PIP
This episode is dedicated to our super patron Timotheus who was hit in the head by his own golf ball while playing mini-golf. Timotheus will reappear as a neurosurgeon in Bangkok. Be like Timotheus and support the show on Patreon. Enjoy the episode.
PROLOGUE
SOMEWHERE IN JAPAN, 1185.
THE OPEN AIR, THE OUTDOORS.
(THE INTERVIEWER SLOWLY, PAINFULLY RISES FROM LYING FLAT ON HIS STOMACH ON THE HARD DIRT TO SOME SEMBLANCE OF A SITTING POSITION)
THE INTERVIEWER
Ow, my head... Did I... drink? Smoke? Fall face-first into a mossy cavern and ingest mushrooms while in a black-out?
(THE SOUNDS OF THE INTERVIEWER SHUFFLING (CRAWLING TOWARD ANOTHER PERSON -- TSU -- STILL PASSED OUT ON THE GROUND).
Ah! Tsu? Tsu! Wake up.
(shaking him) Wake up! We’re in a cell of some sort. I’m guessing it’s not good. Tsu? Oh. Great.
(HORSES STOMPING ON DIRT. A HORSE GRUNTS)
Ah. Good day.
Let me see... I’m in here. You’re out there... Any chance you’ve got a key? Give me a hand? Or a hoof?
(CHUCKLES)
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE, DISTANT) Stand back! Move. Move!
THE INTERVIEWER
(TO SELF) I better lie down again...
(THE INTERVIEWER SHUFFLES BACK TO WHERE HE BEGAN THE SCENE, LIES DOWN, AND PRETENDS HE’S STILL PASSED OUT. THE SOUNDS OF TOMOE AND A GUARD APPROACHING. THE GUARD GUIDES TOMOE TOWARD THE WOODEN OUTDOOR PRISON HOUSING THE INTERVIEWER. TOMOE WALKS CONFIDENTLY WITHOUT ANY STRUGGLE)
(HORSES STOMP AND WHINNY)
(A STRANGE MAGIC SOUND (TO BE REVEALED LATER, BUT IT’S THE SOUND OF A DEMON BEING SUCKED INTO A TALISMAN).
(KEYS RATTLE, THE GATE UNLOCKS AND OPENS)
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE) Your new home. For now. Mind the Western barbarian. And his accomplice.
(TOMOE ENTERS THE CELL. THE GATE SHUTS BEHIND HER. THE KEYS LOCK IT. THE MAGICAL SOUND IN REVERSE)
(A LONG BEAT)
THE INTERVIEWER
(IN BROKEN, ACCENTED JAPANESE) Good day. Ehm... good evening. What is it- Um... where are we?
TOMOE
(IN ENGLISH) We are on the invisible course, among the shadows and fallen leaves, still as the stone at the door.
(MUSIC: JAPANESE VERSION)
OPENING CREDITS
The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Ulsberg Brager, with music and sound direction by Fredrik Baden, and sound design by Alexander Danner.
Episode 83 – Tomoe Gozen. 1185. Episode by Julia Morizawa and Tristram Lowe.
INTERVIEW.
STILL OUTSIDE. FLY BUZZING.
THE INTERVIEWER
Invisible course... Fallen stones... of the shadow... No, I’m sorry. I... (CHUCKLES) I don’t know what that means.
TOMOE
It means, we are exactly where we are supposed to be.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right. Which is...?
TOMOE
You do not know?
THE INTERVIEWER
Sadly, my memory is a bit hazy at the moment. And my head is rather tender just here.
(HE TOUCHES THE SPOT)
Ow.
TOMOE
My strange friend.
INTERVIEWER
Hm?
TOMOE
About you is the infamous prison camp of Wada Yoshimori, one of the most powerful military commanders ever known.
THE INTERVIEWER
We are in prison?
TOMOE
It is no ordinary prison. This cage we share is protected by dark magic. It was thought to be only legend, a rumour spread by soldiers and mad inmates to scare Lord Wada’s enemies. And yet, here we are.
THE INTERVIEWER
Magic? It looks quite standard to me.
(THE INTERVIEWER’S FOOTSTEPS APPROACH THE GATE)
Although the quality of the carpentry is notably finer than--
TOMOE
Don’t touch it!
INTERVIEWER
(BEFUDDLED) Okay…?
TOMOE
The rumour holds that Lord Wada has access to powers rarely seen in the human realm.
THE INTERVIEWER
Now, it can’t be all that bad. See, these bars don’t even look that stro—
(A WHOOSHING SOUND AND BANGING AS THE INTERVIEW IS THROWN ACROSS THE CELL)
Aaaahhhh!
(MORE BANGING WITH SEVERAL “OWS” AND “OOFS,” ALONG WITH MORE WHOOSHING, WHICH COMES TO AN ABRUPT STOP)
Ow!!!!
TOMOE
I warned you.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, slice me like sushi and pickle my ginger. What cursed invisible magic can throw a full-grown man around like a toy doll?
TOMOE
I’ve witnessed the same happen to a man twice your size on the battlefield. And he was wearing armour.
THE INTERVIEWER
Leather armour or...?
TOMOE
Golden.
INTERVIEWER
Yikes.
TOMOE
He was a pompous samurai who was undoubtedly skilled with a katana but gravely underestimated how much flaunting his wealth would only motivate his enemies to behead him quickly. (INTERVIEWER HUMS) So as not to soil the armour. I saw Lord Wada’s onmyoji, his sorcerer, grinning while the samurai was thrown about the battlefield. The golden armour is now displayed in Lord Wada’s castle.
THE INTERVIEWER
Alright. But, why me? I’m harmless. I’ve never hurt a fly. (SQUATS A FLY) Ah got it!
