EPISODE 48 - JACKIE WILLIAMS
PIP
We’re back from our brief hiatus, and we have a slightly longer episode than usual for you today. It's time to catch up with CIA agents Jackie Williams and Mia Fox and MI5 Agents Cole and Haines. Last time we left them, Mia and Jackie had gone behind Cole and Haines’ back and agreed to fake Kozlowski’s death.
Cole and Haines are unaware of this, and they think the case has hit a dead end. We catch up with the agents having a few too many drinks down at the pub, before they part ways.
This episode is dedicated to Jem Fidyk and Curly Joe. Enjoy the show.
PROLOGUE.
(LATE AT NIGHT IN A BUSY PUB. THE AGENTS ARE DRINKING. THEY'VE BEEN AT IT FOR A WHILE. COLE IS ESPECIALLY DRUNK)
MIA
I'm sure she didn't mean it like that, hm?
JACKIE
That sounded pretty definitive to me.
MIA
She'll give you a second chance!
JACKIE
You're done for buddy.
(COLE IS SOBBING)
MIA
Don't listen to Jackie. Hey, when she married you, she knew that you're with MI5, right?
COLE
(QUIETLY) Yes…
MIA
She opted in!
JACKIE
And now, she's opting out again.
COLE
(DISTRAUGHT)
Jenny!
(SOBBING)
JACKIE
(SCOFFING) Oh for the love of…
(SHAKES HER HEAD AT HOW PATHETIC COLE IS)
Haines
Cole... Cole, get it together! You're embarrassing yourself.
COLE
(IN TEARS) I’m sorry…
MIA
Cut him some slack, will you!
Haines
He's drunk! He needs to pull himself together.
MIA
He's allowed to be upset, his wife just called him a loser!
JACKIE
Nope. (SCOFFS) She called him "a good-for-nothing workaholic loser with as much charisma as a used paper tissue".
COLE
(SOBS) Jenny…
HAINES (INTERRUPTED BY COLE’S SOBBING)
Jesus, don't remind him! First the case that has him working nights for months goes to shit, then he has a fight with his wife because he's always working - and then he doesn't even have anything to show for it, because the case has gone tits up!
COLE
(IN PAIN) You... You... You…
(HE SOBS SO HARD HE CAN'T GET THE WORDS OUT)
You forgot "ninnyhammer"...
(SOBS EVEN MORE)
JACKIE (UNDERLINED BY COLE’S SOBBING)
Oh yeah! "A good-for-nothing workaholic ninnyhammer loser with as much charisma as a used paper tissue". She's good with a thesaurus, your wife.
COLE
(SNIFFLES) She is!
MIA
It's not the end of your marriage. What she's saying is she wants to see you more! That's positive, isn't it?
JACKIE
Then what the hell is he doing here getting pissed with us?
HAINES
(CHANGING THE SUBJECT) To be honest, I'm surprised any of us are here! When you said you wanted to grab a pint, Jackie, I thought you were making a joke!
JACKIE
I kind of was.
MIA
But it seemed right to go for a drink to celebrate that we're wrapping up the Amelia case, right?
(MORE SOBBING)
Well, I guess celebrate isn't the right word -
HAINES
Commiserate?
MIA
Mark the occasion. Say bye, since we won't be working together anymore.
COLE
I don't believe it...
MIA
Believe what?
COLE
That this case is over!
HAINES
(ANNOYED) Cole, let it go, man! Go save your marriage instead.
COLE
What about Kozlowski's fingerprint, huh?! Yukari (STUTTERING) Watanabe! Who the hell is that?
HAINES
MI6 are looking into that, so that's out of our hands.
COLE
MI6 are a bunch of immature 00-nothing wannabes. All they're interested in is binge drinking Martinis and blowing things up.
MIA
They're not really like that, are they?
JACKIE
In the field we call them "M I Sex"...
MIA
Really?
COLE
Bloody Yukari fucking Watana- (HICCUPS)
HAINES
What can we do though? Yukari Watanabe is overseas. Not our remit.
COLE
Well it should be. Kozlowski is in London.
JACKIE
Kozlowski is dead.
MIA
Yeah, we dropped him off for an autopsy yesterday. Picked up the documents today. On that note, let's not forget -
(MIA GETS OUT SOME ROLLED UP DOCUMENTS FROM HER INNER JACKET POCKET)
- here's your copy of KOZLOWSKI's autopsy report and his death certificate.
HAINES
Cheers. Haines grabs the documents.
MIA
No worries.
HAINES
And thanks for dealing with that. For a second there I was worried you were going to steal him again.
(JACKIE LETS OUT A NERVOUS LAUGH)
MIA
(LAUGHS) Why would we? Right now the only value we can get out of him is from a thorough autopsy report.
