HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DISAPPEAR? - BEHIND THE SCENES
PIP
Hello, what you're about to hear is a behind the scenes episode and before we begin, a quick content warning. The beginning of this episode contains the sounds of chocolate chewing. This is entirely my fault. Actually, let's say it's Øystein's fault because he's the one who brought the Norwegian chocolate into the studio. Anyway, if you can't stand that kind of thing, apologies and maybe skip ahead of it. Right. Enjoy the episode.
ANSWERPHONE
Congratulations, you've reached the Amelia project. This phone call isn't happening. If you're not serious about this, hang up. Now. If you continue, there's no way back.
(PAUSE)
Good choice. A new life awaits. You'll hear back from us within the hour. If you don't hear back, please consider the whole thing a hoax. Leave your message after the beep.
(BEEP)
ALAN
I left Scotland seven years ago, trying to disappear. My plan was to get as far away as possible. But I haven't been able to leave Vienna ever since I arrived - seven years ago! It's the weather, the architecture, the atmosphere, it's everything. It's all just so wonderful, I can't get away. I need help. I have to disappear.
(BEEP)
ØYSTEIN
(NORWEGIAN)
(BEEP)
JULIA
Was assoziieren Sie mit dem Wiener Prater? Die riesigen Schweinsstelzen im Schweizerhaus? Langosch und Liliputbahn? Oder vielleicht die ikonische Szene aus dem dritten Mann, in der Orson Wells im Riesenrad fährt? Nachdem Sie mein Verschwinden inszeniert haben, wird niemand mehr an diese Dinge denken.
(BEEP)
PIP
(FRENCH)
(BEEP)
(MUSIC)
ALAN
Welcome. Can I offer you some cocoa?
JULIA
Uh, yes please!
ØYSTEIN
That'd be lovely, thank you.
ALAN
Just some official bits and bobs before the fun begins.
(COCOA POURING)
Name?
ØYSTEIN
Øystein.
ALAN
I asked you for your name. Not your last disease.
ØYSTEIN
Well, it is Øystein…
ALAN
Wow.
ØYSTEIN
I'm Norwegian. That explains it.
ALAN
Occupation?
ØYSTEIN
Artistic Director of Imploding fictions, co creator, writer and director of the Amelia Project.
ALAN
How's the Cocoa working out for you?
ØYSTEIN
Well, it's great. (SIPS) I've just got the thing to go with it.
ALAN
What’s that?
PIP
Oh, Øystein, you're a star.
JULIA
What is it?
ØYSTEIN
Alright, listen to this.
(PLASTIC BAG SOUNDS. LAUGHTER.)
Best sound in the world, this is Norwegian chocolate.
PIP
Freija chocolate.
ALAN
Freija?
JULIA
Isn't like Swiss chocolate supposed to be the best in the world?
PIP
Don’t tell that to norwegians…
ØYSTEIN
You’d think. But-
PIP
Norwegians are very proud of their chocolate.
JULIA
Oh wow this is actually really good.
(SOUNDS OF APPROVAL AND CHEWING)
Go home Swiss chocolate.
PIP
Thank you, Øystein
ØYSTEIN
You're welcome.
(MORE CHEWING)
We now made it impossible for ourselves to continue this podcast
PIP
Thank you, Øystein. But we should get Freija to sponsor us for season one.
JULIA
Yeah.
ALAN
Name?
PIP
Oh, sorry. It's Philip. Uh. Pip for short.
JULIA
Were you just thinking about your nickname there
PIP
Yeah. I was, yeah. Fip. Pip. It’s short for Philip in person.
ALAN
Occupation?
PIP
I'm Artistic Director of Imploding Fiction, writer and director of the Amelia project.
ALAN
So you do what he does.
PIP
Essentially yes.
ALAN
Why do there need to be two of you?
PIP
Uh. Actors are kind of scary. So it's always good to have backup.
ALAN
You're French?
PIP
Oh God, no, I just live there.
ALAN
In France.
PIP
In Paris.
ALAN
So you're British?
PIP
Kind of?
ALAN
Kind of?
