EPISODE 22 - RICHARD. SEASON 2 FINALE
PHILIP
Hello and here we are - the season 2 finale. Thank you for being the best audience any podcast creator could wish for. Your Tweets, Reviews, Messages and pieces of Fanart inspire us and make us want to keep going. We would also like to say another big thank you to two people without whom we could not have made this season - Beth Crane and Hedley Knights of Battle Bird Productions. A good chunk of this season was recorded in their Home Studio, and we basically took over their home for two entire days. Beth and Hedley are kind, creative and funny and we’re so lucky they gave us this opportunity to record with them. If you haven’t checked out their show, We Fix Space Junk, please please do, it’s one of my personal favorites, and if you enjoy the Amelia Project’s humor, I’m sure you’ll enjoy Samantha’s and Kilner’s banter as they hurtle through space, fixing things.
And now - it’s time for the final episode of the season…
(THE BEEPING SETS IN, ANSWERPHONE BEEPS ON)
VOICE
Congratulations. You’ve reached The Amelia Project. This phone call isn’t happening. If you’re not serious about this, hang up. Now.
(PAUSE)
You sure about this? If you hesitated, do not proceed.
(PAUSE)
Still there? If you continue, there’s no way back. The choice is yours.
(PAUSE)
Good choice. A new life awaits. You will hear back from us within the hour. If you do not hear back, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep.
(BEEP)
HAINES
Hello.
(PAUSE)
Agent Haines.
(PAUSE)
MI5.
(PAUSE)
We’ve got the tapes. We know everything.
(PAUSE)
Fraud, theft, fabrication of false evidence, harbouring fugitives, performing surgery without license, eavesdropping, kidnapping, destruction of cultural heritage, trespassing, forgery, treason… I could go on. I have three pages of charges here.
(PAUSE)
We're looking at a life sentence at Askham Grange. Our armed response team is waiting outside in a van.
(SHORT PAUSE)
But there’s a way out. Information in return for freedom. If you hand over everything: tapes, files, contact lists, accounts, minutes, memos, transcripts, blueprints; if you give us the exact identities and locations of all your clients... then we let you walk free. Nobody will ever know Amelia existed.
(SHORT PAUSE)
Call me and we'll cancel the raid and give you directions to a safe house. If you don't call, we'll give our men the go ahead. You have one hour to accept my offer. The choice is yours.
(BEEP)
(THE AMELIA THEME STARTS, NO INTRO, INSTEAD IT FADES)
ALVINA
Say something.
(PAUSE)
Say something!
INTERVIEWER
You know, the corner shop has finally stocked up on Maltesers. I mean, I’ve only been telling them for like nine year-
ALVINA
I’m serious! What are we going to do?
INTERVIEWER
They’re bluffing.
ALVINA
A box of tapes is missing. We know that.
INTERVIEWER
They don’t know where the offices are. That’s not on any of the tapes.
ALVINA
Are you sure?
INTERVIEWER
Listen.
ALVINA
What?
INTERVIEWER
Listen.
(SILENCE)
ALVINA
I can’t hear anything.
INTERVIEWER
Exactly. If they knew where we were, they’d be knocking the door down.
ALVINA
So all this talk of a deal-
INTERVIEWER
-is a ploy. They want to get us out of the office!
ALVINA
(SCOFFS) I hope you’re right.
(A LOUD KNOCK. THE INTERVIEWER AND ALVINA JUMP OUT OF THEIR SKINS)
RICHARD
(SOFTLY) Hello? I’ve been waiting for over an hour!
INTERVIEWER
Oh. It’s okay, it’s just my next client.
ALVINA
(SIGH OF RELIEF)
INTERVIEWER
(SHOUTS) One more moment please!
ALVINA
Alright. Let’s backtrack. The box went missing after you interviewed the burglars-
INTERVIEWER
Tara and Lily.
ALVINA (CON’T)
Which means they probably stole it. Let’s say they were working for MI5 and brought the box straight to them…
INTERVIEWER
Yes…
ALVINA
They can tell MI5 to us!
INTERVIEWER
I sent them zigzagging up and down the country! Then Joey picked them up in the van, blacked out the windows, blindfolded them and put a sock over their heads. No way they can locate us!