HAINES
True.
COLE
Northcott should send us to Osaka! Not let those boneheads from MI6-
HAINES
You heard Northcott. It's over. She wants the report on her desk by 6pm tomorrow. After that, well, this case is out of our hands.
(MIA RAISES A GLASS)
MIA
To a case well ended!
HAINES
Are you fucking kidding me...
MIA
Come on! A toast! To the relief of giving up!
HAINES
Oh, sure. Cheers to failing miserably!
JACKIE
To royally fucking up, like a bunch of - what was it? Ninnyhammers!
COLE
(STARTS SOBBING LOUDLY AGAIN) JENNY!
HAINES
Jesus...
(HAINES FINISHES HIS DRINK)
I think I should get this guy home...
JACKIE
Yeah. We should probably head home too.
(JACKIE STARTS PUTTING ON HER JACKET)
MIA
I guess this is goodbye then. It's been a pleasure.
HAINES
It's been... reassuring.
MIA
How?
HAINES
I've been reassured that I fucking hate the CIA.
MIA
Right.
JACKIE
I can see a taxi out the window. Let's go!
MIA
Bye-eee!
COLE
(SUFFERING) Bye…
(THEY RUN FOR THE DOOR, BUT MIA STOPS. JACKIE LETS OUT A SURPRISES "EH?)
Oh - and good luck with your marriage!
COLE
Heh?
JACKIE
(UNDER HER BREATH) …taxi is waiting…
MIA
Look - You're a great guy, Cole, don't forget that!
COLE
Theeers…
JACKIE
Come on.
MIA
Bye!
COLE
(SOFTLY) Bye…
(JACKIE AND MIA HEAD OUT THE DOOR)
HaINES
I guess that's the end of that.
COLE
Haines?
HAINES
Yeah?
COLE
Christopher Haines?
HAINES
Yeah, that's me...
COLE
Can I... Can I sleep on your couch tonight?
HAINES
Sure, mate. No worries.
COLE
I love you, man.
THEME TUNE.
The Amelia Project. By Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager, with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden. Episode 48, Jackie Williams.
INTERVIEW.
MORNING. A QUIET BACKSTREET.
(A CAR BOOT IS OPENED. WE HEAR JACKIE'S BREATH AS SHE YANKS IT OPEN)
(A ZIP BAG IS OPENED)
(KOZLOWSKI YAWNS)
JACKIE
Come on! Get out! Out of the bag, out of the boot!
(KOZLOWSKI SCRAMBLES OUT OF THE BAG AND THE CAR BOOT AND STRETCHES. HIS HANDCUFFS JANGLE)
KOZLOWSKI
Good morning! What a beautiful day!
MIA
(SOFTLY) Yeah, yeah, get in the car.
KOZLOWSKI
I'm sorry to say, but you do not look too well.
MIA
I'm not. I'm very, very... hung over.
KOZLOWSKI
I have a remedy for that!
MIA
Yeah, what's that?
JACKIE
We can do that later! The man is naked! Get into the car!
MIA
Tell me the remedy first.
KOZLOWSKI
You take two eggs and leave them in the sun for four hours. We could also place them under the hood of the car, that could speed up the process - as long as they don't get cooked, they need to be spoiled -
MIA
(FEELING SICK) Oh, stop -
(MIA RETCHES AT THE ROADSIDE. JACKIE HISSES)
JACKIE
Now get in the car before somebody sees you!
(KOZLOWSKI GETS INTO THE CAR)
(WE HEAR JACKIE'S BREATH AS GETS INTO THE CAR, MIA FOLLOWS.
CAR DOORS SLAM SHUT)
JACKIE
You better not make us regret this.
KOZLOWSKI
You made a wise choice.
(JACKIE STARTS UP THE CAR)
Shall I give you directions?
JACKIE
Um...?
KOZLOWSKI
I will take you to a very special place.
MIA
No no no no. We're headed to the US embassy. Where I sincerely hope they have ibuprofen.
KOZLOWSKI
I had something more secluded in mind.
JACKIE
The embassy is protected by the marine corps and bomb-proof triple-glazing. It's as safe as it gets.
KOZLOWSKI
This does not sound like the right setting.
JACKIE
The right setting?
KOZLOWSKI
For my story.
JACKIE
You and your bloody stories!
KOZLOWSKI
It is what you want from me, is it not?
JACKIE
Sure, but we couldn't give a fuck about the setting. All we're interested in is the facts!
KOZLOWSKI
(CHUCKLES) "Facts."
MIA
What's so funny?
