PROLOGUE SEASON 3 - WINKLEPICKER

PHILIP

Hello dear Amelia listeners and welcome to the prologue for Season 3. We pick up where we left off in the Season 2 Finale. MI5 agents Cole and Haines are hot on The Amelia Projects’ trail, here’s a reminder:

HAINES (LEAVING A VOICEMAIL)

Hello. Agent Haines. MI5. We’ve got the tapes, we know everything. Our armed response team is waiting outside in a van. But… there’s a way out. Information in return for freedom. If you hand over everything: tapes, files, contact lists, accounts, memos, transcripts, blueprints… If you give us the exact identities and locations of all your clients, then we let you walk free. Nobody will ever know Amelia existed. Call me and we’ll cancel the raid and give you directions to a safe house. If you don’t call, we’ll give our men the go ahead. You have one hour to accept my offer. The choice is yours.

THEME MUSIC.

THE INTERVIEWER DRINKS, THEN SPITS IN DISGUST. A DOOR OPENS AND ALVINA WALKS BRISKLY IN.

INTERVIEWER

Alvina! Would you like to finish my chamomile tea?

ALVINA

Why are you drinking chamomile tea?

INTERVIEWER

It's... soothing.

ALVINA

Here she comes.

AMELIA ENTERS.

INTERVIEWER Amelia! Good to see you! Chamomile tea?

AMELIA (GRUNTS IN DISGUST)

INTERVIEWER

I'll take that as a no.

ALVINA

We should call them. Even if they don’t have our location yet, it’s only a matter of time before they do. They know too much already!

INTERVIEWER

But it’s a ploy!

ALVINA

Maybe not. Maybe they really are offering a deal.

INTERVIEWER

It's a trap, we shouldn't respond.

ALVINA

What do you think Amelia?

PAUSE. AMELIA PACES.

AMELIA

There’s a third option.

INTERVIEWER

What’s that?

AMELIA

There’s been enough information leaking from this office and if Anthony Welbey has taught us anything it’s that you never know who might be listening in. No more words. I’ll put it in writing.

SHE WRITES.

INTERVIEWER

Interesting. Here’s what we do. One or two, we go with Alvina. Three or four we go with my option. Five or six we go with Amelia. Ready?

ALVINA/AMELIA

Ready.

ROLL OF A DIE. IT ROLLS OFF THE TABLE.

INTERVIEWER

Oh crap.

ALVINA

It's rolled under the desk.

AMELIA

Well go on, pick it up!

ALVINA

No! Stop! He's going to cheat!

INTERVIEWER

What?! I would never cheat Alvina!

AMELIA (SIGHS)

I'll do it.

AMELIA SCRAMBLES TO THE FLOOR.

AMELIA

Jesus, it's messy down here.

INTERVIEWER (WHISPERS)

I don't cheat!

ALVINA (WHISPERS)

Oh no? What about scrabble yesterday-

INTERVIEWER (WHISPERS)

Winklepicker is a perfectly normal word!

ALVINA

Normal?!

INTERVIEWER

It's a shoe with a long pointed toe. They were all the rage in the 1950's.

AMELIA (FROM UNDER THE DESK)

I think I've found it. Oh. No. That's a Malteser.

INTERVIEWER

Give it here!

AMELIA

No! It's dirty!

ALVINA (UNDER HER BREATH)

Winklepecker!

INTERVIEWER

Picker!

AMELIA

What are you two on about?

INTERVIEWER

Amelia, help me out here, Winklepickers, Alvina claims-

AMELIA

Really? MI5 could storm through that door any minute and you're arguing about Winklepeckers?

INTERVIEWER

Pickers!!!

ALVINA

You haven't found the die?

INTERVIEWER

Pickers Pickers Pickers!

AMELIA

No. This office is a pigsty.

ALVINA

Toss a coin?

INTERVIEWER

We can just do Ip Dip Doo.

AMELIA (TO ALVINA)

What is he saying?

INTERVIEWER

Ip dip sky blue, Granny sitting on the loo, Doing farts, playing darts, Out goes you! That's the option of returning MI5's call off the table. Now for the remaining two. Ip dip doo, Doggy did a poo-

AMELIA

This is not how we're making the most important decision of our lives.

ALVINA

There's a game of snakes and ladders over there. I'll get the die from that.

AMELIA

Good idea Alvina.

ALVINA OPENS A BOX AND TAKES OUT A DIE.

ALVINA

Here we go. Ok. So, one or two we call back MI5 and take them up on their offer of a deal, three or four we consider it a bluff and do nothing, five or six we go with Amelia's third option.

AMELIA Ready? Here goes.

SHE ROLLS THE DIE.

PHILIP

The story continues next week, 21st of September. If you want to support the show and get great bonus content you can do so via our Patreon site, and for five dollar patrons we’re releasing an entire bonus episode along with the season premiere next week. And if you support us at any level, even just one dollar per episode, you’ll be able to join our digital zoom launch party on Saturday the 20th of September. To become part of our Patreon community simply go to patreon.com/ameliapodcast, that’s
P A T R E O N.com/ameliapodcast. See you again very soon!