EPISODE 52 - SAGA
PIP
Welcome to a new episode of the show. Some listeners recently took it upon themselves to create a project wiki. It’s an incredible resource with pages for all the main characters and it’s a place where you can delve deep into the Amelia Project world. We’d like to dedicate this episode to everyone who is involved in setting up this wiki! Øystein and I were both genuinely blown away when we discovered it. And in case you’re interested in checking it out or even contributing information for it, we add a link in the show notes to this episode. And now, on with the show!
PROLOGUE
(BEEP OF THE ANSWERPHONE. IT CRACKS A LITTLE)
AMELIA (ON THE ANSWER PHONE)
Congratulations. You have reached The Amelia Project.
If you’re not serious, please hang up.
If you continue there is no return.
(PAUSE)
Good choice. There is a new life awaiting you.
You’ll hear back from us.
If you don’t hear back, please consider this a hoax.
Leave your message after the beep.
SAGA
(A HOARSE AND DARK FEMALE VOICE)Come at night. Wear dark clothes. When you approach Abbots Cliff, row four hundred and forty two yards south-south-east. Take a sharp left and you’ll see the tunnel. Row into the tunnel. You might want to blow it up behind you. Only do it quietly. I’ll be waiting for you.
(HIGHER PITCH)
Toodles!
(CORRECTING HERSELF)
No! I mean…
(IN AN EVEN MORE HORSE, DARK, OMINOUS VOICE)
…bye…
BEEP.
(THEME TUNE)
INTRO
The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Øystein Brager, with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden. Design by Eli Hamada McIlveen. Episode 52 - Saga.
THE OFFICE.
AMELIA
Alvina - how would you like a challenge?
ALVINA
Uh, depends?
AMELIA
A client just called, and she’s hiding in a tunnel. I’d like you to go there.
ALVINA
To pick her up? Sure, why not -
AMELIA
No. You see, it’s an outcall.
ALVINA
Right. Wait… Are you suggesting that I - ?
AMELIA
I’m suggesting you do the interview.
ALVINA
No. No, no, no, no, no!
AMELIA
Why not?
ALVINA
Amelia! I’ve never done an interview before!
AMELIA
You know the drill. You’ve worked here nearly a decade.
ALVINA
I have absolutely no training in interviewing!
AMELIA
You have no training in death faking either, but you’ve picked that up just fine.
ALVINA
That’s just paperwork! That’s what I do! Interviewing is very different! There’s a reason we’ve got him for that!
AMELIA
You’ll be fine.
ALVINA
Why don’t you do it?
AMELIA
I’m busy.
ALVINA
Doing what?
AMELIA
Ugh. If you must know, I’m meeting with a member of the Gendarmerie.
ALVINA
The police?! Why?!
AMELIA
Diversion tactics. She’s conveniently placed in the organisation, she can help shift any attention that comes our way in another direction. I’ve been priming her for a few weeks and she’s coming along, but… ugh… she’s a bit of a tough cookie.
BEAT.
So I have to take her out.
ALVINA
Oh?! Amelia that’s… Ruthless!
AMELIA
What?! Wha- No, not… take-her-out-take-her-out, like, take her out - like… dinner!
ALVINA
What? Oh! Thank goodness!
AMELIA
Who do you think I-
ALVINA
(OVERLAPPING) No, nonono, wait! So while you’re wining and dining a hot police lady -
AMELIA
That’s not what I’m -
ALVINA (CON’T)
…you’re sending me on a mission that is bound to fail!
AMELIA
It’s just an interview. You can’t fail.
ALVINA
But I just … don’t like… Ugh…
AMELIA
Yes?
ALVINA
People!
AMELIA
Listen, I get that you’re nervous. But you’ll be fine.
ALVINA
Why can’t he go? It’s his job!
AMELIA
Have you seen him today?
ALVINA
No…?
AMELIA
(SIGHS) Come here.