KOZLOWSKI
"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge. That myth is more potent than history. That dreams are more powerful than facts. That hope always triumphs over experience. That laughter is the only cure for grief. And I believe that love is stronger than death."
JACKIE
(SCOFFS) You think you're so fucking clever don't you.
KOZLOWSKI
My friends! I must beg you not to be so cynical. If you want to truly understand my story, you must let me be your guide.
MIA
And what's that supposed to mean?
KOZLOWSKI
As I have said before, my story cannot simply be told. It must be experienced.
JACKIE
So what's the plan? You want to feed us magic mushrooms? LSD?
KOZLOWSKI
That will not be necessary.
JACKIE
(TRYING TO ACCOMMODATE KOZLOWSKI'S WHIMS) Look, once we get to the embassy, we can... I don't know... light some incense... put on some music... anything you want to set the scene...
KOZLOWSKI
I believe that some stories are locked to the place in which they occurred.
If you want to understand an ancient battle, you must visit the battlefield. If you want to unlock the true beauty of a Wordsworth poem, you must read it in the Cumbrian countryside. If you want to be visited by your departed mother in your dreams, you must sleep in her deathbed.
MIA
In... plain English please...? My head feels like an overripe watermelon.
KOZLOWSKI
Together we will explore the roots of The Amelia Project. I will take you to where it all began.
JACKIE
We've already been to that office in Bermondsey and the rooms above The Rising Phoenix Pub in Hampstead.
KOZLOWSKI
That is not what I mean.
MIA
There are more offices?
KOZLOWSKI
Stop here.
JACKIE
Already? Why?
KOZLOWSKI
See that?
JACKIE
You mean...
MIA
The H&M?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes.
JACKIE
What about it?
KOZLOWSKI
You must go inside.
JACKIE
What?! No fucking way! The roots of The Amelia Project have something to do with H&M?!
KOZLOWSKI
Of course not. I need some clothes.
JACKIE
Oh. Yeah.
KOZLOWSKI
To the point you made earlier, a naked man being chauffeured by two ladies is bound to raise suspicion. And besides, it is getting rather chilly.
JACKIE
Fair enough.
MIA
Please, no sharp turns! Oooh…
(JACKIE PULLS OVER AND PARKS THE CAR)
JACKIE
We should probably remove your handcuffs too. If we're trying to avoid looking suspicious.
KOZLOWSKI
I would appreciate that.
JACKIE
After this, where are we going?
KOZLOWSKI
Out of London.
JACKIE
How far out of London?
KOZLOWSKI
We will drive north and will not stop until we reach the sea.
JACKIE
Wha- You want us to cross this entire shit hole country just for you to tell your story?!
KOZLOWSKI
You have not seen this country yet.
JACKIE
I've seen enough to know that it’s-
KOZLOWSKI
You have not seen the ancient stones, the haunted forests, the sullen moors, the laughing follies and fearless lochs.
JACKIE
Fucking hell.
MIA
So. Road trip?
JACKIE
(RESIGNED) Road trip.
(THEY FADE OUT AND THEN BACK IN)
JACKIE
How do you like your new clothes?
KOZLOWSKI
Linen trousers, beige jacket... if only I had a Pith Helmet, I would look like a British army officer in Victorian India.
JACKIE
It was what we could get in your size from an H&M at 9 am on a Saturday.
KOZLOWSKI
I'm perfectly content. I have clothes, you have taken off the handcuffs. I'm just pointing out that I felt more like myself when I was wearing nothing but my own skin and my vial.
MIA
(YAWNING) Only a lot of that skin isn't your own, is it? It belongs to some poor scalped gator...
KOZLOWSKI
Crocodile.
MIA
(SLEEPY) And your face belongs to... whoever, you probably don't even remember anymore...
KOZLOWSKI
I didn't borrow the crocodile's skin, or the skin on my face. The crocodile I killed in honest combat, and my face I bought from Dr. Piotr Kozlowski in an honest transaction.
JACKIE
What's your point?
MIA
You fought a crocodile?
KOZLOWSKI
If you borrow something, it isn't yours. But if you buy, or win or steal an item, it becomes yours. In other words, every molecule of skin on my body is mine now, even if it didn't use to be.
JACKIE
If you steal something, it becomes yours!?
KOZLOWSKI
From the perspective of connection, yes. Not from the perspective of morality, of course.
JACKIE
You are something else.
PAUSE.
MIA
(YAWNS AGAIN) JACKIE... Do you mind if I get some shuteye? I didn't sleep tOo Well.
JACKIE
Sure. If we're going all the way to the north of England, this is going to be a long drive. You can take over the wheel halfway.
MIA
(SLEEPY) Sure.