PIP
I'm half British, half German. And my mum's German. My dad's English. Actually, his mom was Swiss. So that makes me a quarter English according to Swiss-
ALAN
(YAWNING) Next!
JULIA
I'm Julia!
ALAN
You're the Austrian one?
JULIA
(CHUCKLING) No.
ALAN
We're in Austria. Someone must be-
JULIA
Well I live here in Vienna, but I'm not actually Austrian (TRIES TO EXPLAIN BUT GETS INTERRUPTED)
ALAN
Oh for god's sake I don't have time for this. Occupation?
JULIA
I'm a co-founder of Open House Theatre, which is an English language theatre based here in Vienna. And I work on casting and general coordination for the Amelia project. Oh, and you might also recognize my voice from the intros and outros.
ALAN
Good, good, good. So that just leaves me. (CHANGES VOICE TO CASUAL) I'm Alan. I'm general manager of Open House theatre and I play the interviewer. Philip and Øystein. Do you want to give us a bit of a background?
PIP
Sure. So making a narrative podcast is something we've been talking about for a very long time.
ØYSTEIN
Now if you should start at the beginning, maybe. We both studied theatre directing at Rose Bruford college. So that's where we met, started collaborating and stuff. And we thought about theatre in a very similar way. And that was something that kind of drew us together - alongside the fact that I love the fact that Pip is a magician.
PIP
Unfortunately, since this is audio, you can't see that at the moment I'm wearing a tails and a top hat. And what's this? You ready? 123.
(GLITTERY SOUND)
ØYSTEIN
Wow.
PIP
(STILL CHEWING) No, unfortunately, our listeners can't see what just happened but trust me, it was amazing.
JULIA
Amazing.
ØYSTEIN
So most of our shows until today have included some sort of magic trickery like and stuff.
PIP
It’s probably only a matter of time until some magic comes into Amelia. And in fact, we've just finished writing a murder mystery play about a bullet catch illusion,
ØYSTEIN
-which goes horribly wrong.
PIP (CON’T)
And there will be an episode of The Amelia project about Melissa, who's a time tripping magician.
JULIA
Don't give away too much yet though.
PIP
You're right. I'm digressing. We were talking about meeting a Red Rose Bruford. And so one of the first things I knew about Øystein was that he directed a show in which he had kidnapped his entire audience on the way to the theatre.
ALAN
Okay?
(CHUCKLING)
JULIA
Uh... Come again.
PIP
So he kidnapped his audience and held them hostage. And so these rumours were going around Rose Bruford, that we have this new Norwegian student, who’d done this. And as soon as I heard that, I got curious and I thought, okay, I-
JULIA
You want to maybe explain, Øystein?
ØYSTEIN
Hm well no - Well I did a show where the audience was told to get on the bus. And they were going to be driven to the place where the performance was going to take place. But what the audience didn't know was that along the road, the bus would be stopped by four actors, who had guns and who then hijack the bus and bring the audience to a remote warehouse, where the rest of the show kind of took place?
JULIA
Right. And that made you think I want to work with this guy.
PIP
Yeah! Absolutely. So that's what yeah, that's what initially drew me to Oystein and then we started collaborating, making some theatre pieces and some short films together.
ØYSTEIN
Our graduation piece was the Hamlet Machine by Heiner Müller, we convinced our tutors to let us team up, co-direct, co devise a show based on that text.
PIP
And yes, we used that show then to, which we made still at college, but then we still used when we left college. We then took it to various festivals and used that to start our own theatre company, which is called Imploding Fictions. Yeah, so we toured festivals in Austria, France, Norway, Italy, Egypt.
ØYSTEIN
Egypt! Which was absolutely insane. We'd only just graduated at that point. But the Egyptian festival must have thought that we were a bigger deal than we were because they put our show in the Cairo Opera House.
PIP
Which was purely down to our blagging the fact that we were bigger than we were - we just graduated, and I think we were good, good blag artists and they thought they were inviting the RSC or something.
ØYSTEIN
And then they ended up with us.
PIP
Yes!
OYSTEIN
Nasty surprise.
PIP
We want to see how the English do Hamlet, someone from the festival said and our show was kind of full of German postmodernist music by Rammstein.
ØYSTEIN
Half of the audience left and the other half.