TOMOE
My strange friend, your unusual appearance is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. You must come from a distant land, a journey I cannot fathom. Your presence here alone is concerning. I would have locked you up too, until I knew more. Are you a witch? (INTERVIEWER CHUCKLES) Perhaps a shapeshifter? Is your pale skin, your soft hands, merely a disguise?
THE INTERVIEWER
I’m sorry? No, what? I—Oh, it’s a long story.
TOMOE
I do not doubt we have the time.
THE INTERVIEWER
What about you? Not to sound... ignorant or... insensitive but... isn’t a woman’s presence in such an intensely secured prison camp somewhat... unusual?
TOMOE
I am called Tomoe Gozen. I am the commander of the army of Kiso Yoshinaka. The other generals learned of my name after my first battle when I defeated seven mounted warriors on horseback -- single-handedly.
INTERVIEWER
Oh my… What were you doing with your other hand?
TOMOE
Some have proclaimed I have the strength of one thousand men.
INTERVIEWER
(SOFTLY) Right.
TOMOE
So, like you, I suppose I’m considered quite... strange.
CUT TO PRESENT DAY.
ALVINA
Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I didn’t know you spoke Japanese.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, conversationally. And I’m out of practice.
ALVINA
Why don’t you speak it with Amelia? It’d be the perfect way to talk about the rest of us behind our backs.
THE INTERVIEWER
Oh, I tried speaking Japanese to Amelia once and she was a stapler away from murdering me. Something about how when she moved to Japan she got bullied a lot for her accent and for being a hen’na gaijin, a strange foreigner.
ALVINA
Hmm, that explains a lot.
THE INTERVIEWER
Plus, it was twelfth-century Japanese, so it was... a little stilted?
ALVINA
Okay. So, you’re in twelfth-century Japan.
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
ALVINA (CON’T)
-you’re the first Westerner they’ve ever set eyes on.
INTERVIEWER
Indeed.
ALVINA (CON’T)
What the heck were you doing there?
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, I’ll get to that part.
ALVINA
Okay... But, if your Japanese is only conversational now, how did you communicate with anyone back then? Much less Tomoe?
THE INTERVIEWER
Oh, I was traveling with an interpreter.
ALVINA
What?
THE INTERVIEWER (OVER ALVINA’S CHUCKLING)
I know you don’t think I’m very organized, nor do I plan ahead, or remember the little details of logistical importance, particularly when traveling, but I have my moments.
beat
Do you want me to approximate it? I could say what I was saying in English, then the translation, then Tomoe’s answer, then the translation-
ALVINA
No, no, no. Just stick to the conversation.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right. Got it. My interpreter’s name was Tsūyaku-sha. Although, I later realized that wasn’t really his name as it’s just how you say “interpreter” in Japanese. I took to calling him Tsu. He was actually a Buddhist monk from China. But, again, I’ll--
ALVINA
Get to that part.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right.
BACK TO JAPAN, 1185.
THE INTERVIEWER
Fate has brought us together. You, me, and Tsu. Here, in this cell.
TOMOE
Ah, you believe in fate?
THE INTERVIEWER
Today, yes, I do. I-- we desperately need to escape this prison. And you... well, you seem more than capable of helping us.
TOMOE
You believe that I can escape this cage?
THE INTERVIEWER
Well... strength of a thousand men and all.
TOMOE
In your own words, you were tossed through the air like a doll upon a mere touch of the wall. You think that strength is the solution?
THE INTERVIEWER
Well... you must also be a brilliant strategist? Perhaps? Commanding armies and whatnot.
TOMOE
To escape, the secrets of this magic and the wit of Lord Wada’s onmyoji must be overcome. But I have not the will. I need only a sword.
THE INTERVIEWER
See, now, that’s the spirit!
TOMOE
Yes. My fate has been accomplished. I will not die caged, at the will of my enemy, doomed to become his concubine.
INTERVIEWER
No!
TOMOE (CON’T)
I will die honourably, by my own hand.
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes! (REALISING) Sorry... you mean... suicide?
(BEAT, AS TOMOE NODS)
No, no, that’s not the spirit.
TOMOE
Yes, I will commit seppuku, ritually disembowel myself as my brave Lord Kiso did at Awazu, our last battle where I led 300 of our warriors against 6,000 enemies.
INTERVIEWER
Uhm…
TOMOE (CON’T)
I would have done the same had not my lord forbade me.
THE INTERVIEWER
Ritual disembowelment? Why?
TOMOE
For the sake of honour. We were defeated at battle, the few remaining samurai scattered and shamed. There is no worse fate than shame. The act of seppuku wipes shame clean from the soul.
INTERVIEWER
Right.
TOMOE
Wipes it from the eyes and hearts of your allies and enemies alike.
THE INTERVIEWER
Hmm. Where I’m from shame tends to make people slink around for a while, occasionally grovel, sometimes a king makes them fight a duel to the death, but -- assuming they survive -- after a time they tend to shrug their shoulders and move on.
TOMOE
A pathetic existence. The antics of worms.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well... I can see your point... I suppose. Your sense of honour does seem to put it all in a whole new light. Still, a sword in your own belly does feel a bit... extreme?
(SILENCE)
Anyhoo. Why did you not join your lord in this... um, very honourable ritual?
TOMOE
He forbade me. And commanded me to deliver a message to his family.
THE INTERVIEWER
Ah. May I ask, what was the message?
TOMOE
You may ask.
THE INTERVIEWER
...Of course, of course, none of my concern... I just love a good story.
I admit, I cannot claim to relate to your experience entirely. However, I do believe that suicide is not the solution.
TOMOE
It is the only death that will preserve my honour.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, what if your journey here, in this life, is incomplete? Surely there are others whom you love and who love you who still need you. Or, or, perhaps you have another purpose you are yet to discover.