ALVINA
So you think we should just ... stay put?
INTERVIEWER
I do.
ALVINA
Do you know what I think?
(SHORT PAUSE)
I think … (GRAVELY) we should call Amelia.
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY) She doesn’t like to be disturbed.
ALVINA
Yes, but this is important.
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY) She’s not in her office.
ALVINA
Well then call her!
INTERVIEWER
Very well.
(HE DIALS ON AN OLD ROUND DIAL)
(CHEERFUL) Amelia! (SOBER) Ah, You’ve already heard. Of course… Yes… No… Righty-ho.
(HE HANGS UP)
She’s on her way back from the morgue. She’ll be here in twenty minutes.
ALVINA
What do we do until then?
INTERVIEWER
Twenty minutes gives me just enough time to interview the next client…?
ALVINA
Seriously? Now?
INTERVIEWER
We’ll discuss strategy once Amelia gets here. In the meantime, keep calm and carry on Alvina. By the way, who is the next client?
ALVINA
(SIGHS) Here’s the case file… Are you ever going to read them?
(SHE CHUCKS THE CASE FILE AT HIM AND STARTS TO LEAVE)
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY) Well, like that I’m not…
ALVINA
(BEHIND THE DOOR) He’s ready for you Mr Reynolds.
(ALVINA'S FOOTSTEPS TRAIL DOWN THE CORRIDOR. RICHARD COMES IN)
THE INTERVIEW
INTERVIEWER
Welcome… welcome… sorry for the delay… bit of a day this… oh well… tinkerty tonk… take a seat… let’s get down to business…
(SOUND OF RICHARD SITTING DOWN)
Your name is…
(RUMMAGING THROUGH A FILE)
Richard Reynolds?
(SOUND OF DICE BEING ROLLED ON THE DESK. RICHARD’S ANSWERS ARE VERY CLIPPED IN THE BEGINNING, BUT THE MORE HE TALKS, THE MORE HE SOUNDS LIKE A MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKER OR A RHETORICALLY WELL-TRAINED POLITICIAN WHO KNOWS HOW TO ATTACH PEOPLE)
RICHARD
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Profession?
RICHARD
This week I’ve been a living statue in Covent Garden, a chef in a soup kitchen and a freelance IT consultant. I don’t know yet what I’ll do tomorrow.
INTERVIEWER
Well spit in my tea and call me a flea! You’re quite the renaissance man! Excuse me for the chaos by the way.
RICHARD
Oh, I like chaos.
INTERVIEWER
I haven’t even offered you cocoa! Would you like cocoa?
(DICE ROLL)
RICHARD
Yes, please.
INTERVIEWER
With whipped cream?
(DICE ROLL)
RICHARD
No thank you.
INTERVIEWER
Uhm… Did you just let the dice decide?
RICHARD
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
How odd.
RICHARD
This year all my decisions have been made by throwing dice.
INTERVIEWER
(AMUSED) Would you like a bit of washing up liquid in that cocoa?
(SCRIBBLING OF A NOTE)
I’m joking!
(DICE ROLL)
RICHARD
No thanks.
INTERVIEWER
You’d never have let me put washing up liquid in your cocoa!
RICHARD
If I’d rolled a one or a two, then yes.
INTERVIEWER
No way! What did you just write?
RICHARD
One or two: accept offer. Three or four: decline offer. Five or six: ask for pure washing up liquid.
INTERVIEWER
You’re having me on!
RICHARD
No! I always obey the dice.
INTERVIEWER
And if they tell you to jump out of the window?
(DICE ROLL)
RICHARD
Oh.
INTERVIEWER
What?
RICHARD
Looks like I’m going to have to-
INTERVIEWER
Sit back down!
(SOUND OF RICHARD GETTING UP AND GOING TO THE WINDOW. HE OPENS IT)
INTERVIEWER(FRANTICALLY SHOUTS INTO THE INTERCOM)
Hey! Hey! Joey! Salvatore! Quick!
(DOOR BURSTS OPEN, JOEY AND SALVATORE WRESTLE RICHARD TO THE FLOOR, WE HEAR THAT STRUGGGLE)
Attach him to the chair!
