EPISODE 29 - MAI-LINH
PHILIP
Today’s new episode is dedicated to Sophie Levezow. A heartfelt cocoa-slurping, Malteser-munching, Veuve Clicquot-clinking thank you from the whole Amelia gang.
PROLOGUE
ON A PLANE. HEAVY TURBULENCE.
ALVINA
Oh! Ah! Ay! Ooof…!
AMELIA
Calm down. It’s just turbulence.
ALVINA
God, I wish you were flying, Amelia.
AMELIA
They were right, though. We couldn’t risk being seen. It’s safer back here.
ALVINA
I would have liked seats, though, and not a cargo plane - ahhhh!
TURBULENCE.
AMELIA
Gotta hold on tight. I couldn’t have done anything about the turbulence anyway.
ALVINA
Still, would have made me feel safer.
AMELIA
Maybe we should call him, let him know we’re on our way?
ALVINA
You can’t make phone calls from planes!
AMELIA
A short phone call isn’t going to kill us.
ALVINA
Are you sure -
AMELIA
Yes, relax.
ALVINA
OK… I’ll call.
ALVINA GETS OUT HER MOBILE AND MAKES A CALL. A FEW BEEPS, THEN…
INTERVIEWER
Congratulations. You’ve reached me. If you are a client, try our other phone. You cheat! If you are Alvina, no I haven’t read the case file, and I am not going to. If you have a cocoa delivery, come straight in. If neither of these apply, please leave a message after the beep. Toodledoo.
BEEP.
ALVINA
Hi there, we just wanted to let you know that we’re on our way.
TURBULENCE.
ALVINA
Oh dear… If we survive this wretched turbulence, that is. Amelia and I should be landing in Russia shortly. Joey, Salvatore and Kozlowski aren’t with us - I’ll explain when we get there. See you soon.
TURBULENCE.
ALVINA
Gah! Mother of all - !
AMELIA
Relax!
THEME TUNE.
INTRO
The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. Episode 29: Mai-Linh.
THE INTERVIEW
GOLOVIN PRISON. SILENCE. THE INTERVIEWER BREATHES CALMLY.
INTERVIEWER
Listen to that, Oleg.
MORE SILENCE.
INTERVIEWER
Isn't it amazing?
MORE SILENCE.
INTERVIEWER
I can feel my migraine lifting. Now, let’s really put this pen to the test, shall we?
OLEG
Da.
INTERVIEWER
Ready?
OLEG
Da.
INTERVIEWER
Ok.
THE INTERVIEWER TAKES A DEEP BREATH.
INTERVIEWER
Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers! A peck of pickled peppers Peter Piper picked. If Peter Piper picked a peck of pickled peppers,
…why is Peter Piper’s pecker pickled?
THE INTERVIEWER HOLDS HIS BREATH AND LISTENS. MORE SILENCE.
INTERVIEWER
Did you write down everything?
OLEG
Da.
INTERVIEWER
And could you hear a single sound?
OLEG
Njet.
INTERVIEWER
You see! I told you! This is the most silent fountain pen in existence! Now I won’t have to listen to your incessant typing anymore!
SILENCE.
INTERVIEWER
Bliss…
THE PRISON DOOR BURSTS OPEN.
PRISON GUARD
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
INTERVIEWER
What the devil?
PRISON GUARD
(SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN)
INTERVIEWER
What?
PRISON GUARD
You’re here. Get in!
MAI-LINH COMES IN WHILST TYPING FRANTICALLY ON A LAPTOP.
INTERVIEWER
Who is this?
PRISON GUARD
It’s your next client! This time Boris expects success!
(THE GUARD CONTINUES SPEAKING TO HERSELF IN RUSSIAN AS SHE LEAVES)
THE DOOR SLAMS SHUT BEHIND HER.
INTERVIEWER
Why are you typing at a laptop whilst walking?
MAI-LINH PUTS THE LAPTOP DOWN, BUT CONTINUES TYPING AT A RIDICULOUS PACE.
INTERVIEWER
Hello-o?
MAI-LINH
Sorry! I have to get this chapter finished in the next 60 seconds, or it all goes from pudding to poop real quick!
