EPISODE 78 – LEGACY VAUGHN
PIP
This episode is dedicated to our long term patron LG who will be found smothered by stashes of fabric and yarn. Police will discover a laptop displaying the Britex Fabrics website, with 47 items in the shopping cart. We will resurrect LG as a wisecracking waitress at a roadside diner in the Pacific Northwest.
Be like LG, support the show and let us fake your death. Enjoy the episode!
PROLOGUE
AN ATTIC IN FLORENCE.
(INTERVIEWER AND KOZLOWSKI ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF AN ENERGETIC FENCING MATCH. THEY DART AROUND THE ROOM, KNOCKING INTO TABLES, STUMBLING OVER CHAIRS, SENDING CROCKERY FLYING THOROUGH THE AIR)
KOZLOWSKI
Stocatta!
KOZLOWSKI LUNGES.
INTERVIEWER
Stocatta Lunga!
(INTERVIEWER LEAPS!)
KOZLOWSKI
Reverso! Reverso!
INTERVIEWER
Piroetta!
(INTERVIEWER PIROUETTES)
KOZLOWSKI
(LAUGHUNG) Why are you pirouetting?
INTERVIEWER
Ha ha! Because I can!
KOZLOWSKI
You are showing off.
INTERVIEWER
Jealous?
KOZLOWSKI
This is no way to fight, Arthur. You should be conserving energy...
INTERVIEWER
Not my style.
KOZLOWSKI
If you are ever in a real duel-
INTERVIEWER
Cavazione!
KOZLOWSKI
Mezza Cavazione!
Contrapostura!
INTERVIEWER
Under the leg!
KOZLOWSKI
What?
INTERVIEWER
Ha! You weren't expecting that were you?
KOZLOWSKI
That is silly.
INTERVIEWER
Behind the back!
KOZLOWSKI
Arthur –
(INTERVIEWER STABS HIMSELF)
INTERVIEWER
OUCH!!!
KOZLOWSKI
(SIGHS) And another self hit.
INTERVIEWER
(IN PAIN) I'm fine!
KOZLOWSKI
No you are not.
(INTERVIEWER JUMPS BACK UP)
INTERVIEWER
En garde!
KOZLOWSKI
I think we should take a break.
INTERVIEWER
Scared?
KOZLOWSKI
Uh, no.
INTERVIEWER
Admit it. I am an unpredictable opponent.
KOZLOWSKI
Unpredictable... Yes...
INTERVIEWER
Ha!!!
KOZLOWSKI
Arthur what is that?
INTERVIEWER
What?
KOZLOWSKI
The paper on the floor.
INTERVIEWER
I don't know...
KOZLOWSKI
Someone must have slipped it under the door while we were fencing...
(INTERVIEWER GOES TO PICK IT UP. HE UNFOLDS THE PAPER)
INTERVIEWER
(AN INTAKE OF BREATH)
KOZLOWSKI
What is it?
INTERVIEWER
A PHOENIX.
(KOZLOWSKI TAKES THE PAPER)
KOZLOWSKI
It is an impressive sketch. The flames are so lively. You can almost feel the heat. This must be the work of a great artist.
INTERVIEWER
There's something written beneath... Very neat handwriting. (READS)"Thginot. Oihccorrev." It's gobbledygook.
KOZLOWSKI
Give it to me!
(SNATCHES THE PAPER)
"Verrocchio. Tonight."
INTERVIEWER
What?
KOZLOWSKI
It is mirror script.
INTERVIEWER
Verrocchio needs our help?
KOZLOWSKI
Interesting... You must go see him.
INTERVIEWER
But we are visiting the cobblers shop this evening!
KOZLOWSKI
Hmm. I'm still not sure a cobbler’s shop is a suitable front for a-
INTERVIEWER
Why not? Making boots! It will be a comfortable life! And everyone needs to get their soles patched. It's the perfect pretext for meeting clients! Besides, we can't stay in this attic forever. If we want to make Florence our new base we need to - Ooh!
KOZLOWSKI
What?
INTERVIEWER
"Firebird Footwear!" Haha! What do you think?
KOZLOWSKI
I think that boot making is a skill it takes many years to-
INTERVIEWER
I will master it just like I mastered fishing. And preaching. And basket weaving. And rat catching. And jousting. And -
KOZLOWSKI
(CHUCKLES)
INTERVIEWER
(PROTESTS) I am a jack of all trades!
KOZLOWSKI
(UNDER HIS BREATH) Master of none.
INTERVIEWER
I heard that! You want to stay in Florence as much as I do, right?
KOZLOWSKI
Oh yes. I believe it is the most interesting place to be.
INTERVIEWER
Right!
KOZLOWSKI
I will inspect this cobblers shop.
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
KOZLOWSKI
But you must meet Verrocchio. Setting up a new cover operation requires funds... and an artist of Verrocchio's standing can pay...
INTERVIEWER
Very well.
BEAT.
Another match?
(HE GRABS THE RAPIERS)
KOZLOWSKI
No Arthur...
INTERVIEWER
En garde!
KOZLOWSKI
Arthur -
INTERVIEWER
Sotto il braccio!
KOZLOWSKI
I said -
INTERVIEWER
Azioni Volanti!
KOZLOWSKI
Oh very well... Falso Dritto!
(AS THE FENCING CONTINUES THE BEEPS FADE IN AND THE THEME MUSIC TAKES OVER)
INTRO
The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thone and Oystein Ulsberg Brager, with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden, and sound design by Eli Hamada McIlveen.
Episode 78 - Legacy Vaughn, 1466
INTERVIEW
(THE INTERVIEWER WALKS INTO VERROCCHIO'S WORKSHOP)
INTERVIEWER
Hello?
(HIS VOICE ECHOES IN THE BIG EMPTY ROOM)
Andrea del Verrocchio?
(SILENCE)
Hmm.
(SCARED) Oh!
(THEN A RELIEVED LAUGH) So sorry! I didn't see you there! It's so dark and... you're so still. Yes, uh…
Verrocchio?
LEGACY
(LAUGHS)
INTERVIEWER
(REELS AROUND IN SURPRISE)
LEGACY
That's not Verrocchio, that's a statue.
INTERVIEWER
Who are you? Where are you?
LEGACY
Up here!
INTERVIEWER
Oh? What are you doing up on that ladder?
LEGACY
Varnishing a canvas.
INTERVIEWER
You're an apprentice?
LEGACY
(SIGHS) Just a garzione.
INTERVIEWER
Call your master please.
LEGACY
It's late. Verrocchio is already in bed - Wait!
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
Are you...
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
(LEGACY CLIMBS DOWN THE LADDER)
LEGACY
I... I can't believe it's you!
INTERVIEWER
I'm here to see your -
LEGACY
You're the phoenix guy!
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS)
LEGACY
I know who you are!
INTERVIEWER
Verrocchio shouldn't have told you about me. We operate in utmost secrecy, we -
LEGACY
Verrocchio didn't send for you.
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
I did.
INTERVIEWER
You?
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
No no, that can't be! Verrocchio left this. See?
(TAKES THE DRAWING FROM HIS BAG AND UNFOLDS IT)
LEGACY
That was me.