(MORE STRUGGLING AND THE CLICK OF HANDCUFFS)
RICHARD (STRUGGLING)
Oy! I need my dice-hand free!
INTERVIEWER
Free the right hand.
(CLICK OF HANDCUFFS)
Thank you Joey, thank you, Salvatore.
(JOEY AND SALVATORE LEAVE)
INTERVIEWER
Well. Now. Look, I know why you’re here.
RICHARD
You do?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know how they’re doing it, but I know someone’s playing you. You’re being forced to follow the decisions of the dice and want to escape this twisted game. Am I right?
(SILENCE)
Am I right?
(SILENCE)
(TRUST-ME-VOICE) Come on, you can tell me. This is a safe place. They won’t know.
(SCRIBBLING OF A NOTE)
What are you writing?
(ROLL OF DICE)
RICHARD
No.
INTERVIEWER
No?
RICHARD
Nobody’s playing me.
INTERVIEWER
Then why…? (HE SIGHS) What did you just write down?
RICHARD
Even number: tell the truth. Odd number: lie.
INTERVIEWER
So you’re lying.
RICHARD
No. I’m not.
INTERVIEWER
I don’t believe you.
RICHARD
You should.
INTERVIEWER
Why?
RICHARD
Because I threw a six. I’m doing this of my own free will.
INTERVIEWER
(SNORT OF LAUGHTER)
RICHARD
What?
INTERVIEWER
Free will?
RICHARD
I don’t get the joke.
INTERVIEWER
You’re a slave! A slave to the dice!
RICHARD
I’m freer than you.
INTERVIEWER
I doubt that very much.
RICHARD
When did you get up this morning?
INTERVIEWER
Eight o’clock. Why?
RICHARD
Good question.
INTERVIEWER
What?
RICHARD
Why?
INTERVIEWER
Why did I get up at eight o’clock?
RICHARD
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Because… Because… that’s the time I get up! What’s this got to do with-
RICHARD
I got up at three am.
INTERVIEWER
Okay…
RICHARD
Then I went for a long jog while the city was still asleep, did my weekly shop at an all-night Tesco’s, and was out in time to see the sun rise.
INTERVIEWER
You’re an early bird.
RICHARD
Not really. Yesterday I got up at four in the afternoon. I had a Victoria Sponge for breakfast and washed it down with a couple of Mojitos.
INTERVIEWER
What’s your point?
RICHARD
You’re tied to routine, I’m not.
INTERVIEWER
Because I tend to get up at the same time?
RICHARD
It’s not just that. Where did you go on your last holiday?
INTERVIEWER
Florence.
RICHARD
Hm. I went to Okunoshima.
(PAUSE)
You have no idea where that is, do you?
INTERVIEWER
Japan I suppose…
RICHARD
Yes. Small island inhabited mostly by rabbits.
INTERVIEWER
(GETTING FRUSTRATED) Well, I’ve never heard of-
RICHARD
Of course not, no-one has. Pity though, it’s a stunning place. I got the coordinates by rolling the dice.
INTERVIEWER
Yes, but you could just as well have ended up in Damascus or Baghdad!
RICHARD
I know! Exciting isn’t it!
(PAUSE)
How did you travel to Florence?
INTERVIEWER
(INCREASINGLY ANNOYED) By plane.
RICHARD
Hm. Thought so.
INTERVIEWER
Hm. You’re going to tell me you swam to Okuno-whatsit aren’t you?
RICHARD
That was one of the options, but in fact the dice decided I build a raft.
INTERVIEWER
Of course.
RICHARD
What did you eat in Florence?
INTERVIEWER
Well they have very good pizza-
RICHARD
I had fish sperm on Okunoshima.
INTERVIEWER
Ew! That sounds disgusting.
RICHARD
It is. I also had a curry doughnut.
INTERVIEWER
Ugh, sounds-
RICHARD
It’s actually surprisingly good.
INTERVIEWER
I was going to say, sounds rather good…
RICHARD (IGNORING HIM)
You’re a man trapped by his habits. I’ve learned to suppress my own will and follow the will of the dice. I’m free! Free to go beyond the limits imposed on me by my personality! There’s so much more to the world than Florence and pizza you know!