(SHE GETS COMFORTABLE)
KOZLOWSKI
Just to be clear, we are not going to the north of England. We are going to Scotland.
JACKIE
Jeez!
MIA
Good night.
(PAUSE)
JACKIE
Those painkillers knocked her right out, didn't they…
(THE BLINKERS TICK)
KOZLOWSKI
The second exit, please -
JACKIE
I know where we're going.
(JUST THE SOUND OF DRIVING FOR A BIT)
JACKIE
So... What should we talk about?
KOZLOWSKI
Nothing?
JACKIE
We need to entertain ourselves.
KOZLOWSKI
Do you not find silence entertaining?
JACKIE
Uhm... no?
KOZLOWSKI
Oh. I find that during long stretches of silence my mind does the most amusing somersaults. But, if you would prefer let's say a game, I do have a suggestion.
JACKIE
Please don't say "I spy with my little eye"...
KOZLOWSKI
Riddles!
JACKIE
(INTRIGUED) Okay?
KOZLOWSKI
We each come up with a riddle, and the one who can solve the other person's riddle first wins.
JACKIE
I feel like you would have an unfair advantage. Everything you say is a riddle.
KOZLOWSKI
Then, let's try different rules. I'll tell you a riddle. If you can solve it, you win. If you can't, I lose.
JACKIE
That makes no sense.
KOZLOWSKI
If you fail to solve it, I made it too hard. Shame on me. If you manage to solve it, I made it too easy - also shame on me.
JACKIE
No, no, no, fair is fair. We each solve each other's riddles. But we only get one shot at answering - and if we get it wrong, we lose.
KOZLOWSKI
I accept the rule.
JACKIE
Let's go.
KOZLOWSKI
The game is afoot.
(BEAT. WE HEAR JACKIE BREATHE AS SHE'S TRYING TO THINK OF A RIDDLE, AND THEN THINKS OF ONE)
JACKIE
Alright, I've got one: Who is jealous of the turtle, feels kinship with the ostrich, but doesn't realize he's as free as the worm?
KOZLOWSKI
Ah! That is a good riddle! I must admit, I underestimated you. I shall have to think.
JACKIE
Take your time. (SNIFFS) We're not in a hurry. What's your riddle?
KOZLOWSKI
Are you ready?
JACKIE
As ready as I'll ever be.
KOZLOWSKI
Good. A lot rests on you solving this.
JACKIE
What?
KOZLOWSKI (IGNORING HER)
In the first hour, you have none of it, and none is expected of you.
In the second hour, you have it forced upon you, against your will.
In the third hour, it comes to you as naturally as sunlight, and only now, you recognize it: It is freedom! But at that moment, you have no more hours left to enjoy it.
What is it?
JACKIE
(PONDERING)No more hours left to enjoy it...
KOZLOWSKI
(ALMOST LIKE HE'S TALKING TO HIMSELF) And you start wishing you could bottle it…
JACKIE
Is that part of the riddle?
KOZLOWSKI
What?
JACKIE
That thing you just added, about wanting to bottle it?
KOZLOWSKI
Oh. That. Well... I guess, yes.
JACKIE
You can't be vague about what's part of the riddle and not!
KOZLOWSKI
In that case, yes.
(PAUSE WHILE JACKIE THINKS)
JACKIE
I have no idea.
(PAUSE)
JACKIE
I'm still bored.
KOZLOWSKI
But now our minds are working on something! How can you be bored?
JACKIE
I think better when I'm not thinking.
KOZLOWSKI
Ah! The subconscious. Taking shortcuts through dreams and instincts, pathways to which your conscious mind has no access.
JACKIE
In the meantime, I will tell you a story.
KOZLOWSKI
You will?
JACKIE
Yeah. I'm tired of your half baked hallucinations and fabricated fever dreams! I'm gonna tell you something that really happened. It's not a story about cutting your face off or grafting crocodile skin onto your arm. This is gritty reality. Okay? This is true!
KOZLOWSKI
You make me very curious.
JACKIE
(MATTER OF FACT) When I was thirteen years old, I faked my death.
BEAT.
KOZLOWSKI
Hmh...! From where I am sitting, all I can see of your face are your eyes in the rear mirror. And I am trying to read them. Do they say: "I am joking"? Or are they saying: "I dare you to believe me?"
JACKIE
The latter.
BEAT.
KOZLOWSKI
I do believe you.
JACKIE
Good. Because everything I am about to tell you is one hundred percent true.
My father worked for the army, so all through my childhood we kept moving. We would only stay in the same place for a year at a time, or if we were lucky, two, but, uh, sometimes he would be stationed somewhere for even shorter spells. He was some kind of tech specialist - doing something so top secret that to this day I don't really know what he did. I only know they kept moving him around. And me and my mother had to follow. My mother worked in logistics, so wherever we moved, my father always sorted out a job for her with the army. So I had two army parents, basically. And then there was me... I was just … dragged along.