INTERVIEWER
You drew this? Nono, it's -
LEGACY
Just a silly little doodle really, but -
INTERVIEWER
- ingenious!
LEGACY
Oh! Thanks. But I don't think I've really figured out fire yet. I'm better at water. Wanna see?
INTERVIEWER
Well… Yes?
(LEGACY REVEALS A NOTEBOOK AND STARTS FLIPPING THROUGH IT)
Let me see, it must be in here somewhere… Ah! See! I've been trying to get wave motions and currents right. This is water running against and around an obstacle...
LEGACY FLIPS A PAGE.
LEGACY
This is water in descent...
INTERVIEWER
You're really just a studio boy?
(FLIPS PAGE)
LEGACY
And this is water hitting water!
INTERVIEWER
It's so vivid! So real! I can almost hear the water crashing down the rocks!
LEGACY
(LAUGHS) Neat huh? I'll gift it to you.
INTERVIEWER
Thank you. Can you sign it?
LEGACY
Of course.
(HE SCRIBBLES SOMETHING)
INTERVIEWER
Oh what are you- You are writing in reverse.
LEGACY
Oh. Force of habit. I'm left handed you see, so I taught myself to write from right to left to avoid smudging the ink.
INTERVIEWER
Clever!
LEGACY
It's also a way to stop people from snooping on me.
INTERVIEWER
Snooping?
LEGACY
Yeah. I prefer to keep my ideas secret.
(LEGACY TEARS OUT A PAGE)
Here you go.
INTERVIEWER
Thank you. (READS) "Niagara Falls by Legacy Vaughn." That's your name? Legacy Vaughn?
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Very promising...
LEGACY
What?
INTERVIEWER
It's an unusual name. So, I'm guessing you have an unusual story for me...
LEGACY
You want to hear my story?
INTERVIEWER
Oh yes. I collect stories.
LEGACY
Very well. Uh, but not here. Follow me.
INTERVIEWER
Where are we going?
LEGACY
I'll take you to my room.
(LEGACY CROSSES THE WORKSHOP AND INTERVIEWER FOLLOWS)
Well, I say room but...
(HE SWISHES OPEN A CURTAIN)
INTERVIEWER
Oh.
(HE COUGHS. IT DOESN'T SMELL GOOD)
Oh. This is where Verrocchio makes you sleep?
LEGACY
To be fair, he didn't really need a garzione. He's already got his apprentices to house and feed. But I said I would work without bed and board, and he agreed.
INTERVIEWER
So now you sleep in the storage chamber between the paints and brushes?
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
And what about food?
LEGACY
I have a little stash.
INTERVIEWER
Huh. Uhm… And what's that smell?
(SNIFFS AIR)
LEGACY
Oh, I've been conducting a little experiment...
INTERVIEWER
What kind of experiment?
LEGACY
Mixing egg yolks into oil paints... Some of the eggs may have rotted in the heat...
INTERVIEWER
Uh, why are you doing that?
LEGACY
Well, I think it helps against humidity, surface wrinkling and yellowing of the paintings. Who would have thought! Egg yolks help against yellowing! It’s so funny!
(LAUGHS)
(INTERVIEWER PICKS SOME PAPERS OFF THE FLOOR)
INTERVIEWER
These are your paintings?
LEGACY
(SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED) Yeah... You know what, give those here, give them here, I’ll take those-
INTERVIEWER
So in addition to water in motion you're studying… penises, in, uh, motion.
LEGACY
(GIGGLES)
INTERVIEWER
(CLEARS THROAT) Has Verrocchio seen your work?
LEGACY
No.
INTERVIEWER
Why not?
LEGACY
It's not good enough!
INTERVIEWER
What? Oh come now! The male member has never been depicted with such anatomical precision and … erect virility!
LEGACY
The veins aren't right.
INTERVIEWER
Ugh. You're a perfectionist.
LEGACY
Details make perfection, and perfection isn't a detail.
INTERVIEWER
Hm.
BEAT.
I'm hungry.
(LEGACY RUMMAGES BETWEEN SOME PAINT POTS AND FINDS A BAG. HE TEARS IT OPEN)
Want some?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I don't want to deplete your reserves -
LEGACY
Oh, be my guest, I insist.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, alright, oh, what on earth is… Uh… Alright, uhm…
(LEGACY PASSES THE BAG TO ARTHUR. THEY BOTH START MUNCHING)
(EXTATIC) Oh my! These are excellent! Oh so sweet! So light! So crunchy!
LEGACY
(THROUGH FULL MOUTH) I know right? Have some more.
(SHAKES SOME MORE TREATS FROM THE BAG INTO ARTHUR'S CUPPED HAND)
INTERVIEWER
Oh, thank you!
LEAGCY
And something to wash it down, catch!
(LEGACY THROWS SOMETHING TO THE INTERVIEWER, AND HE CATCHES IT)
INTERVIEWER
What's this? How do you open it?
LEGACY
No, nonono, don’t shake it, don’t shake it.
INTERVIEWER
Why?
LEGACY
You take the tag, here at the top, pull it back until you hear…
(CAN GETS OPENED, SOUND OF FIZZ AS IT GOES OVER THE TOP)
LEGACY
(LAUGHING) It’s getting everywhere
INTERVIEWER
(STUTTERING)
LEGACY
Yeah, that’s what happens!
INTERVIEWER
Is it safe?
LEGACY
Oh, absolutely safe, totally!
INTERVIEWER
It won’t explode in my stomach?
LEGACY
No! Nonono, that’s just the after- that’s the- just drink it, you’ll be great.
INTERVIEWER
Cheers!
LEGACY
Cheers!
(THEY BOTH DRINK)
INTERVIEWER
Oh my! Oh, oh, It's sparkling inside my mouth!
LEGACY
Good isn't it?
(BURPS)
INTERVIEWER
(GIGGLES) How did you do that?
LEGACY
What, this?
(BURPS LOUDLY)
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS)
LEGACY
You try it! Come on, it’s easy!
INTERVIEWER
Alright! Oh, how fun!
(TAKES A SWIG AND ATTEMPTS A BURP)
LEGACY
Almost! Practice makes perfect!
INTERVIEWER
Let me have another go... Let me have another go.
LEGACY
Go ahead, go ahead! I feel it, come on, you can do it!
INTERVIEWER
(MANAGES A DECENT BURP)
LEGACY
Oh, that was good! See!
(ANOTHER BURP)
INTERVIEWER
Ah, good lord. That wasn’t as good as the first one, but
LEGACY
It takes time, but, you know. You're already better than Botticelli, Marino and Ghirlandaio, so…
INTERVIEWER
Who are Botticelli, Marino and Ghirlandaio?
LEGACY
Verrocchio's apprentices. I'm sure Botticelli stole a few cans...
INTERVIEWER
Well thank you for introducing me to this exquisite drink. What is it?
A little specialty from back home.
INTERVIEWER
(BIG BURP)
LEGACY
Awesome! Look at that! You did it!
INTERVIEWER/LEGACY
(LAUGH)
INTERVIEWER
So, Legacy. I think it's time you told me your story.
LEGACY
Yes. And then you tell me your story.