INTERVIEWER
Yes but if I wanted-
RICHARD
If I limited myself to what I wanted, I’d have denied myself a whole range of experiences! I’d never have eaten curry doughnuts, hung out with evangelical preachers, gone hang gliding or read Belarusian poetry. I try not to be limited by my own free will.
INTERVIEWER
You… you don’t want to be in control?
RICHARD
Absolutely not. It’s restrictive.
INTERVIEWER
But if you’re in control you can choose whatever you want!
RICHARD
In theory, yes. In practice you choose from a very limited set of options: the things you know and are comfortable with.
INTERVIEWER
I can choose to challenge myself.
RICHARD
Yes… but do you?
INTERVIEWER
Well stir fry my guts and scramble my nuts! My Monday just got even weirder!
RICHARD
Do you want to try it?
INTERVIEWER
What?
RICHARD
Dicing.
INTERVIEWER
Ah, I’m not sure that’s a good id-
RICHARD
Oh go on! You’re curious. I can see you are…
INTERVIEWER
(CHUCKLES) It does sound exciting…
RICHARD
Tell me six things you want to do, but have never got around to.
INTERVIEWER
Really…?
RICHARD
Yes. Let’s do this. Number one?
INTERVIEWER
Um… okay… uhm… take ocarina lessons!
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) Ocarina lessons, very good. Next?
INTERVIEWER
(STARTING TO HAVE FUN) Finish my book of limericks.
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) Finish limericks… Next?
INTERVIEWER
Grow a walrus moustache and wear a monocle.
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) Moustache and monocle… excellent. For the last three, push yourself out of your comfort zone… Think of things you’re tempted by, but have never dared to do…
INTERVIEWER
(HESITANT) There is one thing…
RICHARD
Yes?
INTERVIEWER
Peeing off the Eiffel Tower.
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) Great!
INTERVIEWER
(DOUBTFUL) You’re seriously putting that down?
RICHARD
Of course. That thought is part of you. The only reason you don’t let it out is because you’re trapped by your personality.
INTERVIEWER
(DISBELIEVING) The personality I’ve chosen is trapping me?
RICHARD
Well, I’d say the personality that’s been imposed on you by society, but essentially, yes. Doesn’t it feel good to write it down? More!
INTERVIEWER
(GETTING A HANG OF THIS) Harpoon my neighbour’s obnoxious bulldog.
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) Terminate bulldog. Good. Last one?
INTERVIEWER
(FAST) Hire a hooker to give me a blowjob while drinking Serendipity’s Hot Chocolate with marshmallows, white chocolate shavings and a splash of vanilla.
RICHARD
(SCRIBBLES) There! Done.
INTERVIEWER
You’re right! It feels good.
RICHARD
Doesn’t it? And the best bit’s still to come!
INTERVIEWER
The best bit?
RICHARD
After you’ve sworn allegiance to the dice, you’re off the hook. Whatever you do, it’s not you who decided to do it. You’re just following the dice.
INTERVIEWER
But what if I throw a-
RICHARD
You can blame the dice.
INTERVIEWER
I’m not sure I can do that.
RICHARD
It’s hard at first. Your personality is always trying to boss you around. But once you manage to crush your personal will and follow the dice, you feel so happy and liberated and free!
INTERVIEWER
(QUIETLY) You’re happy?
RICHARD
I’m living in full on cyclorama technicolor with the sound booming out of the speakers at one hundred decibels! Before the dice I was set in my ways and living a life of habit and routine. Now I talk to strangers, scare myself, explore and have fun! My life before was boring.
INTERVIEWER
(UNDERSTANDING) I hate boredom!
RICHARD
(PASSIONATE) Then the dice life is for you my friend! Ready?
INTERVIEWER
Uhm…
RICHARD
Repeat after me. I solemnly swear to obey the dice.
INTERVIEWER
I’m not sure…
RICHARD
(PASSIONATE) Rubbish! Part of you’s not sure. The part that’s been ordered around by society and culture for far too long. The other parts are screaming with excitement! Those are the parts I want to set free!
