EPISODE 44 - THE MAN WITH NO HEARTBEAT
PIP
Hello, today’s episode is dedicated to I Am Trash! Trash told us they want to fake their death in a way that involves standing up for their LGBTQ+ peers, then they would like a full make-over by Kozlowski, including new teeth! So far, the scenario The Interviewer has come up with, is that in a valorous fight against a homophobic vampire lord, Trash will be bitten and die, then come back as as a reanimated vampire hunk with sharp shiny fangs. In the Interviewer’s words: We all know it takes a vampire to kill a vampire!
Well, the Interviewer might have to improve a bit on that plan, but it’s a start.
Anyway, thank you I Am Trash, and thank you to all of our patrons without whom we couldn’t keep making this show. We rely on listener pledges to keep the cocoa flowing around here, so if you’d also like to become a patron, we’d be ever so grateful, you can choose any amount that feels right to you, $2, $5, $20 or more and depending on the tier you choose you will get access to exclusive perks, such as bonus episodes, livestreams and shoutouts. But right now it’s time to begin the new episode and today it’s time to catch up with MI5 agents Cole and Haines and CIA agents Jackie Williams and Mia Fox.
Cast your minds back to the S3 epilogue. Cole, Haines, Jackie and Mia had brought the body bag containing Kozlowski to an MI5 holding cell. And that’s where today’s episode picks up.
Enjoy.
PROLOGUE
INTERROGATION CELL AT MI5 HEADQUARTERS.
(THE BUZZING OF A PHONE)
HAINES
Oh Crap.
COLE
What?
HAINES
It's Northcott.
COLE
(GAGS) Oh no.
HAINES
She’s asking how the interrogation is going
COLE
(WHIMPERING) I don’t want to tell her he’s dead!
HAINES
Pull yourself together Cole. (UNCONVINCED) It could be worse.
COLE
I'd rather be that corpse.
HAINES
Let's get this over with.
JACKIE
(SARCASTICALLY) Good luck!
(COLE SNORTS)
(COLE AND HAINES LEAVE. WE HEAR THEIR FOOTSTEPS ECHO INTO THE DISTANCE)
JACKIE
Right. Okay, now that the morons have gone, let's get to work.
MIA
Get to work how?
JACKIE
We have to decipher him.
MIA
Decipher him?
JACKIE
All those tattoos!
MIA
You think... they contain clues?
JACKIE
There's a phoenix on his forehead and we know that's their symbol. My guess: there are codes scribbled all over him and we have to decipher him from head to toe!
(THE BODY BAG CRINKLES)
MIA
Talking of toes...
JACKIE
...yes?
MIA
There are numbers on them. What do you think they mean?
JACKIE
A phone number perhaps?
MIA
And I think those are coordinates on his fingernails...
JACKIE
Yes... And morse code around the neck! We should take a look at his back. Ready?
MIA
You want to roll him over?
JACKIE
Yes!
(THEY ROLL KOZLOWSKI)
JACKIE
Wow!
MIA
Guy's a picture book!
JACKIE
A picture book on acid! I love those pyramids!
MIA
And the Arctic landscape across his shoulders.
JACKIE
We should donate him to the Met.
MIA
The Hell one is freaky though!
JACKIE
So is the one of a priest being shot from a cannon!
MIA
Is that the ... Loch Ness Monster on his left butt cheek?
JACKIE
Yes and Santa on the other. Weird. Hm.
(BEAT)
We have to document every inch of his body. There are stories here. I'm sure of it.
(MIA STARTS SNAPPING PICTURES WITH HER PHONE. SUDDENLY, A GROAN, CRINKLING OF A BODY BAG)
JACKIE
What was that?
(KOZLOWSKI GROANS, THE BODY BAG CRINKLES)
MIA
Holy gadzookers!
JACKIE
He's... He's...
MIA
(WHISPERS) He's alive!!
(THE GROAN CONTINUES. KOZLOWSKI STRETCHES, THE BODY BAG CRINKLES MORE AS HE TURNS AROUND AND GETS UP)
KOZLOWSKI
Well. Hello there.