(AMELIA OPENS THE DOOR TO THE INTERVIEWER’S OFFICE.
WE HEAR HIM IN THE BACKGROUND)
INTERVIEWER
(IN THE BEST MOOD EVER. FROM FURTHER AWAY)Is that really so? That is so interesting! Please tell me more!
ALVINA
(WHISPERS) Who’s in there?
AMELIA
(WHISPERS) Just listen!
INTERVIEWER
But Mr. Gollyhead, really! Now, I can’t believe that’s true! I really can’t. I really, really can’t. I really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really can’t - Really?!!! (LAUGHS) WOW!
ALVINA
Who is Mister Gollyhead? A client?
AMELIA
Shh!
INTERVIEWER
(SUDDENLY ANGRY)
NO! That’s not true! I did NO SUCH THING! AAAARGH! I’m going to kill you!!
(SOUNDS OF SMASHING AND BANGING)
ALVINA
(ABOUT TO HEAD IN THERE) He’s going to kill the guy! We’ve got to stop him!
AMELIA
(STOPPING HER) Just wait!
INTERVIEWER
Oh god, your head! It came clean off! I’m so sorry Mister Gollyhead! I’m so sorry! (SOBBING)
ALVINA
Amelia! Amelia, he killed the guy. He killed him!
AMELIA
(MATTER OF FACT) Mr. Gollyhead is a teddy bear.
(THE INTERVIEWER IS STILL SOBBING AND WAILING IN THE BACKGROUND)
ALVINA
A teddy bear?
AMELIA
Hmmhmm. He just killed his teddy bear. Again. Third time this week.
BEAT.
Should I drop you off at Gare du Nord?
ALVINA
Of course. So, where’s this tunnel?
AMELIA
England.
ALVINA
What?!
AMELIA
Relax -
ALVINA
I can't go back to Britain!
AMELIA
You'll barely be touching British soil.
ALVINA
But you said -
AMELIA
The client is hiding in a cave in the white cliffs of Dover. You’ll be taken there by Gustav. You'll meet him in Calais -
ALVINA
Gustav?
AMELIA
He used to run a drug cartel, but, uh, he wasn’t very good at it. In the end he was tired of doing time, so we set him up as a fisherman. He'll take you across the channel in his fishing
cutter -
ALVINA
Great. Back into hostile territory with a convicted criminal.
AMELIA
Gustav will have to stay well clear of the coast of course. As soon as the white cliffs come into view he'll give you a dinghy and you'll row the last stretch to the cave alone.
ALVINA
Are you joking Amelia?
AMELIA
What? I thought you'd enjoy this. Cliffs. Seagulls. It will remind you of home.
ALVINA
Somehow I really, really doubt that…
(PAUSE)
THE INTERVIEW.
THE SOUND OF DRIPPING WATER IN AN ECHOEY CAVE.
(GENTLY LAPPING WAVES. THE SOUND OF ROWING. ALVINA ROWING AND PANTING)
(THE BOAT CRASHES ASHORE)
ALVINA
Oh!
(SHE CLIMBS OUT OF THE BOAT ONTO A PEBBLE BEACH, BREATHING AUDIBLY AS SHE PULLS THE BOAT ASHORE. SHE GETS A FLASHLIGHT FROM THE BOAT)
Right. Okay. There we go.
(A CLICK. ANOTHER CLICK, SHE SHAKES THE FLASHLIGHT)
ALVINA
Damn. The flashlight won’t…
(SHE SHAKES THE FLASHLIGHT MORE)
Shit. Alright, then… Let’s go old school.
(A MATCH BEING LIT, THEN THE BURST OF FLAMES)
Ah! My sleeve!
(SHE HAS ACCIDENTALLY SET HER SLEEVE ALIGHT,AND DROPS THE TORCH)
My sleeve! My sleeve! Ah! Ah!