TOMOE
My purpose and my duty here, in this life, I have fulfilled. This I know.
THE INTERVIEWER
No, no, no. I need you. There are no coincidences; we were brought together for a reason. It’s like you said -- we are exactly where we are supposed to be. Except I am not where I am supposed to be. I’m supposed to be on my way back to Cathay to meet a friend who is expecting me. I am certain fate did not bring us together just so I could witness you disembowel yourself. Which is something I’d very much like to avoid seeing.
TOMOE
You are saying, you need my help.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, in so many words... yes.
TOMOE
And what can you offer in exchange for my help?
THE INTERVIEWER
What if I told you that, instead of committing...
TOMOE
Seppuku.
THE INTERVIEWER
...Seppuku, you could fake your own death and re-emerge anywhere else in the world with an entirely new life?
TOMOE
One does not need to fake death to be reborn anew. All are reincarnated and emerge again in the world with new life.
THE INTERVIEWER
Ah, I had nearly forgotten -- the Catholic Church used to believe in reincarnation too, but the Second Council of Constantinople put a swift end to that. That was nearly a millennia ago. (FOOOCUS) What I’m offering is much better, far more guaranteed. Reincarnation is all very well and good, but what if you were to come back as a bug only to be squashed mere minutes after your birth?
TOMOE
So be it, then that is my fate.
THE INTERVIEWER
(DESPERATE) No! But what I’m offering is choice. The choice to return -- re-emerge --as anything you’d like. Well, perhaps not anything. I’ve yet to help anyone re-emerge as an insect but I do have faith that it is possible. Although the logistics would be quite complicated. Yes, the client’s body couldn’t be retained in this scenario but perhaps there is a way to transfer the mind alone, one’s consciousness, into the body of an insect, but with much more durability—
(TOMOE CLEARS THROAT)
It’s an opportunity to defy death, to live longer. Perhaps, to live forever, hm?
TOMOE
(scoffs) Only a fool would wish to live forever.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well--
TOMOE
What a sad fate to be stuck in this life indefinitely, watching your loved ones fade away. Bearing witness as the world changes... and yet you remain the same, stuck outside the cycle of rebirth. That sounds like a prison far worse than the one we sit in, my strange friend.
(SILENCE. A LONG ONE)
THE INTERVIEWER
Haven’t you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else? You’ve undoubtedly experienced nothing but hardship your entire life. Fighting battles, constantly at war... Have you never fantasized about being a... vintner living high in the Moroccan mountains or a nun praying peacefully in the halls of a secluded temple?
TOMOE
Have you?
THE INTERVIEWER
Daily.
TOMOE
My place is here in Nippon. Yearning for some other existence is a fool’s dream. I will take my death into my own hands and let the gods decide who next I will be.
THE INTERVIEWER
You promised your lord that you would deliver a message to his family, correct?
TOMOE
Eggs and vows are easily broken.
THE INTERVIEWER
Oh, surely you are not the kind to break said... egg?
TOMOE
...No.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, you cannot fulfil your vow from this cell.
BEAT.
Or you could just steal a sword and kill yourself here, and, oh... what was that you said about shame?
TOMOE
(QUIETLY) There is no fate worse.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right, right. But you’re practically a child. You can’t have been around for more than a few decades. What are you? Twenty-five, thirty years old? That’s the time most of us ignore our bosses and run off and do whatever we want. And you’ve found yourself in a position in which you led, what was it? A mere 300 men into battle against a cavalry of 6,000? A certain death sentence, no? What kind of boss tells you to do that? And now he wants you to deliver a message for him? From beyond the grave?
TOMOE
I do not expect a barbarian from the West to understand. (INTERVIEWER SIGHS) And as you said, it is complicated.
THE INTERVIEWER
As you said, it seems we have the time.
TOMOE
(sighs heavily)
Here, we begin training when we are girls. We learn to use weapons, to defend our homes and, eventually, protect our children. But some of us learn the art of battle as well. I began when I was nine.
THE INTERVIEWER
Your father trained you?
TOMOE
No, I have no father. My mother was a servant in Lord Kiso’s home when he was but a child. When I was born, I was adopted into the family. It was a great honour for me and my mother. Do you know of the civil war here?
THE INTERVIEWER
Only that it ended just before my arrival.
TOMOE
Here, you are born into power. Which means you are born into duty. My Lord Kiso was of the Minamoto family. For years, the Minamoto clan has been at war with the Taira clan. Lord Kiso and I were children together. We played like brother and sister. And I accompanied him in his military training. In fact, I surpassed him rather quickly. And when he grew to be a lord, I became his most trusted military leader. I led our army to many victories. I helped Lord Kiso rise to power, and my loyalty to him is unbreakable. But his own family turned on him.
THE INTERVIEWER
That does seem to be a common occurrence -- in all parts of the world. In my experience.
(FLASHBACK SOUNDS OF THE BATTLE BEHIND TOMOE’S MONOLOGUE)
TOMOE
We had defeated the Taira clan, driven them from Kyoto. It was not Taira, but Lord Kiso’s own cousins who attacked us, in turn driving us from the city. Granted, Lord Kiso had kidnapped the emperor and burned his temple, but the emperor had shamed him by turning to his cousin Yoritomo for aid even after Lord Kiso had proven himself. His cousins retaliated. At the river Uji we were rooted. Their forces greatly outnumbered our own and Lord Kiso had been pushed back over a bridge. I stepped onto the bridge to defend my lord and allow him a chance to retreat. I held that bridge for hours, Taira’s soldiers falling like dead leaves about me. But there were too many, and soon, I too had to fall back. We were pursued to Awazu, where we tried to make one last stand.