(THEME TUNE)
INTRO
The Amelia Project, by Philip Thorne and Øystein Brager, with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden. Episode 44 - The Man With No Heartbeat
THE INTERVIEW.
BACK IN THE INTERROGATION CELL.
MIA
Uh… Hello...
KOZLOWSKI
(GRUNTS) Where am I?
MIA
(STAMMERS) You were knocked out pretty good. We thought you were...
KOZLOWSKI
Dead?
MIA
...yes.
KOZLOWSKI
(MYSTERIOUS-VOICE) Through all ye veins shall run, A cold and drowsy humour, for no pulse, Shall keep his native progress, but surcease: No warmth, no breath, shall testify ye livest; The roses in ye lips and cheeks shall fade, To paly ashes, ye eyes' windows fall, Like death, when he shuts up the day of life; Each part, deprived of supple government, Shall, stiff and stark and cold, appear like death:
MIA
(WHISPERING) What is this?
KOSLOWSKI (CON’T)
And in this borrow'd likeness of shrunk death, Ye shalt continue two and forty hours, (CHEERFUL) And then awake as from a pleasant sleep. (CHUCKLES)
JACKIE
Sorry?
KOZLOWSKI
Silphium!
JACKIE
Silphium?
KOZLOWSKI
Sends you into a motionless slumber. Slows the heart rate to ten beats a minute.
(KOZLOWSKI STRETCHES)
MIA
We should get him some clothes.
JACKIE
Yeah...
MIA
I’ll- I'll go inform Cole and Haines and get a bathrobe or something.
JACKIE
No, stay here...
MIA
But... (WHISPERS) he's naked!
KOZLOWSKI
I am not naked.
MIA
(AWKWARDLY) Um...? You look... pretty damn naked.
KOZLOWSKI
I am wearing a vial.
MIA
You mean the necklace?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes.
JACKIE
I thought it was a pendant.
MIA
Whatever it is, it's the size of a pea!
JACKIE
We will get you some clothes as soon as we can Mr Kozlowski.
KOZLOWSKI
Do not worry. I am perfectly comfortable.
JACKIE
R... right.
KOZLOWSKY
So. What can I do for you?
JACKIE
You're under arrest.
MIA
We've got your colleagues too. You're going to tell us everything.
KOZLOWSKI
(SIGHS) Not again!
JACKIE
Excuse me?
KOZLOWSKI
This is the second time this month!
MIA
Second time for… for what, what do you mean?
KOZLOWSKI
Very well. Let us get this over with. (WEARILY) Who are you?
JACKIE
Jackie Williams.
MIA
Mia Fox.
JACKIE
CIA.
KOZLOWSKI
(SURPRISED) CIA? Wowsers-trousers! So we are pretending this is America?
MIA
(TO JACKIE) I think his mind is still woozy from the drugs.
JACKIE
(TO MIA) Yes... Better give him some time to wake up properly.
KOZLOWSKI
My mind is as sharp as a scalpel.
MIA
Okay…? Your name uhm... is … (SHE HAS SOME TROUBLE WITH THE FIRST NAME) Piotr Kozlowski?
KOZLOWSKI
No... comment.
JACKIE
How long have you been performing unlicensed surgery?
KOZLOWSKI
No comment.
MIA
How long have you been under the employ of The Amelia Project?
KOZLOWSKI
No comment.
JACKIE
(SIGHS)
KOZLOWSKI
How am I doing?
MIA
You're going to have to talk eventually. But if you cooperate now we can commute your sentence.
KOZLOWSKI
No comment.
JACKIE
I see. You're the stubborn kind.
KOZLOWSKI
(PLEASED) Yes. Are you satisfied?
(PAUSE.)
Can I go now? I have work to do.
JACKIE
Very funny.
KOZLOWSKI
I am not going to talk. A colleague of yours was here three weeks ago, and despite being shouted at for three hours, I did not say a word.
JACKIE
(BAFFLED) A colleague? Of ours?
