EPISODE 27 - INMATE 10642
PHILIP
Hello and welcome to The Amelia Project. The Interviewer has been kidnapped, but where has he been taken? Find out in today’s episode. This episode is dedicated to Sophia Anderson. Thank you so much for being such a generous and loyal patron of the show, Sophia.
PROLOGUE
THE INTERVIEWER AND TATIANA IN A MILITARY JET.
THE INTERVIEWER SHOUTS OVER THE ROAR OF THE ENGINES.
INTERVIEWER
When are you going to take the bag off my head?
TATIANA
No more questions.
INTERVIEWER
Where are we going?
TATIANA
No more questions.
INTERVIEWER
Can you loosen the chains just a teeny tiny bit?
TATIANA
No questions!
INTERVIEWER
I'm hungry. When are we going to eat?
TATIANA
No questions!
INTERVIEWER
What type of plane is this? By the sound of the engine I'm guessing... an Antonov An-148?
PILOT
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
TATIANA
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
PILOT
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
TATIANA
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
PILOT
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN TO INTERVIEWER, THEN SWITCHES TO ENGLISH)
We arrive in Moscow in one hour.
THE AMELIA THEME. RUSSIAN VERSION.
TITLES
The Amelia Project. Created by Philip Thorne and Oystein Brager, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. Episode 27. Inmate 10642.
GOLOVIN PRISON. THE INTERVIEWER IS BEING ESCORTED DOWN A CORRIDOR BY TATIANA AND BORIS. THE INTERVIEWER’S CHAINS JANGLE AS HE WALKS.
BORIS
Welcome to Golovin.
INTERVIEWER
Charming place.
BORIS
The securest prison in Russia!
INTERVIEWER
Why am I here?
BORIS
You should be flattered! Golovin is heavily overbooked!
(IN RUSSIAN TO TATIANA) How was the flight?
TATIANA
(IN RUSSIAN) Long. He wouldn't stop asking questions.
BORIS
(LAUGHS) You've exhausted the poor girl!
INTERVIEWER
Asking questions is my job.
BORIS
Well, what do you want to know?
INTERVIEWER
Who are you?
BORIS
My name is Boris Molchalin. I'm head of intelligence and Golovin's manager.
INTERVIEWER
What do you want? Is this about... Anthony Welby?
BORIS
There will be plenty of time to get into all that. Believe me. Plenty of time!
(HE LAUGHS AGAIN)
A HOSPITAL CART ROLLS BY.
INTERVIEWER
Goodness! What happened to him?
BORIS
Hanged himself in his cell by his shoe strings.
INTERVIEWER
Oh.
TATIANA
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
ANOTHER HOSPITAL CART ROLLS BY.
INTERVIEWER
What about him?
BORIS
Stabbed by his cellmate.
TATIANA
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
INTERVIEWER
By the way I'm feeling rather peckish. Any chance of grabbing a spot of lunch around here?
HOSPITAL CART ROLLS BY.
INTERVIEWER
Ugh… What happened to her?
BORIS
The Stroganoff was off. Hm. Half the inmates in Block A succumbed to food poisoning. We're about to enter!
INTERVIEWER
Oh, goody.
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
TATIANA
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
(IN ENGLISH TO INTERVIEWER) This is where we part ways. Goodbye.
INTERVIEWER
Goodbye. It's been a pleasure.
TATIANA WALKS AWAY.
BORIS
Are you ready to discover your new home?
INTERVIEWER
I'm ready.
SOUND OF A CHUNKY DOOR OPENING. INTERVIEWER AND BORIS WALK THROUGH. THEY CONTINUE WALKING, THEY’RE OUTSIDE, ON GRAVEl.
INTERVIEWER
Gosh. You don't skimp on security round here.
BORIS
Ha! Nobody leaves Golovin alive!
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
GUARD 1
(SPEAKS RUSSIAN)
INTERVIEWER
Can you take these chains off now? I think they're cutting of my circulation.
BORIS
(LAUGHS)
This is just the outer perimeter! We've got three more gates to pass.
INTERVIEWER
Blimey!
THEY ENTER THROUGH ANOTHER DOOR, AND IS NOW INSIDE AGAIN.
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
GUARD 2
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
THEY KEEP WALKING. SAME PROCEDURE, THROUGH ANOTHER DOOR.