I was quite a cynical child, I think. I became the master of shallow relationships, never letting anyone get close. Maybe I was shy. I just know I was lonely.
But then in eighth grade, I met Sheila. It was the first time I'd had a best friend. Sheila had also just moved there, she was an army brat like me, so she got me.
Like me, she'd never had the luxury of growing roots. Together, the two of us had survived the last year of middle school, and now our plan was to tackle the first year of high school as a team! Even the thought of high school is terrifying, but I reckoned - with Sheila? I could do it!
But then, inevitably, the old news yet again: We're moving.
Only this time, I'm a teenager. My hormones are way out of balance, so… I refuse!
My father... he rarely spoke. But when he had something to say... oh, he would make himself heard!
The morning of the move, my father and I had a fight. An argument so epic, nothing like it had ever gone down in the history of the Williams household. I said some very ugly things... that I meant with all my heart. And his answer... His words are etched into my memory, like... acid thrown on my brain.
(IMITATING HER DAD) "Jacqueline Aretha Williams! When I look at you, all I see is how I've failed. A true daughter of mine would understand. Would show respect, for me, and for what we're fighting for. Every morning I salute the flag, and you? What do you do? Every time a new opportunity opens up for this family, all you do is sulk and cry. You are ungrateful, and you cling to your own ignorance. You know, sometimes I wish I'd never had a child, then there wouldn't always be someone trying to hold me back."
KOZLOWSKI
I am sorry.
JACKIE
Oh, don't worry! This is a funny story!
KOZLOWSKI
Is it?
JACKIE
I'm getting to the fun part now!
KOZLOWSKI
That would be the part where you fake your death?
JACKIE
Yeah, exactly! So: I run to my now empty room and lock myself in. I'm so angry, I can't even cry. And I decide I want to test my father. I want to see if he really means it - that his life would be better without me. I want to show him exactly what that would look like. So … I write a suicide note.
I write things like: "I'm so sorry for ruining your life. I hope the future looks brighter without me." Stuff like that. And then I place it on the windowsill and climb out the window.
I sneak over to Sheila's house, climb up the trellis and do our secret knock. She opens the window and lets me in, and I immediately ask if I can borrow some of her clothes.
She wants to know why, and I tell her the plan, but I get her to swear not to tell anyone. She gives me one of her shell suits, and I get changed. Then I say: "If anyone asks, I haven't been here today. But in one hour, call my house and ask for me. Say you're working on a paper for school, and that I still have some notes that you need. Will you do that for me?" Sheila agrees, and I climb back out.
KOZLOWSKI
Do American teenagers always climb through windows?
JACKIE
I think I entered through windows more often than I did through doors at that time.
KOZLOWSKI
A door is a practicality, a window is a portal...
JACKIE
Eh, right... Anyhow: After leaving Sheila's, I head down to the local river. I take my jeans and my New Kids on the Block t-shirt, which I've been carrying in a bag, and fold them up neatly, arranging them in a pile on the riverbank. Then, as a cherry on top, I take off my necklace. A birthday gift from my father. Gold, with a pendant shaped like a heart. "My heart will always be with you" he'd said. Yeah, right, I thought. And I toss it. I have a very good arm, mind you, so I get the necklace to land in this bush hanging over the river on the other side.
The scene is perfect: It looks like I went into the river to drown myself -
KOZLOWSKI
...and the necklace got caught on the low hanging branches. Your body was taken by the current, and all that is left of you is a heart-shaped golden memory...
JACKIE
Only I couldn't do it. The necklace was... I jump into the river, wade across - just to save that damn necklace...
Trying to get back out, the riverbed is so slippery, and the riverbank so steep, I nearly get taken by the stream for real! But I manage to pull myself out of the water at the last minute. It really could have gone completely wrong.
And then the weirdest thing happens. As I'm standing there, shivering, grimy river water running off me... a buck. Over by some bushes. Just... staring at me. As if to say... I don't know.
The next thing I know I'm legging it. I ran through the woods, up to the nearest road, caught a bus and sat there shivering in my wet clothes, probably looking shifty as fuck. I went as far as the bus would take me - which was a couple of towns over. By the time I got off my clothes had dried and I headed into a diner. I ordered a soda, turned my cell phone back on and placed it in front of me on the table.
KOZLOWSKI
What kind of soda?
JACKIE
Uh - I don't remember.
KOZLOWSKI
Never mind.
