EPISODE 55 - PATIENCE
PIP
Hello dear Amelia listeners! This is the penultimate episode of Season 4, there will be one more episode in two weeks, after that we’d love to keep making the show, but it depends entirely on listener support. If you enjoy our stories and would like us to keep telling them, please do consider becoming a patron via Patreon. Patreon is like a subscription service where you can choose to pledge a set amount per new episode, from as little as two dollars. Think of it like buying a cup of cocoa each time we release a new episode. For more info on how to support us, either via Patreon or with a one off donation, visit ameliapodcast.com
And now, on with the show. This episode is dedicated to Kevin Rowland. Enjoy.
PROLOGUE
INT. COLE AND HAINES’ CAR. NIGHT.
(THE CAR ENGINE PURRS SOFTLY AS COLE AND HAINES DRIVE THROUGH THE NIGHT DOWN A DIRT ROAD)
Haines
(SIGHS) I still can’t believe that Alvina’s phone died just as I was about to open her emails.
Cole
We’ll get into that phone as soon as we’re back in civilization. For now we have to concentrate on not losing them.
BEAT.
HAINES
It’s really dark out here, isn’t it. (COLE SCOFFS) You never see darkness like this in London.
Cole
Well, I can’t see a bloody thing.
(COLE HAS TO DO A SUDDEN CORRECTION, AND A BRANCH BRUSHES AGAINST THE WINDOW)
COLE
Ooh! Pffff. Why couldn’t they just stay on the A65...
(PAUSE)
HAINES
Well, this is the scenic route...
COLE
It’s about as scenic as a black hole. Once we hit the dirt road, I felt like we passed the event horizon. (GLOOMY) Now we’re caught in a moment that will never pass, forever being swallowed into darkness...
HAINES
(CHUCKLES) Well listen to you, learn’d astronomer!
COLE
(SCOFFS) I’m just gonna pop on the lights for one second -
Haines
Don’t!
COLE
What?!
HAINES
They’ll see us!
COLE
So what? They’ll see a car, they don’t know it’s us.
HAINES
They think they’re alone! Don’t make them take an even more scenic route!
COLE
What, you mean off road? There aren’t any smaller roads than this!
HAINES
Gah, I wouldn’t put it past them.
(THEY DRIVE ON FOR A BIT)
COLE
I promise you, we're gonna to end up hitting a tree or-
HAINES
Oh god, you’re doing fine. Just keep following their tail lights.
COLE
What if an animal runs into the road?
HAINES
Then just run over it.
(PAUSE)
COLE
Fine.
HAINES
Stop!
COLE
Wha-
HAINES
Stop the car! They’re stopping!
COLE
What the -
HAINES
Quiet now...
(COLE SOFTLY STOPS THE CAR AND TURNS OFF THE ENGINE)
COLE
Why do you think they stopped?
HAINES
I think they might have... I’m not sure. They’re getting out of the car.
COLE
Do you think they’re going for a leak again? Seems that surgeon has a bladder the size of a peanut.
HAINES
Look! That’s what I thought I saw.
COLE
What?
HAINES
In front of the car. On the ground.
COLE
Hang on… Are those… Are those… antlers?
HAINES
They hit a bloody deer?!
(THEME TUNE)
INTRO CREDITS
The Amelia Project, created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Ulsberg Brager with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden. Design by Adam Raymonda. Episode 55 - Patience.
EPISODE
INT. MIA AND JACKIE’S CAR. NIGHT. A MOMENT BEFORE.
Mia
Where are we?
Kozlowski
Closer.
MIA
Before we turned off the main road I saw signs for Killinghall, Gargrave and Endmoor. Ugh. This area is creepy.
koZLOWSKI
Not if you saw it in the light! In daytime, it is majestic. Old trees... Ospreys in summer...
JACKIE
(QUIETLY) Birds of prey...
MIA
Oh… That’s especially creepy.
KOZLOWSKI
Why?
MIA
(SHUDDERS) Beaks...!