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
GUARD 3
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
AND AGAIN… NEXT DOOR OPENS, THEY ENTER, IT CLOSES.
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
INTERVIEWER
(REPEATS WHAT BORIS SAID IN RUSSIAN)
GUARD 4
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
BORIS
Block D! Now we can take off those chains!
HE UNLOCKS THE CHAINS AND THEY CLANKT TO THE FLOOR.
INTERVIEWER
Ahhh, thank you. Ah.
BORIS
Your cell is at the far end of the corridor. Cell 333.
THEY WALK TO THE END OF THE CORRIDOR.
BORIS
Here.
BORIS UNLOCKS THE DOOR.
INTERVIEWER
Uhm…
BORIS
(IMPATIENTLY) Well, in you go.
INTERVIEWER STEPS IN. THEY ARE NOW ON A WOOD FLOOR.
INTERVIEWER
Well fry me like a kipper and call me breakfast!
BORIS
Is it to your liking?
INTERVIEWER
My desk, my armchair, my cabinet... My book shelf!
BORIS
It should all be there.
INTERVIEWER
Pirandello, Kierkegaard, Gottfried Keller, Calvino... Yes! All there! Now let me see...
HA PACES.
INTERVIEWER
One, two, three, four, five, six.
One, two, three, four.
Exactly right!
BORIS
Good.
INTERVIEWER
The window behind my desk situated just so the sunlight hits my-
HE TEARS OPEN THE CURTAINS.
INTERVIEWER
Oh.
BORIS
No sunlight I'm afraid. The window is painted on.
INTERVIEWER
The illusion is most convincing! Now... My desk...
HE OPENS AND SHUTS THE DESK’S DRAWERS.
INTERVIEWER
Rubber bands and Maltesers, good good.
Paper and pens, good good.
Paperclips, envelopes, sellotape and-
Letter opener.
BORIS
Sorry?
INTERVIEWER
There's no letter opener. There should be a letter opener in the top left drawer.
BORIS
Oleg!
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) Yes!
BORIS
(SPEAKS IN RUSSIAN)
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) Yes!
TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
Who's he?
BORIS
That's Oleg.
INTERVIEWER
I figured. I mean what is he doing here?
BORIS
Oleg will be with you at all times.
INTERVIEWER
Oh. I don't usually have an Oleg. Hello Oleg.
BORIS
Other than the letter opener, is everything to your satisfaction?
INTERVIEWER
It's most impressive. Feels like home.
BORIS
Good.
A KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
INTERVIEWER
Who's that?
BORIS
Your first client.
INTERVIEWER
My... What?
BORIS
Your first client.
INTERVIEWER
You want me to...?
BORIS
Do what you do. Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Here?!
BORIS
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Why?
BORIS
Well… Would you prefer a normal cell?
INTERVIEWER
No!
BORIS
Then stop asking questions.
INTERVIEWER
I... It's just... This is... Um... Alright.
DOOR OPENS.
BORIS
I'll be back in half an hour. Good luck.
BORIS LEAVES.
INTERVIEWER
Don't be shy, do come in.
ALEKSEI COMES IN. JANGLE OF HANDCUFFS.
ALEKSEI
Where am I? What is this all about?
INTERVIEWER
That's an excellent question.
SOUND OF TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
You're an inmate here?
ALEKSEI
Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Mmm… That explains the handcuffs.
SOUND OF TYPING.
ALEKSEI
Who's he?
INTERVIEWER
Oh. That's Oleg.
ALEKSEI
What's he doing?
INTERVIEWER
Another very good question.
SOUND OF TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
Oleg. Are you writing down everything we're saying?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) Yes.
ALEKSEI
That was "yes".
INTERVIEWER
Why? No, no. Let me guess. You're making a transcript. For Boris.
SOUND OF TYPING.
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Oleg, would you care to elaborate on what this is all about?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) No.
ALEKSEI
That was "no."
INTERVIEWER
You just say two words, yes and no?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) Yes.
INTERVIEWER
Nothing else?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) No.
INTERVIEWER
Well, this is all most unusual. Let's just try and ignore our monosyllabic friend and crack on.
SOUND OF TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
Your name?
ALEKSEI
Aleksei Popov.
INTERVIEWER
Profession?
ALEKSEI
Butler.
INTERVIEWER
Employer?
ALEKSEI
Viktor Prokorov.