(SPEAKS OUT LOUD AS SHE'S TYPING) Haruka is… Eh… …clutching at the cliff with her bare hands, her heavy armour dragging her down, the sharks circling below… Above her, the White Knight points at her with the tip of his sword. He laughs and says: “What will you do now, Haruka? Die…?!” And… publish!
INTERVIEWER
What are you writing?
MAI-LINH
A cliffhanger.
INTERVIEWER
Literally!
MAI-LINH
And I finished it with only four seconds to go…
INTERVIEWER
Four seconds before what?
MAI-LINH
People start dying.
INTERVIEWER
Huh… Literally?
MAI-LINH
Literally.
INTERVIEWER
Your writing is literally keeping people alive?
MAI-LINH
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Oh! Is it magic?
MAI-LINH
(LAUGHS) Not magic, addictive.
INTERVIEWER
I see.
MAI-LINH
And if I don’t deliver, there’s seppuku across the board.
INTERVIEWER
Seppuku?
MAI-LINH
Hara-kiri? Mélange?
INTERVIEWER
Suicide?
MAI-LINH
Yeah. My fans are threatening to kill themselves unless they get their regular fix of Haruka.
INTERVIEWER
Stuff me stiff and call me Norma! Tell me more about Haruka!
MAI-LINH
Haruka is the heroine of my book series The First Female Knight. She’s like Lucy Liu meets Wonder Woman meets Arthur from the Sword in the Stone.
INTERVIEWER
Sounds fierce!
MAI-LINH
She’s an eastern princess who finds herself in a fantastical medieval Europe, where she has to kick scrawny, white ass. Hah! It’s quite big.
INTERVIEWER
How big?
MAI-LINH
It’s inspired a whole new genre. “Femme Fantasy”.
INTERVIEWER
You’ve found yourself a funky niche.
MAI-LINH
If you call 120 million readers “niche”.
INTERVIEWER
Well grate me like a gouda! 120 million!
MAI-LINH
I know, right!
INTERVIEWER
And they’re all… threatening to kill themselves?
MAI-LINH
Not all. Just a few thousand.
INTERVIEWER
Unless you…
MAI-LINH
Publish a chapter every twenty minutes. Can you kill me before the next deadline?
INTERVIEWER
Which is in twenty minutes?
MAI-LINH
Yeah.
INTERVIEWER
Listen, uhm -
MAI-LINH
Mai-Linh.
INTERVIEWER
- Mai-Linh, twenty minutes is normally the time I need to assess if a client is Amelia material, not the time to pull off an entire disappearance.
MAI-LINH
Twenty minutes is all I’ve got!
INTERVIEWER
You do a print run every twenty minutes?
MAI-LINH
Don’t be silly. My books aren’t printed. Have you heard of Digi-Tales?
INTERVIEWER
Something on the Googly?
MAI-LINH
It’s an app. A new way of publishing fiction. You get short installments of a novel every week, every day, or in my case, every twenty minutes!
INTERVIEWER
Well you better get cracking. Eighteen minutes left until your next deadline.
MAI-LINH
If I write one more chapter I’ll… I’ll…
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
MAI-LINH
…die.
INTERVIEWER
I thought that’s what you want?
MAI-LINH
I mean for real! Of exhaustion!
INTERVIEWER
Mhm. You do look rather… stressed.
MAI-LINH
Don’t get me wrong, I love doing this… but… did you know, I haven’t slept for two weeks?
INTERVIEWER
Why?
MAI-LINH
I told you, if I don’t publish a new chapter every twenty minutes, my fans start dropping like flies.
INTERVIEWER
How… how did this happen?
MAI-LINH
I’m just way too good!
INTERVIEWER
Too good?
MAI-LINH
That’s what’s landed me in this cluster fuddle. I’m too damn good at cliffhangers!
A LONG PAUSE.
INTERVIEWER
And is this one of them?
MAI-LINH CHUCKLES. MORE SILENCE.
INTERVIEWER
Well come on! Give me some details.