KOZLOWSKI
Trust me. If you saw this place tomorrow, your eyes could not choose but to open up to the harmony.
MIA
Like a deer in headlights...
(A BUMP AS THE CAR HITS A DEER)
MIA
Whoa!
KOZLOWSKI
Oh no.
JACKIE
What the fuck was that?!
(THE CAR STOPS AND JACKIE TURNS THE ENGINE OFF. SHE LEAVES THE HEADLIGHTS ON. THEY ALL BREATHE HEAVILY)
MIA
That's... That’s bizarre -
JACKIE
All right. Let’s get out.
MIA
Just as I said “a deer in headlights “ ...!
JACKIE
Assess the damage.
(JACKIE UNFASTENS HER SEAT BELT AND OPENS THE CAR DOOR. WE HEAR HER BREATHS AS SHE DOES SO)
JACKIE
(AS SHE’S GETTING OUT) Come on.
(JACKIE CLOSES THE CAR DOOR BEHIND HER)
KOZLOWSKI
I will follow too.
MIA
Uh… Yes...
(MIA AND KOZLOWSKI EXIT THE CAR. WE FOLLOW THEM OUT INTO THE NIGHT)
EXT. FOREST ROAD. NIGHT.
(WIND THROUGH LEAVES. HOOTING OWLS)
(MIA, JACKIE AND KOZLOWSKI ARE LOOKING AT THE DEER LYING IN THE HEADLIGHTS OF THE CAR. THERE'S A LONG PAUSE WITH JUST THEM BREATHING)
MIA
It’s so big...
JacKIE
Look at those antlers!
KOZLOWSKI
A majesty. King of the forest.
JaCKIE
I’m gonna check if it’s dead.
MIA
Careful!
(MIA HOLDS JACKIE BACK=
JACKIE
What?!
MIA
What if it’s not? It could poke your eyes out with those things! An animal like that can hurt you!
JACKIE
I’m sure it’s fine -
MIA
Oka- Have you watched “When animals attack”?
KOZLOWSKI
It is true... Strength, grace... Force.
JACKIE
Fine. You do it.
KOZLOWSKI
Me?
JACKIE
Yes. Check if it’s actually dead. But no funny business. If you try to run, I will shoot you.
(SHE COCKS HER GUN)
KOZLOWSKI
Death by bullet is not my favorite. I will avoid it.
(KOZLOWSKI WALKS OVER TO THE DEER AND CROUCHES DOWN)
MIA
Are we sure he should be touching it? It’s a dead animal.
JACKIE
What? You think it’s started to rot already? Touching dead animals is what he does. Well, dead humans mostly.
MIA
He’s not wearing gloves... There’s blood.
KOZLOWSKI
Gloves? I do not use gloves. I cannot work my magic using gloves. You two type on the computer, right? Try doing that wearing mittens. Try firing a gun wearing oven mitts. Mhm? Magic thrives on freedom.
MIA
Magic?
KOZLOWSKI
I am feeling for his pulse.
MIA
Right.
(HOOT HOOT)
Well, I know one thing that’s magic. It looks like the car survived. A bump in the hood, but nothing too bad.
JACKIE
What kind of deer is it?
KOZLOWSKI
A red dear. Largest mammal on these islands.
JACKIE
to herself
Same eyes as that buck on the riverbank...
(CLEARS THROAT)
Is it...?
KOZLOWSKI
It is time, I think, to observe the moment.
MIA
What does that mean?
KOZLOWSKI
A small service. In his honor.
MIA
Can’t we just drag him off the road and keep going?
JACkIE
We just took a life, Mia. Let’s... observe.
MIA
Observe. Observe the moment... Fine, whatever. It’s good to get some fresh air.
(PAUSE)
So, what do we do? Just stand here?
KOZLOWSKI
I would like to tell a story.
JACkIE
That seems appropriate.
MIA
(SIGHS)
KOZLOWSKI
I once knew a man who had a wife. A house, a job, a car. A normal life. He would come home from work, and his wife would have dinner ready. He would go golfing on the holidays. He would seldom drink, but he would smoke a cigar on New Years Eve.