PIP
They gave a standing ovation. So it wasn't all bad. And it was a great experience, like just generally going, like travelling with a show is so much fun.
ØYSTEIN
Although I mean, if you are there, even if the listener if you're going to be travelling with a show, just a little word of recommendation from me, don't take a handgun in your luggage, that's... that's not a good idea.
(LAUGHTER)
It's based on personal experience, actually.
PIP
So this was- this was when we flew to Hamburg to make a short film and from Stansted. And obviously, it wasn't a real gun. It fired blanks.
ØYSTEIN
Yeah, it was a propt for the film that we were going to make. Though Stansted Airport Security found it real enough.
PIP
And next thing I know. There's this big burly security guy with a machine gun marching down the queue for people boarding the plane saying “Mr. Brager, Mr. Brager”
JULIA
This is no exaggeration. I was actually there.
(LAUGHTER)
PIP
And Øystein gets frogmarched off and Julia and I are left to board the plane alone with the actors.
JULIA
No idea when Øystein would be able to follow or whether he-
PIP
About 24 hours later
JULIA
Or if he was stuck away in jail.
ØYSTEIN
I got to know Stansted Airport very well. I was stuck there for over 24 hours.
ALAN
I think the kidnapping concept sounds amazing. I think it's wonderful that I actually know someone who's now been arrested-
(LAUGHTER)
-for carrying firearms. But aside from kidnapping blagging and getting arrested for possession of firearms, is there more to Imploding fictions than semi criminal activity
ØYSTEIN
There is, in the last few years-
ALAN (INTERRUPTING)
Thank god.
ØYSTEIN (CON’T)
In the last few years Imploding Fictions activity has been mostly in Oslo. We have been running a project there called Oslo International Theatre, which is doing rehearsed readings of contemporary international plays.
PIP
Yeah, so that was mostly Øystein, and I moved to Paris, my life took a completely different turn. I became a dad. And I sort of we, we still kind of collaborated a bit by email. I did some dramaturgy work on some of the Imploding Fictions and Oslo International Theatre shows but mostly it was very busy… Eating baguettes, changing nappies and that kind of thing. And basically, I left the theatre behind for a few years and tried to be an adult.
ALAN
How did that work out for you?
PIP
(FLATLY) Well, I'm back here with you aren't I.
ØYSTEIN
Pip and I really wanted to find a way to collaborate again and then last Christmas we met up in London and spent an entire day in the Waterstones cafe in Hampstead. Drinking tea, brainstorming…
PIP
Drinking so much tea. I remember I really needed to pee and I went to the loo and there was some guy taking forever. So I rattled on the door, politely at first, then not so politely, eventually the door opens and Alan Davis walks out.
JULIA
Wow!
ALAN
Wow! And you forgot you needed to pee and went back to the table.
PIP
Exactly. Yeah, I was so starstruck. I love Alan Davis!
ØYSTEIN
In case he's listening to this, actually.
PIP
Yes, if you're listening Alan Davis would love you to play a part on the Amelia project.
JULIA
He'd be perfect as Bob
PIPAabsolutely brilliant.
ALAN
We wouldn't be able to pay you that much. But there would definitely be a bar of Norwegian chocolate in it for you.
ØYSTEIN
Oh no doubt. Alan Davis. If you're listening to this, send Julia an email at julia@topenhousetheater.at
PIP
And we might even be able to stretch to three bars of chocolate. And I'm really sorry that I rattle the door. Anyway, let's get back to where we were.
ØYSTEIN
So where were we?
ALAN
You were waiting in line in the Waterstones for a pee.
PIP
Yes, that's right. So (LAUGHTER) Yeah, so we, apart from that we also had a very productive meeting and that's where we discussed the concept of an organisation that fakes its clients deaths and allows them to reappear in a new life.
ØYSTEIN
So after that meeting, we went off each to different countries started writing scripts,
PIP
-and I sent them to Julia to get some feedback.
ØYSTEIN
And Phillip sister by the way,
PIP
Yeah, yeah, that's right.