KOZLOWSKI
The man who plays Rum Tum Tugger in Cats. (SING-SONG) The Rum Tum Tugger… (CHUCKLES)
JACKIE
What are you talking about?!
KOZLOWSKI
Sorry. You are not a fan of musical theatre? I- I too prefer classics.
JACKIE
Mia, do you understand a fucking word he's saying?
KOZLOWSKI
This is a waste of your time as well as mine. Go and prepare for Medea or Lady Macbeth or whatever you are doing later.
MIA
Uhm...?
KOZLOWSKI
I assume you have a show tonight?
MIA
...a show?
KOZLOWSKI
Alvina only books the very best West End thespians.
MIA
Thes- Thespians? Are you- are you joking right now?
KOZLOWSKI
No! I respect your profession. Costumes, accents, new identities. We have a lot in common!
MIA
We told you, we're CIA!
KOZLOWSKI
And I am a master magician.
MIA
I'm serious.
KOZLOWSKI
So am I.
JACKIE
You- Okay. You think this is... a simulation?
KOZLOWSKI
I think you are doing your job admirably. (PASSIONATE) You really believe. You commit! I like that. With younger actors the facade can be paper thin. Are those your real accents?
MIA
(HEAVY SIGH) Can I slap him again, Jackie?
KOZLOWSKI
Now you are taking it too far. That is unrealistic.
MIA
Oh? Oh you think so? (SLAPS HIM) That real enough for you?
KOZLOWSKI
(UNFAZED) A real police officer would not have done that. There is a code of conduct for law enforcement officials and they would be obli-
JACKIE (INTERRUPTS HIM)
We can do what we want! Nobody knows what goes on inside this room.
KOZLOWSKI
Apart from Alvina.
JACKIE
Sorry?
KOZLOWSKI
You can be sure she is watching.
MIA
(FRUSTRATED) How can we get it into your big bald head that we're not actors!
KOZLOWSKI
"The lady doth protest too much, methinks."
MIA
Ha, very clever.
KOZLOWSKI
Tell me… What is your favourite Shakespeare play?
JACKIE
Oh now this isn't a book club?
KOZLOWSKI
We might as well find a topic of conversation to pass the time.
JACKIE
(SARCASTICALLY) Let me think... Ooh, here's a topic of conversation: Ah, The Amelia Project and the clients you've helped disappear.
KOZLOWSKI
Oh. That is the only thing I cannot talk about.
MIA
Oh, shame, because that's the only thing we're interested in.
KOZLOWSKI
I find that tragic. Don’t you? There are so many ways we could use this time. We could talk about astrology, mushroom picking or Ukrainian mud wrestling. I could tell you about my journeys through the Middle East or my expedition to Antarctica. I am an expert in Hellenistic art and my knowledge of Roman literature is second to none. I am also caught up on Grey's Anatomy if you want to talk spoilers.
MIA
This guy is a whole new ballpark of weird.
pause.
KOZLOWSKI
I am just saying, if we are forced to spend this time together, we might as well have some fun! (CHUCKLES) Last year they sent a man with a clumsily applied mustache. I taught the poor fellow how facial hair is properly applied. It’s an art, you know? The next day he wrote to thank me. He said that for the first time he had been able to get through Act Four of Uncle Vanya without fearing his beard would fall off. Imagine that! It allowed him to approach Chekhov in a whole new light. Perhaps we could do something like that?
(PAUSE)
MIA
(CONFUSED) Like… like Chekhov?
KOZLOWSKI
Like… applying beard to your face! I could teach you about makeup and prosthetics... New skills to put on your CV.
(PAUSE)
(DESPERATE) Well?
MIA
(GROWLS)
JACKIE
We'll engage with you once you start taking this seriously.
KOZLOWSKI
(SURPRISED) You really just want to sit this out?
(PAUSE)
(SCOFFS) Knowing Alvina, we could be here for hours.
(PAUSE)
Do you know Teenage Dream?
MIA
(CAN'T HIDE HER CURIOSITY) What- Wait. You mean- You mean the Katy Perry album?