One day, his wife got a letter in the mail. The man recognized the letterhead. It was from his attorney of law. So he opens it, even though it was sent to her. The letter... surprises him. It says please, would she consider that it is now time to meet, and would she make an appointment with them very soon. She can no longer hold off having her husband's last will and testament read to her, and she needs to decide what to do with his estate.
(JACKIE HUMS)
MIA
But -
JACKIE
There must have been a mistake?
KOZLOWSKI
When the wife comes home, he shows her the letter, and she is as surprised as he is. He tries to call the attorney, but the connection is really bad, and he gives up. Instead, he tells his wife to try calling them the next day, while he is out golfing.
At the golf club, his membership card does not work. He simply cannot get in through the front gates. So he gives up, and goes home.
(MIA SIGHS)
Arriving back, he finds his wife crying at the dinner table. She has received a huge bouquet of flowers from some distant relatives, sending their condolences on her recent loss. The man is furious. He throws the flowers at the wall, shouting in anger. Is this a joke? Is someone playing a trick on him? Why does everyone think he is dead?
They go to see the attorney. At the reception, the receptionist talks only to his wife. As if he is not even there.
(JACKIE SUCKS IN A BREATH)
In the meeting, the same thing happens. The man feels entirely invisible. It is a very new feeling to him. He does not know what to do with it. And they return home, perplexed.
MIA
It’s quite chilly. Can we get moving?
JACKIE
Let him finish the story.
MIA
It’s a really long story.
JACKIE
We just killed a deer.
MIA
Exactly, it’s just a deer.
JACKIE
A red deer!
MIA
I don’t give a red fuck -
KOZLOWSKI
Over the next couple of days -
MIA
(GROANS)
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
- similar things keep happening.
A bill arrives in the post, for a very expensive funeral service.
He finds a number of booklets lying on the mantelpiece, the Funeral Order of Service, with his picture on the front. Not a very good picture. One where he has a goofy smile. One of the booklets has blotches of smeared ink, as if it has been cried on.
The man gets his wife to call in sick for him, he figures he needs some time to get his head straight. But the person in HR gets angry and yells at the wife down the phone: Please, stop prank calling! Claiming to call on behalf of recently deceased members of staff? How rude!
(GETTING INCREASINGLY SOFTER IN HIS VOICE) But, the worst of all is, gradually, every day, his wife talks to him less and less. And less... and less...
MIA
We see where this is going. Can you cut to the chase?
KOZLOWSKI
One day, as his wife is on the computer, he looks over her shoulder, and sees her booking a holiday. Just for her.
Where are you going? he asks. She does not reply.
Why are you going alone? he asks. She does not reply.
Why are you ignoring me? he shouts. But still...
JACKIE
(COMPLETELY ENTHRALLED)
No sound...
KOZLOWSKI
Correct. Instead, the wife only... shudders. As if there is a draught in the room.
JACKIE
(SOFTLY) This is fucking creepy…
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
The man is furious. What has he done to deserve this? He grabs the nearest thing - a mirror - and throws it on the floor. His wife jumps. Clears up the broken glass. But still, does not talk to him.
A few days later, she has packed her bags. She gets into her car. He follows her in his car. She drives to the airport and heads to check in. He follows. She shows the airport staff her passport, and gets her boarding ticket. He walks up after her. Shows them his passport. Says he would like a ticket too. Do they have anything on the same flight? He has decided to join his wife on short notice. But the airport staff just walk off, as if he was not there.
And it’s only when he sees his wife disappearing through security, with a tickling air of lightness about her, that the man realizes what has been obvious all along -
MIA
He’s dead. This is a ghost story.
JACKIE
(SHUDDERS) Oh, I just got the shivers!
MIA
Great. Let’s dump this animal and get in the car. We need to keep going.
KOZLOWSKI
The story is not over.
MIA
No?