JACKIE
I wanted to see how many times my parents tried to call me. I wanted to hear the messages they left.
KOZLOWSKI
You wanted to discover if your father missed you - or not.
JACKIE
And if he regretted what he said.
KOZLOWSKI
Did he?
JACKIE
Well - the weird thing was, nothing happened. Nobody called. It was just... silent.
KOZLOWSKI
And your mind was doing somersaults...
JACKIE
I sit there for ages until suddenly, I notice a moving truck outside the window. In front of it, a Plymouth Station Wagon. And I realize - it's my father's car!
KOZLOWSKI
A coincidence, surely?
JACKIE (CON’T)
My father marches into the diner, grabs me by the back of the neck and pulls me out into the car. We drive off, and that was the last I ever saw of that place.
KOZLOWSKI
Was it Sheila who told on you?
JACKIE
No. Sheila didn't reveal anything. Probably to this day, she hasn't.
KOZLOWSKI
Then how did he find you?
JACKIE
The necklace.
KOZLOWSKI
The necklace?
JACKIE
"My heart will always be with you..."
KOZLOWSKI
No...!
JACKIE
Turns out, my father had placed a tracker in it.
(SCOFFS)
He was a tech specialist, remember?
KOZLOWSKI
JACKIE
Huh.
If I'd only been able to let go of that necklace...
KOZLOWSKI
Placing a tracker in your child's jewelry... What a unique display of love!
JACKIE
That's … one way to look at it. Twenty-four hours later I find myself in Pakistan.
KOZLOWSKI
Pakistan?
JACKIE
My dad's new appointment is with the US Embassy in Islamabad. We're there for two years, and I lose contact with anyone I'd ever known back in the US.
KOZLOWSKI
Like a rolling stone. That is a sad ending.
JACKIE
I... guess it's not the ending, really...
KOZLOWSKI
Is it not?
JACKIE
One day, a few years later, there's an attack on the embassy. Coincidentally, I was in the building when it happened. I remember my father dragging me, my mother and a cleaning lady down towards the basement. When turning a corner, we meet a man with a machine gun. My father, without hesitation, shoots and kills the man, saving our lives.
That was the day I decided that I had been wrong about my father, that I would respect his choices, and that I was also going to serve my country. Even if I was to find my own way of doing it. And that was the beginning of the journey that led here. To the CIA.
(PAUSE. CAR SOUNDS)
KOZLOWSKI
This morning has turned out even better than I anticipated. That was a good story!
But... it is not a funny story. In fact, it is mostly sad.
JACKIE
(CONFUSED) Yeah... When I started telling it I thought it was going to be a funny story...
KOZLOWSKI
Like most American stories, it ends with a moment of reconciliation. But one comedy trope does not a sitcom make.
JACKIE
I don't even know why I told you all of that! I was just going to tell you the fun part, about faking my death!
KOZLOWSKI
Either way, my gratitude. I collect stories. Sometimes they are my own, most often they are gifts from other people. Your story will have a special place in my collection.
JACKIE
You're welcome... I guess.
KOZLOWSKI
I think I know why you told me that.
JACKIE
You do?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes! In your story lies the answer to my riddle!
JACKIE
Really? In my story lies the answer to your riddle?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes! Do you want to venture a guess?
JACKIE
Uhm... no. In fact, could you repeat your riddle? There was something about hours and...
KOZLOWSKI
In the first hour, you have none of it, and none is expected of you.
In the second hour, you have it forced upon you, against your will.
In the third hour, it comes to you as naturally as sunlight, and only in this moment, you recognize it: It is freedom. But at this point, you have no hours left to enjoy it.
JACKIE
And you wish you could bottle it. I remember that part.
KOZLOWSKI
Shall I give you another clue?
JACKIE
Do I still win if I get it right?
KOZLOWSKI
Of course.
JACKIE
Then bring it on.
KOZLOWSKI
I did.
JACKIE
Did what?
KOZLOWSKI
Bottle it.
JACKIE
Excuse me?
KOZLOWSKI
In fact I have a drop of it here, in the vial around my neck.
JACKIE
What the...? For a second there I was going to guess something like "time" or something - that's not my guess by the way! - but now...? I'm even more lost!
KOZLOWSKI
Let me see if I remember your riddle.
JACKIE
Uh-huh.
KOZLOWSKI
Who is jealous of a turtle, feels kinship with an ostrich, but does not realize he's as free as a worm?
JACKIE
Very good. And who is that?
KOZLOWSKI
The ostrich hides its head in the sand. So whoever feels kinship with the ostrich is someone who often hides.
To lay their eggs, sea turtles go back to the beach where they were born, using the earth's magnetic fields to find their way. They have a family home, a place of history, so whoever is jealous of the turtle is someone who doesn't have a home to return to.