It was then that Lord Kiso ordered me to run, to deliver the account of his last stand to his family. “I will not be dishonoured by dying on the battlefield next to a woman!” he yelled. But I knew he was only trying to save me... out of love. Still, I refused. “I will defeat one more worthy rival!” I shouted back. Then, as if my wish was granted, a renowned samurai, Uchida, rode at me, grabbed at me and tried to pull me from my horse. Instead I pulled him from his, laid him across my saddle and took off his head. And still, we fought, until our soldiers scattered and ran, most of them hunted down and killed. In a fury, knowing the end was near, I lifted Lord Kiso from where he fought on the ground onto my horse. Against his will, with the speed of demons, I rode from battle to save him. We stopped in a clearing, next to a trickling stream; no warriors yet pursued us. But when I set my lord upon the ground, I saw his blood had shined my horse’s coat. He was gravely wounded. Seeing this, and looking at me with shame in his eyes, he withdrew his wakizashi, his short sword, and prepared to commit ritual suicide. He would die honourably in spite of our loss in battle. I kneeled next to him to join him, but he looked at me, tears in his eyes, and repeated, “I will not die next to a woman.” I only smiled and withdrew my own wakizashi. “No,” he commanded, gripping my arm. “I gave you an order. You have vowed to obey me in all things. Finish the ritual for me, and then deliver my story.” So, I sheathed my wakizashi, stood, and drew my katana instead. Then, I watched him disembowel himself with two perfect cuts. And as he leaned over with the pain, his neck outstretched, I beheaded him.
CUT TO PRESENT DAY
ALVINA
HANG ON... what? She cut off his head?
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, yes. I was horrified too, believe me. But it was out of... well... love.
ALVINA
(LAUGHS) Sounds like the kind of love I had for a certain ex of mine, who will remain nameless.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, not headless, at least.
ALVINA
No, more’s the pity. What happened next?
BACK TO JAPAN.
TOMOE
I wrapped his head tightly with linen torn from my trousers and buried it by a tree near the stream. I dared not chance being caught with it if Taira’s army was still near. They would take it and present it at a head-viewing ceremony. I would return to retrieve it when I knew it was safe.
THE INTERVIEWER
And it’s still there?
TOMOE
Yes.
THE INTERVIEWER
Well doesn’t that just seal the deal then?
TOMOE
We have made no deal.
THE INTERVIEWER
No, no, true. Not yet. But look, you have now told me two reasons that you have to escape this cell. You have vowed to deliver a message AND your true love’s, I mean, your lord’s head is buried by a tree somewhere. You can’t just let it rot there.
(TOMOE SIGHS)
THE INTERVIEWER
You can’t give up and kill yourself in a prison cell. By your own account, you’re no quitter.
TOMOE
You want me to hide in shame.
THE INTERVIEWER
No! Not at all. Look, there is nothing shameful about it. I want to give you a clean slate. Start over. Be someone new. Yet, without all the messy dying part. You’ve done the tough-nut-warrior-thing. You’ve done it better than anyone else I’ve ever heard of. Here’s your chance to try something else. Live another existence while retaining the memories of this one. Not many people get that chance.
TOMOE
I have no skill with wine.
THE INTERVIEWER
Pardon?
TOMOE
Vintner. You mentioned that I could be a vintner in a land called Morocco.
THE INTERVIEWER
Ah, yes! Or a nun. Or a chef. Or a blacksmith -- though that might be too close for comfort. Or a rice farmer in Hangzhou. Or an art dealer in the Mediterranean. An animal trainer at the circus in Angkor. I could keep going...
TOMOE
I know nothing of these places you mention, but... I have often admired the quiet lives of nuns, secluded from the world, living simply, noble in their humility. I have seen so much blood, so much pain and death. A life of prayer sounds like an unattainable dream.
THE INTERVIEWER
(RELIEVED) So, it’s settled then.
TOMOE
How will you achieve such a feat? This new life of mine?
THE INTERVIEWER
The truth is, I was heavily relying on you to go for the nun suggestion. Yes, you see, Tsu here, is a Buddhist monk from Cathay. He has many connections throughout Cathay, Goryeo, and Nippon. As we’ve travelled, we’ve found food and shelter in many Buddhist monasteries. He will be able to get you a new life as a Buddhist nun.
CUT TO PRESENT DAY.
ALVINA
I’m sorry. Cathay, Goryeo, and... Nippon? Are these all places in Japan?
THE INTERVIEWER
No, no. Cathay is what we used to call China. The Goryeo Dynasty essentially ruled Korea during its medieval period.
ALVINA
I see. But what about Nippon? That sounds French.
INTERVIEWER
No, Alvina. Nippon is Japan.
ALVINA
Nippon is in Japan?
THE INTERVIEWER
Nippon is Japan. We say Japan because the Malay word for it, which sounded quite similar, was used on trade routes, and in the 16th Century, the Portuguese took that and ran with it, so now the whole Western world calls it Japan. But it’s Nippon. Land of the Rising Sun. Was then and still is now.
ALVINA
Oh. Continue.
BACK TO JAPAN
TOMOE
Then you are saying, Tsu will provide me with my new life. Therefore, he is the true master of manipulating life and death.
THE INTERVIEWER
What? No, no. I’m the-- Tsu is merely my interp- My agency and the quality of my work is unchallenged in Europe and—
(SIGH)
Yes, I suppose we will be relying heavily on Tsu’s connections for this particular resurfacing, after all, this is my first visit to the East, I haven’t had the chance to establish my reputation here yet. However, do you know why I, your strange Western friend, am here in Nippon to begin with?
TOMOE
I could not possibly know such a thing.
THE INTERVIEWER
Of course, of course. Rhetorical question that I was posing for dramatic effect, which clearly did not work. (CLEARS THROAT) I was recently tasked with one of the most difficult disappearances I have ever faced – faking the deaths of an entire family.