JULIA
So yeah, so Phillip sent me the first few scripts. And I mean, I've had 30 years experience of Philip’s wacky imagination. But still, each episode managed to take me completely by surprise, and I immediately became addicted, kept badgering him to send me more episodes. And yeah, I thought this is something I'd really love to get on board with. And seeing as the Amelia project is all about collecting stories, and at Open House Theater. Our motto is "stories worth telling". I thought this seems like a perfect fit. So I took this idea to Alan-
ALAN
-and I read a couple of episodes, and… I'm one of these guys who when I read a play or a scene or whatever, I don't usually laugh out loud or cry out loud or do any of these things but I did laugh out loud when I read through these. And one thing that's-
PIP
(WHISPERING) Score!
ALAn
Exactly score! Brownie point Jack, and one thing that struck me about the writing was because I have written some things in the past myself, some comedy sketches and things and I felt very comfortable with the style of writing. So for me, it was a kind of no-brainer that we would do this in an open house theatre. We're always looking to broaden our horizons and get involved with different projects. So hey, why not? Let's try a podcast.
PIP
Yeah, so we were really excited to be collaborating with Open House and in fact, although Julia and I are sisters and both work in theatre.
JULIA
Brother and sister.
PIP
What did I just say?
JULIA
Sisters.
(LAUGHTER)
ALAN
Giving the game away, Pip.
(BREAK. THEN MORE COCOA SIPPING)
PIP
This cocoa is good, isn't it?
JULIA
Lovely. Actually, why do you say cocoa?
PIP
It should be...
JULIA
Hot chocolate
PIP
Yeah, I know. So. Well. I think cocoa is… I don't know because I always get confused with German where you can say 'Kakao'. But in the first script I wrote cocoa and then I didn't want to change it because somehow it's snappier and it's just one word. And to me it sounds funny. I don't know if anyone else thinks that but anyway, this is probably a discussion we should have had before actually recording an episode. But to me cocoa sounds funny.
ØYSTEIN
We should explain to the listeners where this cocoa is from, shouldn’t we, Pip.
PIP
Right. So I brought this over specially from Paris. And it's the real deal from Le deux magots.
ØYSTEIN
People who've been listening to the first two episodes have probably noticed that Cocoa and Le deux magots is mentioned and those two features will play an even bigger role in episodes to come. I'm imagining if you, if you cut the interviewer’s veins open, I don't know if you agree Alan, but I think that that hot chocolate would come running out instead of blood.
ALAN
I believe that's true.
JULIA
Do you actually even like chocolate Alan or is this like torture for you right now.
ALAN
Well, no, I mean, well hot chocolate per se, I'm not. I don't drink because hot chocolate for me is covered with milk and cream and lots of sugar. But I do almost every single day I drink a mug of cau-cau, which is just straight up cocoa powder and hot water.
JULIA
So there's a difference. There's actually liquid chocolate and the other is just the powder.
ALAN
Yeah, I think so. I mean, the cocoa powder is used for cakes and things. It's not sweet at all. It's actually quite fatty and it's actually it's extremely good for you. It's very, very healthy, which is only one of the reasons why I drink it. I do love the taste as well, but I don't really do sugar or milk. So hot chocolate. Not so much.
PIP
Okay, but this stuff is good. I mean, it's kind of like it's almost so you put your spoon in it and it stands in there.
(LAUGHTER)
Yeah, it's like liquid. Chocolate really. I don't know.
ØYSTEIN
I don't know how they make it.
PIP
I tried finding the recipe online, but it doesn't
ØYSTEIN
I think I think
PIP
It's a secret, yes
ALAN
In regards to that my taste buds would say yes, my discipline would say no.
ØYSTEIN
Pip and I went to them a few weeks ago when we actually discovered there are these two huge wooden figures of Oriental magicians were hanging on the walls.
PIP
Turns out that's what Lex Deux Magots means, it's, I thought it meant two maggots.
(LAUGHTER)
ØYSTEIN
Gotta work on your French, Pip.
JULIA
Rubbish name for a cafe though, right.
PIP
I thought that was part of the charme. I thought, I was like how wonderfully creepy, this cafe called the two maggots. And so I thought how Amelia... and yeah but no it doesn't, it means - I looked it up on Wikipedia - So Magog means a figurine in a Japanese or Chinese style. I think you can forgive me for not knowing that, Øystein, in French because that's pretty-
ØYSTEIN
I don't know any french.