INTERVIEWER
Well kiss a skunk and piss on a punk, I’m doing this!
RICHARD
I solemnly swear to obey the dice.
INTERVIEWER
I solemnly swear to obey the dice!
(ROLL OF DICE)
RICHARD
Someone’s going to get a very nasty surprise at the bottom of the Eiffel Tower.
(INTERVIEWER AND RICHARD LAUGH)
INTERVIEWER
Richard, there’s one thing I don’t understand. If you’re happy, why come to Amelia?
RICHARD
Dicing has got me into a spot of trouble.
INTERVIEWER
Ah! The curse of the trailblazer.
RICHARD
What?
INTERVIEWER
Until just a few moments ago I thought you were mad as a maggot! That’s what the world thinks. It will take a while for people to catch up. In the meantime they’ll call you crazy and dangerous.
RICHARD
That’s exactly it!
INTERVIEWER
Tell me how you got in trouble and it will be my pleasure to help.
RICHARD
I woke up at 6am and the dice decided I needed a cider. I didn’t have any cider, so, still in my pyjamas, I broke into the corner shop. I put a couple of ciders into a bag, then heard footsteps coming down from the flat upstairs. I hid behind the counter and rolled the dice. If I rolled a one or two I’d give myself up, a three or four I’d try to escape, a five or six I’d silence this person.
(PAUSE)
I threw a six.
INTERVIEWER
(UNDERSTANDING) Ah.
RICHARD
As soon as the person got near the counter, I jumped out and put the bag over her head. It was the shopkeeper’s daughter.
I asked the dice if I should leave her in the shop or take her with me. The dice decided I should take her with me. So I took her to the car and the dice told me to drive North. I gave myself six options for what to do with her. Take her to the cinema, drop her off at a police station, dump her in a ditch, make out with her, put her on a coach to Luton or feed her to the lions at London Zoo. The dice decided on the lions.
INTERVIEWER
Ah…
RICHARD
We arrived at London Zoo. I tied her arms behind her back and put gaffer tape on her mouth so she couldn’t scream, and we pushed through all the school kids to the lion cage. We didn’t even get past the gift shop before this big bloke rugby tackles me. I get straight back up, and dash for the exit, but three or four guys follow me. I managed to shake them off, but the CCTV footage of me dragging that girl into the zoo in my pyjamas was played on the news and now everyone’s after me. Will you help me disappear?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know yet. Do you feel remorse?
(ROLL OF DICE)
RICHARD
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Are you telling the truth or lying?
(ROLL OF DICE)
RICHARD
Telling the truth.
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) As long as it’s a voluntary disappearance, we’re not really supposed to let ethics interfere with decisions on whether or not to take on clients.
RICHARD
So how will you decide?
INTERVIEWER
Like this.
(ROLL OF DICE)
INTERVIEWER
Congratulations Richard, Amelia is taking on your case.
RICHARD
Thank you so much!
INTERVIEWER
Not my decision. Normally, this is the point when I ask how you’d like to die and reappear, but in your case I think you’d better start making a list.
RICHARD
Of course.
(SOUND OF SCRIBBLING. IT CONTINUES FOR QUITE A WHILE)
Done.
INTERVIEWER
Good, let’s go.
(ROLL OF DICE)
A three. Let's see. Crucifixion? Blimey. It’s been a while since we’ve done one of those… What do you want to reappear as?
(SOUND OF SCRIBBLING. THEN THE ROLL OF DICE)
Five, that's... Optician. Good.
That just leaves us with the location for your reappearance. Let’s get the coordinates.
(SEVERAL THROWS)
RICHARD
51.4 North, 0.1 East.
INTERVIEWER
You know, given that seventy two percent of earth’s surface is water, it’s very likely to be in the middle of the ocean.
RICHARD
Great! We’ll make it the nearest island then! I love islands and I’ve become a master raft builder!
INTERVIEWER
Let me just check on the googly maps… (HITS COMPUTER) Pesky computers… Ah, got it. Oh? Oh…
RICHARD
What?
INTERVIEWER
I’m so sorry.
