ITTHOBAAL’S INVENTIONS 3 – HEALTH RACK

(MUSIC)

ITTHOBAAL'S STUDY.

(SOUND OF A QUILL)

ITTHOBAAL

Dear diary of death and diversions,

The year is 1587 and today is a Wednesday.

I am not sure being a headsman is a suitable front for me. Even if I do not have to carry out the real executions, and only deal with the fake ones, my place of work is still the torture chambers of the Tower of London. And what you see here is as inhumane as anything you can imagine.

I am not squeamish. Out of any person on this planet, I might be the one who reacts the least to seeing blood or innards. I would, as logic dictates, be the one with the most experience in the matter.

No, it is the cruelty I react to. A surgeon and a torturer might share a lot of knowledge. We share a surprising amount of tools, for that matter, but what a surgeon uses these tools for stands in diametrical opposition to what the torturer uses them for.

There are of course tools specific to the torturer's trade. I walk past them every day. I try to study the mechanics and block out the screams. That... is hard.

I appreciate that in my trade as a death faker, an intimate knowledge of the torturer's toolkit is not only useful, but necessary. But I would not mind studying these instruments of pain in theory, rather than getting this intimate, firsthand knowledge.

(LIGHTER) However, I have lately wondered if some of these fearful machines could not have another, less terrible application. If the knife can be used for surgery, but also for murder - could it not be the other way around?

(WITH CARE) Take the rack, for example. A simple contraption, really. A wooden frame, slightly raised from the ground, with a roller at one or both ends. The victim's ankles are fastened to one roller and the wrists are chained to the other. As the interrogation progresses, a handle and ratchet mechanism attached to the top roller are used to very gradually retract the chains, slowly increasing the strain on the prisoner's shoulders, hips, knees, and elbows. This does, of course, cause excruciating pain.

But... what if the machine only gave you a light stretch?

As a somewhat long-lived physician, I have had ample time to study the body. I have dedicated years to the study of the muscles, and more years still to the study of the ligaments.

I have come to be of the belief that a moderate amount of stretching is in fact healthy.

Does not the regular person stretch when they wake up in the morning? Does not the body yawn, without your conscious mind deciding to do so? After hard work, does not the peasant, mason, blacksmith, carpenter - stretch his body?

I have formed a theory, although I have not yet been able to prove it, that stretching after exercise or hard work might actually be beneficial to the body, to improve the growth of muscle mass and to ensure increased flexibility in the limbs.

(EXCITED) It would then stand to reason that a rack - a stretching bench - could be an instrument of health if applied gently and carefully to a person immediately after they have undertaken strenuous labour or exercise!

Imagine if after a hard day's work, you could give your body a much needed, post strain stretch!

Perhaps every building site should have a rack? Every quarry? Every workshop or bakery? For that matter, every nursery!

This idea has prompted me to start toying with the idea of inventing an improved rack, specifically designed for a gentler purpose. A health rack, so to speak. My initial, crude sketches are attached.

We are a long way away from mass production. First, we need to find a way to address the hardest challenge: Convincing workmen to let their employers and foremen string them up on what will look pretty much exactly like a torture device. But I am sure we can achieve that with the right kind of... spin.

(CHUCKLES)Till next time, dear catalogue of creations... Till next time.

(MUSIC)

END.