KOZLOWSKI
(EXCITED) Oh! I know it off by heart. The lyrics are very moving. (HOPEFUL) Do you want me to recite them to you?
JACKIE
(SIMULTANEOUSLY) No.
MIA
(SIMULTANEOUSLY) Yes!
JACKIE
Mia!
MIA
What?!
KOZLOWSKI
Right. I think I have reached my limit.
MIA
What do you mean?
KOZLOWSKI
(CHEERFUL) Good day to you.
(KOZLOWSKI HOPS OFF THE TABLE AND GOES TO THE DOOR, BAREFOOT ON THE CONCRETE, MIA AND JACKIE PROTEST LOUDLY)
JACKIE (OVERLAPPING)
Stop that.
MIA (OVERLAPPING)
Hey, hey hey - what are you doing?
KOZLOWSKI
(YELLING) Alvina! Vina!
JACKIE
Sit down!
KOZLOWSKI
(YELLING) Allaye! Alvina!
MIA
Stop that! She can't hear you.
(KOZLOWSKI STARTS PACING)
KOZLOWSKI
ALLAYE! AL-VI-NA!
MIA
Would you please just sit down?
KOZLOWSKI
You can see me Alvina, I know you can. There is a camera in here somewhere... Alvina?
(MIA SIGHS)
KOZLOWSKI
Listen Alvina. You can't keep doing this! Why don't you join the amateur dramatic society? It is not fair to take your hobby out on us! I refuse to be part of your charades any longer! ALLAYE! ALVINA!
(PAUSE)
MIA
Yeah… Alvina isn't coming.
JACKIE
This is real. We are real CIA agents and you are being held in a real interrogation cell. Now, you have two options. Option one: you start taking this seriously, cooperate, and we strike a deal. Option two: you keep insisting this is a sham and a few days into your life sentence you realise your mistake. Now, which should it be?
KOZLOWSKI
Hmm.
MIA
We'll give you one minute to consider.
(THE BUZZ OF THE DOOR AS IT'S BEING UNLOCKED. COLE AND HAINES, WE HEAR THEIR VOICES BUT CAN’T MAKE OUT WHAT THEY ARE SAYING)
JACKIE
Shit. Lie down!
KOZLOWSKI
What?
JACKIE
Just fucking do it!
KOZLOWSKI
What is happening?
MIA
Jackie, I don't think this is… I don’t think this is a good idea…!
(KOZLOWSKI LIES DOWN AND JACKIE ZIPS HIM INTO THE BODY BAG)
JACKIE
How was the meeting with your boss?
HAINES
Brief.
JACKIE
Really? That's a good thing, right?
COLE
Well...
JACKIE
You did tell her he's dead?
HAINES
Yes.
JACKIE
Thought you said she'd blow a fuse?
HAINES
Oh she did, but… uhm…
COlE
(RESIGNATED) She also wants us to drop the case.
MIA
Oh… Why?
HAINES
Northcott never really took this case seriously. And now,
MIA
Uhm…
HAINES (CON’T)
-with our only lead dead-
MIA
About that-
JACKIE
(EMPHATICALLY) Too bad she's taking you off the case, that really sucks!
COLE
(UPSET) After all those tapes and case files and scrolls of ruddy papyrus... I mean, we've come so far! And the others are still out there!
JACKIE
By now they're probably in Australia or Argentina. Living it up on the beach.
COLE
So what! They could still be running their scheme! Even from an Australian beach!
JACKIE
Yes, but they're outside your jurisdiction.
COLE
Well, hasn't stopped you, has it?
JACKIE
Uh? What do you mean?
COLE
(STUBBORN) Last time I checked - we were in Britain.
JACKIE
Your point?
COLE
Well, you're foreigners here! Meddling in foreign affairs!
JACKIE
We're CIA! That's what we do!
MIA
Okay, guys, there's something we have to tell you.
COLE
Oh?
HAINES
What's that?
JACKIE
Mia!
MIA
Okay, we have to tell them Jackie.
COLE
Hey, what's going on?
(PAUSE)
MIA
Jackie!
HAINES
Jackie...?