INTERVIEWER
And then I’ll tell- What?!
(A PHONE RINGS)
LEGACY
Oh, hold on, sorry about that.
INTERVIEWER
What's that?
LEGACY
So sorry, I need to take this...
(LEGACY ANSWERS THE PHONE)
Hi mom! How's things?
INTERVIEWER
What are you - ?
LEGACY
Yeah yeah, all good. Yeah, learning loads. Really inspiring. Uh-huh
INTERVIEWER
Why are you talking to - ?
LEGACY
Oh that? That's my roomy.
INTERVIEWER
Roomy?
LEGACY
Yeah, Mike.
INTERVIEWER
Mike?
LEGACY
You know Mike, he's on this study trip too. He's from Denver.
INTERVIEWER
Denver?
LEGACY
Yeah, yeah, he's cool. No, he's not my boyfriend - Mum, that's none of your business!
INTERVIEWER
Um, Legacy?
LEGACY
Yeah, yeah... I miss you too mom. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, the pizza is amazing!
INTERVIEWER
Pizza? What's pizza?
LEGACY
Mortadella? Gross mum! Animal killer! Corpse cruncher! Urgh…
(SIGHS) Yeah yeah mom, I'm getting enough protein. And sleep. And exercise. Honestly mom, I’m doing great, I’m all good.
Okay, kiss kiss, have a good day. Goodb -
(SIGHS)
Yes. Yes. Of course I'm being honest! Never been better. I mean, it's Italy! What's not to love right? La Dolce Vita! Oh, okay, I really have to go, I'm trying to save my battery. Ok, yup, bye bye now! Whoa! She won’t stop talking!
INTERVIEWER
What was that?!?
LEGACY
I'm screwed! I need help!
INTERVIEWER
You think so?! You just spent several minutes talking to your hand! I mean who does that!
LEGACY
That was my mom!
INTERVIEWER
What?!
LEGACY
You really don't know what a phone is? I thought -
INTERVIEWER
A "phone?"
LEGACY
Okay, okay, okay okay… I'm going to have to ask you to keep an open mind. This is. Wow. This is going to be... Here, have another Malteser.
(SHAKES SOME MORE MALTESERS INTO INTERVIEWER'S HAND)
INTERVIEWER
Don’t mind if I do. Thank you very much. Oh god, this is marvellous, they are so…
LEGACY
So good, right? I know, it’s like magic.
INTERVIEWER
No, no, anyways. Explain please.
LEGACY
Okay... so this thing here, it can transmit my voice across the world to a different country.
INTERVIEWER
Which country?
LEGACY
Uh, you probably don't know it.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I probably do. I am exceedingly well travelled.
LEGACY
Yeah but this country...
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
LEGACY
It hasn't been discovered yet.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, come on!
LEGACY
I know I know, that's so arrogant right? I mean it's not like Columbus discovered America, there were already people living there and then they came over and-
INTERVIEWER
You are making no sense!
LEGACY
Sorry, sorry. Getting ahead of myself.
INTERVIEWER
(DOING HIS BEST TO TRY AND TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY) Right. Legacy. Let me get this straight. You’re saying there's a country that hasn't been discovered yet.
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
You’re also saying you can communicate with the people there.
LEGACY
Well, with my mom, yes.
INTERVIEWER
Legacy, I'm doing my best to keep an open mind, but -
LEGACY
But that's not all. This country exists in a different timezone.
INTERVIEWER
Well, yes, I mean, you said "have a good day." So it's clearly the morning there.
LEGACY
Nonono, They’re… they are nine hours ah- ahead? Behind? Yeah, they are nine hours or so behind. But that's not what I meant. I meant they are ahead.
INTERVIEWER
You just said they were behind!
LEGACY
Oh balls, this is so confusing...
INTERVIEWER
And what is "pizza?"
LEGACY
Oh, just a food. But that's not important, what I’m trying to say is-
INTERVIEWER
A food from this undiscovered country?
LEGACY
No, from this country, but again, not the point-
INTERVIEWER
From Florence?
LEGACY
Naples, but -
INTERVIEWER
Yes, but you said from this country.
LEGACY
Oh dear... You know what, uhm, you see in about 400 years, Naples, Florence, Venice, Milan and The Two Sicicles will unite to form one country -
INTERVIEWER
I don’t think so, haha! (REALISES) In 400 years?
LEGACY
Yeah, give or take.
INTERVIEWER
But you were talking to your mother now.
LEGACY
Yes, but she's in the future.
INTERVIEWER
What?! Alright, alright. How come you're in the present, and she's -
LEGACY
You mean past.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry?
LEGACY
You said "How come you're in the present"
INTERVIEWER
Because you are in the present.
LEGACY
No I'm not.
INTERVIEWER
Yes you are. This is the present.
LEGACY
No it's not.
INTERVIEWER
It’s not. Right. Then what is it?
LEGACY
The past.
INTERVIEWER
(ROLLING WITH IT) It’s the past, is it? Oh, okay…
LEGACY
Well, to be honest, uh, I think it's time we retired those categories really, but -
INTERVIEWER
No no no, what I mean is, right now, NOW, you and me talking, and drinking this um -
LEGACY
Coke.
INTERVIEWER
Coke, right, and eating, these, um, these delicious… what are they called? Malt...
LEGACY
Maltesers.
INTERVIEWER
Maltesers, right! Maltesers. Got to remember that. This moment right NOW, this must be the present!
LEGACY
Are you sure?
INTERVIEWER
What do you mean?
LEGACY
I mean we're drinking a beverage that was invented in 1886 and eating confectionary from 1937.
INTERVIEWER
This is very confusing.
LEGACY
I agree.
BEAT.
Look. Maybe we should backtrack a little?
INTERVIEWER
I think that would be helpful.
LEGACY
Where to begin…
INTERVIEWER
Well. Let's start with your name. Legacy?
LEGACY
(LAUGHS) Yeah, Legacy. Mom and dad had high hopes for me, wanted me to make a mark. So, they called me Legacy. Sorry, do you mind if I doodle while I talk? It helps me focus.
INTERVIEWER
Go for it.
(LEGACY DOODLES)
LEGACY
(SIGHS) I was a weird kid. At Kindergarten, while the others were colouring, trying to stay inside the lines, I drew felt tip castles, catapults, and armoured knights on horses.
While the others used play-doh to roll sausages or cut stars, I sculpted a mini bust of Mrs Rapose, our nursery teacher.
Mom and dad hired an art teacher to give me lessons, but I was too into building a Lego city to pay attention. I spent weeks on that city, building it out into the hall and up the stairs.
I learned how to read and write in my first year at elementary school. I read all the books in the library and was sent to middle school for more. I came across a science magazine and it was love at first sight.
For my sixth birthday I got a chemistry set and turned my bedroom into a lab. I started a fire that almost burnt the house down. (LAUGHS) Mom and dad encouraged me to play outdoors after that, silly me…
I collected snails, worms and caterpillars, taught myself how to sketch the webbed foot of a frog and the wings of a tiger swallowtail butterfly. A neighbour saw me dissecting a toad with my penknife. She screamed and screamed at mom and called me sick.
