREDITS
The Amelia project is produced by Imploding Fictions, in association with OpenHouseTheater Vienna. This episode featured Alan Burgon as The Interviewer, Kudra Owens as Melissa, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haines and Julia Morizawa on the answerphone. It was written and edited by Philip Thorne and directed by Alan Burgeon and Øystein Brager. Music and Sound Design by Fredrik Baden, Graphic Design by Anders Pedersen, production coordination by Julia C. Thorne. This episode was recorded at TonGeber Studios with the assistance of Gabriel Geber. For each episode of the Amelia Project, we compile a Case File which contains top secret documents related to each disappearance. By becoming a 5-Dollar-Patron, you will get access to the Case Files for every single episode. As a special end-of-season-thank-you, we’re making the Case Files for the next episode available to 1-Dollar-Patrons too! Go to patreon.com/ameliapodcast to sign up as a patron or follow the link on our website: ameliapodcast.com. You can also say Hi on Twitter, we’re @amelia_podcast. And please do tell your friends and family about the show and help others find it. Bye for now, and see you soon, for the season-finale.
(THEME MUSIC FADES OUT, UNTIL ONLY THE BEEPING IS LEFT)
EPILOGUE
AGENT HAINES (ON THE PHONE)
Hi. Agent Haines here… There’s been a development in the Melissa Menken case… (PAUSE) Well that’s what we all thought, but we’ve just been sent footage from outside Hampstead Tesco Express… of a woman who looks exactly like Menken. Yeah… (PAUSE) Spitting image… Yeah… Well… we’ve already done that and… the coffin…?(PAUSE) well… it was empty! Yeah… Yeah… Here’s the thing, she wasn’t in her flat, but we found her mobile and I’ve been dialling through some of the contacts. There’s one marked Amelia which connects to an answerphone… (PAUSE) We haven’t been able to trace its location yet… Anyway, I think you should listen to that answerphone-message. I’ll give you the number, you have a pen? Good. It’s (DICTATES NUMBER) We need to find out more about this Amelia. In fact, I think we should make it a priority…
END OF EPISODE