(SHE RUNS DOWN TO THE WATER AND DIPS HER HAND IN THE WATER,
PUTTING THE FIRE OUT)
Oh no. My best blazer.
(SHE SIGHS. DRIPPING WATER)
Glad no one could see that. I’ll try to light the torch this time.
(A MATCH BEING LIT)
That’s better. Wow…! Look at that. Hellooo! (RESOUND FROM THE CAVE)
Amaz -
(A SUDDEN DRAMATIC FLUTTER OF A THOUSAND BATWINGS FLYING PAST.
IT’S A TERRIFYING SOUND. ALVINA JUMPS)
Ehh!
(THE BATS DISAPPEAR IN THE DISTANCE. ALVINA LAUGHS AND TRIES TO CALM HERSELF)
Phew. It’s just bats. It’s just bats…
SAGA
(SUDDENLY, VERY CLOSE) Do you like my friends?
ALVINA
(YELPS)Jeez! Where did you come from?
SAGA
Hi. I’m … Saga…
(WHENEVER SHE SAYS “SAGA” SHE DROPS INTO AN EVEN HOARSER AND DEEPER VOICE, LIKE BATMAN)
How do you like my cave?
(SAGA SPEAKS IN A DEEP, SULLEN VOICE. SHE’S ALWAYS DEADLY SERIOUS AND SAYS EVERYTHING WITH COMPLETE SEVERITY)
ALVINA
Very fascinating! The… stalagmites! The… shapes…
SAGA
Yes.
ALVINA
Yes.
SAGA
That one looks like a bomb from the second world war.
ALVINA
I guess if you squint a bit -
SAGA
I like bombs.
BEAT.
ALVINA
Right. So, Saga, good to meet you. Welcome to The Amelia Project. We don’t normally do outcalls, but I’m very… fine… absolutely okay to be here in your - ehm - charming… bat-cave. You are a fan of Batman are you?
SAGA
Who?
ALVINA
Batman. The Dark Knight.
BEAT.
Gotham City? The Joker? You’re not familiar with -
SAGA
I don’t know anything.
ALVINA
Well, you knew about this place!
SAGA
Not really. I just happened to stumble upon it. Whilst wandering around. I do that a lot these days.
ALVINA
Wander?
SAGA
Stumble. My legs don’t know what they’re doing yet. I fell through that hole in the ceiling over there.
ALVINA
Oh. That must have hurt
SAGA
Yup.
ALVINA
So you can’t get out?
SAGA
Oh no, I can, there’s a hole at the end there that takes me right back up to the surface. I come out behind the toilets on Samphire Hoe Beach.
ALVINA
I see… So, Saga, why have you called us here?
SAGA
It said on the answerphone message to ensure maximum secrecy. I reckoned this place would fit the bill.
ALVINA
Sure.
SAGA
Underground. No humans for miles.
ALVINA
Of course. What I’m wondering is why you called us here? Not why here, but what is your story? (REALLY TRYING) Please tell me your story… There's always time for a story! Why do you need our help?
SAGA
I’ll tell you my… saga.
ALVINA
Great! I can’t wait to hear your saga, Saga.
SAGA
It’s a story of great distress, heartbreak and anguish.
ALVINA
Wonderful!
SAGA
It has all the makings of a great fairy tale, but it is even more important, because it is true.
ALVINA
Let’s… just get cracking, then shall we!
SAGA
Of course. That’s what I’m doing.
ALVINA
Good.
SAGA
Let’s start at the beginning…
(SAGA DRAWS HER BREATH DRAMATICALLY TO START THE STORY)
Once upon a time, there was a big… bang!
ALVINA
Oh lord.
SAGA
Is something wrong?
ALVINA
I just wasn’t expecting- oh, I forgot something! Something very important.
SAGA
What’s that?
ALVINA
Cocoa.
SAGA
(HOPEFUL, HER VOICE IS SUDDENLY VERY SOFT) Cocoa?