MAI-LINH
At the end of every chapter, Haruka faces death. I drive the readers crazy! They have to come back for more! And each week they get another fix. If my cliff hangers weren’t so good, my readers wouldn’t be this addicted, and I wouldn’t have this problem!
INTERVIEWER
Wait a minute. You said you have to write a chapter every twenty minutes. Now you say each week. Which is it?
MAI-LINH
It changed.
INTERVIEWER
When? Why?
MAI-LINH
We don’t have to go into all that!
INTERVIEWER
Mai. There’s always time for a story.
MAI-LINH
Right. Here goes. Strap in.
INTERVIEWER
Right.
MAI-LINH
So, I was on my fifth Haruka novel. The first one, “Long Day’s Journey for a Knight”, knight spelled with a K -
INTERVIEWER
Right.
MAI-LINH
- kickstarted my career. The sequel, “Knight in White Satin”, knight with a K again -
INTERVIEWER
Hah! I see.
MAI-LINH
- earned me a Webby Award. The third book, “Knight at the Museum” -
INTERVIEWER
Knight with a K?
MAI-LINH
K, right. - that one wasn’t that well received, but then “Welcome to Knight’s Vale” -
INTERVIEWER
Knight with a K…
MAI-LINH
K, yes -
INTERVIEWER
Got it.
MAI-LINH
That one really took off. It became the most read digi-fiction in history.
INTERVIEWER
Impressive!
MAI-LINH
The problems started with my fifth Haruka novel, “Good knight Haruka”. Knight with a K -
INTERVIEWER
Yes, I got that.
MAI-LINH
I had this amazing cliffhanger at the end of one of the chapters. A poisoned arrow heads straight for Haruka’s heart. That arrow broke the internet. The fans went crazy with theories. How was I going to get Haruka out of this one? Then this guy in Guinea tweets a picture of himself putting a knife to his little finger. Saying if I don’t release the next chapter in two days, he’ll cut off his pinky.
INTERVIEWER
Oh!
MAI-LINH
I thought it was a joke. I even retweeted it!
(SAYS A WORD IN VIETNAMESE.)
INTERVIEWER
It… it wasn’t?
MAI-LINH
A few days later, I received a small package. A severed finger.
INTERVIEWER
Rampant rabbits! He did it?
MAI-LINH
Oh, he did it. Then he started posting photos of his four fingered hand, hashtag: MoreHaruka.
INTERVIEWER
You should have gone to the police!
MAI-LINH
I did. But they said there was nothing they could do. It was his finger. He could do what he wanted with it.
INTERVIEWER
Including sending it to you?
MAI-LINH
Apparently.
INTERVIEWER
Well, I’m assuming that wasn’t the end of it?
MAI-LINH
No. The hashtag MoreHaruka caught on. In a matter of days, hundreds of thousands of people tweeted, asking me to publish twice a week. Reposting the picture of the four fingered hand… Finally, I gave in. Publishing twice a week worked fine for a bit. But then, the hashtag came back. This time it was a lady in Lisbon… with a crate full of vodka and a saline drip. If I didn't publish my next chapter within 24 hours, she would spend her whole workday hooked up to a steady alcohol-infusion.
INTERVIEWER
Well, that doesn’t sound too bad.
MAI-LINH
She was heart surgeon.
INTERVIEWER
Ah.
MAI-LINH
I couldn’t let those poor patients suffer, so I contacted the Lisbon police. I got an email back: A video of the Lisbon police department handcuffing themselves to a radiator, refusing to let themselves loose unless I released my next chapter -
INTERVIEWER
- in the next 24 hours?
MAI-LINH
If only. They reduced it to twelve. Hashtag: MoreHaruka.
INTERVIEWER
Did you cave?
MAI-LINH
Either that or lawlessness in Lisbon. Of course I caved.
INTERVIEWER
What absolute cretins!
MAI-LINH
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
Those rotten rascals! Pestering you like that!
MAI-LINH
Hey! That’s my fans you’re talking about!
INTERVIEWER
Huh?
MAI-LINH
Don’t badmouth my fans!
INTERVIEWER
But they’re holding you ransom?!
