AMELIA’S APPRAISALS EPISODE 4: INCENTIVISED COOPERATION
PIP
Hello dear Amelia listeners, our London live shows are coming up very soon, we’ve posted some behind the scenes videos about our preparations for the events on Patreon, you can watch those for free, and if you become a paying supporter for any amount, you can watch the video livestream on 4th, 5th, 6th August 2026.
Or even better, join us in person! In addition to the Amelia show, we’re also screening our first film project for which you can get separate tickets, and doing an onstage Q&A titled When Fiction Talks back. Tickets for all that on our website, or at Theatreship.co.uk.
This episode is dedicated to Tasha Walsh, whose life was cut short by a catastrophic cow-milking incident. She has since returned as a rock star whose management insists she tour only countries beginning with a vowel and consisting of no more than two letters. The schedule is refreshingly light.
Enjoy the episode.
Amelia’s Appraisals - created by Pip and Øystein, with music by Fredrik Baden and Sound design by Paul Kraner. Brought to you by HR Agent.
Episode 4: Incentivised Cooperation
THE HALLWAY - HR AGENT AND ALVINA
(THE HR AGENT HAS JUST LEFT JOEY AND SALVATORE'S WORKSHOP AND STANDS IN THE HALLWAY, STUNNED AND SOMEWHAT SHAKEN)
(ALVINA ENTERS)
ALVINA
Oh, hello.
HR AGENT
Hello.
ALVINA
Are you feeling alright? You look... pale.
HR AGENT
I'm... I'll be fine. It's just... well, it's just that I'm not used to being threatened.
ALVINA
Threatened? Oh. Let me guess. Joey and Salvatore...
HR AGENT
Yes.
ALVINA
Sorry about them.
HR AGENT
I couldn't quite determine what they, er, do exactly?
ALVINA
They're... How shall I put it... They're like our guard dogs.
HR AGENT
Guard dogs?
ALVINA
But once you get to know them, they're more like lap dogs really.
HR AGENT
(Unconvinced) Hm.
ALVINA
Hi, I'm Alvina, by the way.
HR AGENT
Alvina, nice to meet you.
(THEY SHAKE HANDS)
HR AGENT
And your position is...?
ALVINA
My official title is Client Outreach Officer. But in reality I'm part therapist, part chaos wrangler, part... "incentives coordinator."
HR AGENT
Yes, it seems everyone wears many hats in this company.
ALVINA
Hats, wigs, moustaches... sometimes all at once!
HR AGENT
What do you mean by "incentives coordinator?"
ALVINA
Basically, I handle situations where a polite smile isn't quite... persuasive enough.
HR AGENT
I don't follow.
ALVINA
Sometimes all it takes is a strongly worded email, sometimes an envelope of cash, and sometimes... sometimes you have to get really creative. Like training a raven to deliver a very pointed message at exactly 3 a.m.
HR AGENT
Are you talking about... Bribery? Intimidation?
ALVINA
I prefer to call it incentivized cooperation. But I also have friendlier tasks. Like welcoming new clients. How do you take your tea? Or do you prefer cocoa?
HR AGENT
Er...
ALVINA
Now, since you're a walk-in, I'm going to have to ask you to complete a little survey.
HR AGENT
A walk-in?
ALVINA
Well, you didn't call us in advance, did you? Oh my gosh - you're not Helen Harcourt? I haven't prepared the premises!
HR AGENT
Eh - no, I'm not Helen Harcourt.
ALVINA
Oh good. And you didn't call us in advance? Otherwise I would have started compiling your case file over the phone. You see, he's very particular and only takes on the most unusual cases.
HR AGENT
Who?
ALVINA
There's no need to know his name.
HR AGENT
I'd really like to know who I'm doing business with.
ALVINA
Now just sit down and fill in one of these while I get your tea.
ALVINA shoves a survey at the HR AGENT.
ALVINA
You still haven't told me how you take it.
HR AGENT
A spot of milk and two Canderel if you've got any. What... er... what is this?
ALVINA
The survey.
HR AGENT
What does "Current full name" and "Future full name (if known)" mean?