(SILENCE. TOMOE IS UNIMPRESSED)
And not a small family, mind you. A family of twelve. Three generations of Scottish aristocracy who had fallen into bad graces with William the Lion - it’s a long story - who all needed to disappear but wished to remain together. Their desire was to travel to the East. But given my lack of established connections on this side of the world, Khalidi, my partner -the friend I am scheduled to meet in Cathay - and I decided we needed to find them a very remote life in a very remote part of the world where their sudden resurfacing would remain unnoticed. So, Khalidi, who is an expert surgeon, changed the faces of every member of the family, including three-year-old Hendrie and six-year-old Grisell, to allow them to fit in seamlessly as remote pearl divers of the Pacific!
TOMOE
Your surgeon altered their faces to look less Scottish and more... Japanese?
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes, well, yes, when you put it that way, I could imagine how in another time and place that might seem problematic. But, needless to say, the Matsumoto Family is very happy in their new home. The father, a former Baron of the Highlands, walks twenty-five kilometres to the nearest village market every fortnight to sell their pearls. Otherwise, the family remains unseen, unnoticed, and unbothered.
TOMOE
There is a certain appeal to the life you describe.
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes, I agree.
TOMOE
And my death? If I were to agree to this exchange, how would I die?
THE INTERVIEWER
Well, how would you like to die?
TOMOE
I’ve already stated, my wish is to commit seppuku. I would like to look into Lord Wada’s eyes as I complete the ritual. And I want no beheading, as my Lord Kiso cannot perform it for me. I will endure the slow death.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right... Describe the intricacies of seppuku to me again...
TOMOE
First, I would need a blade, a wakizashi if one can be attained, a tanto, a short knife, would also serve. I would stab myself here, in the abdomen, and cut from left to--
THE INTERVIEWER
Ah, let’s, eh, no, I, uh, rescind my request. I can already tell you, that will be far too challenging to fake with my limited resources. What is your second choice?
TOMOE
In combat with a worthy enemy.
THE INTERVIEWER
Of course. Yes, the visual trick is easy enough, if there is enough chaos from other combatants around you, and perhaps a wooded setting. We will need a body double, that is a corpse dressed in a copy of your armour. Of course, your opponent will be in on it, an actor made to look like a fierce samurai. Tsu will do nicely, because, well, he’s really our only option. There will be a distraction at the last second to take everyone else’s eyes off you for only a moment when we will switch you out with the pre-cut and bloodied corpse. Yes… I would need to obtain a corpse that closely resembles yours in size and--
TOMOE
No. I will not partake in the desecration of another’s corpse. Nor will I perform in some mummer’s dance.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right… In that case, third choice?
TOMOE
Drowning. In the sea.
THE INTERVIEWER
Okay... Okay! Yes, well! Do you believe in fate?
TOMOE
Yes.
THE INTERVIEWER
Perfect! The pearl divers, the former Scots whose deaths I recently faked. They are the perfect discreet allies to achieve your desired death. You walk into the ocean until you are entirely submerged. Two of the divers will be waiting below and will quickly pull you beneath the water, deep enough so you remain unseen. Ideally, we’ll need a location with rocks or some such nearby so you can reemerge without being seen before too much time has passed. How long can you hold your breath?
TOMOE
(SLIGHTLY BEFUDDLED) I know not.
THE INTERVIEWER
That’s not a problem, we’ll have time to practice.
TOMOE
With luck, not too much time.
THE INTERVIEWER
So...? What do you say?
TOMOE
It is settled.
THE INTERVIEWER
(exhales in relief) Oh, jolly, jolly, jolly, I knew you’d come around. Now the final piece of the puzzle -- our escape!
TOMOE
Yes, a puzzle indeed. A magical cage. We must learn its secrets.
THE INTERVIEWER
And how do you propose...?
TOMOE
Patience will reveal them to us.
THE INTERVIEWER
Ah yes, patience, a virtue in every land I’ve visited. What if we just try to burst out?
TOMOE
You remember what happened when you touched the cage, do you not?
THE INTERVIEWER
I- I do. But what if we all try it together? Surely, it can’t knock us all around at the same time?
TSU
I’m just the interpreter.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right, Tsu, yes. You didn’t sign up for this. Miss Gozen, that leaves you and me. What say you?
TOMOE
I have told you. Patience will reveal its weakness.
THE INTERVIEWER
All right, all right. We’ll wait.
(TIME PASSES)
THE INTERVIEWER
(YAWNS) Have we been patient enough yet?
(A HORSE WHINNY)
TOMOE
(JAPANESE)
INTERVIEWER
Hm?
TOMOE
Perhaps just. Watch closely. The guard comes.
(THE GUARD’S FOOTSTEPS APPROACH, HIS WEAPONS AND ARMOUR CLINKING)
INTERVIEWER
Ah. Right.
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE) Stand back from the gate.
(THE MAGICAL SOUND OF A DEMON ENTERING A TALISMAN)
TOMOE
(WHISPERS) Do you see that?
INTERVIEWER
What?
TOMOE
The talisman around his neck illuminated as if some force entered it.
THE INTERVIEWER
(WHISPERS) Yes! I did! What is it?
(KEYS CLANK)
TOMOE
(WHISPERS) An onmyoji’s magic is that of spirits and demons. (INTERVIEWER GASP) They commune with the dead and summon demons to aid them.
INTERVIEWER
What?
TOMOE
It is likely an entity of that sort that is preventing our escape.
THE INTERVIEWER
(WHISPERS) A demon? You think it went into that talisman? So, it’s no longer guarding the cell?
TOMOE
(WHISPERS) Perhaps that’s why the “magic” doesn’t affect the guard. There’s one way to find out.