COLE
Jackie??
(PAUSE)
JACKIE
You're right Mia. I wanted to keep it to ourselves, but...
HAINES
Yes?
JACKIE
In the spirit of partnership...
COLE
(HOPEFUL) Oh my God, it's something big?
MIA
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY) Yeah, you bet.
HAINES
A new lead?
MIA
Not exactly new, but...
COLE
Enough with the suspense! Just tell us!
MIA
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Do you want to spill the tea yourself Jackie?
JACKIE
You boys sitting comfortably?
HAINES
As comfortable as it's possible to get in an interrogation room.
COLE
Come on! Tell us!
JACKIE
Well, we were looking at his tattoos and...
HAINES
Yes?
JACKIE
You know that phoenix on his forehead?
HAINES
Yes?
JACKIE
Well, that phoenix is no coincidence.
HAINES
What do you mean?
JACKIE
(CONSPIRATORIALLY) That's their symbol!
(PAUSE)
HAINES
(CONFUSED) What?
JACKIE
The Amelia Project. It's their symbol.
COLE
(WEAKLY) And...?
JACKIE
It's a clear link. It's definitely Kozlowski.
(BEAT)
COLE
But we knew that!!
JACKIE
Not for certain we didn't! Now we've got proof.
HAINES
Proof?
JACKIE
Yes.
COLE
How does that help us if he can't talk?!
JACKIE
Well it's better than nothing, right?
(COLE’S PAINED LAUGH IN THE BACKGROUND)
HAINES
(DEEPLY SARCASTIC) Oh bravo! Great investigating ladies, really great. Real game changer.
MIA
I... I… okay Jackie...?
JACKIE (OVER MIA’S PROTESTS)
Told you, man. They're being jerks as usual. We should have kept it to ourselves.
MIA (WHISPERING)
Jackie, I just-
COLE (OVERLAPPING)
(IN DESPERATE FRUSTRATION) I actually thought you were going to tell us something we could take to Northcott! (GROANS IN FRUSTRATION AND SLAMS HIS HEAD AGAINST THE DOOR)
(PAUSE)
JACKIE
Too bad we'll be parting ways.
HAINES
Heartbreaking.
JACKIE
We should… How do you say it…? (BRITISH ACCENT) "go for a pint."
COLE
Very droll.
HAINES
Anyway, before we can say our goodbyes we have to wrap up this Kozlowski business.
JACKIE
What do you mean?
HAINES
Well. We have to compile a report and bring his corpse to St Thomas' Hospital for an autopsy.
JACKIE
(QUICKLY) We'll take care of the corpse.
HAINES
(SHRUGS) We'll get started on the paperwork then. Once the coroner's report comes in we'll add it to the file.
COLE
We'll have to take his fingerprint and get pictures of those tattoos.
JACKIE
Won't that be part of the forensics report?
COLE
Might as well do it now.
HAINES
Yeah, good thinking.
(COLE UNZIPS THE BODYBAG. HE TAKES A FEW PHOTOS WITH HIS PHONE)
COLE
That's weird. Wasn't he wearing some sort of necklace-thingy?
HAINES
He was.
COLE
Did you remove it?
JACKIE
(QUICKLY) Yes.
HAINES
Well, we'll need that for the report.
JACKIE
I... I just wanted to take a bit of a closer look at it first...
HAINES
(SARCASTIC) You're going to make another breakthrough discovery I'm sure. (LAUGHS)
COLE
Jesus Christ!
HAINES
What?
COLE
Did you see that?!
HAINES
What?
COLE
He twitched!!
HAINES
What?!
COLE
(UPSET) I swear! He twitched!
JACKIE
I didn't see anything.
HAINES
Check his pulse!
(COLE CHECKS HIS PULSE)
COLE
(SIGHS) Nothing.
HAINES
Fuck.
COLE
I was so sure I'd seen him move.
(HAINES ZIPS UP THE BAG)
HAINES
Come on Cole. That report isn't going to write itself.
COLE
You alright Mia? You look... kind of pale...
HAINES
You need some fresh air. The trip to the hospital will do you good. See you later.