ALVINA
Don't worry if you've not given any thought to your future name yet. When you reach the second stage, if you reach the second stage, there will be an interview in which... he, can provide you with some suggestions.
HR AGENT
What about "date of departure"?
ALVINA
Again, it's fine if you haven't made up your mind. In fact, the more flexibility we have at this point, the better.
HR AGENT
reading
"Preferred method of departure, please tick: Dramatic, low key, accidental, undecided."
ALVINA
Well, presumably you have some idea of how you'd like to go?
HR AGENT
I thought this was a funeral home.
ALVINA
A what?
HR AGENT
But you're also a travel agency?
ALVINA
Um...
HR AGENT
What is this company?
ALVINA
(THINKING ON HER FEET) It's both!
HR AGENT
What?
ALVINA
A funeral parlour and travel agency, rolled into one!
beat
And we also deal with Debt Recovery.
HR AGENT
Debt recovery?
ALVINA
Hence the, er, incentivised cooperation.
HR AGENT
I see. How novel.
ALVINA
Isn't it?
HR AGENT
I'd really love to hear about how these different sides of the business work together...
ALVINA
Right... right... So you must be... the representative from...
HR AGENT
HR Agent Yes.
ALVINA
Right. Amelia said you were coming... Right. Yes. Hello.
HR AGENT
Hello.
ALVINA
Hello.
(AWKWARD PAUSE)
HR AGENT
You have an office?
ALVINA
Office is a rather grand word for it. It's a converted utility cupboard, but... yes.
HR AGENT
Why don't you go make us a cup of tea, and then we can have a chat in your office. Does that sound good?
(ALVINA'S OFFICE - HR AGENT AND ALVINA)
(A SHORT WHILE LATER. THE HR AGENT IS SIPPING TEA)
ALVINA
Think of it as a full-service operation.
HR AGENT
Ok...
ALVINA
First, our funeral home arm handles all the traditional elements: obituaries, urns, floral arrangements. Some families opt for a dramatic farewell at sea, while others lean towards something more traditional: a classic, dignified service, black suits, solemn music, minimal fog machines.
HR AGENT
Fog machines?
ALVINA
Strictly optional.
HR AGENT
I see.
ALVINA
Then, our travel division takes over.
HR AGENT
Travel for the deceased?
ALVINA
For the bereaved.
HR AGENT
The bereaved?
ALVINA
Yes. We specialise in post bereavement travel.
HR AGENT
People want to go on holiday right after they've buried a loved one?
ALVINA
Sometimes families need... space to reflect. And we offer packages that provide comfort and serenity. Spiritual cruises, extended sabbaticals, exotic grief retreats.
HR AGENT
And the debt recovery part?
ALVINA
Ah. Yes. That's just to make sure everyone's financial affairs are settled. It's all about synergy. Funeral services, travel solutions, financial closure. One smooth, elegant package.
HR AGENT
That's quite the business model.
ALVINA
Thank you. We like to think we're pioneers.
HR AGENT
And you only "take on the most unusual cases?" What does that mean?
ALVINA
Well, there are plenty of funeral homes that cater for normal deaths, aren't there? We're the company that takes on the unusual ones.
HR AGENT
Unusual how?
ALVINA
Oh you know, the complicated ones.
HR AGENT
Complicated how?
ALVINA
Clients who've been cursed, for example.
HR AGENT
Cursed?
ALVINA
We have to take precautions to make sure the coffin doesn't start levitating mid-service.
HR AGENT
What?
ALVINA
Some priests don't take kindly to the coffin spinning during the Lord's Prayer.
HR AGENT
Tries to say something, but is too confused
ALVINA
Then there are the biohazard cases.
HR AGENT
Biohazard... What?
ALVINA
You know, where the body's fine as long as no one breathes near it, or in some cases, looks at it for more than four seconds. We had one that caused spontaneous nosebleeds in the congregation and another that was so radioactive, the flowers started wilting during the eulogy. The priest wore a hazmat suit.
HR AGENT
Is this a joke?
ALVINA
Not everyone's lucky enough to pass away peacefully in their sleep! We had one client who fell into an industrial jam mixer. Open-casket wasn't an option, obviously. We considered a coffin shaped like a huge jam-jar. Another gentleman was found halfway up a church spire, still clutching a lightning rod. Then there was the woman who tripped into her own pottery kiln, very hard to get the glaze off.