(THE GATE CREAKS OPEN)
THE INTERVIEWER
whispers
Oh, yes… You mean, touch it again? But...
TOMOE
whispers
If the magic or demon has gone into the guard’s talisman, the cage should be disarmed.
INTERVIEWER
Right.
TOMOE
Which is why the guard is able to touch it without any harm to himself.
(GUARD SPEAKS JAPANESE, TOMOE ANSWERS SOMETHING. INTERVIEWER TRIES TO REPEAT IT)
THE INTERVIEWER
(TO SELF)
Okay, okay, okay. It’s probably fine, it’s probably fine...
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE) There you go. Until tomorrow. Lord Wada will visit you soon enough.
THE INTERVIEWER
(TO SELF) Just touch the wall, Arthur, what’s…. what’s the worst that could happen?
(AN INHALE AND HOLDING OF BREATH AS HE GRABS THE SCARY, MAGIC CELL WALL
NOTHING -- NO WHOOSH -- IT WORKED!)
(A GATE OPENING AND CLOSING. THE MAGICAL SOUND IN REVERSE. THE GUARD’S FOOTSTEPS AS HE WALKS AWAY)
(EXHALES IN RELIEF) It worked. I touched the wall and I didn’t get thrown to the other side of the cell.
TOMOE
(WHISPERS)
The talisman went dark. Whatever presence it had has left it.
THE INTERVIEWER
If that’s true, then if I touch the cell again, it shou—
( WHOOSHING AND BANGING SOUNDS AS THE INTERVIEWER IS THROWN ACROSS THE CELL BY THE DEMON)
Aaahhh!
(MORE BANGING WITH SEVERAL “OWS” AND “OOFS,” ALONG WITH MORE WHOOSHING, WHICH COMES TO AN ABRUPT STOP)
Yep. Yep. The demon is back. Ow.
TOMOE
Give me your hand.
(TOMOE HELPS THE INTERVIEWER UP)
THE INTERVIEWER
Thank you.
TOMOE
That is the answer, then.
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
The demon enters the talisman and the cage is undefended.
INTERVIEWER
Jup
TOMOE (CON’T)
When the guard returns tomorrow with our “daily slop,” we kill him and escape. We must do it before Lord Wada comes for us. Or there may not be another chance.
THE INTERVIEWER
(IN PAIN) Ah, no, we can’t kill the guard.
TOMOE
Why not? He will be a problem if we let him live.
THE INTERVIEWER
Not if we take him with us.
TOMOE
Why would we do such a thing?
THE INTERVIEWER
Your death. We’ll need a witness.
TOMOE
Ah. I see.
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes. The guard will do. When the demon goes into the talisman, we’ll be able to escape! You’ll take care of the guard. Alive, but physically injured would be helpful so he’s easy enough to transport, but he definitely needs his wits intact so he can witness your death and return here to tell the story. Yes!
(BRUSHES HIS HANDS OFF)
Ah, yes! Easy, peasy, Japa-- hmm, that’s not appropriate.
CUT TO PRESENT.
ALVINA
You did not say that.
THE INTERVIEWER
No, no, of course not. I don’t remember exactly what I said but I’m sure it was something stupid because I do distinctly remember that Tomoe was looking at me like I had a beak for a nose.
(ALVINA LAUGHS)
BACK TO JAPAN.
TOMOE
Yes, leave the guard to me. The sorcerer was foolish to put his demon in the hands of a simple guard. It will be, as you say... easy peasy.
INTERVIEWER
Quite.
TIME PASSES.
( Crickets. A horse whinny)
GUARD
(distant, in Japanese)
Ah, shut up, you dumb animal.
(The Guard’s footsteps approach, his weapons and armour clinking)
GUARD
(in Japanese) Stay back.
TOMOE
(WHISPERS) Ready?
THE INTERVIEWER
(WHISPERS) As we’ll ever be.
(THE MAGICAL SOUND OF THE DEMON ENTERING THE TALISMAN. THE GATE CREAKS OPEN...
TOMOE RUSHES THE GUARD...)
(TOMOE RELEASES A BATTLE CRY)
(A WHOOSHING SOUND AND BANGING (AS TOMOE IS REPELLED AWAY FROM THE GUARD, BY THE DEMON, AND THROWN BACK AGAINST THE WALL ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE CELL).
(TOMOE GETS THE WIND KNOCKED OUT OF HER, GRUNTS, GROANS AS SHE STANDS)
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE) Ha! You stupid woman!
THE INTERVIEWER
What happened?
TOMOE
The moment I touched him I was thrown backwards.
THE INTERVIEWER
By the demon?
TOMOE
Must be.
GUARD
(IN JAPANESE) No rice for you tonight, then.
THE INTERVIEWER
How can that be? The talisman is alight—
(THE INTERVIEWER HITS THE WALL OF THE CELL. GUARD LAUGHS)
THE INTERVIEWER
--I can touch the cell, the demon should be contained.
TOMOE
(REALIZING) It is. But not in the talisman... in the guard! The talisman is a portal, not a container. As long as the demon is inside the guard, I won’t be able to touch him, much less restrain him.
GUARD (OVERLAPPING)
(IN JAPANESE) Lord Wada’s magic is too powerful, even for the woman with the strength of a thousand men.
THE INTERVIEWER
What do we do?!
A beat.
TOMOE
Perhaps I can make contact with his weapons instead.
INTERVIEWER
Yes!!!
(TOMOE RUSHES THE GUARD. THE GUARD UNSHEATHES A BLADE. A WHOOSH AND BANG AS TOMOE IS THROWN BACK. TOMOE RUSHES THE GUARD AGAIN)
(TOMOE RELEASES A BATTLE CRY AS SHE LEAPS AT THE GUARD)
Yes, yes, he dropped his blade! Get it, get it! Yes yes!