ALVINA
It’s protocol. Would you like some?
SAGA
(IN A HIGHER PITCH)
Oh, yes! That would be lovel- !
(ALVINA GETS OUT THE COCOA)
SAGA
(DARK VOICE AGAIN)
No! No, I definitely don’t want cocoa. Saga doesn’t like cocoa.
ALVINA
Suit yourself.
(ALVINA UNSCREWS A FLASK AND POURS COCOA FOR HERSELF. SLURPS)
ALVINA
Mhhhh. That helps calm the nerves.
SAGA
Should I just keep going?
ALVINA
Probably best, you seem to have a lot to get through.
SAGA
The big bang. Was my head hitting the ground.
ALVINA
Oh thank god! I was getting ready for a very long night.
SAGA
I fell. Dramatically! Or so I have been told.
ALVINA
(HOPEFUL) Down a… mountain or from a tall building or… from a plane?!
SAGA
Down the front stairs.
ALVINA
Oh.
BEAT.
(Hopeful)
…long stairs?
SAGA
The front steps, about a metre.
ALVINA
…and you hit your head?
SAGA
Affirmative. Very hard, on the ground. Eggs everywhere. I’d bought eggs, apparently. But I can’t remember any of it.
ALVINA
And all the kings horses, and all the kings men…
SAGA
No, just an ambulance.
ALVINA
That was a reference to Humpty -
SAGA
The first thing I remember is waking up in a hospital. I had been in a coma. For a very, very long time!
ALVINA
(HOPEFUL) Many years had passed…?
SAGA
About four weeks.
ALVINA
Ah.
SAGA
But my memory had completely disappeared.
ALVINA
So you woke up with complete memory loss.
SAGA
It gets better!
ALVINA
What?
SAGA
I knew not who I was, nor where I was, or wherefore I was there. I felt like dragons had been gnawing on my soul! (SHE STRETCHES THE LAST WORD)
ALVINA
Why do you speak like that?
SAGA
Like what?
ALVINA
Like… Never mind.
SAGA
I was all alone. All I had for company was an old DVD of The Bridge on the River Kwai and a paperback copy of Eating in the Light of the Moon: How Women Can Transform Their Relationship with Food Through Myths, Metaphors, and Storytelling by Dr. Anita Johnston.
BEAT.
ALVINA
And that would explain it.
SAGA
But then one day! In through the door came a man!
ALVINA
A doctor?
SAGA
No, the doctors were there every day. A stranger!
ALVINA
(INTRIGUED AGAIN) Okay. I’m listening.
SAGA
Someone I’d never seen before.
ALVINA
A… messenger? A secret agent?! An assassin!
SAGA
He sat on my bed. Cried, and laughed, and said: You are back, Belinda! You are back! I am your… husband!
ALVINA
But he wasn’t, since your name is Saga, right?
SAGA
No, no he was. My name’s Belinda.
ALVINA
I thought your name was Saga?
SAGA
And then! In through the door…
ALVINA
Yes?
SAGA
In through the dooooooooor…
ALVINA
Yes…?
SAGA
In through the doooooooooooooooor…
ALVINA
Yes?!
BEAT.
For Christ sake, who comes through the door?!
SAGA
My children!
ALVINA
(TRYING VERY HARD TO MAKE THE STORY EMOTIONALLY REWARDING)
Halleluja! Their sweet faces light up your day, and you feel your memory seeping back, the pain of giving birth stirs as a physical memory through your body, the smell of those little kids reawaken your maternal instincts -
SAGA
They were a bunch of horrible shits.
BEAT.
ALVINA
Of course they were.
SAGA
A pair of insufferable brats. Two disgusting, snot-faced, mummy-this, mummy-that, soul-sucking diaper-fillers. Spoiled beyond repair. And as they crawl all over my hospital bed with those crayon-stained fingers, tearing at each other's hair, fighting over a lollipop and almost poking my eye out with it, I realise that the person who created those selfish little leeches - was me!