PIP (CON’T)
Obscure-
ØYSTEIN
I'm planning though at some point, I have to write an episode. About two Chinese magicians coming into the Amelia office.
JULIA
That’d be great.
(PAUSE)
PIP
What's-
JULIA
Oh, hey, we should get Les Deux magots to sponsor season one.
PIP
Yes, exactly. I'll go in there. And I'll just say, I'll say (FRENCH). They'll take one look at me and go 'Oui'.
ØYSTEIN
Chocolat Chaud. That's all I got.
PIP
Yeah. What's hot chocolate in Norwegian?
ØYSTEIN
Well, you can call it cacao. Or (WORDS)
PIP
(REPEATS)
JULIA
Alan, if you could actually choose a method of disappearance, what would you go for and how would you want to come back?
ALAN
(HESITANT) Uhm… So many options… I wish I'd read this bit before…
(LAUGHTER)
JULIA
So, should I go first then?
ALAN
Oh yes please!
JULIA
So I've lived in Vienna for almost five years now and I still completely love this place. So I think I'd want my disappearance to play out in front of the iconically Viennese background. I actually live quite close to the Prater which is yet as funpark most people probably know that old-fashioned ferris wheel, it’s actually featured in my all time favourite movies which are “before sunrise” and of course “the third man” so that's one of the rides but there's actually another ride which is less famous, but much more exciting.
PIP
It was my wife who made you go on it.
JULIA
Absolutely. Yeah, it's the Praterturm, which is a 117 metre high chair plane. So you can see it from all over the city. Because great big tower, but I've never actually dare to go on it until my sister in law recently convinced me.
PIP
I chickened out, by the way.
JULIA
Yeah. It was amazing. Next time you're gonna have to go because it was an exhilarating experience, flying high over Vienna with a perfect view onto the towers and church spires and the hills beyond it was great. So for my disappearance, I would want to get into the chair-plane on a clear day. Wait until it reached its final height. Then my seat detach and be flung off into the distance while the crowd below held its breath. But neither body nor the seat would ever be found.
(CHUCKLING)
And for my reappearance, obviously, I'd want to reappear in Vienna, because I don't know if you knew this, but It's recently been crowned “the most livable city in Europe” for the eighth time in a row. So yeah, so I'd just want to stay here and I think I'd still want to work for my own business. So apart from theatre, my passions are baking, playing board games, reading and spending time with my daughter. So I think I would like to run a cafe that had board games and books and a big play area for kids.
OYSTEIN
That sounds nice.
PIP
Okay, so for me, well, as a magician, I like to baffle people. So I'd like my disappearance to be something really impossible. There's a story I think it's a Sherlock Holmes story in which someone gets onto an empty tube carriage and when it arrives at the next station, the carriage is empty. This is a really nice mystery, I think. So I'd like to do something like that. And disappearing from the metro would make sense because the Paris Metro is a place where I think I've had some of my darkest thoughts.
(CHUCKLING)
I spent many years teaching business English in Paris, which kind of involves shuttling back and forth between various offices often with very, very little time. And not having proper lunch breaks, but just eating kind of sandwich lunches on the metro in crowded smelly carriages. Yes, so I've many a time, I've been in this situation, just fantasising about, dreaming about being able to just disappear and tele-transport myself somewhere completely different. So what I do is I would get on to the very last metro, Saint-Lazare, around midnight, Saint-Lazare is the nearest metro station to where I live and I get onto the carriage and full view of the CCTV cameras and by the time the train pulls into the next station, Madeleine, two minutes later I would be gone.
(SOUNDS OF APPROVAL)
And for my reappearance I'm obsessed with Venice. Ever since watching “Don't look now” I've really wanted to go to Venice in winter. This year I finally did it and it was absolutely amazing. The mist, the crumbling buildings, the tides, emerging city, was exactly how I imagined it. In fact, there's an Amelia episode about this coming along down the line as well. So my new life would be as a fisherman on Burano,
(GIGGLING IN THE BACKGROUND)
a little island in the Venice Lagoon. So should I mysteriously disappear one day? That's where you'll find me.