Mom enrolled me in a summer music camp to keep me out of trouble. I practiced the violin all day and night, learned how to read and write music.
INTERVIEWER
You wrote music at the age of six?
LEGACY
At seven. Mrs King asked me to write new songs for our school nativity play. She got sick two weeks before the show, so I took over the direction.
INTERVIEWER
At age seven? Wow. That's very impressive!
LEGACY
I know right! One of the dads in the audience was a theatre agent and he thought so too. He asked my parents if he could represent me. So I started writing a play for him. But I never finished it, because I got distracted...
INTERVIEWER
By what?
LEGACY
Mathematics!
INTERVIEWER
I feel exhausted just listening to you!
LEGACY
Hey! Learning never exhausts the mind.
INTERVIEWER
But -
LEGACY
And I hate boredom.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, yes, I agree!
LEGACY
I know right! Boredom is the worst!
INTERVIEWER
Isn't it!
LEGACY
I always need a new project to lose myself in.
INTERVIEWER
I'm like that with cases. I always need new stories to keep my mind occupied.
LEGACY
But I find it hard to concentrate on just one thing... You know, the world is just too interesting, you know? Mom and dad were always trying to get me to focus, to commit fully to my art or writing or music, or math, or chemistry, or quantum theory.
INTERVIEWER
Quantum theory?
LEGACY
Oh, just a thing I became obsessed with when I was ten. It's wild shit. Anyway, the point is, I find it impossible to do just one thing. I get bored.
INTERVIEWER
Hmm, yes... I mean, time is too short...
LEGACY
Time stays long enough for anyone who uses it properly.
INTERVIEWER
Huh. That is a very wise thing for someone like you to say.
LEGACY
Someone like me? What's that supposed to mean?
INTERVIEWER
Someone so young!
LEGACY
(PROTESTS) Hey! I'm sixteen, thank you very much!
INTERVIEWER
Exactly!
LEGACY
(BURPS)
I may be young, but that didn't stop Berkley, Harvard, MIT and Julliard throwing scholarships at me. They didn't even need me to finish high school!
INTERVIEWER
I have no idea what those names mean...
LEGACY
But I couldn't choose! I wanted to do it all! Music, engineering, architecture, algebra, art...
(LEGACY STOPS DOODLING)
INTERVIEWER
What's that?
LEGACY
I told you, I like to doodle while I talk.
INTERVIEWER
Yes, but that's more than a doodle... What is it? A piece of art or a technical diagram?
LEGACY
Why can't it be both? When I do art, I'm a mathematician, thinking about perspective, proportions and geometry. When I do science, I'm an artist, dreaming of the impossible. But that's not how the education system works, right. They want you to "specialize." Ugh.
BEAT.
But then I met a man.
INTERVIEWER
Which man?
LEGACY
(DOODLING AGAIN) A Russian gentleman with emerald eyes and a green velvet suit. He said he represented an elite academy that specializes in nurturing geniuses. My parents were cautious, but that was only because there was no public information about this school. I think they would have preferred me to go to Harvard or MIT.
But they liked this man calling me a genius, and, and I tell you, he was good at flattery, so eventually they let me go.
And at first I thought I had made a mistake. The academy seemed like... a prison. But the gentleman assured me that the security was simply to give students a safe space for their research. And the research being conducted there was extraordinary!
I met the brightest brains in astronomy, linguistics, computer science, nuclear physics, clairvoyance, chaos theory, molecular biology, string theory, robotics, biochemistry, risk analysis, architecture, telepathy and entomology. I mean…!
I was given unlimited funds to pursue my passions and could use my time however I wanted. I- "I want you to dream" the gentleman said, "dream big, dream bigger than anyone has ever dreamed before!"
And so I let my curiosity drift, combined disciplines, explored relativity, space engineering, history, sci-fi and quantum computing... and then I designed this.
(HE WAVES THE DOODLE)
A time machine.
INTERVIEWER
A time machine?
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Oh… Like... a clock?
LEGACY
No, nonono, not a time telling machine, a time traveling machine. I have travelled here from the year 2020.
INTERVIEWER
Wow. I must say Legacy, your story did not disappoint!
(THEY BOTH LAUGH)
Time travel! I consider myself quite the connoisseur of stories, but time travel? This is something quite unique.
LEGACY
Well yes... I guess H.G Wells hasn't written his masterpiece yet, so -
INTERVIEWER
HG Wells?
LEGACY
A couple of hundred years from now he'll write a story called The Time Machine. It will popularize the idea and inspire all sorts of fiction.
INTERVIEWER
(POINTEDLY) Yes. Fiction. Quite.
LEGACY
(NERVOUS CHUCKLE) Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
You're not just a talented artist, but a gifted storyteller. I was a storyteller myself, but the level of fantasy and detail in your tale are quite exquisite.
LEGACY
Wait… Are you saying you don't believe me?
INTERVIEWER
What? That you travelled here from the year 2020?
LEGACY
Yes.
(INTERVIEWER LAUGHS)
LEGACY
What? What’s so funny?
INTERVIEWER
Nothing, no, no, I admire the commitment to your tale!
LEGACY
But?
INTERVIEWER
But it's hornswoggle!
LEGACY
No! Hey! How... how do you explain the Maltesers, the Coke?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, some culinary innovation from the Orient?
LEGACY
Oh that's ridiculous! What about my phone?
INTERVIEWER
That thing you held up to your ear?
LEGACY
Yeah, I spoke with my mum!
INTERVIEWER
All I saw was you doing was talking to your hand.
LEGACY
Right. "Hi Siri."
(THE PHONE MAKES A SOUND)
INTERVIEWER
My name is not Siri! Ooh! It lights up!
LEGACY
Here you go.
(PASSES INTERVIEWER THE PHONE)
Take a look!
INTERVIEWER
Uh... thank you.
LEGACY
"Open Spotify."
(BING!)
INTERVIEWER
(JUMPS) Huh! Good Lord!
LEGACY
Careful! Don't uh, don’t drop it! Expensive…
INTERVIEWER
But... butbutbut- What are all those little pictures?
LEGACY
Oh, choose one. Any of them.
INTERVIEWER
Where did they come fro- Sorry?
LEGACY
Go on. Just press one.
INTERVIEWER
Press on - ? Alrigh –
(LOUD HIP HOP MUSIC)
(SCREAMS!)
LEGACY
(OVER THE MUSIC) You haven't heard anything like that before have you?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, good lord make it stop! Make it stop! (HE FRANTICALLY PRODS THE SCREEN)
(THE MUSIC STOPS AND IS EXCHANGED BY THE FOLLOWING)
PHONE:
"Rudyard Funn runs a funeral home in the village of Piffling Vale. It used to be the only one. It isn't anymore..."
What's that? Who's talking?
LEGACY
Oh, just a podcast I like. You can stop it here.
(LEGACY STOPS THE PODCAST)
LEGACY
Want to see some photos?
INTERVIEWER
"Photos"?
LEGACY
Of home.
INTERVIEWER
Um...
LEGACY
Press there. There, right there.
INTERVIEWER
What, here?