JACKIE
See you.
COLE
(GRUNTS)
(COLE AND HAINES LEAVE THE INTERROGATION ROOM, THE DOOR FALLS SHUT)
MIA
(EXPLODES) What the fuck was that about?!
JACKIE
Everything okay, Mia?
MIA
(UPSET) No! Everything is not fucking ok! That was treason!
JACKIE
Don't be silly. We're working for the US, not the UK.
MIA
You heard Miss Kennedy! We're cooperating!
JACKIE
(SCOFFS) Oh so driving off with the body bag and hiding it at a bridal store was ok, but now all of a sudden-
MIA
No! This is different!
JACKIE
Is it?
MIA
Faking deaths?! That's a whole new level! That's what they do!
(SHE TAPS THE BODY BAG)
Not us!
JACKIE
We didn't fake anything! We simply... withheld information...
MIA
And how long do you intend to (MOCKING) "withhold information"?
JACKIE
I... I just want to hear his story before they do. You know. Get a head start!
(THE BAG CRINKLES LOUDLY )
KOZLOWSKI
Interesting.
MIA
Yeah. Still think this is a drill?
KOZLOWSKI
I was wrong.
JACKIE
Well, at least we got that sorted.
KOZLOWSKI
You were lying.
JACKIE
(SCOFFS) What? No! We were telling the truth. We're CIA!
KOZLOWSKI (OVER MORE CRINKLING)
You haven't got the others. I am your only lead.
JACKIE
Oh. That…
KOZLOWSKI
You need me.
MIA
Don't start getting cocky with us!
JACKIE
I... I gotta ask you something...
KOZLOWSKI
Yes?
JACKIE
Why couldn't they feel your pulse? You're still under the influence of this... Silphium thing?
KOZLOWSKI
(SIMPLY) No.
JACKIE
So why isn't your heart rate back to normal?
KOZLOWSKI
It is.
JACKIE
But-
KOZLOWSKI
Crocodile skin.
JACKIE
Crocodile skin?
KOZLOWSKI
I grafted crocodile skin over my wrists, neck, groin and temples. You cannot feel a thing through that. Come. (CRINKLING) See for yourselves. Touch.
JACKIE/MIA
Um...
KOZLOWSKI
Go on. You know you want to.
JACKIE
Wow!
(SOUNDS OF SKIN ON SKIN)
MIA
That's... freaky...
JACKIE
I can't feel a thing!
KOZLOWSKI
(CHUCKLES)
MIA
So, playing dead is a habit of yours?
KOZLOWSKI
It is an option I like to have.
(BEAT)
MIA
Okay, what about the necklace? Where's that?
KOZLOWSKI
Do you really want to know?
MIA
(GROANS) You mean... You put it up your...?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes.
MIA
(QUIETLY) Gross!
KOZLOWSKI
I could not risk our enemies getting their hands on it.
MIA
"Our" enemies? We aren't covering for you!
KOZLOWSKI
I was under the impression we are working together.
MIA
No-
JACKIE
What's in the vial? Silphium?
KOZLOWSKI
No.
JACKIE
Then what?
KOZLOWSKI
Patience!
(BEAT)
First we have to finish what you started.
JACKIE
What do you mean?
KOZLOWSKI
(SERIOUS) You started faking my death did you not?
JACKIE
Well...
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
Once my death has been properly faked, I can give you knowledge, and in return you give me my freedom. That seems like a fair deal to me.
MIA
We're not letting you go.
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
(IGNORING HER) But, there is more to death than pulses and heart rates. Death involves paperwork.
JACKIE
Paperwork?
KOZLOWSKI
We need to fake my autopsy report.
MIA
Jackie?!
KOZLOWSKI
I thought you want me to tell you about The Amelia Project?
MIA
Yes, but-
KOZLOWSKI
I can tell you (PUTTING EMPHASIS ON THE WORD) everything.
Mia
And you will. But you're overplaying your hand. We can get you a lenient sentence. We can get you into a white collar prison. Hell, we can get you a steady stream of Veuve Clicquot while you serve time. But you will serve time.