INTERVIEWER
Ooh! The oligarch?
ALEKSEI
There's only one Viktor Prokorov.
INTERVIEWER
Sentence served?
ALEKSEI
Three years.
INTERVIEWER
Sentence remaining?
ALEKSEI
Sixteen years.
INTERVIEWER
Hm. And why do you want to disappear?
ALEKSEI
(LAUGHS)
Are you joking?
INTERVIEWER
Ah! Yes I see. I guess that question is somewhat redundant in here.
ALEKSEI
Look. What kind of game is this? Is this a trap?
INTERVIEWER
Relax Aleksei. I'm here to help you.
ALEKSEI
Help me with what?
INTERVIEWER
To escape.
ALEKSEI
Really?!
INTERVIEWER
Yes. But first I want to know a little bit more about you.
ALEKSEI
Why?
INTERVIEWER
I like stories.
ALEKSEI
Is it really safe to talk in here?
INTERVIEWER
Everything that's said in this room is strictly between you and me.
SOUND OF TYPING.
INTERVIEWER
And Oleg.
ALEKSEI
Which means Boris.
INTERVIEWER
Yes.
ALEKSEI
In other words this isn't private at all.
INTERVIEWER
Hm. Oleg. Could I ask you to take a break?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) No.
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS)
ALEKSEI
So… How are we going to plot my escape if he's writing down everything we're saying and giving it to Boris?
INTERVIEWER
I have to say, the circumstances are somewhat unorthodox, but I think we're just going to have to power through. Tell me: Why are you in prison?
THROUGHOUT THE EPISODE THE TYPING CONTINUES SOFTLY IN THE BACKGROUND.
ALEKSEI
I stole a loaf of bread.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, golly! How very Les Miserables of you.
ALEKSEI
Excuse me?
INTERVIEWER
Quite the Jean Valjean! Do you sing?
ALEKSEI
No.
INTERVIEWER
Pity. Nineteen years for a loaf of bread. Outside of French literature and West End musicals that's a bit excessive, don't you think?
ALEKSEI
Well, it was a very expensive bread.
INTERVIEWER
What was it made of? Gold?
ALEKSEI
That too.
INTERVIEWER
What was this bread?!
ALEKSEI
The Romanov Gold Leaf Loaf. Prokorov had it specially made after a recipe passed down from Alexander the third. Although he exchanged the water in the original recipe for champagne.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, I would have done the same thing.
ALEKSEI
The loaf is made with the finest ingredients rubles can buy and topped off with twenty three carat gold leaf. It was right in front of me and I thought what harm can it do to try a tiny sliver? Ehhh… Prokorov caught me chewing.
INTERVIEWER
What did you do?
ALEKSEI
What could I do?
INTERVIEWER
Run?
ALEKSEI
We were on a yacht.
INTERVIEWER
Swim?
ALEKSEI
Prokorov had me tied up with sailing rope before I had the time to swallow.
INTERVIEWER
That bastard! Still... nineteen years?
CLICKING NOISES.
ALEKSEI
Eh… Prokorov is best friends with the Kremlin. And he takes his bread very seriously. Um... is everything alright?
INTERVIEWER
Hm? Oh, sorry. Uhm… Sorry… Just a bit distracted. Just noticed they've given me my buzzer. Wonder if it works... Shall we see?
ALEKSEI
Um...?
INTERVIEWER
What's good to eat around here?
ALEKSEI
Heh! Nothing. Especially not the Stroganoff.
INTERVIEWER
(INTO THE INTERCOM) Bring me some sausages and chips please! (TO ALEKSEI) You can't go wrong with sausages and chips.
ALEKSEI
Ah! You'd be surprised.
INTERVIEWER
(INTO THE INTERCOM) And plenty of Ketchup! Now, where were we?
ALEKSEI
You said you could help me escape...
INTERVIEWER
Ah, yes!
ALEKSEI
You're crazy. Nobody escapes this place.
INTERVIEWER
(LAUGHS) Let me show you a little something I always carry in my breast pocket.
THE INTERVIEWER REMOVES SOMETHING FROM HIS POCKET AND PUTS IT ON THE DESK.
ALEKSEI
A pocket knife?
INTERVIEWER
This isn't just any old pocket knife.
ALEKSEI
It's not?
INTERVIEWER
No.
ALEKSEI
What... What makes it special?