LEGACY
No, no, now touch that little square up in the left corner -
INTERVIEWER
(PRESSES, THEN LETS OUT A SQUEAL AS THE SCREEN CHANGES)
LEGACY
No not that one – okay, okay…
INTERVIEWER
(READING) "Do you love the color of the sky?"
LEGACY
That's Tumblr.
INTERVIEWER
Who is?
LEGACY
No no it's a website. A blogging website, but it's also haunted. It's complicated, really.
INTERVIEWER
A web- Uh…
LEGACY
Give it here. (HE TAKES THE PHONE) Watch this.
(MUSIC AND MEOWS FROM A YOUTUBE VIDEO)
INTERVIEWER
Why is that kitten wearing clothes? And why is it... on a... what is that?
LEGACY
Uh, that’s a bicycle.
INTERVIEWER
What does this mean? In the future cats will overtake humans?
LEGACY
Shit!
INTERVIEWER
Oh! Why has it gone black? Oh, it’s an omen! Can we watch the kitten again, or is it dead or-
LEGACY
The battery's gone. The battery’s gone.
INTERVIEWER
(SHOOK TO HIS BONES) IT’S BEEN BATTERED?? BY WHO?
LEGACY
No, battery… (SADLY) Nevermind. I was going to show you a picture of mom.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, it's broken?
LEGACY
Anyway, now do you believe me?
INTERVIEWER
Well. I mean, I must admit it's most peculiar.
LEGACY
That was a yes?
INTERVIEWER
That was a … well, I... I... Well thrust me like a rapier, I suppose I do! Yes. A time traveller! I can't wait to tell Kamak about this! How do you like it here in fifteenth century Florence?
LEGACY
That's the problem...
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
I liked it here too much.
INTERVIEWER
Really? You're a studio boy, sleeping among the paint pots!
LEGACY
That may be so, but the energy and excitement... it's infectious! It's inspiring!
INTERVIEWER
You think?
LEGACY
None of this right brain left brain bullshit from back home. Here in Florence art and science are not binaries!
This city is a melting pot of art, architecture and innovation. Here art must be rigorous, and technology must be beautiful. Civilization is reinventing itself before my eyes!
(SIGHS)
But I've stayed here too long...
INTERVIEWER
How long have you been with us?
LEGACY
Almost a week.
INTERVIEWER
That's not so long!
LEGACY
Normally I only stay a few hours.
INTERVIEWER
But if you like it here, what's wrong with staying longer?
LEGACY
Yesterday I tried to go home.
INTERVIEWER
Right?
LEGACY
I couldn't.
INTERVIEWER
Oh. Oh dear! What happened?
LEGACY
I don't fully understand... Where’s my… sketchbook… But my theory is this: look.
INTERVIEWER
Right.
LEGACY
(HE STARTS DOODLING, SKETCHING A TRIANGLE AS HE SPEAKS) Time is not linear. Past, present and future are not points on a straight line, they are three sides of a triangle.
INTERVIEWER
Okay.
LEGACY
I was able to create a wormhole through the triangle, from the 16th January 2020 to the 16th January 1468. But the opening only exists on that one day. It's now the 23rd January and my route back has closed.
INTERVIEWER
But presumably now you can create a new route through the triangle from the 23rd January 1468 to the 23rd January 2020?
LEGACY
No, I can only travel into the past. (DRAWING AGAIN) When I was in 2020, I wasn't able to travel into the future. Only back. And now that this has become my new present, I can travel anywhere prior to 1468, and as long as I only stay a few hours, I can come back to the day from which I departed. But I can't travel further forward.
INTERVIEWER
I see... So, you're stuck in 1468.
LEGACY
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Oh…
LEGACY
Unless...
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
LEGACY
You help me.
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
Can you do that?
INTERVIEWER
You want me to make you disappear from 1468 and reappear in 2020? That's impossible.
LEGACY
(WINCES) LALALA!!!
INTERVIEWER
What was that!
LEGACY
I hate that word.
INTERVIEWER
What word? Impossible?
LEGACY
(WINCES AND MAKES TEENAGE ANGRY SOUNDS) Don’t even say it!
INTERVIEWER
Such a confusing day… I'm sorry Legacy, but unlike you, I am not a time-hopping genius, I am but a simple death faker, with -
LEGACY
Stop it.
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
"A simple death faker."
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
LEGACY
I know that you're more than that.
INTERVIEWER
Oh! (FLATTERED) You're referring to my fencing skills?
LEGACY
No!
INTERVIEWER
(DISAPPOINTED) Oh. Because -
LEGACY
I know about your secret.
INTERVIEWER
My… what?
LEGACY
I have told you my story, now it is time for you to tell me yours.
INTERVIEWER
That's not how this works!
LEGACY
How did you do it? How did you travel into the future?
INTERVIEWER
Me? Uh, you are mistaken...
LEGACY
I have seen you with my own eyes!
INTERVIEWER
What? Where?
LEGACY
At the academy!
INTERVIEWER
I am very flattered, but I am no genius! At least not like you, or -
LEGACY
I saw you going into Room 333.
INTERVIEWER
I have no idea what you're talking about!
LEGACY
It was you! I know it was!
INTERVIEWER
Maybe you saw someone who looked like me?
LEGACY
No! It was you!
INTERVIEWER
How can you be so sure?
LEGACY
Your symbol was on the door!
INTERVIEWER
Sorry?
LEGACY
The phoenix!
INTERVIEWER
You saw someone who looks like me entering a door marked with a phoenix?
LEGACY
Yes. Room 333.
INTERVIEWER
That is a coincidence.
LEGACY
I was curious because I'd never seen you at the academy before. I asked the emerald eyed gent what you were studying, but he wouldn't tell me.
Then, yesterday, here in Florence, I came across your symbol again. A phoenix scratched into a pew at Cattedrale di Santa Maria del Fiore. Beneath it an address.
The phoenix is a common mythological symbol I told myself, probably no connection. But I wanted to make sure... So I left a message...
And then look! You come into the workshop! You are the same person I saw in 2020, I'm sure of it.
INTERVIEWER
Hmm.
LEGACY
What?
INTERVIEWER
(CHUCKLES) You have got this wrong.
LEGACY
I told you, I know what I saw, I-
INTERVIEWER
Yes, I think you did see me in 2020.
LEGACY
Finally the truth comes out!
INTERVIEWER
But my secret isn't time travel. Nothing as fancy as that. No, no, my secret is boringly linear I'm afraid.
LEGACY
What do you mean?
INTERVIEWER
I travel through time, yes. But only forwards. And I cannot speed up the process.
LEGACY
So you have no machine?
INTERVIEWER
Sadly, no.
LEGACY
(DISAPPOINTED) Oh. Okay.
(PAUSE)
INTERVIEWER
I move forward, hour by hour, day by day, year by year, just like everyone else. Only… my partner and I have found a way to delay the destination.
LEGACY
Delay the destination. The destination being death?
INTERVIEWER
I'm so thrilled to hear I will still be around in 2020! I mean death fakery is a dangerous profession, and I've had my fair share of -
LEGACY
And how do you delay death, exactly!
INTERVIEWER
Oh!
LEGACY
What?