ALAN
So it's going to be very confusing for a lot of my friends back home when I told them I was moving to Vienna, he said or really with the gondolas?
(LAUGHTER)
Yes, yes, it is.
PIP
And the other one is Austria, Australia. Yes.
ALAN
Many, many, many letters do around the world trip instead of us personally that are posted to arrive in Australia.
ØYSTEIN
Alan, do you-
ALAN
I do actually have just thought of my perfect disappearance and perfect reappearance that I get whisked off one day by a very large production company, preferably based in Los Angeles, California.
(LAUGHTER)
Go off to this magical world where everything is created by a team behind these magical objects called cameras, and come back to Vienna, anywhere from six months up to a year and a half later, depending on the size of the wonderful disappearance that they create for me and come back when the influence and the finances and the resources to … create my own theatre that we can all come and play in.
JULIA
That would be much more convenient than handing in those funding applications every year.
ALAN
It would be. But until that time we'll continue to do the funding applications.
JULIA
Absolutely
(LAUGHTER)
What about you, Øystein?
ØYSTEIN
Actually, I discussed this with my wife, Leanne, before I came here, and she swore that if I disappeared she would come looking for me. And then I said well, you wouldn't if you'd think that I'm dead. And she said well now I will.
(LAUGHTER)
Uh, so, I guess since she's onto me already. I'm gonna have to disappear in such a way that she would think that I haven't disappeared. But that is probably impossible, right.
ALAN (INTERVIEWER)
Without faith, nothing is possible. With it. Nothing is impossible. Shall we crack open the champagne?
PIP
That's a good idea. So let's everyone take a glass, here we go…
(SOUNDS OF GLASSES, BACKGROUND MUMBLING)
Whose gonna do the- whose gonna open the bottle. Shall I open it? That's… okay. Oh, righty-ho, there we go. Okay. Just a moment. I don't want to get like liquids all over Gabriel's equipment. Or we're recording and Tongeber Studios by the way.
JULIA
Ja!
PIP
Gabriel Geber, so if anyone ever needs any audio stuff in Vienna, that’s the place to go, Tongeber. Okay, so put your fingers in your ears everyone, 1…2…3…
(CHAMPAGNE CORK POPS)
EVERYONE
Cheers! (IN VARIOUS LANGUAGES)
(MUSIC)
JULIA
This behind the scenes episode of the Amelia Project featured Alan Burgon, Øystein Brager, Philip Thorne and myself, Julia C. Thorne. It also featured Øystein’s wife Leanne Stoddard, and Julia Morizawa on the Answerphone. Cocoa from Les Deux Magots, and Norwegian Chocolate. This episode was recorded at Tongeber Studios, with the assistance of Gabriel Geber, and was edited by Øystein Brager. Music by Fredrik Barden, graphic design by Anders Pedersen and production coordination by Julius C. Thorne For more information see Ameliapodcast.com. Alan Davies if you're listening, our offer to appear in season one still stands. That's all for now. Look forward to welcoming you back to Amelia again soon.
(DOOR OPENS)
LEANNE
Where is he? Where the hell is he?
JULIA
Easy!
LEANNE
Øystein? Where is he?
ALAN
I don't...
LEANNE
I don't he said he was just popping down to the shops to get some Brunost.
ALAN
Brunost?
LEANNE
It's Norwegian cheese. Brown. Tastes of caramel.
JULIA
It's really good!
PIP
It's gross!
ALAN
I'd like to try some we're gonna get some?
LEANNE
Can we please stop talking about cheese? My husband has just disappeared.
PIP
Leanne, I'm sure he hasn't disappeared. He's just-
LEANNE
Shut up Pip. I don't trust you. You're a magician.
PIP
1…2…3…
(SPARKLING SOUNDS)
LEANNE
Wow, that was amazing.
PIP
And we're back!
ALAN
That was amazing. Who's coming to get some Brunost?
JULIA
I do!
PIP
I'm coming just to see your grossed out reaction
EVERYONE
Bye!
LEANNE
Hey! Where is everybody going? What about Øystein?