KOZLOWSKI
You want to know my secrets do you not?
MIA
(UPSET) Of course we do. That's the deal. A soft sentence in return for your secrets.
KOZLOWSKI
My secrets cannot be told.
MIA
What do you mean?
KOZLOWSKI
They have to be experienced.
MIA
(EXHAUSTED) What are you talking about?
KOZLOWSKI
(SOFTLY) I will take you to remote locations, to the edge of your imaginations, (GETTING SOFTER) where medicine meets magic, where science meets song, where ritual, myths and stories are strong.
(HE STARTS CHANTING) Buried treasures are there to find, if you open up your mind. Beneath the trivial and mundane, there is a wild and wondrous plane.
(SING-SONG) Where do ghosts go when they die? What if pigs could really fly? Who turns on the stars at night? Why was Pythia always right?
(SOFT SPEAKING VOICE AGAIN) Are you willing? Are you brave? There is a life beyond the grave. I'll be your guide and you will see, the world is full of mystery.
(VERY QUIETLY) This is not for the fainthearted, it is a journey into the uncharted. This is what I have to proffer, now will you take or leave my offer?
(PAUSE)
MIA
What. The hell. Was that?
JACKIE
Fuck knows.
MIA
Hello? Hello?
JACKIE
Ah, shit. He's gone into some sort of trance?
MIA
Hello?
JACKIE
Hello?
KOZLOWSKI
(LIGHTLY) Oh. Sorry. My mind just went for a spin. But I'm back now.
MIA
Oh, phew. Because you just went real trippy on us. Rambling all kinds of BS.
JACKIE
Pigs and ghosts and graves and shit.
KOZLOWSKI
Oh I meant every word of that.
MIA
What?
KOZLOWSKI
That's my offer.
JACKIE
You want us to fake your death in return for some sort of hippy dippy theory of everything?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes. I want my freedom.
MIA
(SCOFFS) But you're not offering us anything!
KOZLOWSKI
Am I not?
MIA
You're... You're insane.
(AMELIA THEME SLOWLY RISES UP)
KOZLOWSKI
Maybe.
(BEAT)
So, what do you say?
(BEAT)
Are you ready to have your minds blown?
(MUSIC)
CREDITS
PIP:
The story continues in two weeks time, or become a patron for an Alvina Archives episode next week.
Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits.
This episode was written by Philip Thorne with story editing by Øystein Brager and quotations from Khalil Gibran and William Shakespeare. It was directed by Philip Thorne and Øystein Brager, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden and audio engineering by Dominic Hargreaves.
It featured Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski, Jordan Cobb as Jackie Williams, Erin King as Mia Fox, Benjamin Noble as Agent Haines and Torgny G. Aandera as Agent Cole.
Graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival.
If you’d like to support the show on Patreon, go to amleiapodcast.com, click on support the show and you’ll find all the info. On that note,
Thank you to our wonderful patrons and as always, a heartfelt shoutout to our super patrons Sophia Anderson, Kate Sukeyasu, Sophie Levezow, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Rushabh Shukla, Amelie & Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Chloe Leferman, Elizabeth Curry, Mints and such, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui, JK Robbins and IamTrash.
And now the epilogue.
EPILOGUE
HAINES
Coffee Cole?
COLE (WHILE TYPING)
Have they fixed the machine yet?
HAINES
Ha! Guess.
(COLE GROANS)
(HAINES FLICKS ON THE KETTLE)
HAINES
So you'll have an instant?
COLE
Yes. I guess the day can't get much worse anyway.
(HAINES OPENS A NEW JAR OF COFFEE AND PEELS OFF THE SEAL)
HAINES
It's a new brand. You never know. (DOUBTFULLY) Might actually be good.
(HE SPOONS SOME COFFEE INTO MUGS AND POURS THE WATER)
COLE
Haines! Haines!
HAINES
What?
COLE
I've just run Kozlowski's fingerprint through the database and...
HAINES
Yes?
COLE
I think you’d better come over and see.
END.