WATER
FLIP. FLIP FLIP. FLIP.
ALVINA
Ok, what's up?
FLIP. FLIP. FLIP.
ALVINA
You're going to have to talk to me eventually you know.
FLIP. FLIP.
ALVINA
So what's the big plan? You're just going to sit there playing Tiddlywinks into all eternity is that it?
MORE TIDDLYWINKS-FLIPPING.
ALVINA
Well. Suit yourself, I've got work to do.
INTERVIEWER
I'm suffering from ennui.
ALVINA
Ennui.
INTERVIEWER
Yes. Weltschmerz.
ALVINA
Right.
THE INTERVIEWER OPENS A BOOK.
INTERVIEWER
Sei mir gegrüßt, Melancholie,
Die mit dem leisen Feenschritt
Im Garten meiner Phantasie
Zu rechter Zeit ans Herz mir tritt!?
Die mir den Mut-
ALVINA
What's that?
INTERVIEWER
"Melancholie." A poem by Gottfried Keller. It describes the abyss that is human extistance-
ALVINA
(SNATCHES BOOK) That's enough of that.
INTERVIEWER
But it's Gottfried Keller! I love Gottfried Keller!
ALVINA
You don't need Gottfried Keller! What you need is... Bubbles! Yes! Bubbles! Let's blow some bubbles!
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
We can make some really, really big ones?
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
Maltesers?
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
No?
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
Alright. Cocoa!
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
I said: cocoa!
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) No.
ALVINA
What?!
INTERVIEWER
Could I just have a glass of water?
ALVINA
Ok, now I'm worried.
INTERVIEWER
What's the point Alvina? It's all so boring!
ALVINA
What? What's boring? (PAUSE) You're going to have to be a bit more specific.
INTERVIEWER
(SIGHS) Everything.
ALVINA
What about that MI5 agent? The one with the runny nose? That was pretty thrilling-
INTERVIEWER
Boring.
ALVINA
That cult leader. What was his name? Zale Indigo Ravenheart-
INTERVIEWER
Boring.
ALVINA
Siiri? You don't get to make small talk with an AI everyday! Especially not one with a perm and a manicure.
INTERVIEWER
Boring.
ALVINA
The last guy? Steve?
INTERVIEWER
What? The cockwomble? Oh, you must be joking! Boring boring boring boring.
ALVINA
Got it!
INTERVIEWER
Give me back my Gottfried Keller.
ALVINA
You don't need Gottfried Keller. What you need, is cheering up. German poetry is not going to cheer you up.
INTERVIEWER
It's Swiss.
ALVINA
It's depressing.
INTERVIEWER
It speaks to my-
ALVINA
Listen. I've got just the thing.
INTERVIEWER
(DOUBTFUL) What's that.
ALVINA
A client.
INTERVIEWER
You want to cheer me up with a client.
ALVINA
I wasn't going to accept his case, but I think he'll do you a world of good. (WALKING AWAY) I'm going to have to make some calls...
INTERVIEWER
Hey! Give me back my Gottfried Keller!
ALVINA
Catch!
SHE THROWS THE BOOK. THE INTERVIEWER CATCHES IT.
ALVINA
Wait till you meet him! This guy's going to blow the Keller right out of your mind.
ALVINA LEAVES.
INTERVIEWER
Die mir den Mut wie eine junge Weide
Tief an den Rand des Lebens biegt,
Doch dann in meinem bittern Leide
Voll Treue mir zur Seite liegt!
Die mir der Wahrheit Spiegelschild,
Den unbezwungnen, hält empor,
THE INTERVIEVER'S RECITING FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND AND OVER THE TOP OF IT WE HEAR:
OYSTEIN
Bob. Episode seven of The Amelia Project. Coming soon.
INTERVIEWER
Daß der Erkenntnis Träne schwillt
Und bricht aus dunklem Aug hervor;
Wie hebst das Haupt du streng und strenger immer…
END.