RICHARD
It’s a war zone isn’t it. I don’t mind, all part of the excitmen-
INTERVIEWER
No. It’s Sidcup.
RICHARD
(FLATLY) What.
INTERVIEWER
Look.
RICHARD
(FLAT) Oh. Sidcup.
INTERVIEWER
So! Now that that’s settled, time for a toast!
(SCRIBBLING ON PAPER)
Hey, what are you doing?
RICHARD
Options for the toast.
INTERVIEWER
No no no Richard. When it comes to fine beverages, dicing goes one step too far. I have a bottle of Veuve Clicquot waiting and I refuse to drink washing up liquid!
(ROLL OF DICE)
RICHARD
Chamomile tea.
INTERVIEWER
(ANGRILY INTO INTERCOM) Salvatore! Two chamomile teas please…
(SOUND OF RUNNING, DOOR OPENS)
SALVATORE
What’s wrong?
INTERVIEWER
Nothing Salvatore.
SALVATORE
Are you sick?
INTERVIEWER
(LOUDLY) I’m fine.
SALVATORE
Should I call the doctor?
INTERVIEWER
(SHOUTING) Just get the damned chamomile teas!
SALVATORE
(WORRIED) Si, si.
(DOOR CLOSES)
RICHARD
Well, if you’re ever in the Sidcup area…
INTERVIEWER (CUTS HIM)
I’ll be sure not to go to the Optician’s!
(DOOR OPENS. SALVATORE COMES IN)
SALVATORE
Two chamomile teas!
RICHARD
Blimming heck! That was fast!
INTERVIEWER
Salvatore can whip up a double shot, extra hot, white chocolate mocha with caramel drizzle, cinnamon, and peppermint sprinkles in less than thirty seconds. (SADLY) Are you sure you want to stick with the chamomile tea?
RICHARD
Quite sure.
INTERVIEWER
(WITH THE MOST FORCED SMILE EVER IN PODCAST-HISTORY) Thank you, Salvatore.
(SALVATORE LEAVES)
Well in that case, to your new life in Sidcup!
RICHARD
To Sidcup!
INTERVIEWER
To Sidcup!
(CLINK OF TEACUPS. SIPPING. THE INTERVIEWER MAKES A DISGUSTED SOUND)
Oh god…
RICHARD
Would you mind removing the handcuffs now?
INTERVIEWER
Certainly.
(CLICK OF THE HANDCUFFS BEING UNLOCKED. RICHARD SPRINTS ACROSS THE ROOM AND JUMPS THROUGH AND OUT OF THE WINDOW)
Ah! Wait!
RICHARD
(FADING AS HE PLUMMETS) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
(CRASH. THE INTERVIEWER SIGHS DEEPLY)
INTERVIEWER
(INTO THE INTERCOM) Joey! There’s a new corpse for Kozlowski on the pavement just outside. Would you mind bringing it to the basement right away? Thank you…
(DIALS ON THE PHONE)
Alvina! Yes he’s gone, you can come into my office. Oh, she’s arrived? Good. (...) What do you mean am I sure he’s gone? Of course I’m- (CHUCKLES) Oh, well he didn’t exit the normal way. See you in a jiffy.
(HANGS UP AND SIPS SOME MORE CHAMOMILE TEA BUT SPITS IT OUT, THEN THE DOOR OPENS AND ALVINA WALKS BRISKLY IN)
INTERVIEWER
Ah! Would you like to finish my chamomile t-
ALVINA
Why are you drinking chamomile tea?
INTERVIEWER
It's... soothing.
ALVINA
Here she comes.
(AMELIA ENTERS)
INTERVIEWER
Amelia! Good to see you! Chamomile tea?
AMELIA
(GRUNTS IN DISGUST)
INTERVIEWER
I'll take that as a no.
ALVINA
We should call them. Even if they don’t have our location yet, it’s only a matter of time before they find us. They know too much already!
INTERVIEWER
It’s a ploy!
ALVINA
Maybe not. Maybe they really are offering a deal.
INTERVIEWER
It's a trap, we shouldn't respond.
ALVINA
What do you think, Amelia?
(SILENCE AND STEPS)
AMELIA
There’s a third option.