And the worm is free, because he lives in the dirt, so wherever he goes, his home is right below him. Turn that image on its head, and the worm carries the planet on his back, like Atlas. So someone who is as free as the worm, is someone who carries their home on their back.
JACKIE
You've heard it before.
KOZLOWSKI
Never.
JACKIE
So, who is it then?
KOZLOWSKI
The answer is you, Jackie Williams.
(JACKIE LAUGHS)
The answer is you.
JACKIE
(INCREDULOUS LAUGHTER) Uh - me?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes.
JACKIE
No! It is a snail! It's a frickin' snail! Come on!
KOZLOWSKI
You might think the answer is "a snail". But it is not. You are the answer to your riddle.
JACKIE
(SPLUTTERING) That's just... I mean...!
KOZLOWSKI
I know it is, JACKIE, because you and I are the same! I see myself in you! Always on the move, forced to finding comfort only in myself. The answer to the riddle could just as easily have been "Kozlowski". It just so happens, it is you!
JACKIE
I don't hide! I'm not jealous! I don't carry the weight of the world on my back! And I am NOTHING like you!
KOZLOWSKI
Oh. Then I apologize. I guess I got the answer wrong.
JACKIE
You did!
BEAT.
It's a snail!
KOZLOWSKI
You could still take home the trophy. Have you got an answer to my riddle?
JACKIE
First hour, you've got none, second hour, forced upon you, third hour, got plenty, but no time to use it?
KOZLOWSKI
Yes.
JACKIE
And you've got it in a bottle around your neck.
KOZLOWSKI
I do.
JACKIE
(CONFIDENT) The answer is: A lie.
KOZLOWSKI
(SURPRISED) A lie?
JACKIE
Yeah.
KOZLOWSKI
How come?
JACKIE
When you need to lie, first you've got to come up with the lie, don't you? And no one ever expects you to lie. Secondly, people lie to you, even if you don't want them to. And finally, when you've come up with a really good lie, it feels so natural, doesn't it? Until you're found out and it comes back around to bite you in the ass. But, if you think of the lie too late, the moment is gone.
As for the vial around your neck, there is nothing in there other than some nasty London tap water, and you are just wearing it to give yourself another chance to look all mysterious. In other words: It's a lie!
KOZLOWSKI
Hm. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Disappointing.
JACKIE
Why, because I cracked it?
KOZLOWSKI
No, because you are so far from right. And because I expected more of you. Your answer isn't just wrong, it's incoherent!
JACKIE
So was your stupid riddle!
(KOZLOWSKI SIGHS)
JACKIE
(ANNOYED) Come on! Tell me then! What is the right answer?
KOZLOWSKI
Patience.
JACKIE
Oh, come on! This game has gone on for like half an hour. Just tell me what it is!
KOZLOWSKI
Patience!
JACKIE
No, I'm done being patient. I've indulged you long enough, okay? Give me the answer. We both lost anyway, so it doesn't matter.
KOZLOWSKI
(TAKES A BREATH) When you are a baby, you scream when you are hungry, and people feed you. Whatever you need, you cry, and it is given to you. You have no patience, and none is expected of you.
When you are young, you are forced to learn, forced to listen, forced to follow wherever the adults decide to go. Patience is expected of you, and your will is never considered.
JACKIE
(SCOFFS)
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
When you finally grow old, your blood calms. You learn to breathe, to still your mind, to take each day as it comes.
For the first time, you have patience, effortless patience - but no time to enjoy it. For life is short, and death could be around any corner.
And at that point you start wishing you could bottle it. Brew more patience, and with it, the time to enjoy it.
JACKIE
Patience?
KOZLOWSKI
Patience.
(PAUSE)
JACKIE
That is the dumbest thing I've ever heard. It makes no sense.
KOZLOWSKI
Does it not?
JACKIE
Patience?! I think you lost, buddy. On account of making the dumbest riddle.
(MIA'S PHONE RINGS. SHE STIRS AND WAKES)
MIA (STILL WAKING UP)
Has that been ringing for long?
JACKIE
Just started.
(MIA GETS HER PHONE AND PICKS UP)
MIA
(SLEEPY) Hello?
JACKIE
Who is it?
MIA
Oh, Claire! Hi!
(WHISPERING TO JACKIE)
It's Claire, from Istanbul!
KOZLOWSKI
Who is that?
JACKIE
Interesting...
MIA
So, Claire, did you manage to look up those things I asked for? Oh you did! Cool. What did you find?
(THEME TUNE)
PIP
Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits.
This episode was written by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne with script consultancy by Leeanne Stoddart.