KOZLOWSKI
No. At first the man is dumbfounded by his discovery. He is a ghost! What does that mean? But then it dawns on him: This is the ultimate freedom! He can do anything! Go anywhere! Own anything... So he drives to a car dealer, a very expensive car dealer, and gets into an Aston Martin Vantage, and drives off without paying.
(A SURPRISED OR CONFUSED NOISE FROM JACKIE)
MIA
What? A ghost story with a happy ending?
KOZLOWSKI
Not for this man. A few blocks down the road, the police stop the car and arrest him.
JACKIE
Wha- What?! But - I don’t understand. I thought he was a ghost?
KOZLOWSKI
Oh no. He was as alive as you or me.
JACKIE
But -
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
The justice system had real trouble with his case though, seeing as the man he claimed to be was confirmed dead. But, nevertheless, he was tried and found guilty, facing a healthy prison sentence.
MIA
This story makes no sense.
KOZLOWSKI (CON’T)
When he finally came out of jail, his wife was nowhere to be found. Gone for good. Their house had been sold, he could not access any of his bank accounts, and he hit a final dead end tracing her to an empty savings account in the Cayman Islands.
You see, when I first met Steffi Fuchs, his wife, she had suffered years of manipulation, gas-lighting and psychological abuse from her husband. She had had enough. So we helped her fake a remarkable death.
JACKIE
Only it wasn’t her death you faked.
MIA
It was his death.
JACKIE
You just didn’t tell him. (SUCKS IN A SHARP BREATH)
KOZLOWSKI
I still think about her sometimes. Imagining her reading romance novels and drinking margaritas pool-side at some all-inclusive resort, living off of what he left her.
JACKIE
I thought you didn’t do involuntary deaths?
KOZLOWSKI
We made an exception.
MIA
So what’s the moral of the story? That being an ass doesn’t pay?
KOZLOWSKI
No. That death is not about loss. Or disintegration. It is about rejuvenation. Because all flowers grow from the rotten corpses of their parents.
(KOZLOWSKI STARTS UNSCREWING HIS VIAL AND BENDS DOWN OVER THE ANIMAL)
MIA
Why are you… Why are you unscrewing… the thing…?
JACKIE
What are you doing?
MIA
Why are you touching the deer?
INT. COLE AND HAINES’ CAR.
COLE
What’s he doing?
Haines
He’s... Uh… Seems like he’s tilting the deer’s head back.
COLE
Now he’s… He’s removing his… necklace…? Huh?
HAINES
It’s that vial… From around his neck…
(COLE MAKES AN UNDERSTANDING SOUND)
Is he... feeding the deer?
EXT. COUNTRY ROAD. NIGHT.
KOZLOWSKI
These are the last drops I have left. We will see if it’s enough.
MIA
Why are you…
(HE KEEPS STROKING THE DEER)
KOZLOWSKI
Poor deer... My poor, poor friend... Can you breathe now?
MIA
Stop stroking it, gross, it might have lice. You’re washing your hands before you get back into the car. Now, lets just drag it off the road and -
JACKIE
It stirred!
KOZLOWSKI
Good boy.
MIA
It was a trick of the light.
JACKIE
There’s hardly any light!
MIA
Yeah, exactly!
JACKIE
Look! It moved again!
KOZLOWSKI
Good boy...
JACKIE
It’s blinking!
KOZLOWSKI
Good boy...
MIA
Uhm -
(THE DEER GETS UP, SNORTS AND SHAKES)
(JACKIE AND MIA REACTS AUDIBLY AT THE MOVEMENTS OF THE LARGE ANIMAL. THEY TAKE A STEP BACK)
KOZLOWSKI
Who-ow! There you go! Good boy! Run off, my friend!
(THE DEER RUNS OFF, INTO THE FOREST)
MIA
(SLIGHTLY EXCITED) What. The hell. Just happened?!
KOZLOWSKI
Rejuvenation. The foremost quality of the phoenix is its ability to wait for the inevitable. It will burn. It will die! And it will rise from the ashes! Wait, and have patience.
