ITTHOBAAL’S INVENTIONS – SEPPUKU SWORD / FOLLOWING TOMOE GOZEN

SOUND OF A QUILL.

(CALM PONDERING OF AN IDEA)

ITTHOBAAL

(SIGHS) Dear diary of death and destruction,

The year is 1186 back home, but in the Nippon calendar, it is Bunji 2.

I am not sure what day it is, although it feels rather like a Sunday. Lying by a calm river all day pondering and writing is most definitely a Sunday-feeling.

For a while now, Arthur and I have been travelling around the far east. Whilst in Nippon, we came across the tradition of seppuku - honourable suicide.

(CAREFUL AND CAUTIOUS)

I believe we must respect all peoples and their cultures. Every human is entitled to their habits, however strange they may seem to someone else.

However, I do wonder whether it is rude or in fact kind to suggest small adjustments to certain traditions.

Whilst I do not question the value of seppuku within an honour-based culture, and whilst I do not doubt its necessity as a choice in certain circumstances, I do wonder... if it has to be that painful?

It is clearly one of the most excruciatingly painful ways any human could die!

(CAUTIOUS AGAIN)

And whilst I do not want to be indelicate or imposing... I have an invention that could improve the situation somewhat...

...which the people of Nippon, with their Samurais and their honour code, can choose to implement - or not!

It is a new type of Seppuku Sword.

Normally, a Samurai will prefer a wakizashi for his or her suicide, a single blade sword between 12 and 24 inches long. A fine - and lethal - weapon.

(WITH GENUINE ADORATION)The Japanese have a long and proud sword making tradition. Sharpness, sturdiness, longevity; the craftmanship of the Japanese swordmakers is uncomparable.

Japanese swords do lack one feature, though, which I have taken the liberty of adding. The traditional Japanese sword does not dispense pain killers.

I have created a sword with a thin, hollow tube inside the blade. The tube is only the breadth of a straw, but big enough for a liquid solution to run through. The shaft of the sword is hollow and can be filled with a thin flowing potion.

What you do is fill the shaft with an anaesthetic potion, and then, when you stab yourself, the thrust of the sword against the abdomen triggers a pressure-based mechanism that releases the pain killing liquid which runs through the blade of the sword and directly into your blood.

Immediately numbing the area being cut open.

BEAT.

I understand that the pain may be considered part of the ritual. But if it is not... I hope of widespread use. As a physician who has taken the Hippocratic Oath, limiting both pain and suffering is an important goal to me. That is my tradition.

(WITH A SHRUG) Though I assume any samurai would laugh in my face if I told them about this sword.

(SIGHS) Until next time, dear diary, until next time...

END.