HR AGENT
Good grief.
ALVINA
Exactly. Our job is to make sure the service is dignified, regardless of how many bits need reattaching, dissolving, or discreetly mopping up. We pride ourselves on meeting every client's unique needs, however flammable, contagious, or metaphysically unstable they might be.
HR AGENT
Impressive.
ALVINA
Thank you.
HR AGENT
Although...
ALVINA
Yes?
HR AGENT
I still don't understand... Why the new name?
ALVINA
New name?
HR AGENT
On the questionnaire. It said: "Current full name" and "Future full name."
ALVINA
Oh! That!
HR AGENT
Yes. That.
(Pause)
ALVINA
Well that's for clients who aren't technically dead yet, but... would very much like to get ahead on the paperwork.
HR AGENT
The... er... explain.
ALVINA
We call them "pre-emptive farewells." Clients get to attend their own funeral, take home a commemorative urn. They choose a new name to live out the rest of their days, assured in the knowledge that their departure has been taken care of. It's peace of mind, really. They get to enjoy life knowing the admin of death is already behind them.
HR AGENT
Is that legal?
ALVINA
Legal? Oh yes. Well, legal enough.
HR AGENT
Are you sure?
ALVINA
Legal is such a fluid term, isn't it? We prefer to think of it as... administratively discreet.
HR AGENT
Right. A grey area.
ALVINA
Yes. But tasteful grey. Dove grey. Taupe.
HR AGENT
Well, it just so happens...
ALVINA
Yes?
HR AGENT
I have a job for you.
ALVINA
What?
HR AGENT
A "case" as you seem to call it.
ALVINA
But... I thought you were here to conduct appraisals?
HR AGENT
Oh, I am. But putting my HR Agent hat aside for a moment...
(HER VOICE BECOMES A TAD UNSTABLE)
ALVINA
Are you alright?
HR AGENT
Sorry, do you have a tissue?
ALVINA
Er, yes, of course. Here you go.
(ALVINA HANDS THE HR AGENT A PACKET OF TISSUES)
HR AGENT
Thank you.
(THE HR AGENT DABS HER EYES)
ALVINA
I'm really sorry... Was it anything I said... or...?
HR AGENT
Oh no, no, not at all. It's just... Well, you see, my uncle, Uncle Stanley, he passed away. Just two days ago.
ALVINA
Oh dear. I'm so sorry for your loss.
HR AGENT
Sorry, this is so unprofessional.
ALVINA
Oh, please don't worry about that.
HR AGENT
It's really not like me... It's just, well, hearing about your services... I'd love to hire you for Uncle Stanley's funeral.
ALVINA
Right. Um. I see.
HR AGENT
So how does it work? Should I fill in that questionnaire?
ALVINA
I'm dreadfully sorry, but we're completely booked out this month.
HR AGENT
Really?
ALVINA
This year actually. Booked solid.
HR AGENT
But... didn't you just think I was a walk-in?
ALVINA
Er...?
HR AGENT
When you welcomed me and offered me a cup of tea? Yes, you thought I was a client.
ALVINA
Er, yes...
HR AGENT
You didn't send me away, you gave me a questionnaire. So you do have vacancies.
ALVINA
No.
HR AGENT
Then why didn't you send me away?
ALVINA
Because we're already taking bookings for next year.
HR AGENT
For next year?
ALVINA
It's always best to book at least twelve months in advance.
HR AGENT
Of dying?
ALVINA
Yes.
HR AGENT
But you don't know when... when your loved ones are going to die!
ALVINA
You can make an informed guess, can't you?
HR AGENT
What?
ALVINA
Given their age, health, diet, propensity for risk -
HR AGENT
You're telling me people book ahead, based on when they think their loved ones will die?
ALVINA
If the client isn't ready on time, we offer to postpone their funeral by six months at no extra cost.
HR AGENT
How thoughtful.
ALVINA
Generally other clients die early, so we can shift things around. It's a bit like playing Tetris, but with funerals.