(SHE LEAPS AT THE GUARD AND KICKS THE BLADE OUT OF HIS HANDS. A WHOOSH AND BANG AS SHE IS THROWN BACK BY THE DEMON AS A RESULT. BUT THE BLADE SLIDES AGAINST THE DIRT AND TOMOE RETRIEVES IT)
TOMOE
The talisman. We must remove it from the guard!
THE INTERVIEWER
And how do we do that if we can’t touch him?!
TOMOE
How important is it that he remains alive?
THE INTERVIEWER
I don’t care!!
( TOMOE THROWS THE BLADE FROM A DISTANCE. THE SLICING OF METAL AGAINST METAL. THE TALISMAN LANDS ON THE DIRT)
(HE KEEPS CHEERING ON TOMOE)
GUARD
(SCREAMS AS THE BLADE KNICKS HIS NECK)
(TOMOE RUSHES THE GUARD, A JAB TO THE NECK, THE GUARD MAKES A CHOKING SOUND, THE GUARD AND TOMOE SHUFFLE, A KICK, A PUNCH, ETC. A SCUFFLING AS THE GUARD TRIES TO RETRIEVE THE TALISMAN)
INTERVIEWER (OVER THE SOUNDS OF THE FIGHT)
Oh, the talisman is on the ground, look, look! Hit it, get it! No, no, don’t choke him!
TOMOE
The talisman!
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
TOMOE
Don’t let him retrieve it!
THE INTERVIEWER
I won’t! I’ve got it! I’ve got it! I’ve got it!
( THE INTERVIEWER RUSHES TOWARD THE TALISMAN ON THE GROUND AND PICKS IT UP. STILL FIGHTING)
THE INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS BUT THEN GROANS AS THE DEMON ENTERS HIS BODY)
Oof!
( P A I N)
THE INTERVIEWER
(DISTORTED DEMON VOICE)
Ah, a new vessel. And a strange one, too. How... fun...
Uh oh.
( THE FIGHT BETWEEN TOMOE AND THE GUARD CONTINUES. SOON, THE BREAKING OF BONES AND THE GUARD COLLAPSES ON THE GROUND)
Tomoe
The guard is subdued!
THE INTERVIEWER
(SCREAMING IN PAIN)
Ahhhhhh!!! Being possessed by a demon is -- ahhh! -- painful when you’re not used to it!
(MORE P A I N)
TOMOE
What is the matter?
( TOMOE RUSHES TOWARD THE INTERVIEWER)
THE INTERVIEWER
No, don’t touch--
(A WHOOSH AND BANG AS TOMOE IS REPELLED AWAY FROM THE INTERVIEWER)
(MORE PAINED INTERVIEWER)
TOMOE
Drop the talisman!
INTERVIEWER
I can’t!
TOMOE
Let me have it!
(WHOOSH AS THE DEMON ENTERS TOMOE)
TOMOE
(GROANS IN PAIN, BUT IS FAR MORE RESILIENT WITH IT THAN THE INTERVIEWER)
Go! Run!
(THE INTERVIEWER RUNS OUT OF THE CELL)
(TOMOE SCREAMS AS SHE FIGHTS THE DEMON INTERNALLY. TOMOE’S SCREAMS BUILD UP AS SHE RUNS OUT OF THE CELL, A CACOPHONY OF WHOOSHING AND MAGIC SOUNDS BUILDS UP AND CLIMAXES...)
The interviewer
(WATCHING TOMOE STRUGGLE) Yes! Fight that demon! Get it! Oh, God, yes! Oh god, that must hurt, as I remember it well! You can do it! Toss the talisman! Toss it! Toss that into the cell!
(...UNTIL TOMOE GIVES ONE FINAL SCREAM AND THROWS THE TALISMAN (AND THE DEMON) BACK INTO THE CELL BEHIND HER)
(THE GATE SLAMS SHUT)
INTERVIEWER
(UTTERLY OUT OF BREATH) Remind me to never come back to Japan…
CUT TO PRESENT.
ALVINA
You were possessed by a demon?!?!?!
THE INTERVIEWER
Only for a moment.
ALVINA
And you are just now telling me this story?!?!?
THE INTERVIEWER
I told you, we’re working our way backward. It was just the once and it never happened again.
ALVINA
(GROANS IN ANNOYANCE) Okay. Anyhow... you were saying Tomoe fought the demon who had taken possession of her, tore off the talisman, and then... What? Just chucked it?
THE INTERVIEWER
She threw it back into the cell and locked the door.
BACK TO JAPAN
(TOMOE, THE INTERVIEWER, AND TSU ALL STRUGGLE TO CATCH THEIR BREATHS)
THE INTERVIEWER
(BRUSHES HIS HANDS OFF) Easy peasy.
TOMOE
(GROANS IN ANNOYANCE)
THE INTERVIEWER
Do you think the demon is back in that cell?
TOMOE
Yes.
THE INTERVIEWER
Do you think it will ever be free?
TOMOE
Does it matter?
THE INTERVIEWER
No, no. I suppose I just feel a bit bad for it. A slave to dark magic.
TOMOE
(INCREDULOUS OR IMPRESSED, IT’S IMPOSSIBLE TO TELL)
Hm.
(A HORSE WHINNY)
(IN JAPANESE, TO HORSES) Hello, my friends.
(HAPPY HORSE SOUNDS)
(TO THE INTERVIEWER)
After you, my strange friend.
(THE INTERVIEWER CLIMBS UP ONTO A HORSE, TSU CLIMBS UP ONTO A HORSE, TOMOE DRAGS THE GUARD’S BODY AND LIFTS IT ONTO A HORSE.