INTERVIEWER
What’s that?
AMELIA
There’s been enough information leaking from this office and if Anthony Welbey has taught us anything it’s that you never know who’s listening in. No more words. I’ll put it in writing.
(SOUND OF SCRIBBLING)
INTERVIEWER
Interesting… Here’s what we do. One or two we go with Alvina, three or four we go with my option, five or six we go with Amelia. Ready?
ALVINA & AMELIA
Ready.
(THE ROLL OF DICE, THEN SILENCE)
(MUSIC SETS IN, THE SCOTTISH VERSION, THEN GOING TO THE EGYPTIAN, THEN VIOLIN, THEN NORMAL)
CREDITS. (23min)
This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. It featured Alan Burgon as the Interviewer, Julia Thorne as Alvina, Thomas Judd as Richard, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haines, Gianluca Iumiento as Joey, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore, and Julia Morizawa as Amelia. The episode was produced by Imploding Fictions. It was recorded at Battle Bird Productions London, Nitro Studios Oslo and TonGeber Studios Vienna, with Studio Engineering by Hedley Knights and Gabriel Geber. All graphic design for the Amelia Project is by Anders Pedersen. A great big Thank You to Katharina Sindelar and Sophia Anderson for your support. For Amelia Project updates, follow us on Twitter @amelia_podcast and if you search the hashtag #ameliaanecdote you’ll find all sorts of pictures, videos and behind the scenes stories from the recording of this season.
(SOFT PIANO MUSIC)
ALAN
This is Alan from the Amelia Project, otherwise known to you as the Interviewer. Congratulations and commiserations for reaching the end of season two of the Amelia Project.
PHILIP
Thank you so, so much for listening! And, Alan, we should tell the listeners where we are right now!
ALAN
Yes, I feel glued to this seat after spending two whole days in this studio here, in the Bridge Studio London, where we have just reached the end of the first recording block for Season 3…
PHILIP
That’s right, you heard correctly, season 3! Season 3 is in the works and it picks up right where season 2 leaves off. And we want to get it to you as soon as possible. It’s a very ambitious season, and it will still take quite a bit of work. You can help us speed up the process by becoming a patron. You can choose an amount, 1$, 2$, 5$, whatever seems fair to you, whatever you think that an Amelia Project episode is worth. Which you pledge every time a new episode comes out. We do not charge while we’re off air, so it’s only when new content comes out for every new episode. And the proceeds go towards paying actors, and paying for studios, covering our production costs. And there are also lots of perks to choose from, such as is all the minisodes for season 2.
ALAN
Yes, season 3 is going to be so exciting. I’m really - when it comes out, you’re going to love the way this podcast is going. But if you can not wait, we have a liveshow coming up, at the King’s Place in London, on the 30th of November, 2019, at 04:30pm. Tickets can be bought via the King’s Place website, or via the Amelia Project website.
PHILIP
Yes, there’s a link at the ameliapodcast.com or directly via the King’s Place website.
ALAN
Yes, and we’ll be sharing the place with some old friend’s of ours, people we’ve recorded with in the past!
PHILIP
We Fix Space Junk! It will be a double bill between us and We Fix Space Junk.
ALAN
Very exciting.
PHILIP
And we will also be performing at PodUk in Birmingham on the second of February 2020.
ALAN
So lots of exciting things to look forward to. As always, thank you so much for your listenership, we appreciate it, and we love your comments and your posts, your likes and your shares, please keep it coming.
PHILIP
Thank you so so much! And we hope we will be back soon! Toodeloo!
ALAN
Take care!
(SHORT PAUSE, ONLY PIANO)
And if you’re in Oslo, we have something else coming up, Pip.
PHILIP
Yes, I’ve forgotten the date and information for that…
ALAN
Oh shit that was why!
PHILIP
(GIGGLES) Birmingham, Birmingham! (GIGGLES MORE)
ALAN
Oh god, it’s been a long day…
PHILIP
Yeah. And it’s the King’s Place…
ALAN
What did I say, palace?
PHILIP
Palace, yeah
ALAN
Outtakes!
(PIANO MUSIC ENDS)
END OF EPISODE
END OF SEASON 2.