HR AGENT
And you really can't squeeze in Uncle Stanley?
ALVINA
Sorry.
HR AGENT
It would really mean a lot to me.
ALVINA
Look, it's not up to me anyway.
HR AGENT
Who's it up to?
ALVINA
My colleague in the office next door.
HR AGENT
The one without a name?
ALVINA
He has a name.
HR AGENT
What is it?
ALVINA
I genuinely can't tell you.
HR AGENT
Why not.
You don't know his name?
ALVINA
He's one of a kind. And as I told you, he only takes on the most unusual cases. So even if we had an opening, I'm not sure he'd accept your Uncle Stanley anyway -
HR AGENT
I haven't told you how Uncle Stanley died.
ALVINA
Well, unless he was a lion tamer whose beasts turned on him, or an archeologist who opened a cursed tomb -
HR AGENT
Uncle Stanley was a caretaker, or a janitor as they call them in the US. He lived in Ohio you see.
ALVINA
Not a promising start.
HR AGENT
Ohio?
ALVINA
No, I meant -
HR AGENT
Oh, you mean because he was a janitor?
ALVINA
No disrespect. I'm sure Uncle Stanley did a terrific job.
HR AGENT
Yes. Everyone at Parkside Infant & Junior School loved him.
ALVINA
I just don't think a primary school janitor -
HR AGENT
He died opening the Cleaning Supplies Cupboard.
ALVINA
Really? How did he manage that?
HR AGENT
Well the door was a bit stiff you see...
ALVINA
Not yet.
HR AGENT
He gave the handle a good yank, and the moment it swung open, a mountain of mops, buckets, and floor polish came crashing down.
ALVINA
Ah yes, we have one of those. The Avalanche Cupboard we call it. It's where we put unnecessary bits and bobs which belong in the bin really, but... well, my colleague next door is such a hoarder! Anyway, I've put a note on it "Open at Your Own Risk." Sorry, how rude of me, you were telling me about Uncle Stanley.
HR AGENT
Yes. A canister of disinfectant hit him square on the head, it spilled, and he slipped backwards. He... tried to steady himself by grabbing a mop handle, which flipped up and caught him under the chin, knocked him into the Recycling Awareness display. Which contained a sharp tower of aluminium cans glued together by Year 5! The headmistress found him in a pool of blood and disinfectant, covered in tins, juice cartons and yogurt pots.
ALVINA
That's a very graphic description.
HR AGENT
I have nightmares about it.
ALVINA
But how do you know all these details? Your Uncle Stanley is in Ohio you said...
HR AGENT
Oh, the kids commemorated it with a classroom art project. Big rainbow, smiling sun, and Mr Stanley, surrounded by airborne mops and a glittery halo. They made the disinfectant bottle into a friendly little character with eyes. Bright yellow disinfectant, big red... splat marks, lots of smiling faces. The teacher was kind enough to send me a photo.
(PAUSE)
ALVINA
I don't believe you.
HR AGENT
Neither do I.
ALVINA
What?
HR AGENT
You're not a funeral home. You're not a travel agency. And you're not a debt collector.
ALVINA
So... All this talk of Uncle Stanley... you've been lying to me?
HR AGENT
Just like you.
(ALVINA GROANS)
Shall we start again?
ALVINA
(RESIGNED SIGH) I thought I did so well coming up with all of that.
HR AGENT
You did.
ALVINA
Sorry?
HR AGENT
You're good at thinking on your feet, at sticking to your story come what may. You've obviously done this before. Many, many times.
ALVINA
Are you calling me a serial liar?
HR AGENT
I'm not judging. But I get the impression... Well, I think you're very used to... going into damage control mode. Am I right?
Pause.
ALVINA
You're not wrong.
HR AGENT
"Chaos wrangling" I think you called it earlier.
ALVINA
Did I?
HR AGENT
Whatever you do, it seems to be a very chaotic working environment.
ALVINA
(UNDER HER BREATH) You can say that again.
HR AGENT
How do you feel about that?
ALVINA
Well... I've come to accept it really. My colleagues thrive on a certain degree of chaos. I think for them chaos and creativity go hand in hand.
HR AGENT
But what about you?