(PAUSE)
ALVINA
I think it’s normal for parents to dream of escaping their children, especially when they’re at the age where -
SAGA
Do all parents dream of their kids skewering themselves on the fire grate and bleeding out over the cinders?
ALVINA
Ehm… That’s just a daydream, it’s nothing to -
SAGA
I spent yesterday sharpening the fire grate. Just in case.
ALVINA
A momentary lapse of -
SAGA (CON’T)
Then I scraped all the anti-slip off their socks.
ALVINA
Perhaps mothering isn’t your strongest suit.
SAGA
My mum likes them though.
BEAT.
So they take me home from the hospital and back to my home.
ALVINA
And did that jog any memories?
SAGA
The house had pink wallpaper and doilies.
ALVINA
I’m guessing you couldn’t stand it?
SAGA
Correct, Ma’m.
ALVINA
And now you want out?
SAGA
Yes. I think it would be best for all concerned.
ALVINA
I still don’t understand why you need Amelia though. Can’t you just leave? Divorce your husband, abandon your children, pull a Nora and escape the doll’s house? (CHUCKLES)
SAGA
I tried that last week. When the police found me I’d got all the way to Bladbean. They brought me home, reported me to the
OPG -
ALVINA
The Office of the Public Guardian?
SAGA
…and gave me this…
(SAGA PULLS UP HER TROUSERS)
ALVINA
An ankle bracelet?
SAGA
It’s got a GPS tracking device. So that I won’t get lost again. It’s a new safety measure for amnesia sufferers. If I’m not home by six o’clock they’ll come looking for me. I pretend I’ve been in the park right above us, but I’m always hiding down here. The cave suits me better.
ALVINA
And your husband has probably been made your deputy, has he? He’s got lasting power of attorney?
SAGA
He’s got the demeanour of a braggadocious cry baby, that’s what he’s got.
ALVINA
I guess death is the only way out for you then.
SAGA
Fake death.
ALVINA
Indeed.
SAGA (CON’T)
Then I’ll come back and I can be Saga for real.
ALVINA
And who is she?
SAGA
Someone who lives. I’ve never lived before.
ALVINA
Well, you have, you just can’t remember it.
SAGA
No - Belinda didn’t live. Belinda liked fluffy toilet seat covers, scented candles and pillow talk. I’m different. I need to feel that I’m living.
(IN THE HOARSE, BATMAN-LIKE VOICE)
I’m Saga!
ALVINA
Are you sure you’re not a Batman fan?
SAGA
I don’t know this bat man you are talking about, but if he likes bats, we’d get on just fine. Belinda liked chiweenies (SHUDDERS)
ALVINA
Well Saga, I understand your predicament. But there’s one problem.
SAGA
What’s that?
ALVINA
Amelia is not a charity.
SAGA
You don’t think I can pay?
ALVINA
I don’t mean to be rude, but Belinda doesn’t strike me as-
SAGA
I am… Saga! (RESOUND OF SAGA)
ALVINA
But does Saga have money?
SAGA
I have the insurance. Plus what I got from suing the company that fixed our stairs. There was a loose slate.
ALVINA
(NOT CONVINCED) And all of that adds up to…
SAGA
Let me write this down with my foot…
(SAGA SCRIBBLES SOMETHING IN THE PEBBLES)
ALVINA
(IMPRESSED) That… that’s the sum?
SAGA
Yes.
ALVINA
In pounds?
SAGA
Sorry. I forgot a zero.
(SAGA SCRIBBLES IN THE PEBBLES AGAIN)
ALVINA
Well Saga, The Amelia Project is happy to take on your case!
SAGA
(HIGH-PITCHED AGAIN) Really? That is wonderful.
ALVINA
To be honest, I feel it is our duty. If only to avoid a Medea adjacent situation…
SAGA
Sorry?