MAI-LINH
You’ve got to see it from their side.
INTERVIEWER
You think?
MAI-LINH
To some people, Haruka is like a sister - no - Haruka is their life. And who am I to deprive them of life?
INTERVIEWER
You think you owe it to your readers to publish whenever they want?
MAI-LINH
I created the demand. Now I have to supply.
INTERVIEWER
But Haruka is your character, shouldn’t you be in control?
MAI-LINH
Listen, I write her life once. But in the minds of my fans she lives 120 million times. I'm outnumbered.
INTERVIEWER
You’re saying an author isn’t the owner of their creation?
MAI-LINH
I’m saying it’s symbiosis. Does the hermit crab have any right to be annoyed at the sea shell?
INTERVIEWER
Well, as far as I remember hermit crabs outgrow their shells and go looking for new ones.
MAI-LINH
Well, perhaps that’s what’s happening to me. Every time I increase the frequency, they increase their demands: Publish every six hours, or a park attendant in Palembang pulls out his toenails!
INTERVIEWER
Poor man!
MAI-LINH
Every three hours or a professor from Peshawar plucks his Parakeet!
INTERVIEWER
Poor bird!
MAI-LINH
Every hour or a woman in Wollongong whacks a wombat!
INTERVIEWER
Poor marsupial!
MAI-LINH
Finally, when this schmuck from Surrey suggested a suicide pact, the shit hit the fan. (WORD IN VIETNAMESE) The shit being batshit and the fan… being my fans. They went absolutely batshit crazy! Now I have to publish every twenty minutes. This was two weeks ago. I haven’t slept a minute since, I’ve just been writing. “Haruka climbs onto the horse” “Haruka jumps onto the horse” “Haruka flings herself onto the horse…” How many goddamn ways can you mount a frickin’ horse?!
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know.
MAI-LINH
Two hundred and forty seven! Over the course of the First Female Knight Series, I managed to find two hundred and forty seven unique ways to describe mounting a horse! That’s how good I am! And… and it’s killing me!
INTERVIEWER
I know how you feel.
MAI-LINH
You do?
INTERVIEWER
I do. I’ve often wondered if there’s any point myself.
MAI-LINH
You have?
INTERVIEWER
Here I am, the best in the business, but nobody has any… respect for my… artistry. Boris just marches in here, saying “make this person disappear, make that person disappear, you’d better have it sorted when I come back!”
MAI-LINH
Rude!
INTERVIEWER
He’s like an Alvina with a Russian accent!
MAI-LINH
Who’s Alvina?
INTERVIEWER
My colleague. You’ll meet her soon, she’s on her way. She’s like: “Read the client reports, drink less cocoa, do more cases, spend less money!”
MAI-LINH
I already hate this Alvina!
INTERVIEWER
Oh, by the way, I’m sorry for not offering you any cocoa, but the one from the prison canteen tastes like dishwater…
MAI-LINH
Don’t worry about it.
INTERVIEWER
You know Mai-Linh, you’ve inspired me.
MAI-LINH
I… I have?
INTERVIEWER
Yes. You have.
MAI-LINH
That’s great!
INTERVIEWER
It really is. I’m quitting.
MAI-LINH
What?
INTERVIEWER
Yes. All these clients with their unreasonable demands! “Kill me before I get shot out of a cannon, kill me before my funeral, kill me in the next twenty minutes” - I mean -
MAI-LINH
Wait a minute - !
INTERVIEWER
Kierkegaard said: “People settle for a level of despair they can tolerate and call it happiness.” Well, I won’t do that anymore Sören! I just won’t!
MAI-LINH
But - I need to die in… less than ten minutes!
INTERVIEWER
I’m sorry. Tell Boris I quit. And please turn off the lights when you leave. I’m going to roll up in a ball and just breathe for a bit.
- AD BREAK -
MAI-LINH
Hey! Listen here! You can’t do this! I need your help!
INTERVIEWER
You heard me, I quit. Anyway, it’s impossible.
MAI-LINH
Impossible?! It’s not impossible! Not for you!