INTERVIEWER
It was custom designed by Hans-Rudolf Pachlatko, Switzerland's most prestigious cutler.
ALEKSEI
Okay...
INTERVIEWER
It has more than two hundred different tools.
ALEKSEI
That's... impressive.
INTERVIEWER
It has a wire scraper, skinner, fish scaler, crimper, ball joint pickle fork, shackle opener, tape measure, metal saw, hammer, flint, hoe, shovel, wood saw, hook disgorger, pruning blade, laser pointer, coil spring compressor, nail gun, spatula, compass, hoof cleaner, chisel, razor, thermometer, box cutter, wrench, slingshot, defibrillator, pry bar, torch, hex driver, hatchet blade, nail puller and breaker bar.
ALEKSEI
Huh.
INTERVIEWER
This knife has helped me out of many a pickle.
When I was running guns into Nambia my jeep broke down in the middle of the Kalahari Desert. I used this knife to dismantle the engine, change the intake valves, clean the combustion chambers, scrape the deposits off the spark plugs, then screw it all back together again. I drove on and the engine purred like a kitten.
When I was a Dominican monk, this knife was my only worldly possession. I used it to shave, cut my hair, clip my toenails, prepare food and carve blasphemies into the cloister walls.
When I was head gardener at Hardwick Hall, I could never have pruned the roses to the Duchess of Devonshire's satisfaction without it.
When I was a strategist for the Tibetian resistance, we got word that the Chinese were approaching from the other side of the Koshi River. The only route across was via a truss bridge. I used this knife to unbolt the portal struts, causing the bridge to collapse, thus blocking off the only access for 25 miles.
ALEKSEI
Wow.
INTERVIEWER
When I was scaling the North face of Mount Eiger, my climbing partner slipped, sending both him and the rope into the abyss. I was left stranded halfway up the mountain. So I took this knife, swung it into the rock above my head and used it as a grip while I pushed myself up with my legs. I continued like this until I reached the summit.
When my fellow conservationists at Galleria dell'Accademia asked my opinion of a neglected painting, I used this knife to peel away centuries of varnish and overpaint to reveal a masterful Caravaggio beneath.
When I was rowing refugees across the Mediterranean, a woman had a heart attack. With forty miles to the coast and a storm brewing, I decided we needed to operate on the spot. I used this knife to cut through the breastbone, remove the clogged blood vessel, re-function the left internal mammary artery and reroute the blood around the blockage.
I could go on, but I think you get my point. This knife, can do anything.
ALEKSEI
Even get me out of Golovin?
INTERVIEWER
It will be a doddle.
ALEKSEI
You're serious?!
INTERVIEWER
Here's how this will work. When Boris picks you up, you walk out of here with the knife attached to your right ankle with a rubber band.
KNOCK ON THE DOOR.
ALEKSEI
Shit. He's here already.
INTERVIEWER
Relax, it's just my food.
A PRISON GUARD ENTERS WITH FOOD.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) Thank you.
ALEKSEI
You speak Russian?
INTERVIEWER
It's getting rusty. You can teach me more in return for helping you-
ALEKSEI
Shhhhhh!
INTERVIEWER
Chip?
THE GUARD LEAVES.
ALEKSEI
No thank you.
INTERVIEWER
Oleg, chip?
OLEG
(IN RUSSIAN) No.
INTERVIEWER
Your loss.
THE INTERVIEWER WOLFS DOWN SOME CHIPS.
ALEKSEI
That knife will get me out of my cell?
INTERVIEWER
Mm. They’re good. Oh, not just you.
ALEKSEI
Excuse me?
INTERVIEWER
Mm, ah. You'll retrieve the knife from its hiding place, and use it to cut through your handcuffs.
ALEKSEI
It will cut through these chains?
INTERVIEWER
Like butter!
ALEKSEI
Wow.
INTERVIEWER
But listen Aleksei, you're going to have to be very careful. You wouldn't want to slip. Not with this knife.
ALEKSEI
I've got a very steady hand.
INTERVIEWER
I certainly hope so! Once the cuffs are off, you open the cell door.
ALEKSEI
And how do I do that?
INTERVIEWER
Easy peasy lemon squeezy! There's a utility key. It's compatible with three thousand five hundred and seventeen different locks. But just in case yours isn't one of them, you can always go at it with the pry bar. When I was unemployed I used it to break into a JP Morgan bank vault.