ALVINA
So… what kind of life does Saga envision for herself? What would you like to be?
SAGA
(TAKES A DEEP BREATH) An army general! No! A soldier. SWAT team! I want to see action… Royal Marines! French Foreign Legion!
ALVINA
Eh… the thing is, Saga, we really don’t like placing our clients in the line of fire. We try to help people escape danger. Survive. We do fake deaths, not real ones.
SAGA
Can I be an assassin?
ALVINA
No. Sorry. We have a no-collateral-policy.
SAGA
Then what do you suggest?
ALVINA
Uhm… I think we have an opening as a wildlife photographer…?
SAGA
Are you joking? That’s not dangerous!
ALVINA
If you photograph the rotten cavities of a tiger, it is!
(SAGA SNORTS. THE SNORT ECHOES THROUGH THE CAVE)
SAGA
I want to be in a war zone!
ALVINA
OK. How about we meet in the middle? We might be able to find you a new life as a foreign correspondent. You’ll be covering disaster areas, volcanoes, tsunamis, nuclear plant explosions…
SAGA
War zones!
ALVINA (CON’T)
…and war zones. Could that be a deal?
SAGA
I’m in!
ALVINA
Any… “dying wishes”?
SAGA
I have one. Hmm… But it’s sort of embarrassing.
ALVINA
Trust me. Nothing can shock me. Nothing much. A few things, maybe. The bats scared me a bit, but -
SAGA
Can I have a mum?
ALVINA
What?
SAGA
In my new life, can I have a mum?
ALVINA
Oh, no, when I said “dying wishes” I meant how would you like to die - I was trying to be funny - You want to keep your mother?
SAGA
Not my mum. A mum.
ALVINA
Ah. Because you realise you can’t keep anything from your current life…
SAGA
My current mum gave me the name Belinda and taught me how to crochet. So screw her.
ALVINA
But you want a mother?
SAGA
(EMBARRASSED LIKE A TEENAGER.)Yes…? Is that silly?
ALVINA
No, no! We’ve heard much weirder wishes than that…!
SAGA
She needs to be like Mother Earth… When I go see explosions and limbs strewn about the place, she will be my umbilical cord, mooring me to the circle of life, as a symbol of the interconnectedness of existence.
ALVINA
If there is one thing we can learn from your experience, it is that a person should not construct their identity solely from war movies and self help books.
SAGA
Sorry?
ALVINA
There’s a woman whom we resurfaced as an eighth order priest with their reformed druids of North America. I’ll have a chat with her and see if she’d be willing to be your… let’s call it your spiritual mother. You can drop by her when you need a cleanse from bloodshed and death. She lives in Utah.
SAGA
Is she as wise as time is old?
ALVINA
Well, she was only 19 when we made her disappear, but after Kozlowski was done with her, she now looks 90.
SAGA
Great!
ALVINA
So how would you like to die?
SAGA
Gunfight!
ALVINA
That doesn’t seem a likely way for Belinda to die.
SAGA
No, of course, I see. I see. Blow me up!
ALVINA
Still not -
SAGA
Gas explosion!
AMELIA
Better, but may I make a suggestion?
SAGA
Okay…?
ALVINA
How about you fall down the stairs again?
SAGA
The same stairs?
ALVINA
It’ll be like a last, glorious, ironic screw you to Belinda and her tepid, insipid, pastel coloured past!
SAGA
Hmm… Sounds silly.
ALVINA
The best deaths often are.
BEAT.
(MUTTERING TO HERSELF) Now… we might have to amputate the leg to remove the bracelet, but I’m sure Kozlowski can re-attach it once we find him again… Unless we can just blow it off with some gunpowder? I wish Salvatore was still around, he had a real way with explosives…
SAGA
Explosives. Nice.
ALVINA
I did alright, didn’t I! I reckon this calls for a toast! There’s a bottle of Veuve Clicquot in the boat.