INTERVIEWER
Oh, but it is. Say we went with suicide. Once the fans hear you’ve pulled the plug, they’ll follow suit. Fail.
MAI-LINH
Murder, then! We could pick a saucy one from the Haruka books, let life mirror fiction!
INTERVIEWER
Oh! Too dramatic. It would also tip the fans over the edge.
MAI-LINH
What about an accident, then?
INTERVIEWER
No. Too sudden, same outcome. You need a death that evokes pity and remorse. One that will diffuse the situation, not aggravate it. Which means we’re looking for… (SIGHS)
MAI-LINH
…a sad death.
INTERVIEWER
And I don’t do those. Back when I was a death faker -
MAI-LINH
You mean twenty seconds ago?!
INTERVIEWER
I specialized in exciting deaths. Death by runaway tram car! Death by random trap door! Death by ravenous tramp! That’s just a few on the combination R and T… If it was a really exciting death, I could perhaps consider it. But you’ll never get me out of retirement for a sad death.
MAI-LINH
Listen, I get it! In the Haruka books, the deaths have always been magnificent! Cruel king killed with contaminated candy! Samurai slain with silver sickle! Magician murdered with mosquito!
INTERVIEWER
I appreciate the alliteration…
MAI-LINH
What if my death had alliteration? Would that help?
INTERVIEWER
Maybe…
MAI-LINH
For a sad death I guess we’re looking at… an illness?
INTERVIEWER
Probably…
MAI-LINH
“Writer wilts from whipworm woes”?
INTERVIEWER
Ha, ha…
MAI-LINH
“Scribe subsides to sudden sepsis”?
INTERVIEWER
Hmh. “Closing chapter: Cliffhanger-Queen croaks from common cold”… Or “D-list celebrity dies of Diphtheria”.
MAI-LINH
D-list? I beg your pardon - !
INTERVIEWER
WAIT!! I’ve got it!
MAI-LINH
You do?
INTERVIEWER
Yes! Diarrhoea!
PAUSE.
MAI-LINH
What?
INTERVIEWER
Diarrhoea! It’s tragic and funny!
MAI-LINH
You want me to die from…
INTERVIEWER
We don’t have time to establish a history of hereditary disease, nor to have you hospitalised for weeks. We need an immediate, tragic death with no chance of recovery.
MAI-LINH
…diarrhoea?
INTERVIEWER
Diarrhoea! Violent, bloody and sudden diarrhoea, sustained whilst doing research for your next chapter in a Russian prison!
MAI-LINH
Guess I shouldn’t have eaten in the prison canteen…?
INTERVIEWER
Haha! Exactly!
MAI-LINH
That’s ridiculous.
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
MAI-LINH
My fans… they won’t know what to do with that information.
INTERVIEWER
Precisely!
MAI-LINH
Their favourite writer dying from food poisoning… Whilst undertaking risky research for their benefit…
INTERVIEWER
It’s good, it’s good… What do you think?
PAUSE.
MAI-LINH
I love it!
INTERVIEWER
Good!
MAI-LINH
There’s no way they can kill themselves after learning that!
INTERVIEWER
Splendid!
MAI-LINH
Just one thing…
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
MAI-LINH
Why am I in a Russian prison? I write medieval fantasy! Why on earth am I doing research in Russia?!
INTERVIEWER
Well I can’t come up with everything. I guess you’ll just have to write that into your next chapter.
MAI-LINH
I was hoping I wouldn’t have to write another one…
INTERVIEWER
Oh go on. It’ll be your swan song.
MAI-LINH
Oh… Very well!
INTERVIEWER
Whilst you write, I’ll talk to Boris to get your replacement corpse ready -
MAI-LINH
Russia… Russia? Russia…
INTERVIEWER
Hm. At this point I’d normally suggest a toast, but…
MAI-LINH
Why would she be in Russia…? Or is someone else from Russia?
INTERVIEWER
…it seems like you’re busy.
MAI-LINH
Got it!
MAI-LINH OPENS HER LAPTOP AND STARTS TYPING.