ALVINA
Me?
BEAT.
Well, it's not about me, is it.
HR AGENT
It's all about you.
ALVINA
Oh, no, you've misunderstood.
HR AGENT
What do you mean?
ALVINA
I'm... I'm more of an assistant really. I'm relatively new here, and I honestly think sometimes I'm considered more of an annoyance than an asset -
HR AGENT
I meant this appraisal. This appraisal is all about you.
ALVINA
This is the appraisal?
HR AGENT
Of course. That's what I've been brought here for.
ALVINA
Right. Yes. It's just... You caught me off guard.
HR AGENT
You feel you're not being fully appreciated. Tell me more about that.
ALVINA
Did I say that? I'm sure I didn't -
HR AGENT
You said your colleagues consider you an annoyance rather than an asset.
ALVINA
Right, I was being unfair. I mean, if Amelia hadn't come to my silly island... If she hadn't given me this opportunity... I'd still be with the seagulls and -
HR AGENT
You don't have to justify yourself.
ALVINA
I mean... I don't want to talk badly about -
HR AGENT
You can be frank with me.
ALVINA
Thank you, I'm just not really used to -
HR AGENT
This is between you and me.
Pause.
ALVINA
This is difficult.
HR AGENT
Oh. I see.
ALVINA
Excuse me?
HR AGENT
I see.
ALVINA
See what?
HR AGENT
(SOFTLY) I get it.
ALVINA
I... don't?
HR AGENT
(MOUTHS SOMETHING)
ALVINA
I can't hear you. Why are you mouthing at me? I... don't understand.
HR AGENT
(WHISPERS) Do you have a pen?
ALVINA
Er, yes, here.
(ALVINA PASSES A PEN. THE HR AGENT SCRIBBLES SOMETHING ON A PIECE OF PAPER AND HOLDS IT UP)
ALVINA
Oh, no no no, you've got the wrong end of the stick, this office isn't bugged! Well, I mean it is, but -
HR AGENT
Your office is bugged?
ALVINA
Well not just this office. It's not just me. Everything gets recorded, in every room, but -
HR AGENT
(URGENT WHISPER)
That's why I wanted to communicate via writing!
ALVINA
That's not necessary, and anyway, there are cameras too, but -
HR AGENT
There are cameras?
ALVINA
It's not what it seems like.
HR AGENT
This is not a healthy working environment!
ALVINA
It's a particular working environment. But all workplaces have their own, er, company culture right?
HR AGENT
Sure, some companies give employees time to work on side projects, some have transparent salary bands and democratic decision-making, some use stack ranking systems or significant performance-based bonuses, some allow employees to nominate nonprofits for company support and some have learning days. Yes, I've encountered many company cultures, but withholding names and spying on employees does not equate with "company culture." Not in my book.
ALVINA
Some of that sounds really good...
HR AGENT
Excuse me?
ALVINA
Democratic decision making... Instead of him getting to choose clients willy nilly. And nominating nonprofits for company support... I have a thing for dogs you see, and the Dog's Trust could really use some help right now. Can you tell me more about transparent salary bands?
HR AGENT
(CHUCKLES)
I think there's room for some positive changes here.
ALVINA
And performance-based bonuses would be nice... I mean, my salary is fine, but given that I don't really get any days off...
HR AGENT
You don't get days off?
ALVINA
Not really.
HR AGENT
None?
ALVINA
I mean, Amelia gave everyone the afternoon off after the boiler exploded, I told her not to let Salvatore tinker with it, but even that afternoon was mostly spent trying to come up with a convincing insurance claim...
HR AGENT
That's illegal!
ALVINA
Insurance fraud?
HR AGENT
That too, but no -
ALVINA
Oh, the time off?
HR AGENT
Employers are required by law -
ALVINA
Yes, but we operate outside the law.
(PAUSE)
ALVINA
There. I said it.
HR AGENT
I already suspected.
ALVINA
Is that a problem?
HR AGENT
I... eh... I don't care what kind of company this is. I don't. It's too late for that anyway, I signed your NDA. And I realize the threats your strongmen posited were not in jest. So, well, I've been paid to do a job, and I'll see it through.