It was edited by Philip Thorne with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden.
It featured Jordan Cobb as Jackie, Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski, Erin King as Mia, Torgny G. Aandera as Cole and Benjamin Noble as Haines.
Graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival.
You can follow us on Tumblr, instagram and twitter and you can check out ameliapodcast.com for transcripts, artwork and merchandise. That’s also where you can find out how to support the show, and for patrons at the 5 dollar tier we’ll be releasing a brand new episode of the bonus series The Alvina Archives next week.
Speaking of patrons, a shoutout to our super patrons Sophia Anderson, Sophie Levezow, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Rushabh Shukla, Amélie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Elizabeth Curry, Mints and such, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui and JK Robbins. You’re a very generous bunch and we wouldn’t be doing this without you.
And now, the epilogue.
EPILOGUE.
(BY THE SIDE OF A ROAD)
JACKIE
Yes? What did they say?
MIA
Uhm… The Istanbul office looked into everything...
JACKIE
Yes?
MIA
And they have no matches on Atil Aslan.
JACKIE
Okay.
MIA
Also, there is no faculty of medicine in Marmaris.
KOZLOWSKI
from inside the car
Hello!
JACKIE
I knew it.
KOZLOWSKI (MUFFLED)
Can I come out?
MIA
They couldn't even find any trace of Anka Kuşu.
JACKIE
So he's been lying to us? There was no clinic? No face swapping? It's all just BS?
KOZLOWSKI (MUFFLED)
It is rude to get out of the car to talk alone!
MIA
What do you suggest we do?
JACKIE
What is there to do?
KOZLOWSKI (MUFFLED)
Are you talking about something interesting? I can't hear you from in here!
MIA
(TO KOZLOWSKI) Shut up!
to JACKIE
We have to take this to Miss Kennedy, don't we?
JACKIE
Why?
MIA
He's been lying to us!
JACKIE
So?
MIA
What do you mean, "so"? We can't trust him!
JACKIE
Did you ever think we could?
MIA
No, but -
JACKIE
I say we keep going. Now we know he's lying, that gives us the upper hand.
MIA
What upper hand? He might be leading us straight into a trap!
JACKIE
Maybe. But that has not changed in the last four minutes. That was always the case. What we've just got from Istanbul is a reminder of who we're dealing with: A master of deception!
MIA
Who should be kept in a holding cell in London!
JACKIE
We're already on our way to Scotland. We might as well follow the lead!
MIA
And risk wasting our time?
JACKIE
We spent ages back in London listening to his tall tales. Maybe this will give us something new. If it is a trap, we're prepared, aren't we? Perhaps we could even catch one of his accomplices if they try to free him! Or - he might actually want to tell us something, in which case going to Scotland could teach us something useful.
MIA
You are just addicted to being in the field!
JACKIE
Please!
MIA
Going to Scotland is a waste of time!
JACKIE
Going to London is a waste of time! We don't know when Miss Kennedy would have time to see us, we could be waiting for ages!
KOZLOWSKI (MUFFLED)
Are you two having an argument? Perhaps I could mediate?
MIA
Listen, JACKIE, with all due respect, this is not the kind of decision we should be making by ourselves.
JACKIE
I disagree.
BEAT.
MIA
So… how do we solve this?
JACKIE
Toss a coin?
MIA
Sure. I don't have cash though.
JACKIE
(YAWNING) I've got one. Heads or tails?
MIA
Heads.
(JACKIE TOSSES THE COIN)
JACKIE
Tails. Let's keep going. You're driving.
MIA
Fine.
(THEY GET BACK INTO THE CAR. WE HEAR THEM BREATHE AS WE FOLLOW THEM INTO THE VEHICLE. MIA STARTS THE ENGINE AND DRIVES ONTO THE ROAD)
KOZLOWSKI
What did you two talk about? Are you planning my birthday?
JACKIE
Please, just be quiet for a bit. It's my turn to sleep. You like silence don't you?
KOZLOWSKI
Ah, yes!
(JACKIE YAWNS)
(JACKIE GETS INTO A COMFORTABLE POSITION AND THEN QUICKLY FALLS ASLEEP)
(PAUSE. JUST THE CAR ENGINE AND JACKIE GENTLY BREATHING)
MIA
Is she asleep?
KOZLOWSKI
I think so. I think my riddle tired her out.
MIA
Please, do not tell me riddles!
KOZLOWSKI
I promise I won't.
(PAUSE)
You should go right after the bridge.
(MIA TURNS THE CAR AROUND)
Uhm, no... Right after the bridge. We're going left now. You just did a U-turn -
BEAT.
What are you doing?
MIA
We're going back to London.
END.