(TOMOE GRUNTS WITH THE LIFT, THE GUARD MOANS IN PAIN)
THE INTERVIEWER
Oh, sorry. Do you need help with him?
TOMOE
No.
THE INTERVIEWER
Right. Yes. Of course.
(TOMOE CLIMBS UP ONTO A HORSE)
TOMOE
Now, to retrieve my Lord Kiso’s head. It is not far. I will take it with me into the sea and let him rest there in peace.
THE INTERVIEWER
Perfect. The beginning of the end. Or, perhaps, the end of the beginning.
(HORSES TROTTING AWAY INTO THE DISTANCE)
FADE OUT
Stay tuned for the epilogue, but first the credits!
Oh, hey, it's me, Julia Morizawa, the voice of Amelia. So, why am I taking over the credits today? Well, that’s because I wrote today’s episode together with Tristram Lowe, the author of Headless, the first book in The Ghost and the Mask series.
A serial killer in Japan is collecting heads. An unlikely pair of journalists try not to lose theirs.
Akio, a lowly staff photographer, and Masami, a top staff writer, upsetting the male-dominated newsroom, struggle to get along as they investigate the murders. Is the old, mysterious kendo instructor the culprit, or is there something to the witness accounts of a supernatural samurai? The price for getting the scoop may be their own heads.
Headless by Tristram Lowe. Available in paperback, e-book, and audiobook. Find out more at headlessbook.com.
And now, back to the credits!
This episode featured Nina Fog as Tomoe Gozen, Alan Burgon as The Interviewer, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina and Masaya Okubo as Tsu and the guard.
It was written by Julia Morizawa and Tristram Lowe, with story editing and direction by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager, sound design by Alexander Danner, music by Fredrik Baden, translations by Masaya Okubo and Nina Fog, dialogue editing by Philip Thorne, production assistance by Maty Parzival and graphic design by Anders Pedersen.
The episode was recorded at Red P studio in Vienna with studio engineering by Arpad Hadnagy and Oliver Illes.
Thank you to all of you who support us on Patreon and Apple Podcast Subscriptions, without you The Amelia Project would disappear and reappear as a call-in radio show in which we predict listeners’ deaths from the dregs of cocoa cups. And now over to Pip for the patron shoutouts.
Thank you Julia, and if you’re not yet a patron, consider signing up for as little as five dollars, and in addition to ad free listening and a big back catalogue of bonus content, you’ll be able to watch a behind the scenes video about the making of this episode and there will be a lot more video content to come. A massive thank you to our super patrons, at the time of recording that’s:
Celeste Joos, Heat 312, Jem Fidyk, Alban Ossant, Amélie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui, Alison Thro, Patricia Bohnwagner, Bryce Godmer, Cliff Huizenga, Michael West, Deanna Berchenbriter, Tim McMackin, Blythe Varney, Lee & Vee Hewerdine, Mr Squiggles, Toni Fisher, Tibbi, Florian Beijers, Courtney Mays Rensen, Boo, Astra Kim, Olivea Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, Alicia Hall, LG, Helden Inkheart, Ryan Burnett, Robert Acker, SuperKaliFragalisticExpi-Alex Nicol, Timotheus, DOCTORmas, Ben Carlisle, Miss Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Ryan O’Mara, Christine Bayuga, Stefan Hartinger.
And now, the epilogue.
EPILOGUE.
ALVINA
sighs dreamily
Well, I think that was the most romantic story you’ve told me so far.
THE INTERVIEWER
(WEIRDED OUT) Really? You think?
ALVINA
Did you ever see her again?
THE INTERVIEWER
Sadly, no. But I did hear she lived to the ripe old age of 90. Stayed in that Buddhist temple all those years. I guess it suited her after all.
ALVINA
Wow.
THE INTERVIEWER
Although...
ALVINA
What?
THE INTERVIEWER
I did return in the 16th century. That’s when the Portuguese Jesuits arrived. They were the first Europeans to cross into Japan.
ALVINA
Aside from you.
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes, well, but you know, my visit was off the record.
ALVINA
Of course.
THE INTERVIEWER
When I returned, it was the Sengoku period. The country was very different, yet still at war. Constantly. But I came across an entire combat unit consisting of only women. At least two hundred of them. All led by a woman named Ikeda Sen. And, if I were the type to believe in it, I might argue that she was the spirit of Tomoe Gozen reincarnated.
ALVINA
Well, that’s depressing.
THE INTERVIEWER
What? What do you mean?
ALVINA
Imagine living a terrible, horrifying life as a warrior, constantly in battle, surrounded by death, only to be reincarnated as another warrior, constantly in battle, surrounded by death.
THE INTERVIEWER
Yes, alright! But this was over four hundred years later.
ALVINA
I hope she became a bug.
INTERVIEWER
What?!
ALVINA (CON’T)
She emerged one sunny morning, sat on a delicious green leaf, ate through it in perfect, calm contentment... then was quickly squashed before she knew what hit her.
THE INTERVIEWER
Now that’s depressing. A mere single day of life? What? Doing nothing but eating a leaf?
ALVINA
Well, of course, it sounds terrible to you. To me, it sounds like paradise.
THE INTERVIEWER
Oh please. No, you know what, I always suspected you to be a cheap date. Yes.
ALVINA
Ha ha.
THE INTERVIEWER
That is, when you’re not accidentally giving your boyfriends heart attacks and taking over their business affairs, yes
ALVINA
Alright, now that’s not fair!
THE INTERVIEWER
Ooh, look look! There’s a luscious green leaf right here... Hmm! nom, nom, nom, nom. Get your fill ! Quick, before we pass !
ALVINA
Alright! Stop it.
INTERVIEWER
You have to fight that caterpillar for it.
(ALVINA LAUGHS A LITTLE)