OUT OF OFFICE

(BEEP)

VOICEMAIL

Well hello. You've reached the Amelia Project. At the present time, the Amelia team is on annual leave and we are unable to take on any cases. If your disappearance can wait, call us back in a few weeks. If it can't wait... then good luck.

(BEEP)

(CLINK OF CUPS AND SAUCERS BEING GATHERED)

ALVINA

One, two, three, four, (PAUSE, THEN FINDS ANOTHER ONE) five, (DISBELIEVING) six, (NOT SURPRISED ANYMORE) seven, (ANGRY) eight, (ANGRY, BUT IN THE STATE THAT IT’S ALMOST LAUGHTER) nine, ten... Ten cups. (LOUDER, WITH FORCE) Ten cups!! I mean I know he can't use a dishwasher, but that's one of the reasons we hire you Joe- (ALVINA#S STEPS ON THE FLOOR, THEN SHE STOPS) Joey?

(SNORES, ALVINA LAUGHS HUMORLESSLY)

Salvatore?

(MORE SNORING)

Great. Just great. As if I didn't have enough on my plate doing the accounts and indexing the case files, now I have to -

(SHE GETS A NOTIFICATION ON HER PHONE)

Oh. Who's this?

INTERVIEWER: (RENDERED THROUGH VOICEMAIL. HE'S ON A SUGAR HIGH AND HIS VOICE IS HIGH-PITCHED IN PLACES, THEN GOING DEEPER AND THEN UP AGAIN. HE TALKS VERY FAST) Ah, Alvina (GIGGLES) I just finished my twelfth cup (SHOUTS) Un trieziemme chocolat chaud si vous plait! Oh, hang on, thirteen is unlucky isn't it,(SHOUTS) Better make that quatorze! Ah, the waiter here is grumpier than a dwarf in Snow White, (SLIGHTLY MANIC) but the cocoa, the cocoa Alvina! You know, it tastes even better when you're really here. When we have it imported it loses, it loses that (ALMOST DRUNKENLY TALKING)certain je ne sais quoi. Ah, merci! (A NEW CUP IS SET ON THE TABLE) Ah, merci (HE SHIVERS WITH DELIGHT) Last one for the road (HE DOWNS THE COCOA IN ONE)Ah, goodness me! Better go for a sprint up Monmatre now to burn off all those pastries I had this morning. Alvina, I had these two choux buns filled with creme patissiere and covered in chocolate ganache. "Religieuse" they were called, and (SHIVERS WITH DELIGHT) Alvina, it truly was a religious experience. This is a pilgrimage Alvina, a pilgrimage! Ah, I wish you could be here. I could take you to this lovely little bistrot I found in Passage Verdea. The waiters are even grouchier than here, but the soufflet Alvina, the souffle! Hope everything's ok in good old blighty, say Bonjour to Joey and Salvatore from me! TDFN!

(VOICEMAIL ENDS)

ALVINA (SHE LETS OUT A SCREAM AND THROWS A CUP AGAINST THE WALL, WHICH SHATTERS, THE SHARDS FALL TO THE GROUND. HER VOICE IS A FORCED CALM, PLEADING)

I need a holiday. One day, that’s all I’m asking. One day! A day to go to the cinema, a day to treat myself to (PLEADING) a proper cream tea. I haven't even had a day off in... in... in... gah, I can't even remember! (SIGHS) I'm talking to two sleeping Italians. I am talking to two sleeping Italians in an office littered with dirty cups and empty packets of Maltesers. I’m talking to two sleeping Italiens, when I could be... When I could be at Les Deux Magots! (FRUSTRATED) Gurghhhhhhhh!

(THE SOUND OF LES DEUX MAGOTS FADES IN, PEOPLE FAINTLY TALKING IN THE BACKGROUND)

PIP

Hello, it's Philip from Les Deux Magots in Paris. (SIPS) If you listened to our special Behind the Scenes episode, which was a while back, which was called "How Would You Like to Disappear?" you might remember that Alan, who plays the Interviewer, said that for his disappearance he'd like to be whisked off by a film crew to a magical place called Hollywood. And in fact, last week, Alan has been whisked off, not to Hollywood, but to the Ukraine. He's making an indie film in the Ukraine, which is very exciting. It does however mean that the Interviewer is currently out of office, so that gives me time to take it easy and hang out here at Les Deux Magots (TALKS FRENCH IN THE BACKGROUND) in fact, I’m being joined next week by Øystein and Anders and we’re going to start thrashing out ideas for season 2, but of course, season one hasn’t finished yet, and we’ll be back with the remaining episodes of season one soon. But there is a slightly longer wait between episodes at the moment. So please do make sure you hit the subscribe button, so you’re alerted as soon as the next episodes come out, and you can also find our release schedule on our website, just go to ameliapodcast.com and you’ll find it there. (SPIS COCOA AND SIGHS) And, if you’re really suffering from Amelia-withdrawl, then you can become a patron and as for five dollars per episode, you’ll get access to written case files about each and every Amelia-client. So you can read up on what happens after each episode finishes - and of course it also really helps us to keep going, to keep making this show. So, see you again soon, and in the meantime, let's wish Alan happy travels and best of luck with the shoot.(SIPS AND SIGHS AS BEEPING STARTS UP AGAIN) I just really hope they have decent cocoa in the Ukraine…

(BEEPING FADES OUT)