ALEKSEI
(WHISTLES) Wow! So I break out of my cell...
INTERVIEWER
Then you release the other prisoners from theirs!
ALEKSEI
What about the guards?! They'll stop me!
INTERVIEWER
That's where the 35000 megawatt laser comes in. It can permanently blind your attacker and set their skin on fire. Alternatively, you can squeeze the knife's handle and trigger the nail gun.
ALEKSEI
That's amazing!
INTERVIEWER
Yes, I know! Oh dear.
ALEKSEI
What?
INTERVIEWER
It seems we don't have any champagne.
ALEKSEI
What do we need champagne for? We have knife?
INTERVIEWER
A toast of course!
ALEKSEI
I... I see.
INTERVIEWER
Ah! In the absence of champagne, I'll raise a chip! To the end of Golovin!
ALEKSEI
To the end of Golovin!
THEY LAUGH. THE INTERVIEWER MUNCHES.
INTERVIEWER
They are very good. Right, well, that's that sorted. And look! We still have ten minutes! Just enough time for you to teach me some Russian.
ALEKSEI
Alright!
INTERVIEWER
Let's start with the alphabet.
ALEKSEI
Okay... Repeat after me. (IN RUSSIAN) A.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) A.
ALEKSEI
(IN RUSSIAN) B.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) B.
THEY CONTINUE RECITING THE ALPHABET.
FOR A VERY LONG TIME.
INTERVIEWER
I think we can stop now.
ALEKSEI
Oh alright.
INTERVIEWER
I don't think Boris will be reading anymore.
ALEKSEI
Um... I...
INTERVIEWER
Listen to me very carefully Aleksei.
ALEKSEI
Okay?
INTERVIEWER
Here's the real plan.
ALEKSEI
What about the knife?
INTERVIEWER
Forget about it. I got it free in a pack of Frosties. I doubt it would cut through a slice of toast.
ALEKSEI
Uhm… I… I don’t understand?
INTERVIEWER
Once Boris reads Oleg's transcript, what do you think he'll do? Read calmly to the end, or stop everything in a panic?
ALEKSEI
He'll raise the alarm.
INTERVIEWER
Yes!
ALEKSEI
He'll send every guard in Golovin to my cell!
INTERVIEWER
(DELIGHTED) Exactly!
ALEKSEI
How does that help me??
INTERVIEWER
They'll find you dead.
ALEKSEI
What?!
INTERVIEWER
You slipped whilst trying to sever the handcuffs and slashed your wrists.
ALEKSEI
I told you I have a steady…! What do you mean...?
INTERVIEWER
Along with the knife, I'll strap some sachets of Ketchup to your ankle.
ALEKSEI
I'll fake my death!
INTERVIEWER
You’ll fake your death. Prisoners drop like flies around here.
ALEKSEI
But they'll check my pulse!
INTERVIEWER
Take this pencil sharpener and put it under your armpit just... so. Squeeze down and the sharpener will press on the axillary artery, making it difficult for the blood to pass. Your pulse will slow down and then completely disappear. You can survive without blood in the arm for six to eight hours. I don't expect you'll have to wait long though. They'll want to free your cell straight away. After all, Golovin is heavily overbooked. Once they've whisked you through the outer perimeter, you can get off the hospital cart and run.
ALEKSEI
I… I… I can't thank you enough!
INTERVIEWER
It's my pleasure, Aleksei. Shall we get back to the alphabet?
ALEKSEI
Oh. I though that was just... If you want?
INTERVIEWER
I do. Looks like I'll be in here a while. Might as well learn the language.
ALEKSEI
Where did we get to?
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) N.
ALEKSEI
(IN RUSSIAN) N.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) N.
ALEKSEI
(IN RUSSIAN) O.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) O.
ALEKSEI
(IN RUSSIAN) R.
INTERVIEWER
(IN RUSSIAN) R.
AS ALEKSEI AND THE INTERVIEWER CONTINUE TO RECITE ALPHABET, THEIR VOICES FADE OUT.
- AD BREAK -
THE INTERVIEWER’S VOICE FADES IN.
INTERVIEWER
(HE RECITES THE RUSSIAN ALPHABET. HE STRUGGLES WITH THE PRONUNCIATION.)
Oh, forget it.
(HE STARTS OVER)
KNOCK ON DOOR.