BEAT.
But not giving employees any time off is just not on!
ALVINA
I mean, to be perfectly honest, I wouldn't really know what to do with time off...
HR AGENT
You don't have hobbies?
ALVINA
Does paperwork count?
HR AGENT
No. What about friends?
ALVINA
Well, Amelia doesn't really approve of socialising outside of the company, so...
HR AGENT
Excuse me?
ALVINA
So we don't accidentally spill company secrets.
HR AGENT
This isn't a company, this is a cult!
ALVINA
Some of our clients belong to cults.
HR AGENT
Of course they do.
ALVINA
I'm aware this must all seem rather peculiar from the outside.
HR AGENT
It does, but how does it feel from the inside?
ALVINA
(GENUINELY THINKING ABOUT IT) How does it feel from the inside...
HR AGENT
I mean, are you happy?
ALVINA
I'm not unhappy.
HR AGENT
So that's a no.
ALVINA
I'm a lot happier than I was with the seagulls, that's for sure.
HR AGENT
But not happy.
ALVINA
Happy?
HR AGENT
Yes. It's a simple question.
ALVINA
Is it? I mean... what even is happiness really...?
HR AGENT
You want me to define happiness?
ALVINA
I suppose.
HR AGENT
Well... we know it when we feel it.
ALVINA
My colleague says we settle on a level of despair we can tolerate, and call that happiness.
HR AGENT
That's grim.
ALVINA
It's a line from a philosopher he pretends to like. Kierkegaard.
HR AGENT
Right, but we're not talking philosophy, we're talking HR. I'm talking about happiness in the context of your job.
ALVINA
Right.
HR AGENT
Can I ask a few questions?
ALVINA
Certainly.
HR AGENT
We'll make it a quickfire round, ready?
ALVINA
Ready.
HR AGENT
Would you say you feel positive, engaged, and fulfilled at work or stressed, anxious, and burned out?
ALVINA
(HESITATES) Can I say both?
HR AGENT
Do you feel comfortable sharing concerns or ideas with your team?
ALVINA
Yes.
BEAT.
Except when Amelia is in one of her overly caffeinated, high-drama, low-blood-sugar states.
HR AGENT
Do you enjoy the work and feel it's meaningful?
ALVINA
hesitates
Yes.
HR AGENT
Are you able to disconnect from work outside of working hours?
ALVINA
No.
HR AGENT
Do you feel the company respects your time and boundaries?
ALVINA
No.
HR AGENT
Is there anything about working here that frustrates you?
ALVINA
Don't get me started.
HR AGENT
On a scale of 1 to 10, how likely are you to recommend this company to a friend looking for work?
ALVINA
As I said, I don't really have friends outside the company.
HR AGENT
But if you did.
ALVINA
This work isn't for everyone.
HR AGENT
If you could change just one thing here, what would it be?
ALVINA
Stop Kozlowski from storing human remains in the communal fridge. It's unhygienic!
HR AGENT
Er, right.
(PAUSE.)
ALVINA
How did I do?
HR AGENT
You want my assessment?
ALVINA
Yes please.
HR AGENT
You're highly engaged but perpetually exhausted, comfortable sharing feedback except during your boss's bad moods, deeply committed to the work to the point of being unable to stop doing it, and you are simultaneously fulfilled and on the brink of collapse. You also have no social circle outside the company, no work-life boundary, and an unquantifiable level of professional despair.
(BEAT, WITH A POLITE SMILE)
So, broadly speaking, I'd classify your engagement level as robust, your wellbeing as precarious, and your loyalty as borderline concerning.
An avalanche of a crash from the hallway.
HR AGENT
jumps
What was that?
ALVINA
(SIGHS) He opened it.
HR AGENT
What?
ALVINA
The cupboard.
HR AGENT
The Avalanche Cupboard?
ALVINA
He always ignores my signs...
(FROM THE HALLWAY, WE HEAR THE INTERVIEWER)
INTERVIEWER
(UNDER A PILE OF STUFF)
Help! Help! I'm buried!
ALVINA
Oh lord.
HR AGENT
That's your colleague?
ALVINA
Yup.