INTERVIEWER
That means I will live in an age in which these Maltwizlers are readily available!
LEGACY
(SIGHS IMPATIENTLY) Maltesers.
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS) Yum. Can I have another one?
(HE HELPS HIMSELF TO ANOTHER MALTESER. CRUNCH)
So smooth and-
LEGACY
Well this is great for you, but it's terrible for me. I was hoping you could bring me home...
INTERVIEWER
Well, I am afraid I can't do that. I could give you a new identity in the past if you like?
LEGACY
How would you do that?
INTERVIEWER
Well you can travel back to any period, right?
LEGACY
Right.
INTERVIEWER
And I'm very well connected in medieval Europe, the Roman Empire, Greece, Ancient Egypt, you name it.
LEGACY
Right...
INTERVIEWER
I could bring you back as a jester in King Harold's court, or as a chariot racer in Circus Maximus, or -
LEGACY
No, stop, stop! If you can't bring me back to 2020 I'm not interested.
INTERVIEWER
What's so great about 2020?
LEGACY
Nothing. Actually, it's a really shit year. I kind of prefer it here to be honest, but -
INTERVIEWER
Then stay!
LEGACY
Hmm...
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
I mean it is tempting...
INTERVIEWER
You said you felt inspired here.
LEGACY
Hypothetically, if I do stay, then at least I might still meet him...
INTERVIEWER
Who?
LEGACY
My hero! (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)
INTERVIEWER
You’re her- Wait, your hero isn’t Verrocchio?
LEGACY
(LAUGHS) Oh please!
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
Verrocchio?
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
LEGACY
(LAUGHS AND BLOWS A RASPBERRY)
INTERVIEWER
Verrocchio is a very respected artist, and I just naturally assumed-
LEGACY
Sorry, yes. He's a decent craftsman. But he's no innovator.
INTERVIEWER
Okay then if not Verrocchio, then who?
LEGACY
Leonardo!
INTERVIEWER
Who?
LEGACY
Leonardo?
INTERVIEWER
Leonardo?
LEGACY
Yes!
INTERVIEWER
Leonardo!
LEGACY
Leonardo da Vinci!
INTERVIEWER
Nope…
LEGACY
You've never heard of - Sorry, of course you haven't. He's still a humble apprentice, preparing panels, grinding pigments and sweeping workshop floors. That's how I wanted to meet him... before his fame...
INTERVIEWER
And what makes this Leonardo so special?
LEGACY
He's a man ahead of his time!
INTERVIEWER
A painter?
LEGACY
A painter, sculptor, architect, scientist, inventor, cartographer, anatomist, botanist, geologist, theatrical impresario, writer. I mean, the list goes on!
INTERVIEWER
Impressive.
LEGACY
He made technical drawings for parachutes, helicopters, scuba diving gear, an armoured car, a robotic knight and a multi barrel gun!
INTERVIEWER
A robotic knight?
LEGACY
And he designed a city of the future, featuring raised walkways, multi-level streets, and underground sewage system.
INTERVIEWER
And did he actually build it?
LEGACY
His theatre shows were full of the most extraordinary effects! He made a mechanical lion walk up to the King of France, open its chest and reveal a cluster of lilies!
INTERVIEWER
Gosh!
LEGACY
He designed the world's first contact lenses, he's the father of dentistry, he was the first animal rights activist and vegetarian I mean, he made a wingglider-
INTERVIEWER
A what?
LEGACY
A vegetarian. It means he didn't eat meat.
INTERVIEWER
Well that's dumb.
LEGACY
That's what you think now, but in a few hundred years you may reconsider.
INTERVIEWER
What? Really? But humans have always eaten meat...
LEGACY
He explored the concept of plate tectonics and speculated on the movement of Earth's crust -
INTERVIEWER
But hang on a minute, was he actually any good at, you know, painting? Because it sounds like he may have been overcompensating a little in all these other -
LEGACY
Ah, excuse me, Leonardo da Vinci was the greatest painter of all time. Salvator Mundi. The Last Supper. Mona Lisa.
INTERVIEWER
Haven't heard of any of them.
LEGACY
You will!
INTERVIEWER
Well, you're really building up this Leonardo da Vicenza.
LEGACY
Leonardo da Vinci.
INTERVIEWER
Right. That one. And you think he's here, in Florence?
LEGACY
The biographies say he becomes Verrocchio's apprentice around the age of sixteen.
INTERVIEWER
Hmm...
LEGACY
I mean, they could be wrong of course...
But it would be so fascinating to meet him, don't you think?
INTERVIEWER
(SUDDENLY SERIOUS, CHUCKLING) Oh yes. He is a very fascinating young man.
LEGACY
Wait...
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
You do know him?
LEGACY
Yes.
LEGACY
But you acted like you'd never heard of him -
INTERVIEWER
I was wrong. People make mistakes. I do know him. I do, yes.
LEGACY
Really?
INTERVIEWER
Yes, really. He is one of the most interesting young men I have ever met.
LEGACY
Let’s not waste any time! Where can I find him?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, right, yes. Well, you can find him (CLEARS THROAT) Right here.
LEGACY
With Verrocchio?
INTERVIEWER
Yes. With Verrocchio. Yes. In the storage chamber.
LEGACY
What?!
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS SOFTLY) Good lord… You know, you really are intelligent, but you don’t see, do you? You really don’t? (LAUGHS)
LEGACY
No way! You! You are Leonardo? I'm so sorry it's just... I
(IGNORING THE INTERVIEWER’S PROTESTS)
I know historical records are often imprecise, but I was imagining you to be much younger at this point in time, and-
(HE CONTINUES TALKING OVER THE INTERVIEWERS’ PROTESTS UNTIL HE SLOWLY STOPS DURING THE FOLLOWING LINE)
INTERVIEWER
No no no! Legacy, no! I am not Leonardo!
LEGACY
But you said -
INTERVIEWER
No, I didn’t say that I was Leonardo. You are!
(PAUSE)
LEGACY
HUH?
INTERVIEWER
There it is! Oh come on now, isn’t it obvious?
LEGACY
(LAUGHING) I am Leonardo? No!
INTERVIEWER
Just think about it!
LEGACY
This is ridiculous! No, I’m not gonna think about it, Leonardo is one of the greatest men who ever lived.
INTERVIEWER
Well that may be over-egging it, but -
LEGACY
No, no! He is! And I'm just a dumb teenager who made a time machine and got stuck in history.
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHING) Good Lord. You. Legacy. You made a time machine!
LEGACY
Yeah so?
INTERVIEWER
So you are not dumb! I mean, come on!
LEGACY
Yeah, but I don't really understand my own invention.
INTERVIEWER
It got you here, didn't it? I mean, it works!
LEGACY
Yeah, it worked, and now I can't figure out how to bring me back. If I'd taken the time to study it properly before setting off, I wouldn't be in this pickle in the first place! I was too impatient. Perhaps mom and dad are right. I should focus more. I'm always so impulsive!
INTERVIEWER
But don’t you see - if you really are Leonardo -
LEGACY
And I'm not!
INTERVIEWER (CON’T)
then you coming here was meant to be!
LEGACY
You think?