INTERVIEWER
Come in!
THE DOOR OPENS.
INTERVIEWER
Oh. Boris.
BORIS
Do you mind if I sit down?
BORIS SITS.
INTERVIEWER
Be my guest.
BORIS
We've confiscated the knife. I've sent it to the Politsiya for examination.
INTERVIEWER
Oh, bugger. You caught Aleksei then?
BORIS
Found him dead in his cell.
INTERVIEWER
Oh no!
BORIS
Seems like he slipped while trying to cut through his handcuffs.
INTERVIEWER
Poor Aleksei.
BORIS
Mhm. Although...I have another theory.
INTERVIEWER
Oh?
BORIS
Well, we’ll see what the police says, but my guess is that what you gave him is nothing special.
INTERVIEWER
Mhm…
BORIS
When Aleksei realized that you'd tricked him, he committed suicide.
INTERVIEWER
Mhm!
BORIS
In any case, you've failed your first task.
INTERVIEWER
Failed?
BORIS
Yes. I hoped you would be better than this.
INTERVIEWER
So this is some sort of test?
BORIS
Well, consider it an audition.
INTERVIEWER
What for?
BORIS
First you have to prove you're up to it.
INTERVIEWER
So you brought me here because you need my help?
BORIS
You are now working for the Russian government.
INTERVIEWER
Well dunk me in tea and call me a Hob Nob! I thought you wanted information on Anthony Welby.
BORIS
He's working for us too. Cell 405.
INTERVIEWER
Seriously??
BORIS
We tracked him down in Siberia. Brought him here and gave him a lab.
INTERVIEWER
Let me guess, he built you a Cybug?
BORIS
Yes. Used it to soy on MI5. Then they swatted it. Ant is working on a replacement as we speak. Look. We will take good care of you. We will get you anything you desire. Which reminds me... Your letter opener.
HE PLACES IT ON THE DESK.
INTERVIEWER
Thanks.
BORIS
You are very welcome. Do you have any other requests?
INTERVIEWER
What if I asked you for a stroll outside?
BORIS
Out of the question.
INTERVIEWER
Thought so. Listen. You're right. I failed my first case. But do you know why?
BORIS
Tell me.
INTERVIEWER
Because I can't do this alone.
BORIS
The entire secret service is at your disposal. They will undertake any fieldwork you require.
INTERVIEWER
I need specialists.
BORIS
Well… Who do you have in mind?
INTERVIEWER
My team. Amelia, Alvina, Joey, Salvatore and Kozlowski.
BORIS
It was hard enough smuggling you out of the UK.
INTERVIEWER
Without them this whole operation doesn't work.
BORIS
Right. (SIGHS) I’ll see what we can do.
CUT TO COLE AND HAINES IN THE PARKED CAR.
COLE
Put Leroy Street into the GPS.
HAINES
Okay... Leroy Street...
COLE
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
GPS
You will reach your destination in twenty minutes.
COLE
Let's go!
COLE STARTS UP THE ENGINE. THE RADIO STARTS AS THE ENGINE IGNITES. A NEWS REPORT IN THE BACKGROUND.
NEWS READER
In the early hours of the morning, the Panaraguan Pythons made headway into…
HAINES
So this is their other office?
COLE
Yes.
REVVING OF THE ENGINE.
HAINES
Wow! Cole! Slow down!
COLE
And this time, we'll get there before anyone else!
NEWS READER
…has fled Panaragua and is believed…
COLE CLAMPS DOWN ON THE ACCELERATOR.
CUT TO THE AMELIA OFFICES.
JOEY AND SALVATORE COME RUNNING IN.
SALVATORE
A new message on the answer phone!
AMELIA
What?
SALVATORE
New voice mail! Just in!
AMELIA
No. We're closed for business.
SAlVATORE
Oh, you're going to want to hear this!
ALVINA
What is it?
JOEY
Just... listen!
AMELIA
Okay...
SALVATORE PRESSES PLAY.
INTERVIEWER
(FROM VOICEMAIL) Amelia? Alvina? It's me.
Don't worry, I'm safe. Ridiculously safe. I'm surrounded by four security perimeters, and protected by a hundred or so guards. Nobody is going to get near me. Believe me, this is the best place to be right now. Which is why I've made arrangements to bring you here. Now listen carefully. They want you to make your way immediately to the Russian embassy. Ask to speak to Natalia Federov. She will take you to the airport in a diplomatic vehicle and fly you out here in total secrecy. We can keep running The Amelia Project from within a Russian high security prison. In a few months, once the search for us has hit a dead end, we can escape. I have some ideas. Be quick. Bring cocoa.