HR AGENT
(SIGHS) Maybe it's time I talked to him...
BEAT.
But before I go, I'd like to give you something to think about.
ALVINA
Okay...
HR AGENT
You're working fourteen hour days -
ALVINA
Twenty.
HR AGENT
- seven days a week -
ALVINA
Eight.
HR AGENT (CON’T)
- and although I haven't really figured out what you do, it seems you're constantly surrounded by death. You work out of a utility cupboard and your only hobby is paperwork. Despite all this, you're not unhappy. You seem to be simultaneously thriving and deteriorating. Perhaps consider... pacing the deterioration. Engagement is commendable. Burnout less so. Try to find a sustainable midpoint, somewhere between devoted employee and cautionary tale.
ALVINA
Right.
BEAT.
Do you want me to respond, or...?
HR AGENT
Just food for thought.
INTERVIEWER (FROM THE HALLWAY)
(FROM UNDER A MOUNTAIN OF BITS AND BOBS)
Someone dig me out! Pass me a rope! Help!
HR AGENT
I think he needs help.
ALVINA
Yes.
INTERVIEWER (FROM THE HALLWAY)
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
HR AGENT
Is he always like this?
ALVINA
Yup.
HR AGENT
Huh. Anything I should know before I talk to him?
ALVINA
Oh. Yes. Well. He's... Well. How should I put this? He's... Well, he's... He's a bit... I mean... a bit... His heart's in the right place, but... You know?
HR AGENT
In this company? I expect nothing less.
THE HR AGENT LEAVES ALVINA'S OFFICE.
END OF EPISODE.
The Amelia Project is a production of Imploding Fictions. This episode featured:
Julia C. Thorne as Alvina
Jen Austen as the HR Agent
And Alan Burgon as The Interviewer
It was written and directed by Philip Thorne, with direction and dialogue editing by Øystein Ulsberg Brager.
Sound design by Paul Kraner, music by Fredrik Baden, graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production assistance by Maty Parzival. This episode was recorded partially at Lovetraxx Studio in Ventschau, and engineered by Stefan Heil.
The Executive Producer was Emelda Bates, who will mysteriously vanish from of a Caribbean cruise ship, and later disembark from a submarine in Bognor Regis with a completely new face.
Amelia’s Appraisals would not have been possible without the generous support from HR Agent. They really are a wonderful bunch of people, and you can find them at hragent.com
Speaking of wonderful people, where would we be without our Patreon supporters? Thank you to all of you who choose to support our work, it’s thanks to you we can create new stories.
If you’re not yet a Patreon supporter, consider joining our community! You get early ad free access to all new episodes, you’ll be able to watch a livestream of our new London show in August, watch replays of previous shows, and more. You can become a monthly supporter, but right now we’re also offering a whopping 50 percent off annual memberships.
And now it’s time to take a deep breath and give a shout out to our magnanimous supporters in the super patron tiers! At the time of recording that’s:
Celeste Joos, Heat 312, Alban Ossant, Amélie and Alison, Stefanie Weittenhiller, Rafael Eduardo Wefers Verastegui, Alison Thro, Patricia Bohnwagner, Bryce Godmer, Cliff Huizenga, Michael West, Tim McMackin, Tibbi, Courtney Mays Rensen, Astra Kim, Olivea Dodson, Philip Hansen, Michael David Smith, LG, Ryan Burnett, Timotheus, Miss Nixie, Mystic Sybil, Tiffany Duffy, Jason Woods, Ryan O’Mara, Stefan Hartinger, Lucille Farrell, Anonymous, Iris, Jade Pickering, Daniella Nissen, Kelsey Paige, Silas X, Isabella Arzeno, Geethebluesky, Canal Cryptid, Ethan Cobb, Helden Inkheart, Atiyyah Makada, Maks Jaromin, DJ Goodall, Captaincache, Nitali Arora, Sunny D Anomaly, Merlock20, PostmasterGeneralKwanSentMe, Cheryl Downey-Eber, Nina Korzeniewski, Eli, Katherine Joiner, Selwyn Justice, jchooey, Andrew Lake and Ragnar Jensen.
I need a glass of Veuve Cliquout to recover. See you all next time!