MAI-LINH
Haruka looks up at the White Knight. “I know what to do!”, she smiles. And with a soft kick, she lets go of the cliff. Haruka falls and falls, towards the hungry sharks below, when something suddenly grabs hold of her and pulls her up, through the clouds and out of view of the stunned White Knight. “I knew you’d come!” Haruka shouts. “I knew you’d come for me!” “Of course”, the bird replies. The two headed bird. Her old friend Byzantine, the King of the wind. The Russian Eagle.
MAI-LINH CONTINUES TYPING, BUT STOPS SPEAKING OUT LOUD.
BORIS ENTERS.
BORIS
So, how did it go?
INTERVIEWER
Shhh, she’s writing another chapter.
BORIS
You failed? Again?!
INTERVIEWER
All part of the plan. Now listen, you need to get me a replacement corpse of Mai-Linh’s height and build, but thinner, preferably sickly looking. Then one of your agents needs to access the Golovin sewer system and get us four litres of runny pooh.
BORIS
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
She’s going to die from diarrhoea.
BORIS
This is how you are killing my favorite - I mean a famous writer?!
INTERVIEWER
Trust me, it is the best possible death under the circumstances. Timely, tragic, and most importantly: baffling.
BORIS
Consider me baffled!
INTERVIEWER
Well, chop chop! Time is of the essence!
BORIS
Hrmph… I’ll get the corpse. And the…
INTERVIEWER
Pooh?
BORIS
We’ll have to see if Mikhail approves…
INTERVIEWER
Mikhail? Who’s Mikhail?
BORIS
The man you need to impress.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry?
BORIS
I’ll be right back.
BORIS EXITS. MAI-LINHS VOICE COMES BACK TO THE FOREGROUND.
MAI-LINH
“…right in Byzantine’s eye!”
THE DOOR CLOSES BEHIND BORIS.
MAI-LINH
He falls from the skies, the two of them tumbling towards the icy mountaintops below. “Now we won’t reach the prison after all, and we won’t get to save Byzantine’s family from the evil Russian Tsar!” Haruka sees the mountains below coming closer and closer and closer…” And… I’m done. Publish. With seventeen seconds to go.
MAI-LINH STOPS TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
Goodie! By the way, we haven’t discussed your reappearance. How would you like to live your new life? No more writing I suppose?
MAI-LINH
Oh, I’d love to try my hand at poetry, actually.
INTERVIEWER
Poetry?
MAI-LINH
Then I can keep the alliterations, but I won’t have to bother with cliffhangers.
INTERVIEWER
We’ll get you set up as a struggling slam-poet in Brooklyn. Wear some dark rimmed glasses and a beanie and you’ll blend right in.
MAI-LINH
Thank you. How can I ever repay you?
INTERVIEWER
I believe the Russian Government is already taking care of that. Free room and board.
MAI-LINH
Why are they keeping you here?
INTERVIEWER
I don’t know. Yet.
MAI-LINH
Well there must be something I can do for you?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I have an idea. Why don’t you name a character after me… in the last ever chapter you write about Haruka.
MAI-LINH
The last ever chapter? But… I thought I just wrote the last chapter?!
INTERVIEWER
Well, you have to wrap up the story! You can’t let your readers go without an end. That would be cruel.
MAI-LINH
(SIGHS) I guess in the throes of death I could still squeeze out some final words…
INTERVIEWER
Exactly!
MAI-LINH
I’ll get to it then…
INTERVIEWER
No, no, relax. You have plenty of time. The final chapter doesn’t have to come out yet. In fact, it shouldn’t be discovered for at least a few years…
MAI-LINH
I think I see where this is going...
INTERVIEWER
Then one day, some papers will appear at Sotheby’s, with your handwriting on them…
MAI-LINH
I guess those papers will come from the collection of a certain gentleman in a three piece suit…?
INTERVIEWER
(CHUKCLES) Exactly.
MAI-LINH
It’s a deal.
INTERVIEWER
Good.
MAI-LINH
So… What is your name?
CUT TO THE PLANE. BUMPY LANDING ON A FIELD.
ALVINA
Why - is it - so - bumpy?!
AMELIA
Ah. We must - be - landing - in a field.
ALVINA
Finally. What a flight.