JACKIE
(STUNNED) Patience... There's that word again... You said you bottled it...
MIA
You said that's what you're adding to the cocoa! Drops of...!
BEAT.
KOZLOWSKI
(AUDIBLY SMILING) ...Patience.
MIA
This doesn't make any sense.
KOZLOWSKI
I will take you to remote
locations, to the edge of your
imaginations...
JACKIE
Where medicine meets magic...
KOZLOWSKI
Are you willing? Are you brave? There is a life beyond the grave. I'll be your guide and you will see, the world is full of mystery.
BEAT.
(NORMAL AGAIN) Though I am afraid that was the last of it.
JACKIE
Can you make more?
KOZLOWSKI
All my labs have been raided.
MIA
I don't believe this. I…
BEAT.
Clean your hands…?
KOZLOWSKI
Do you have soap and water?
MIA
I- I have some wipes in my bag. Just…
(MIA OPENS THE CAR DOOR AND RUMMAGES AROUND, RETURNS WITH WIPES THAT SHE HANDS TO KOZLOWSKI. HE CLEANS HIS HANDS)
KOZLOWSKI
Jackie?
JACKIE
Yes?
KOZLOWSKI
The question is not: Do you want to live forever?
JACKIE
No?
KOZLOWSKI
No. The question is: Do you want to live tomorrow?
(JACKIE MAKES A SOFT UNDERSTANDING SOUND)
MIA
Get into the car.
Let’s… let’s go to Scotland. I want to hear the story.
BEAT.
I want to hear the story.
THE END THEME TUNE.
CREDITS.
Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits. This episode was written by Oystein Ulsberg Brager with story and audio editing by Philip Thorne, directed by Philip Thorne and Oystein Ulsberg Brager, designed by Adam Raymonda, with music by Fredrik Baden and engineering by Dominic Hargreaves.
It featured Torgny G. Aandera as Cole, Benjamin Noble as Haines, Jordan Cobb as Jackie, Erin King as Mia and Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski.
Graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival.
If you enjoy the show and want to help keep it running, consider becoming a supporter via Patreon. Not only do you help pay the people making it the show, you also get access to some great bonus perks. Next weekend for example, we’re hosting a video livestream crossover show with one of our favourite fellow fiction podcasts “Where the Stars Fell”, and you can watch that live by becoming a supporter from just five dollars. For more info on how to become a supporter, visit ameliapodcast.com We would be so so grateful.
A massive thank you to Kevin Rowland, Angel Acevedo, Sophia Anderson, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Amélie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Mints and such, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui and JK Robbins.
And now, the epilogue.
EPILOGUE
INT. COLE AND HAINES’ CAR.
HAINES
What. The actual. Fucking. Fuck. Was that?
COLE
(TRYING TO MAKE SENSE AND SOUND CONVINCING) Uh… That. My friend. Was a classic... eh… ruse. A vial - filled with nothing but tap water - and a dead deer that was never dead in the first place. It’s very easy to do magic in the dark.
HAINES
I feel a bit shaky...
COLE
There are two large, cold pints of gin waiting for us once this job is done.
HAINES
Oh… Sounds good.
COLE
All right, they’re getting into the car. Let’s get moving. It’s your turn to drive.
HAINES
Oh, you can just keep going.
COLE
I’ve been driving for forever -
HAINES
We can’t switch sides, they’ll hear the car doors!
COLE
Nonono, just scoot over!
(COLE STARTS SWAPPING SEATS WITH HAINES. IT’S CLUMSY)
HAINES
Wait - why - Cole, why don’t you just keep going for a bit longer -
Cole - !
COLE
Come on! Please, my eyes are going loopy -
HAINES
Just stay in your seat - !
COLE
Come on, move, scoot over here! I’m almost in your seat already -
(HAINES GIVES UP AND STARTS MOVING)
HAINES
Fine, fine! I’ll move, I’ll - watch your elbow - ouch!
COLE
See? Nice and easy.
(HAINES SIGHS)
COLE
Go on then?!
(FADE OUT)
END.