(SING-SONG, PROUDLY) Look who can do an Interview!
(ALVINA WALKS THE FEW STEPS DOWN THE PEBBLE BEACH WHISTLING “HUMPTY DUMPTY” AS SHE DOES SO)
(SHE RUMMAGES THROUGH STUFF IN THE BOAT)
SAGA
I’ll be in touch.
ALVINA
- ah, there it is -
(PULLS OUT THE BOTTLE FROM UNDER OTHER STUFF)
Hello? Saga!?
ECHO
Saga, Saga, Saga…
ALVINA
Where did you go?
ECHO
Where did you go, go, go…
ALVINA
Well… Never mind. I think I still deserve a glass of this. That was… weird. So, (EXAGGERATED) Saga… A toast in your honour, but to what… I know! To living on the wild side!
(SHE POPS THE CHAMPAGNE AND POURS A GLASS. IT ECHOES. THE ECHO OF THE POP RETURNS, BUILDS, GROWS… THE WHOLE CAVE STARTS SHAKING)
What…
(STALAGMITES FALL FROM THE CEILING CRASHING INTO THE WATER
AND THE GRAVEL AROUND HER)
Oh shit…! Oh no…
(MORE AND MORE STUFF FALLING. ALVINA RUNS TO THE BOAT, PUSHES IT OUT INTO THE WATER)
(IMITATING AMELIA:)
“You can’t fail this, Alvina, there’s no way of failing an interview…!” What the hell is this then!
(A STALAGMITE FALLS REALLY CLOSE TO HER)
Ahh!
(ALVINA JUMPS IN, AND ROWS QUICKLY AWAY)
(SHE SINGS THROUGH GRITTED TEETH, TRYING TO STAY CALM.)
Row row row your boat, gently down the stream… Merrily merrily merrily life is but a dream… (SEAGULLS) Row row row your boat… Gently down the stream… If you see a crocodile, don’t forget to scream…
(SHE SCREAMS IN FRUSTRATION)
CREDITS
Stay tuned for the Epilogue but first, the credits. This episode was written and edited by Øystein Ulsberg Brager, directed by Øystein and Philip Thorne, designed by Eli Hamada McIlveen with engineering by Dominic Hargreaves and music by Fredrik Baden. It featured Beth Eyre as Saga, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Alan Burgon as the Interviewer and Julia Morizawa as Amelia. Graphic Design by Anders Pedersen and Production Assistance by Maty Parzival.
Thank you to our patrons who fund the making of this show, and a shout out to our SuperPatrons Angel Acevedo, Sophia Anderson, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Amélie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Mints and such, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui and JK Robbins.
For Transcripts, Merch, Bonus Materials and ways to support the show, visit ameliapodcast.com. Patrons will be getting a bonus episode for the Alvina Archives next week, and the next regular episode drops in two weeks! And now, the epilogue.
EPILOGUE
(GENTLY LAPPING WAVES. SEAGULLS. ALVINA IS ON THE PHONE)
ALVINA
Crystal? Hi! It’s Alvina. How are you? Is life good over there in Utah?
Listen, I have to ask you a favour. There’s this lady, Saga, who…
Yes, who wants a new mother… How did you know?
An owl told you?
Wait - you are talking about the nocturnal animal, big wings, big eyes?
Right. So, was the owl bringing a letter then, like… like a pigeon, or?
The owl spoke to you? Well… That’s… incredible! It isn’t incredible? It’s normal? OK, yes, I see… I think…
Sorry? Yes, this woman will be coming your way. Would you be able to -
Oh, that’s great! You’ve already made up a bed for her. That is so sweet of you!
So what do you want in return?
…that I feed my local owls. Well, I’ll get some… mice!
Just a pleasure, Crystal. I’m really grateful! And do say thank you to that owl… I guess the owls really aren’t what they seem! Thank you Crystal. Bye now.
END OF EPISODE.