END THEME.
PHILIP
We hope you enjoyed Inmate 10642. Next regular episode the week after next, but for five dollar patrons there will be an additional bonus episode next monday. We’ll be playing a little taster for that in a moment, but first the credits.
This episode was written and edited by Philip Thorne. It was directed by Øystein Brager and Philip Thorne, with music and sound design by Fredrik Baden. The episode featured Alan Burgon as the Interviewer, Alexander Ballinger as Andrei, Amrita Acharia as Tatiana, Andrei Zayats as Boris, Harald Rosenstrøm as the pilot, Alexander Mercury as Oleg, Benjamin Noble as agent Haines, Torgny G. Aanderaa as agent Cole, Julia Morizawa as Amelia, Julia C. Thorne as Alvina, Gianluca Iumiento as Joey, Ravdeep Singh Bajwa as Salvatore and additional voices by James Carney. The episode was recorded at the Bridge Writing Studio in London, Spike City Studio and LSI Lydproduksjon in Oslo, and Tongeber Studio in Vienna, and engineered by Billie Halliday, Gabriel Geber, Steinar Borgen and Robert Rustad Amundsen. The Amelia Project is produced by Imploding Fictions, with graphic design by Anders Pedersen.
Thank you to all our patrons who make this show possible, and a special thank you to Jem Fidyk, Eric Da’ Maj, Angel Acevedo, Sophie Levezow, Sophia Anderson and Katharina Sindelar.
Now, we’d like to play you the prologue for next week’s bonus episode. If you want to hear it in its entirety, as well as all the other bonus content for seasons 1, 2 and 3, consider signing up on Patreon. It’s a secure third party subscription service, and you can think of it like leaving a tip every time we release an episode. If you’d like to become a patron, we’d be super grateful. It really makes us incredibly happy whenever someone decides to make a pledge. For more info go to our website ameliapodcast.com and click on Support the show.
And now, here’s the prologue for the bonus episode “Marya & Daria”.
THE PRISON CANTEEN. NOISY HUBBUB.
CANTEEN LADY (IN RUSSIAN)
Next! Next! Next! Next!
THE SOUND OF GROSS FOOD SLAPPED ONTO A PLATE.
INTERVIEWER
Excuse me, do you know what’s for lunch today? I’ve been told not to eat the Stroganoff…
PRISONER
Hrmf.
INTERVIEWER
I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that?
DARIA
Hey! Prisoner! No talking!
INTERVIEWER
I’m sorry, I was just asking -
DARIA
I said no talking!
INTERVIEWER
Of course, I apologise -
DARIA
Are you answering back?
INTERVIEWER
I wasn’t - uh! Oh!
THE INTERVIEWER IS DRAGGED OFF BY DARIA. OTHER PRISONERS ARE GOING “OOOH!” AND “AHHH!” AND LAUGHING AT WHAT IS HAPPENING.
DARIA
This way! Now!
THE HUBBUB DIES DOWN AS THEY ROUND A CORNER AND CLOSE A DOOR.
DARIA
I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to hurt you, I just needed an excuse to speak to you in private.
INTERVIEWER
What?
DARIA
You helped Popov escape? Inmate 10642?
INTERVIEWER
Maybe.
DARIA
Me and a friend need your help.
INTERVIEWER
Oh. Well. I’m all ears.
DARIA
Not now. Meet us in the cleaning cupboard on level 4, block A, in one hour. Now, scream.
INTERVIEWER
Sorry?
DARIA
Scream!
DARIA SHOVES THE INTERVIEWER BACK INTO THE CANTEEN. THE INTERVIEWER SCREAMS.
DARIA SHOUTS IN RUSSIAN. THE PRISONERS LAUGH.
CANTEEN LADY (IN RUSSIAN)
Next! Next!
INTERVIEWER
Uhm, yes, sorry, so what’s for dinner today?
(IN RUSSIAN:) What is this?
CANTEEN LADY
Stroganoff!
INTERVIEWER
On second thoughts, I’m not that hungry…
STING
The Fable and Folly Network.
END OF EPISODE.