INTERVIEWER
Yes! I mean, here you are with your head full of strange futuristic ideas, ready to light a rocket under the Renaissance!
LEGACY
(SUFFERING) I'm sixteen!
INTERVIEWER
Just like Leonardo.
LEGACY
Fair enough, but even at sixteen Leonardo was an incredibly skilled illustrator, I mean, I don’t really do that!
INTERVIEWER
The notebooks stacked against the wall. All yours?
LEGACY
Uh, yes.
INTERVIEWER
That's what... (COUNTS) fifteen notebooks?
LEGACY
Yeah... That’s about… that’s right, fifteen…
INTERVIEWER
Fifteen notebooks full of sketches, and you've only been here a week!
LEGACY
Okay, yeah, I get through about two notebooks a day, they're not all sketches though. There are poems, jokes, songs, ideas for a new type of agriculture -
INTERVIEWER
That is not normal for a 16-year-old!
LEGACY
I guess I've never been quite normal.
INTERVIEWER
No. You are extraordinary, Leonardo.
LEGACY
(COMING TO TERMS WITH THE IDEA) I am Leonardo...
INTERVIEWER
You are Leonardo!
(PAUSE)
LEGACY
No, it doesn't work.
INTERVIEWER
Why not?
LEGACY
Leonardo was born in Anchiano! I was born in Fresno!
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS)
LEGACY
What? What’s so funny? What?
INTERVIEWER
That's where we come in.
LEGACY
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
Yes, you see. These little details in your biography we can iron out. We specialise in identities. We can give you a backstory to make you blend in with Florentine society. No problem!
LEGACY
(SCOFFS) Look, I appreciate the faith but I doubt it. I've never blended in anywhere...
INTERVIEWER
Sorry, wrong choice of words. You will not blend in. You will delight and disrupt Florentine society with your innovative ideas! But telling them you're a time traveller might be taking things a little far, don't you think?
LEGACY
Yeah, they wouldn't take me seriously, they would put me in an asylum...
INTERVIEWER
Quite. Yes. No, no. Better to create a more mundane backstory.
LEGACY
Hm. And you'll help me with that?
INTERVIEWER
Oh yes. We can find a family for you, and… And previous employers…
LEGACY
Leonardo was a bastard, the son of a Tuscan nobleman and a young peasant woman...
INTERVIEWER
Well that’s perfect! Making you illegitimate will be much easier. Less paperwork!
LEGACY
Okay, yeah, that solves the family part, but how do I become Verrocchio's apprentice? He's not taking on anyone new. I had to convince him just to take me on as a garzione.
INTERVIEWER
Who's the weakest link would you say?
LEGACY
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
Verrocchio's apprentices. Who's the weakest link?
LEGACY
Marino. Definitely Marino.
INTERVIEWER
Then we will make him disappear.
LEGACY
What?
INTERVIEWER
We will make him disappear. Leaving a spot for you!
LEGACY
What will happen to Marino?
INTERVIEWER
Oh nothing bad. But mediocrity must make way for greatness.
LEGACY
(SIGHS. OVERWHELMED) This is all so strange...
INTERVIEWER
Yes… Very strange…
LEGACY
You know, as a kid I had a poster of the Vitruvian Man above my bed. Every night I would stare at the dazzling geometry of it. That... that was me...? Oh… Oh…
INTERVIEWER
What?
LEGACY
Oh no.
INTERVIEWER
What is it now?
LEGACY
What about mom?
INTERVIEWER
Ah. Yes, I am afraid you will not see your parents again. I am sorry about that.
(PAUSE)
But, look at it this way: they wanted you to leave a mark on the world didn't they?
LEGACY
Yes...
INTERVIEWER
And you will be doing that! You will be changing the world in ways they could never have imagined!
LEGACY
Sure, but... they will never know...
INTERVIEWER
Yes, but your mother knows you're here?
LEGACY
She knows I'm in Florence. But not Florence in 1468. She thinks I'm scooting around town on a Vespa and eating pizza. She thinks I've come to study my hero, not to meet him. Not that I am him.
INTERVIEWER
Yes… Right... And that... (STUTTERS) That thing, with the kitten?
LEGACY
Phone?
INTERVIEWER
The phone, the phone.
LEGACY
It's out of battery.
INTERVIEWER
I still don’t know what that word means.
LEGACY
It doesn't work anymore.
INTERVIEWER
Right. Right. Right…
LEGACY
Mom's life will be spent looking for me, trying to find out what happened.
INTERVIEWER
I am afraid that is how it is.
LEGACY
(A HEAVY SIGH) Okay…
(PAUSE)
INTERVIEWER
Oh! Wait.
LEGACY
Yes?
INTERVIEWER
I have an idea.
LEGACY
Yes? What is it? What is it, tell me!
INTERVIEWER
Write a letter.
LEGACY
A letter?
INTERVIEWER
Yes, to your …mum. Explaining everything.
LEGACY
What use is that?
INTERVIEWER
I will deliver it for you.
LEGACY
You? How? - Oh...
INTERVIEWER
Yes. It will take me 552 years, but I promise I won't forget. I will give it to her on the 23rd of January 2020, just a few hours after your last phone call with her.
LEGACY
Okay. She'll find it difficult to comprehend, though…
INTERVIEWER
I find it difficult to comprehend.
LEGACY
To be honest... so do I.
INTERVIEWER
But you know, although she may not comprehend, she will know that the letter is from you.
LEGACY
How so?
INTERVIEWER
You will write it in your neat mirror script. Your writing style is quite unique. I’m sure she’ll recognise it.
LEGACY
Very well... I... I actually feel excited about this!
INTERVIEWER
So do I. Yes!
LEGACY
Thank you! Thank you, seriously. You helped me discover my true identity! Once I have the means to repay you, I promise I will-
INTERVIEWER
I was thinking about that, actually.
LEGACY
Yeah? Yeah, what?
INTERVIEWER
(DEEP BREATH) I would quite like to do some time hopping of my own...
LEGACY
What? No! Absolutely not!
INTERVIEWER
What? No? Why, why not?
LEGACY
It is too risky! You might get stuck, like me!
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I rarely need more than a few hours to conduct an interview
LEGACY
Wait... you want to help clients in the past?
INTERVIEWER
I do.
LEGACY
Haven't you already helped clients throughout history?
INTERVIEWER
But what about the stories I've missed? We couldn't be everywhere. And what about the stories from before my birth? I want to collect them all!
LEGACY
All the stories ever?
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
LEGACY
That's impossible -
INTERVIEWER
(TEENAGE PROTEST NOISES)
LEGACY
Sorry.
INTERVIEWER
I dislike that word as much as you, yes.
LEGACY
Point taken. If you promise me to use it with care, I will give you my invention.
INTERVIEWER
You have my word.
LEGACY
Good.
INTERVIEWER
Leonardo?
LEGACY
Oh, that's me. Yes, yeah, yes! That’s me!
INTERVIEWER
I think this deserves a toast. Do you have any more … Coke?
LEGACY
The last two cans.
(LEGACY CRACKS OPEN TWO CANS OF COKE AND HANDS ONE TO INTERVIEWER)
INTERVIEWER
Oh, oho! Thank you!