THE PLANE TAXIS BRIEFLY, THEN COMES TO A STANDSTILL.
AMELIA
I can’t wait for some Borscht and black tea! Or Solyanka soup and vodka…
ALVINA
I’m all for the vodka.
THE DOORS OPEN. THE PLANE ENGINE IS TURNED OFF. ALVINA AND AMELIA EXIT THE PLANE.
SAVANNAH
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
AMELIA
Um… (REPLIES IN SPANISH)
SAVANNAH
(SPEAKING IN SPANISH)
AMELIA
(REPLIES IN SPANISH)
THEY WALK AWAY FROM THE PLANE.
AMELIA
(IN ENGLISH, WHISPERING TO ALVINA) Why is the ground staff speaking Spanish?
ALVINA
Amelia… Look at that forest.
AMELIA
Yes?
ALVINA
There are an awful lot of palm trees.
DIEGO COMES RUNNING. HE AND SAVANNAH HAVE A DISCUSSION - IN SPANISH.
ALVINA
(WHISPERS) Seems like everyone here is speaking Spanish.
AMELIA
(WHISPERS) Mhm.
ALVINA
(WHISPERS) Amelia…
AMELIA
(WHISPERS) Yes?
ALVINA
(WHISPERS) We’re not in Russia are we?
LATIN AMERICAN OUTRO MUSIC. THEN THE REGULAR AMELIA OUTRO THEME.
PHILIP
The story continues in two weeks. In the meantime if you’d like to meet Amelia herself, the next Cocoa Corner live-stream Q and A will be hosted by Julia Morizawa on the 15th of November. If you want to participate, go to patreon.com/ameliapodcast. By becoming a five dollar patron you can join in next Sunday, as well as watching all other Cocoa Corner sessions on replay.
This episode was written and edited by Oystein Brager with story editing by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. The episode featured Tuyen Do as Mai-Linh, Alan Burgon as the Interviewer, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Alexander Mercury as Oleg, Andrei Zayats as Boris, Valentina Alexeeva as the prison guard, Lory Martinez as Savannah and Arturo Tovar as Diego. The episode was recorded at The Bridge Writing Studio in London, Studio Ochenta in Paris and LSI Lydproduksjon in Oslo and enginered by Billy Haliday and Steinar Borgen. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions with graphic design by Anders Pedersen.
Thank you to all our patrons who make this show possible and a special thank you to Jem Fidyk, Angel Acevedo, Sophie Levezow and Sophia Anderson.
Today’s epilogue is another listener voice mail which we recently received. Our lines are still open, so if you have a disappearance request, email us an audio clip or find our number and leave a message after the beep.
EPILOGUE
BEEP.
VOICE MAIL
Amelia, you've got to help me. So, this is an embarrassing story but one I also need to escape from immediately.
We were warned about Internet safety as children of the 2000s but things on Twitter have gotten completely out of hand as of late. I just joined this year after lockdown put a complete halt to my work and social life. And I thought that I could connect with other artists and activists and that has worked out well. But now I need to disappear and begin again.
My account at (UNINTELLIGABLE) had only a few dozen people I know well enough in person to call friends, and most of my followers are people I've amassed based on what I post and the attitude or image I've tried to cultivate, basically one that is professional and serious about the issues I post on. Unfortunately, that has all gone down the toilet.
One evening when I may or may not have had too much screentime and too little attention to my bodily needs, I came across a post on Twitter from comedian Mike Birbiglia, the post was a one sentence riff on streaming platforms that also made reference to pee. I saw the pins lined up, and immediately sought to craft a reply that would knock them down. And I didn't think about what would happen if that succeeded.
Now my legacy on Twitter has been reduced to a sentence that got positive attention from Mike himself and quickly gained traction among his fans, although few of them are my followers, it seems.
It might not be too late to salvage my online image, we just need to fake my death as soon as possible. Virtually.
I know this isn't your usual deal so I'm just hoping you can help me.
Time is certainly of the essence.
Thanks.
Lilly.
(Epilogue transcribed by https://otter.ai)
STING
The Fable and Folly Network.
END.