INTERVIEWER
Leonardo da Vinci. Let us toast... to your legacy.
LEGACY
To my legacy!
INTERVIEWER
To your legacy!
(THEY DRINK COKE)
Oh it sparkles! (GIGGLES)
LEGACY
Oh, here comes one! (BURPS)
INTERVIEWER
Shame I have to wait a couple hundred years for this again…
(MUSIC)
CREDITS
Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits!
The Amelia Project is a production of Imploding Fictions.
This episode featured Alan Burgon as The Interviewer, Kiba Walker as Legacy, and Hemi Yeroham as Kozlowski
The episode was written by Philip Thorne and directed by Oystein Brager and Philip Thorne, with sound design by Eli Hamada Mcilveen, music by Fredrik Baden, graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival. Thanks to Wooden Overcoats for letting us play a clip from their show.
This is a listener-supported podcast, so we’d like to say a massive thank you to everyone who has chosen to support us on Patreon and Apple Podcasts, if you’re enjoying this show and want it to continue, please do consider chipping in with a few dollars, and you’ll find a big back catalogue of bonus content waiting for you. And as always a massive thank you to our super patrons, at the time of recording that*s Celeste Joos, Heat 312, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Amelie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui, Alison Thro, Patricia Bohnwagner, Bryce Godmer, Cliff Huizenga, Michael West, Deanna Berchenbriter, Tim McMackin, Blythe Varney, Nitali Arora, Lee & Vee Hewerdine, Mr Squiggles, Toni Fisher, Tibbi, Florian Beijers, Courtney Mays Rensen, Boo, Mark Skrobanek, Astra Kim, Olivea Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, Alicia Hall, LG, Helden Inkheart, Ryan Burnett, Robert Acker, SuperKaliFragalisticExpi-Alex Nicol, Timotheus, Kayleigh Wilson, DOCTORmas, Ben Carlisle, Miss Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy and Jason Woods.
And if you’d like to support us but can’t afford doing so financially, why not leave us a rating and review on your podcast app, or giving us a shoutout on social media, we’re on Tumblr, twitter, instagram and bluesky, and you can find more info on everything at ameliapodcast.com.
And now, the epilogue.
EPILOGUE.
MONMARTRE CEMETERY.
INTERVIEWER
And that's the story of how I drank Coke and ate Maltesers with Leonardo in 1468.
ALVINA
(LAUGHS) Do you still have it?!
INTERVIEWER
What? The coke?
ALVINA
Leonardo's time machine!
INTERVIEWER
No.
ALVINA
Why not?
INTERVIEWER
It went down with the pirate ship.
ALVINA
Argh! You really should have been more careful!
INTERVIEWER
I know...! I know…
ALVINA
But did it work? Did you use it?
INTERVIEWER
Oh yes. I mean, when business was slow we'd pop back and take on clients in the past.
ALVINA
Wow!
INTERVIEWER
Would you like to hear those stories too?
ALVINA
Let's keep this linear, otherwise it will get very confusing...
INTERVIEWER
Yes, right. Fair enough. Although there are some wonderful stories to be told... Maybe another time... If there is time... (DARK CHUCKLE) Time... "Time stays long enough for anyone who will use it."
Do you know what else Leonardo said?
"As a well-spent day brings happy sleep, so a life well spent brings happy death."
(PAUSE)
ALVINA
Did he settle into his new identity?
INTERVIEWER
Not long after our encounter he was turning heads everywhere, both with his art and inventions, and with his peculiar dress sense.
ALVINA
Oh?
INTERVIEWER
He walked the streets of Florence in a short pink tunic, dark purple stockings, crimson satin coat and a pink velvet cap. Leonardo was openly gay at a time when that could be a death sentence.
ALVINA
Oh… Did he get into trouble?
INTERVIEWER
Did he ever. I mean, in 1476 he was charged with sodomy.
ALVINA
Oh no.
INTERVIEWER
Florence was rife with homosexual dalliances. You know it even became known as "Florenzing"?
ALVINA
I did not!
INTERVIEWER
Yes, the church urged the government to crack down on Florenzing. And so The Office of the Night was established to detect and punish this offense.
ALVINA
Office of the night…
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
ALVINA
15th century Florence not so enlightened after all then.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, nono, the society was exceptionally progressive! But, you know, leaders always lag behind...
ALVINA
Indeed. So what happened if The Office of the Night caught you "florenzing"?
INTERVIEWER
Well, in theory you could be burnt at the stake.
ALVINA
(GULPS)
INTERVIEWER
But since the majority of Florentine men were incriminated with sodomy at least once, this became impractical to enforce.
ALVINA
Wait, the majority of men were incriminated?
INTERVIEWER
I told you. It was the gayest of times!
ALVINA
(CHUCKLES)
INTERVIEWER
Still, Leonardo wanted to play it safe. So we helped him disappear for a while. We helped many people in similar situations. In fact, as my next story, why don't I tell you of such a case! It is the case of Joan of-
ALVINA
Wait wait, wait wait, stick with Leonardo. How long did you make him disappear?
INTERVIEWER
Two years. Yes, he hid in our cobblers shop and designed death faking gadgets for us, some of which have become stone cold classics.
ALVINA
Oh, such as?
INTERVIEWER
The knife with a blade that retracts into the handle.
ALVINA
No way!
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
ALVINA
Forget his legacy in art and engineering. Think of what he's done for joke shops!
INTERVIEWER
The man left his mark everywhere. He really hit it off with Kozlowski too. They would sneak out at night and conduct secret dissections. They wanted to know how the body was constructed. Leonardo so that he could draw muscles, nerves, and blood vessels, Kozlowski so that he could recreate them.
ALVINA
I just realized something!
INTERVIEWER
Yes?
ALVINA
Back in London, in your old office-
INTERVIEWER
Hmhm?
ALVINA (CON’T)
next to Lorraine's primary school macaroni thingy?
INTERVIEWER
Oh, yes.
ALVINA
That sketch... was that... a Leonardo?
INTERVIEWER
Niagara Falls by Leonardo da Vinci. Yes, it was.
ALVINA
Wow.
INTERVIEWER
It was always overshadowed by Lorraine's macaroni art of course.
ALVINA
Of course.
INTERVIEWER
(REFLECTIVE CHUCKLE)
ALVINA
What?
INTERVIEWER
Nono, it’s nothing, it’s just… It's strange to think that Leonardo met Ant, Hiroshi, Alexandra...
ALVINA
What?
INTERVIEWER
The academy.
ALVINA
Oh, of course. That was Golovin.
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
ALVINA
And the man with the emerald eyes and the velvet suit...
INTERVIEWER
Mikhail.
ALVINA
What does he want do you think?
INTERVIEWER
No idea. He's gathered the world's maddest mavericks. But why? I don't know...
ALVINA
Good job you got out of there.
INTERVIEWER
Yes. But you must be careful Alvina.
ALVINA
Me?
INTERVIEWER
Promise me you'll be careful.
ALVINA
Why?
INTERVIEWER
Mikhail.
ALVINA
What about him?
INTERVIEWER
He does not give up.
END.